Lost Souls, Coping With Words Ignored

As a writer I spend a lot of time thinking about words ignored. I've spent a lot more time thinking about this topic than anyone knows.

It's so easy to talk about because of ignored phone calls, ignored text messages, people being mean on social media, and bragging about being mean on social media. Sometimes people can be so cruel. They can say the meanest of words to others or they can be cruel just by ignoring someone. How do we know that the person we're ignoring doesn't need someone to just pay attention in that moment? I think about it every time someone says something so unnecessary online.

For instance, a girl got mad because people that she doesn't follow entered her mentions on twitter the other day. She thought it was funny to laugh at them, but it's called socializing. What's so wrong with that? I think about ignored words whenever I send someone a message and wait for a reply that never comes and then I think about them again when I make a conscious decision to remove any physical traces of those people from my life.

I'm not sure when evil became so popular. Maybe it was always like this and I just created this comfortable ignorant bliss of a bubble for too long. Actually society created the bubble. The world we live in gave ideas that everyone can seek help while leaving out the problems in getting help. There's counselors for all sorts of issues, but they're getting paychecks so they're not always available. Counselors disappear real quick when you have no money. There are pastors in every community, but at some point they have to take care of their own homes. There is your family, but often times if they think different they'll tell you to do differently than what you really need. There are your friends, but friends get busy. Sometimes friends need you more than they realize you need them. Then again some friendships are so fragile, they may never realize how much you are suffering. They're not trying to ignore you, but there are so many obstacles keeping them from paying attention to your words.

For a couple days now I've been thinking about the silence some people need help receive. I've also been thinking about the people that turn away from getting help to deal with their issues, and the ones who seek help but still choose to be lost souls.

For instance, after hearing about Karyn Washington's death I found myself messaging all these people asking if they were okay and how they were doing. These were people who purposely chose to pretend not to have my number, people who could have easily asked me but didn't, and just random strangers. I felt concern for them. I wanted them to know that I care about their words. I'm not the one that ignores people when they need the attention.

The crazy thing is my words were ignored heavily at one point. I was just a teenager, but that teenager had no one to talk to. That teenager would wait until everyone fell asleep and then cry herself to sleep at night. Sometime later a girl told that same teen that they thought she was very strong and the way she handled situations inspired them. They didn't know she was crying herself to sleep to cope with everything.

Even if I did have someone to talk to during that time, it probably wouldn't have helped. Crying myself to sleep helped a whole lot, which is why I have to learn to cope with not being able to help others. I can't always be there when someone else needs me. Just like a counselor leaves the job at some point, I have obligations that isolate me from them. I have to deal with the fact that like many others, I can comes across mean and unapproachable. You won't see me brag about ignoring any phone calls on social media, but there are days when my mood gets sour. I have to learn that I'm still coping with my own personal issues. Can you really help someone when you still need to help yourself?

How exactly can a caring person deal with knowing they can't always be there when someone needs them? It's easy to talk about it, but I don't want to beat myself up every time it happens.

This is the Sunday Reflections post I couldn't figure out how to write yesterday.