Thursday, April 28, 2016

Just Showing Off

I'm a writer, but I'm also a lover of pictures. So this past weekend I wanted to do a promo photo-shoot for my book. I wanted to take photos at home, on the steps outside, at the park, at the library, and at the mall. Oh, I was also going to walk to one of the nearby business buildings and get a photo or two. The idea behind these photos is to show you that you can read my book anywhere. However, it was raining when I got ready to leave, so only house photos were taken. Below are the results. 

If you want to know more about Woman Manifested before you decide to purchase it, Amazon allows you to take a peek at the first couple of pages. 

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

This Blogger Is Trying To Elevate Her Financial Status

Earlier this year this blogger group  started a "No More Broke Bloggers" challenge. So one of my goals has been to elevate my financial status. The following is why it needs to be elevated.

Every year at my job we get a little raise, but this year it definitely wasn't enough. My insurance went up about $15 and I got car insurance in my name. Before March the insurance was in my dad's name and he was getting tired of me being under his name. He had expressed it on several occasions. I told him as soon as I could get my furniture all the way paid off, I would take on the new responsibility. Why does my car insurance and renters insurance combined cost more than those furniture payments did?

On top of that (in stupid judgement) I allowed the Sprint person to convince me that upgrading my iPhone was a good idea. Now my phone bill is higher and I have to wait a year and a half until I can decrease this shit. Plus I have two lines, which means I'm making monthly payments on two phones. Both are a year and a half away from me being able to get out of the contract and pay my way out of payments plans. Essentially my bill went from $90 after taxes with one phone line to $160 after taxes with two phone lines and payment plans. Yeah, I was real stupid. Also, because I'm paying $160 there is no insurance on each phone. If one breaks, I'm using the other number for the duration of the plan.

Oh yeah, I also have this credit card that I've charged up too high and now I'm tossing too much money toward paying it back down. What I initially did with the credit card is I'd charge it up to a certain amount with stuff I couldn't immediately afford and then I'd pay it all the way off with tax returns. My very first tax return from this currently down was almost $4,000. It decreased a little the second year, but I was still able to pay my credit card all the way off again. However, the last few years my returns decreased to $1500 and my emergencies became expensive. Like car issues expensive; and dentist appointments to fix problems because I hadn't been in forever expensive; and sliding energy bills onto my credit card because with heat the bill goes way up and I still want to use extra money in my paychecks to eat and have some fun on the side.

Wait, life is expensive. I have this bills and I live by myself, but I dream of become a wife and mother. I don't want to be one of those women who walk into the relationship with barely anything while he's taking care of us both. And babies are expensive. Children are expensive. Teens and college are no joke when it comes to financial dependence.

After saying all of that, I hope you understand why I'm jumping on the "No More Broke Bloggers" challenge. Now, how exactly does that go?

My first plan in this challenge was making money from my "Woman Manifested" book. The goal was to make one minimum wage check ($450 or lower after taxes) before putting the promotion to rest. However, I made $150 in one month and no one has purchased the book this month despite a large amount of people telling me they will get a copy eventually. Lately I've just been taking pictures with the book just to show off because it's clear the ones clicking the "like" button on posts aren't about to do much more. In fact when I write my second book I'm not even encouraging people to purchase it. I'm just going to take more pictures to show it off to the world.

Currently I have no more ideas of how I could put more money in my pockets, but the plans will eventually come. I just have to keep trying new ideas until something works.

Monday, April 25, 2016

Lil Kim and The Black Woman's Fight To Love Herself

How is a Black woman supposed to love herself when she's never felt loved? How is a celebrity supposed to love herself when she never felt loved and she's spent half her life in the spotlight?

Lil Kim is being talked about once again. A few weeks she uploaded a photo with a brand new lace front wig on. I think it was a wig anyway. Most of us ignored it because it was clear there was a filter and she was easily recognized. Well, that Lil Kim we've gotten used to over the past couple of years was easily recognizable. However, on a beautiful Sunday April 24th the Notorious KIM practically broke Instagram and Twitter with a new photo and video.

