Apology To My Unborn Child (Poetic Letter)

Inspired by Bassey Ikpi's poem "Apology To My Unborn" and some zodiac sign for Scorpios that I once I read.

I once read that Scorpios make the worse parents so this is for my unborn child. I’m apologizing in advance for not being the perfect mother.

Apology To My Unborn Child

I thought I’d met the man of my dreams. I thought I was in love. On many occasions we talked, we kissed, we hugged, until finally it lead to breath taking love. I was always one to back off before it was too late. I was always one to back off before my feelings became trapped, but before I could leave him his seed, you, was already growing inside of me. He had already confessed his love for me. He had already put his trust in me, so the best thing to do was be with him and have you.

But in all honesty I wasn’t ready and I blamed you for putting my life on hold. I blamed you for not achieving my goals and I’m sorry because you were just an infant, a small child filled with lots of innocence and at night when the tears came down your sweet little eyes and I should have picked you up and held you until they dried I’m sorry I didn't.

Instead I was in my own bed crying because I was searching for my own innocence and I’m sorry for focusing so much on myself that at times I forgot about you. The money that I spent on the shopping trips and getting my hair and nails done should have went to you. You should have had more clothes, toys, and as much food as you could possibly eat in one meal and you should have felt loved. I should have hugged and kissed you every chance I got. I should have made sure to show you that I loved you with all my heart. Instead I backed off. I forgot to kiss you. I forgot to hug you. I forgot to tell you that I loved you.

Thing is I’d always dreamed of a having a kid. I dreamed of changing lots of diapers, missing lots of sleep, holding you and spoiling you so you’d never want to leave my side but I messed up. Before I could be a mother I forgot how.

 I’m also sorry for leaving you fatherless. I didn’t know how to handle his love. I didn’t know how to take care of him, you, and me and still have peace so I did everything I could to push him away until he was out of my life and yours too. So I’m sorry. I’m sorry I had to watch you grow up into a bitter adult because you grew up thinking I didn’t love you and you didn’t understand how a mother could purposely neglect her child. I’m sorry for it all. I hope you can forgive me one day.

Sincerely,

Me

P.S. Your future mother loves you.