Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Can I Live?

Can I live?
Can I live the way my imagination sees fit? It won't stop running wild, but yet I'm constantly forced to sit down. Be still. Focus on a certain topic. Eight hours straight adds up to 16 hours a day. Repeating the same actions over and over again. Monotonous actions have been trained to rule my life. But my mind is fighting. My imagination threatens to take control, distracting me at the most awkward of moments. I can't help but think about what the future holds. How far away is that trip to New York City, or that move to California? Which place is the key to a writer's heart? How long will it be until I meet the man of my dreams?  He could be a 6'4 stallion, built strong, and looking like more than I can handle. Or maybe he'll be 5'9, bright and charming, with a sex appeal to still knock me off my feet. Whoever he is, will he really be interested in me? I have to know. I need to see.

Can I live? Sometimes I feel like I'm repeating myself, but no one's really hearing. What will it take to get them to pay attention? Who's attention do I really need? Does a paycheck define living or is it my experiences? The more I allow my mind to take me places, the more stories I have to tell. Those the times I cherish the most. Like that time at that gas station at 2 in the morning could have easily turned into a horror movie scene. I had to pee. My apartment was still about 15 minutes away. I thought there was no one around. Someone spotted me. I thought my life was over. He was just a homeless man in need of money. It was hilarious. See, I feel like I actually live, but I want to continue to live?

Can I live? I have some power, but when people allow me to have more power over myself? Can I live?

Monday, January 28, 2013

He Said He Saw An Angel/ How Does A Man Approach An Angel?

He said he had to stop because he saw an angel. That's what I remember about this guy. 
I was on a random aisle in the grocery store not picking up groceries. Food was the goal, but on that random aisle I stopped and stared into space as a daydream crossed my mind. The daydream was definitely about my future. That's what I think of most of the time. What can I do to make my future better? I don't know how long I was standing there. It could have been 30 seconds or five minutes. All I know is I jumped when he spoke. 

"Hi," he said. 

"Hello," I practically whispered in a startled voice.

Who was this guy? Where did he come from? Did he know he had interrupted my thoughts? 

"What's your name?" he asked

"Lashuntrice, yours?"

After giving me his name I thought he'd leave. Nope, he stayed longer. 

"Can I get your number?" 

I gave him my number. He didn't run any games on me. His approach was nice and simple. Plus it had come out of nowhere. How could I reject that? Even with the startling realization that a random guy had approached me in the grocery store, I didn't hold my breathe. I didn't expect to hear from him. He was just probably trying to be brave. 

But wait... 

He text me an hour after that. It was another simple conversation. We discussed possibly going out and getting to know more of each other. That never happened. 

For days he text me a series of "Good morning" and "Good night." There was no more to it. Actually there was one more text. I asked him what he did for a living and his reply was "I work hard." I assumed that either he was a pimp cause pimpin' ain't easy or he robbed places for a living. Stealing is hard work too. 

After days of texts I broke his pattern by calling. I thought calling would help him speak up more. Plus I was getting tired of that very boring pattern. I didn't know what to say, so when he answered I became very blunt. 

"Hey, what's up with the same texts all the time? Is something wrong with you?" That's when he said the words I wasn't expecting. 

"I'm sorry. I really do want to get to know you. That day in the grocery store I had to stop because I saw an angel." 

I guess that's the part where I was supposed to get all soft and fall in love with this stranger. Nope, it was the first lame line he had used and he wasn't treating me like an angel. If I had randomly saw a man who appeared to be an angel I'd do anything to make him my man. That means actual conversations, a date to see check out his actions, and just try to make good memories with this (supposedly) perfect soul. This guy just text the same thing over and over. 

After that conversation he hopped back to his pattern. He did it until I tried to call him again to explain why it was getting on my nerves. This time I received no answer so I sent a simple text that said "Stop Texting Me." He finally stopped. 

All I could think of this stranger that had approached me in the grocery store was "What The Fuck!!!" 

This happened months ago. The reason I'm writing about it now is because I received another text from him today. STRANGE. The reason I know it was from him was because of the previous messages that were also there. I thought I had deleted them all, but maybe you can't delete anything off of an iPhone. 

Anyway, now I'm wondering how men act when they really come in contact with angels. Do they all ask for a number and stick with texting? What do they do? 

(P.S. I wrote about this guy months ago in From Weird Grocery Store Guy To White Collar Man.)

