Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Sexuality & Vulnerability (Poem) by Lashuntrice

This new poem is inspired by the character Molly from Insecure. 

Sexuality and Vulnerability 

I allow you into my life 
I convince myself that I need you 
Then I run to someone else for a listening ear 
I need to release the feelings 
I need to let someone, anyone know about the issues you're creating inside of me 

I allow you to hold me 
Even if only for a moment in time 
Please don't rush it
I know sex is what's really on your mind 
But let's stay in this position for a minute more 
Your arms around me 
Wherever our bodies meet 
Cuddled on the couch 
Or in the bed 
Or even right before you leave 
So I can tell my friends later about how warm you made me feel 

I dress up for you
Even if the destination is to nowhere 
You've told me which dress is your favorite 
You've helped me pick lingerie you'd love to see me in 
Do you see me trying to look good for you? 

I strip for you 
The clothes are on the floor 
The pillows are pushed off the bed
There's R&B music playing 

I create intimacy with you
It's not just about us getting naked 
Or how many different sex positions we can do 
It's about how we make each other feel when we're together 
It's about how we are still feeling when we're apart 

I feel sexy when it comes to you 
You've made it clear that you love my body
But I'm also scared 
Is this love real?
Will you be the next man to hurt me?
The next man to run off with parts of me?
Those emotions are what makes me feminine
What makes me beautiful 

I'm vulnerable 
So I'm talking to everyone 
I use friends and family to take my mind off the confusion 
Strangers to make sense of my feelings 
And you to still feel love even if it isn't real love

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Reclaiming My Time (How Listening To Friends Helps You Learn More About Yourself)

Reclaiming my time is the most popular phrase of the week, maybe even the month, because of Congresswoman Maxine Waters. In a video circulating around the internet, she can be seen shouting the words at the current US Secretary of Treasury Steven Mnuchin. The reasons for her actions were because he was avoiding answering the questions she was at the meeting for. While it is great entertainment, in reality many of us are reclaiming our time. Let me tell you how I've been reclaiming mines and how the realization of my journey has hit even more after listening to conversations with friends.

I feel like I've spent my whole life working. That's obviously not how I'm currently getting my time back, but I feel like I've spent my whole life doing everything everyone ever wanted me to do. I was that good student, the good child, and until people found reasons to not like me I was that good friend. During my teen years, I spent a great amount of my time trying to have fun during school and at church. Those were the places my parents wanted me to be. There were times in college that I skipped out on partying because I was trying to do what I had to do so I could eventually have the life I wanted. Then soon after college came that awful quarter life crisis. Well, even though I didn't understand it at the time, after the quarter life crisis passed I started doing many things to reclaim my time.

Have you ever noticed how the older we get, the more we hate going to clubs? Well, while others had started meeting their soulmates and having kids, I started exploring the club scene. A little known fact about me is that even though I moved back to Houston at the age of 23, I had never been to any club in this city before. Actually, I didn't immediately experience any clubs after moving back, so I was probably 24 before experiencing the Houston club scene.

Making Money 
Growing up and even during college years, it was all about being responsible with my parents money. However, after employment, it became amount my own steady paycheck. I had to learn how to hold onto money. Holding onto money is easy when you are spending other people's money, but I had to learn how to pay bills and still have money left over. When you've never had those kind of responsibilities it takes time to learn.

My childhood and teenage friendships were all surrounding school and church activities. Basically I met people and left them where I met them because I had no other options. During my high school years, I can count the amount of times I hung out with people outside of church and school on one hand. Because of how those friendships worked, during college I tended to revolve my time around what everyone I called friends were doing. However, after college I really reclaimed my time and started living my life and seeing noticing the friends I really have.

In another post I mentioned someone that was supposed to be a friend arguing with me over a man. Well, truthfully ten years ago I would have been afraid to talk to anyone about a guy I slept with because I was afraid of hearing the negative advice. However, in this situation the girl was already saying the worse possible things about me, so I opened up to others asking for their advice. Some were people from FAMU and a few were people I went to high school with. None of these people judged me, which helped me discover that I do have some really good friends. I guess you could call that reclaiming my friendships too.

In the last seven years of being back in the city of Houston, I've experienced dating in ways I had only previously dreamed of. I remember a guy in college letting me know that he didn't a relationship. He was just looking for casual sex. He was only my second sex partner and that was not what I wanted. I didn't even have an actual relationship to reminiscence on at the time, so I surely wasn't ready for a casual sex partner. After him, I spent my time getting to know men but was too afraid to open my legs to any of them for that exact same reason.

What changed seven years ago? I reclaimed my dating time. I matured. I convinced myself I could handle the casual sex and the waiting to be remembered again that came along with it. I also convinced myself that the only way to open myself up to finding my equally-yoked man is to open myself up to meeting Mr. wrong too.

What does listening to friends have to do with all of this? 
Sometimes we feel like we know the people we grew up. Sometimes we feel like we know the people we've spent a couple of months with. However, everyone has life experiences they haven't shared yet. This year one of my friends shared how she was in a marriage so long that after her divorce she really discovered what dating was and started discovering the type of man she actually likes. She was reclaiming her time. Thinking about her story helped me to realize why I'm at the point in my life that I am now.

