Friday, May 9, 2014

(Guest Post) How Others Opinions Affected My Views On Myself

It was difficult for me to write this. Between working 40 hours a week, maintaining my 2 side hustles, being an entrepreneur, my strict workout routine of 20 minutes cardio, 400 squats, 200 push-ups, and lifting about 150 lbs.…..I mean how could I find the time? I also have to pre plan my meals of baked protein no seasoning, asparagus and card boa…I mean rice cakes. When I’m done, it’s a must I get my hair, eyebrows and nails done because I have to look incredible; after all, I am single (wink wink). The little time that remains in my schedule is reserved for taking pictures of everything I do and see, then posting them on all 30 of my social media sites so I can get a bunch of likes and comments from loved ones and people who don’t really care!
Now that I have driven away some readers that probably think I am either stuck up or judgmental, allow me to introduce myself. Hi! My name is Melanie and I am a 28 year old who went from collecting checks to….well….ummm….collecting checks; I just work now. I am 5 feet 9 inches and well over the 150-160 lbs. my doctor says I should be. I have my Bachelors in sarcasm, my Masters in Oh snap! I really don’t give a damn, and if you’re still reading this blog, then allow me to give you V.I.P access to what really goes on when the curtains close.
The truth is I did have difficulty writing this blog. Not due to the lack of my time, but because self-esteem is a subject I often avoid.  I was never the girl who spent countless hours getting ready in front of a mirror, or the girl who bashfully giggled at the sound of her crush’s joke. Instead, I was the girl in Nikes and sweats with my hair tied up playing tag, basketball or any activity that involved not being cute. Growing up I often wondered why the boys in my class never liked me. I guess they figured if they wanted someone to play video games or basketball with, they would call their friends. I was all about having fun, not swapping spit or practicing how to make babies. (At the time…*wink* *wink*) I’m just joking. Anyways, not being liked had a huge impact on my self-esteem.  From that point on I thought I was never pretty enough.
I figured in high school something had to change. There is no way in hell that I could come from a private school of just 30 students per grade, to a public high school of over 400 students, and still not have a boyfriend! By the beginning of 11th grade, I figured it is time to give it up. No one wanted my ass! I even encountered more issues. Girls turned their noses up at me, started fights with me, and guys walked straight past me as if my soul didn’t exist. I finally ended the 11th grade with a boyfriend, only to get cheated on months later. High school wasn’t always a nightmare, but it sure felt like hell some days.
I’ll spare you the long autobiography of how the rest of my life went. In a nutshell, I wasn’t the most popular, my personal life wasn’t quite stable, and as I got older I was cheated on, physically abused, and raped. I’m sure you can imagine by now that I was called every name that had nothing to do with positivity. After all of the hurt I encountered with exes, family and friends, I was ready to buy a $500 weave, some breast and butt implants and invest in some lypo. One day an anonymous co-worker slipped a lot of laser hair removal coupons in my drawer while I wasn’t at work. It was then I knew everyone was in agreement of my ugliness.
My self-esteem dropped so low, that even the devil prayed for me. I mastered how to get dress and style my hair without a mirror, and I began to believe that everyone who showed interest in me either wanted sex or to use me for something else. If anyone called me things like pretty, gorgeous, or beautiful, I was convinced they were a walking lie!
Now I can sit here and lie to you by saying I now believe I’m beautiful and no one can bring me down, however I’ve been transparent this far so why cover up now. I know that God has created an absolutely beautiful woman on the inside. I am caring, intelligent, loving, respectful, honest, giving, humble…..the list goes on. I understand that I should not allow another human being to break me down and have a huge negative impact on the way I view myself. Just a few months ago I came to terms that no matter how many squats I do, or bottles of Nair I buy, I’ll never have an ass like Nicki and I will forever be more hairy than the grizzly at the zoo. Point is, I will never be beautiful, sexy, accepted, liked, or loved in the eyes of many…..BUT I’LL ALWAYS BE MEL: Maximizing Everyone’s Love! Too corny? Ok what about Motivating Extraordinary Leaders? Screw it…Just remember that if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? You are beautifully and wonderfully made!

~Confessions of a Poetic Angel


You can find Melanie Anderson over on twitter at @theregoesmel.



9 comments :

  1. Fantastic confessions indeed! Keep on inspiring.

    To Your Success,
    Stacie Walker
    http://StacieWalker.com

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    1. Thank you so much for reading! That is one of my goals in life; to keep uplifting and motivating others.

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  2. Standing Ovation Melly unconditional love for oneself is truly a key to life that nobody would ever get from anybody else but themselves because to many love is treated as a four letter word like fuck and shit when in actually it's one of the most powerful words, feelings, emotions, actions, in the world that can destroy nations, or can save the planet but it's up to humanity and I'll never lose faith in us

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    1. Thanks! growing up I didn't understand much about love but my grandma taught me to just keep on giving it, even if its from a distance. She was the one who taught me that I have to love myself first before I can truly love anyone else too. The world is slowly losing the real meaning of love, but there are several people like us out there who will continue to spread God's love regardless.

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  3. hi Mellie, beautiful post. i know you know what I think already but all i will say is that since when beauty was determined by how many men want your number or want to talk to you? you know who you are inside and regardless of what the masses say or do, you are beautiful to you and to those that know what true beauty is

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    1. There was a lot I wanted to write, but I had to shorten it to keep the reader's attention. That's why I said I'll spare the long autobiography about my life. I had loved ones who told me I will never be sh** in life. I had friends and family who cropped me out of pictures or didn't take any with me at all just because they thought I was ugly. I was always too tall, too fat, too hairy, too much of a tomboy....It wasn't all about just men, or shall I say boys, liking me. Now that I am older, smarter, and wiser, I know what real beauty is. I also know that a man will accept me for who I am and not what I look like. (that's what separates them from the boys). Thank you for reading luv!

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  4. This is awesome, Mel! I'm so sorry that you experienced to so much in your young life, but I'm so glad that you turned it around the right way. Instead of having a baby you couldn't afford just to find conditional love or laying down with every man that you meet, you decided that everyone else needs to get with Mel's program. I applaud that. I've never been one to conform with the norm. I've always been a leader from how I dress to even how I talk (I was teased in high school for "talking white" which is the dumbest thing I've ever heard). However, I knew that there was nothing wrong with me. It was something wrong with them. And that confidence alone won more girls over than I ever could have imagined. When people see that you don't need them to be happy then they'll find themselves wanting some of that happiness, too.

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    1. Q!!! Thank you for reading. I have been through so much but like you said I turn it around the right way. I use my experiences to relate to others, and uplift, inspire, and motivate them to keep going. I'm just following the plan that God has in store for me. Although, I went through these experiences, I was still raised by phenomenal parents, grandparents, and family who kept me on the right track and taught me everything I needed to know. That's why I know it is important to love myself, but on the flip side, words and certain actions can and do hurt. I am growing everyday and learning more and more to love who I am. It's just the outer appearance I struggle with. The last sentence you wrote really stuck with me. It's so true that once you are happy with yourself, you no longer feel the need to have others to make you happy.

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  5. Thank you so much to all of the readers and all of those who gave feedback! I haven't written anything in about 8 months, and almost gave up on writing all together. Just taking the time out to glance at my post means a lot to me!

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