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Letter To The Future

Dear Future,
My past is my past. Nothing that has happened can be changed, which is cool. Yesterday I found out I actually had a story to tell. After so much focusing on hardcore journalism, entertainment, and just the regular happenings of stars, I discovered that I actually have a life of my own. I have a story to tell. In fact it's not a small story. It's actually a big story that keeps getting more interesting as the days go on. Sometimes parts of that story are mind blowing and crazy as hell. That's why I'm writing this letter to you.

Future, sometimes I'm afraid of how you'll turn out. My 16 year old self never imagined she'd be my 26 year old self. Sometimes my 26 year old self cannot believe she is who she is. For real, I feel like the same man keeps being attracted to me over and over. He just has a different face and name every time. Plus I'm not where I want to be in my career yet. I know people who have been around the world expanding their careers. My resume, on the other hand, is hidden on my computer. It's nothing to brag about. By the time I get to you, will you help me make it better?

Future, at one point in time I hated my life. I hated everything about it. Currently I'm discovering reasons to love being alive again. It's a hard task, but it's putting a smile on my face. Maybe it's the people around me that are making me smile. Maybe it's the little moments of being alone in a room filled with people, but not feeling lonely at all. I learned to love being by myself and sometimes it's hard to make room for being with someone else. Will you help me work on that?

Every time I think my life is boring, something happens to say the opposite. Most of the time I really do love this. It is refreshing to have new stories to tell.

Future, will you keep the stories coming? What should I expect from you? Wait, I can't wait to meet up with you one day. I can't wait to know how 36 year old Lashuntrice has changed.

(Oh wow, one day I'll be 36)

Wicked Games- The Weeknd (My Poem)

I left my man back home
He don’t love me no more
When we first met the feelings were fresh
Had rough sex everywhere just to sweat
The passion was high
He had me on cloud 9
But something has changed
The more we try to bond
The more I can tell he’s changed
He’s cheating on me
I know it.
So I’m about to do the same

So bring your lust, baby I can do the same
Leave your feelings, no time for playing games
I got my body right here; I left my heart back there
So bring the cuffs baby, don’t forget the keys
Bring your body, don’t forget to make it hurt
That’s my mothafuckin words too
Just let me mothafuckin excite you

(So I took the first verse and chorus of The Weeknd's song Wicked Games and created a girl version )

Friday, January 25, 2013

Cassie- All Gold, All Girls

Untitled (Running From The Relationship Idea)

He said he didn't want a relationship.

His words: "I'm not trying to be in a relationship right now."

It seemed as if the words came out of nowhere, but at the same time was completely expected. I knew he would utter the words. It was just a matter of when. He didn't want a relationship. He didn't want a commitment. He didn't want to feel tied down to some girl. However, he didn't realize something.

I already knew what he wanted.

I'm not dumb. I've played this game before. He's a man. He sees a pretty girl. He's enticed by her pretty eyes, slender figure, and nice attitude. Wait, maybe he doesn't notice the attitude. Maybe he only picks up on a few details about her. All he needs is a few details. Is she fun-sized or a big girl? What is she wearing? How dark or light skinned is she? How much make-up does she have on? Is she interested in him? His hormones are racing. He doesn't know how to just walk away. So he sets the mood for a brand new game.

Sometimes I think it's me and sometimes I know it's just the timing. In the very back of my mind I know I don't have to go for this. A girl like me can go into the world, explore, and possibly find true love. Then again I don't even know if the love of some man is what I even want anymore.

I want the sex. I want the conversations. I want the dates. I want the feeling of him thinking I'm special for that particular moment. Even if they each come from a different man, that's what I want. However, I'm not sure if I want him to start loving me for who I am. Or maybe because I've never had it, a fear of what could be has been built up.

But why fear love? That's not a question I really have to answer right away.

Lately I've been trying to figure out who (other than myself) am I writing for? Well, I write for the heauxs and the lost souls trying to figure themselves out again.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Emmy Rossum- Nobody Knows You (When You're Down and Out)

In the picture above singer Emmy Rossum wears a cute blue Chatherine Deane dress. I want the knock off version. She also has a new song called "Nobody Knows You." Listen below.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Kelly Rowland- Kisses Down Low

Looks like Kelly Rowland has definitely created a niche in sexual music. Her latest song is called "Kisses Down There." It's a hot one. Check it out below. 