If you're in the midst of reclaiming your time, let me know how.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Read Your Mind/BED (Poem)

I know you wanna fuck, but I just wanna love
Tell me what's on your mind
As you sit by my side 
Or if it's not too hot we can cuddle up 
My body against yours 
I can feel you getting hard 
But I wanna get to know you more ways than sexually 
Shaking off thoughts of your body grinding against mine
Tell me what's on your mind 
How was your day? 
Did it involve drama or was it filled with relaxation? 
See I'm trying to figure out what kind of person you are
Will you stalk me if I give you access to my bedroom too soon? 
Or will you get the sex and disappear?
Change your number? 
Leave me feeling like you were a figment of my imagination? 
Is this a long-term thing? 
Can you really see yourself going places with a  girl like me
Because there's an expiration date for men like you 
And yours has already passed 
So can you tell me why are you still  here? 
Is it because you want another chance to be in my bed? 
Obviously I'm going to let you in

If Jacquees can do his own version of Avant's song, I can do mines in poem form.

Stop Telling People They Are Building Someone Else's Dream


There are the CEO's of big companies. At one point they were probably working for someone, but they had bright ideas of their own. They did a lot of studying to turn these ideas into billion dollar companies with tons of employees.

Then there are the employees. The employees do not work under the CEO's. The CEO's hire people on different levels, name them bosses, and they have employees working under them that they monitor. In this structure everyone gets paid. However, the pay is not equal for everyone. Everyone knows the owner of the company is the wealthiest person. Others are making money based on the importance of the job titles, but the job title pay don't always make sense either. In some of these companies the workers doing the most are getting paid the least.

Some of these employees have dreams of making better money while doing a job that makes them happier. They branch away from the job titles provided by the big companies and are called entrepreneurs. Some of these entrepreneurs gain success off of their dreams and give up the employee title. Some of these successful entrepreneurs grow big enough to where they end up with employees of their own.

If you fall into the category of the owner of a billion dollar company and the category of a growing entrepreneur stop telling people they are working to build other people's dreams. Stop bullying people with the idea that if they are employed by someone else, they are not doing right. Why? Because you need them to help build your dream. You might just hire one of them one day for your business and you absolutely need their money to grow your business.

If you are an employee, there is no reason you should feel guilty about doing what you have to/want to do to pay your bills.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

How To Exit A Friends W/ Benefits Situation Without Losing Your Sanity

Grammar Disclaimer: It's been a while since I passionately blogged. Currently I'm just trying to get these thoughts out.

After some terrible endings with men that would have been considered acquaintances if we hadn't fucked, I came to some general conclusions of how to get out of a friends with benefits relationship while holding onto your sanity.

End it before you become a victim of embarrassment. I've been embarrassed. I've had the experience of an awkward conversation with a woman claiming to be the guy's girlfriend. It should have never gotten that far. 

End it before you discover you're not the only woman he's been using to satisfy his needs. If he says he is not ready for a relationship, don't have sex with him. If you do choose to have sex with him, at some point you'll find out you're not the only woman he's with. Then again, you could just discover that he's flirting with other women because he's not emotionally invested in you. How do you end this? You tell him that you can't do it anymore because of whatever excuse you can think of.

End it before you realize your emotions are too deep and your partner is still comfortable with just calling you after dark to get his d*ck wet. This is hard to break away from. One reason is that man is going to wonder why you no longer want to be his pussy appointment. The other reason is these types of men have been in casual relationships for so long, they don't see the problem.

Remember friends with benefits have expiration dates. In rare cases, the two can advance to couple status and then eventually marriage status. That hasn't happened with me. I've learned that these situations are supposed to expire. They either end with that specific date you create or they end in worse ways. 

Monday, July 10, 2017

Issa Album, The 21 Savage Album Is Good

I needed a break from the 90's R&B playlists on Apple Music, so I decided to listen to 21 Savage's Issa album.

You read that correctly. I l listened to the whole album. The same way I do with every album or playlist, I put it on shuffle as I left work Friday night. I can't tell you exactly what all he raps about though. I use his and other young rappers' music to clear my mind from the craziness of my world. However, I liked the album. 

FaceTime is my favorite song because he says, "Girl you put up with that man. You strong." 

Honestly I wasn't even thinking about any of these young mumble rappers, but then 21 Savage became a trending topic for a second because of his still fresh relationship with Amber Rose. Then he went on record telling everyone to no longer call her any horrible names or they'll have to deal with him.

“We just been kicking it, man. She’s a real cool woman. She treat me like a king, so it is what it is,” Savage explained. “And no disrespect will be tolerated at all. Keep your mouth closed, no hoes, no bitches, no nothing. Because I’m pulling up on God.”- via XXL 

 How romanic for a man with a knife tattooed on his forehead! All this time I've been waiting for a prince charming that has a bachelors degree or a higher and is making good money to treat me right. Maybe, just maybe, I need to look for a romantic thug.