In this new photo she had the same lace front wig on. However, there was no filter and her skin tone was totally different. She didn't look Black in the photo. Nor did she look Asian. She looked like the regular White woman. Her White woman look was so perfect that many of us scrolled on past the video and photo because we simply did not recognize our beloved Kim.

Upon being recognized people stalked talking about her self hate and how Black men really did love her before all the changes. Sure Black men probably did, but Biggie Smalls offered Kim the perfect career and ideas on how to improve her (physical) image. After Biggie was gone, Kim's love for the image in the mirror never got better. Instead she started using plastic surgery to change into the woman she wanted to be.

This is what we're seeing now. So how does Lil Km start to love herself when she's never felt loved? Well, while many of us may miss the dark skinned queen bee who spit hard rhymes next to Biggie, or even miss the dark skinned queen bee with some plastic surgery that rapped about being able to make a sprite can disappear in her mouth, or even when her look when she danced with R. Kelly on the "Feeling On Your Booty" video, the Kim we're seeing now may just be the one that makes her happy.

P.S. I'm an author now and my book "Woman Manifested" is available on Amazon and Kindle.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Surrender #WYAOApril

Sometimes I don't care about the romantic date. I can go to the movies alone, and I can go out to eat by myself.  I've traveled by myself so I know I can do it again.

Sometimes I don't care about the phone calls and texts. Do we need to hear each other's voices every day? Do I need to wake up to a text saying, "Good morning?" Hearing "I love you" on a regular basis and having a man that cares about what I'm doing wold be wonderful, but sometimes I can go without that.

Sometimes I can't imagine never sharing my space again; sleeping alone and cooking only for one. Only my name will be on the lease or mortgage. If all he wants to come over for is sex, then the accommodation will be made. I can deal with the fact that he'll leave right after. At least I think I can.

At my weakest moments I know I can. When my sexual urges become too much to control and his number is staring me right in the face saying, "Use Me," all other options disappear. When I've been listening to the perfect sex playlist and a picture of him pops up on social media I don't know what else to do.

I want more. I always want more. But sometimes his body really is just enough. Well, as long as he knows what he's doing.

This post is part of Twenties Unscripted Write Your Ass Off April challenge.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Ascend #WYAOApril

I have panic attacks. Just about every time I attempt to do something I've never done before I panic. Sometimes when I do things I've already done and  realize I have to go through it all over again I lose my mind.

Yes, I lose my mind. I lose everything fucking sense I have.

Sometimes I scream out the frustration. The safest place to scream is twitter. I can scream in words and rarely does anyone pay attention. Well, its safe until one day down the line someone is looking for something to shame me with. Sometimes I scream in the privacy of my own home. I shout. My echoes bounce back at me making me even more frustrated. The echoes remind me that I'm alone.

In my moments of frustration I find myself alone. I'm not sure how it has happened, but the older I get, the farther away my closest friend tend to get.

Why is it this way? I could easily talk my frustrations out over a nice strawberry daiquiri or dance it out with friends at some club. But since there's no one I could hang out with, no one that would be readily available, I choose being comforted by my tears. It's something powerful about tears. The way they come out whether I really want them to or not. The way they fall like raindrops. Sometimes they'll come out two or three drops and then I'll feel silly. I can easily wipe them away and pull myself together. Sometimes they fall harder, like a thunderstorm. I just have to let them drop for what seems like forever until I feel like I have absolutely nothing left.

Once the process is done with, I feel rejuvenated. I feel like I can do anything I put my mind to. Honestly this process is what happened during the time of writing my book and getting it ready for submission. I was good. Writing it was fun. Waiting for it to be edited left me a little anxious. Realizing that all I had to do was submitted it to a website and it would be published was super frustrating.

But then I did. I got past the nervousness and now I'm a published author with totally new reasons to fall apart. However, the most important part of the process is over. My name is on a book that is for sale.

Okay, okay. I don't always break down like this. Sometimes I can call one of those friends that is far away and talk it out over the phone.

This post is part of Twenties Unscripted Write Your Ass Off April.