It was a summer a long time ago. This guy and I were chilling and he randomly asked me if I had ever been eaten out. I said no and at the same time my heart started beating fast. Then he asked me if I wanted it. My heart started beating faster and for some reason I said "NO." I didn't really mean it though. The no came more out of nervousness than anything else. It was crazy. Who says no to an opportunity of their vagina being tongued down for the first time? Wait, me. So he thought it was funny and didn't take no for an answer. It was a wonderful refreshing experience. That day in the corner of my bedroom on top of a blanket on the floor with his mouth down there is something I'll never forget. Don't ask why we were on the floor  instead of the bed. 

Kelly Rowland's song "Kisses Down There" brought back that memory. 

Monday, January 21, 2013

Dim The Lights (Poem)

Dim the lights cause you found me. 
Keep 'em low
No need to look anymore
You ain't want the girl from the corner
She was too hood
Had another niggas name tattooed on her
And she kept calling you her future baby daddy
But you ain't want baby mama drama
And you ain't want the woman on Wallstreet
If money was the answer, her pockets ran deep
But you ain't a broke nigga
You got your cash right
You looking for a woman that ain't thirsty
But you can take around the world
So I came your way
I think it was yesterday
You saw me driving that Huyndai
Had dreams of hittin' this one day
Well tonight is the night
The lights won't go off
But we won't need 'em too bright
Dim the lights just enough
So as our cries of pleasure sound in the middle of the night
And you make me cum over and over again
Dim the lights
Make the moment special
Look into my eyes
Because maybe I'm not the one for you
Maybe in your heart you're still searching for her
So dim the lights
Cause one day when you meet her I'll wish it was me
And I'll let the world know that I'm jealous

Sunday, January 20, 2013

MAMA (I Don't Think CPS Would Approve Of This) Movie Review

Disclaimer: If you have not gone to the movies to see "MAMA" and you are planning to see it, do not read any further. This is a review. I'm revealing a lot of stuff just because I can. Well, it won't be the whole movie. It'll be just parts that stood out. Now that we have this out of the way, it's time for you to continue reading.

The very beginning of "MAMA" screamed white folks story line. Two business partners and a wife were dead. Only a white man gets featured in the news for doing that.

Then this man shows up to get his kids. Blood was all over him and he looked a mess. Wait, why were the babies alone in a house? One could talk, but she was still a baby. So he kidnaps and then drives fast until they end up in an accident. They were his kids, but it was a kidnapping since he had killed three people. Afterwards, they stumble upon a cabin owned by Elvilisha (or whatever the ghost name was.) As he prepares to shoot his oldest daughter Elvilisha (I know that was not her actual name) comes out of nowhere and does whatever she did with his body.

That ghost must have really mutilated the father. Five years went by and authorities still thought he was missing in action.

Five years pass by and some nosy hunters discover animalistic kids living in the woods. Them kids were scary. They didn't speak a real language and they jumped around like monkeys. Plus they put professional track runners to shame. This is actually a part of the movie that I loved most.

We hear about kids being raised by animals all the time. The kids were different. They were raised by a ghost who hated the idea of baby daddies. Did you see how that ghost handled those men? She was not playing games. The way that uncle went tumbling down the stairs and into a coma was priceless.

From this point I'll just refer to Mama.

They called her Mama and she was definitely one mean mother. Her story line was that in the 1800's she lived in an asylum, had a baby, they tried to take her baby from her, and she ran off and jumped over a cliff to keep it from happening. I'm not sure if she was a patient or not because she wore a nun costume. This would mean she was a pregnant nun. She wasn't supposed to be spreading those legs. After jumping her body and the baby's body was separated in the jump and her spirit had been looking for it forever.

So these children's uncle and his girlfriend take custody of them. In the process they are seeing a child psychologist who doesn't have a positive attitude toward children with fucked up lives. Then on the side they have a aunt who wants custody of them out of spite. The girlfriend has lived a rough life so they find it easy to like her. Mama hates her. Mama tried to bruise her up and she didn't even feel it. Mama tried to scare her in the house several times and she was blind to the presence. The uncle was a little nosier, so Mama took him out of the picture right away. That girlfriend was not going down without a fight though. She didn't want to be their mama, but she didn't want to lose them to some ghost.

So in the beginning Mama just wanted her child. Maybe over 100 years ago all she wanted was her child, but Mama got greedy. In the end she got her child back and wanted the other two children. Now how does a person explain that to CPS (child protective services)? Mama didn't get both kids, but she did get the youngest one. The baby didn't know any better, which means that uncle and his girlfriend would still have to speak with CPS soon about the missing child.

I didn't think this movie would be great. It was PG13. However, MAMA was BRILLIANT. I screamed twice in the theater. However, the fucked up child lifestyle did not surprise me. After watching the movie Orphan years ago I decided adopting is a horrible idea.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Thoughts Of Voyeurism

I want her to watch us. While our clothes are still on and he's staring at me while we engage in deep conversation about nothing at all I want her to pay close attention. She'll watch as we get in a cuddling position, being so close I'm practically sitting on his lap as we hold hands and our breathing becomes in sync.  I want her to feel weak with jealousy. Before anything happens she's already wishing she was me, wishing we could switch places, wishing I was the voyeur and she was the one in heat about to be pleased. As he kisses me, innocently on my cheek, then softly on the lips before our tongues start to meet I want her to start feeling crazy. She can't take it anymore, don't want to watch any further, but she stays anyway. As our clothes come off, he's a pro, moves fast, I want her to see my innocence. As I try to keep up because his experience turns me on, I want her to be tempted to join in. For a split second her mind wanders to ideas of a threesome. How could we make it work? How creative can this get? But the Bitch will stay in her place. I'm not the type to share; at least not today. However, she can't leave. I need someone to see how we start off, what we're doing right, and what's wrong. I need someone to see the lust in our eyes for each other and why it'll eventually turn into us not speaking to each other ever again. She'll see our pleasure, our pain, and the confusion that is to come. She'll be my voyeur, or maybe she's already me. 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Continuous Falling And Pushing Forward? A Sunday Reflections Post

I tripped and fell in front of a bunch of people, but was able to pick myself back up. 

It was a Valentines Day many years ago. I was headed to one of my best friends apartments to celebrate. Very few, if any of my friends at the time, had Valentines so we were celebrating our own way. My friend lived on the other side of campus. I could have easily walked there, but taking the campus bus was easier. The goal was to get on the bus and ride it to the other side. As my turn approached in the long line of college students trying to get on I tried to step up and missed a step. Then I went tumbling halfway on the bus and halfway on the ground. People laughed. I laughed a little, picked myself up, and kept it moving. 

There was another time where I was at someone's house. A couple of us had walked in and no one turned on the lights. As we were standing in the person's living room in the dark I felt something brush across my leg. My initial reaction was to scream and run. I'm not sure if I screamed, but I moved over what had initially brushed against me and went tumbling toward the floor. It was a dog by the way. Upon trying to get away from the dog I fell on top of it. Everyone around me laughed. I guess I did too, got up off the floor, and kept it moving. 

The last time I remember falling was a couple months ago. I was with a guy walking down some stairs at a coffee shop. Either I missed a step or that day wasn't meant for wearing those heels. I went tumbling down and the guy was asking if I was alright. I didn't want him to pity me or anything, so I tried to play it off. I wasn't hurt. I was able to get up and walk off the embarrassing moment. 

However, there's a fear that keeps building up inside of me. What if I fall one day and I can't pick myself up? Will there be someone to help me? Will I be stuck at the bottom all on my own? It seems like the older I get the more struggles get thrown at me. I just don't know how much I can handle on my own anymore. 

Oh wait, there are words of support that get thrown at me every so often. How long can one survive on people's kind words? I need more. 

Friday, January 11, 2013

Double Divas, What The Hell?

Lately new reality show on television have been making me say "What The Hell" a whole lot. From the names of the shows to what actually happens the craziness has seemed to get crazier. Lifetime's new show "Double Divas" is no exception to this.

"Double Divas" is about two best friends, Molly and Cynthia, who owns (possibly) the best lingerie store, "Livi Rae," the the world. People from practically everywhere travel to their Atlanta store just to get the perfect bra size. Their motto is that they can pick out the perfect bra size no matter how big or small. Their first episode tested this motto and had the audience (or maybe just me) going "What The Hell."

The "Double Divas" in this episode came from a woman claiming to have the biggest breasts ever. I don't know if they are actually the biggest anyone has had, but those things were dangerous weapons. They were so big that I would have given her a card to a doctor that could do a good breast reduction. There's no way she'll be walking straight in five years. Oh, back to the purpose of her visit. She walked in wearing what looked like rags sown together to create a sloppy bra. The bra held absolutely nothing up. She was begging for help. Of course the women did what they do best. They created a huge ass bra for her.

Then came the last couple minutes of the show. It was time to try the new bra on. This was the absolutely worse. I felt like I was watching a porno gone wrong. She tried her bra on and started feeling herself up. Music played in the background to fit her mood. The other women stared at her breast in amazement. They were all pleased. However, there was still a problem.

Her breasts did not actually fit that bra. The bra did give them a lift, but they were threatening to burst out of it for freedom. Plus she still needs a breast reduction. She can't seriously live with those weapons. They'll eventually turn evil on her. Oh, and why was only one bra made? Is she only going to wear one bra for the rest of her life? Are the bras at Livi Rae that expensive? Wait, What The Hell?

Okay, two shows premiered on 1/10/2013, but the second was not as interesting. I think I'll give this another chance next week though.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

American Horror Story Spilt Milk Episode

Did this episode of American Horror Story start off with a man doing drugs? Hah! That prostitute did not have a baby three weeks ago. Eww, now I get it. He wanted breast milk. Eww.

Okay, the demon child created by Kitt and Grace has taken the spotlight again. Was Grace even dead for nine months? So from Grace's description the baby was created in heaven, not when they had sex. Then that makes it not their baby. This scene means there will be a flash forward to Kitt and Grace's child as an adult. Hopefully, he's not the man feigning for the breast milk of new mothers. 

The nunn, now known as Mother Claudia, wants to rescue Lana. She even went as far as to steal Lana's foul. She's different than the others. Lana now wants to help Sister Jude? Sister Jude ain't right in the mind anymore. Oh My! Lana really walked out without anyone stopping here. There is a God on American Horror Story. 

Dammit Lana. She escaped and went to Dr. Thredson's place. Of all places, why did she not just go straight to the police station? I'm beginning to think Lana really is crazy, or maybe she was in that asylum too long. 

Eww, right in the middle of Lana holding a gun it does a flash forward to this man sucking milk out of this prostitute's breast. Ooh, so this sick bastard in the flash forward is the son of Dr. Thredson and Lana's. Now it makes sense. That means the prostitute will eventually die. A three week old baby was left without a mother. Oh My! Flashback again. Dr. Thredson was cocky, but Lana really pulled the trigger. Ooh!

Lana is actually out of the asylum. This is so shocking. I thought she would never get away. She's had it the hardest on the show, or was it Shelley? Shelley is the sex fiend who got her legs cut off. 

Oh shit, Sister Jude is getting her sanity back. Wait, she was keeping the patients sick on purposes. Sister Jude was a much badder nunn than I thought. Just as Sister Jude starts to get her thinking back, Monsignor starts acting evil. Maybe it's something about the power. 

Kitt is free. He really is free. WOW! Lana killed Dr. Thredson. How did it turn out to be suicide? Oh, but before he leaves he has to speak with Monsignor. Oh Shit! This got more twisted. So Grace really is dead on paper, which means his wife is now officially alive again. Happy endings? 

Wait, there is always some weird twist. Kitt's wife is alive. What in the??? Okay, so this is a complicated happy ending.

Lana just won't quit. She's so determined to kill the child inside of her that she can't mentally escape that asylum. She's gone crazy. Ooh, the abortion was illegal. What made Lana keep a baby she did not want though? 

"I am tough, but I'm no cookie."

Oh No! Who killed Sister Jude? I didn't expect this. 

Lana had the baby. Well, from the flash forward this was obvious. 

Previews for next week was just shown. Now I'm confused. So Sister Jude's not dead. Gosh, I have to wait another week. American Horror Story hurry up with the next show. 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Totally T-Boz, What Is This Show About?

Recently TLC (The Learning Channel) introduced us to totally new programming. One of these shows is about Tionne Watkins, better known as T-Boz. However, in watching the show I've found myself bored and confused about the point.

Is it about T-Boz trying to keep the group TLC alive? It's been a decade since we heard any music. However, the group's anniversary of when they first started was talked about. Then we saw Chilli in a clip. That doesn't seem to be a huge focus though?

Is this about T-Boz wanting to continue her singing career? We heard her sing in one clip. It is not the same girl who was one third of the TLC group. Plus she has an illness. She wants to have a career, but does not want to travel. I'm confused. If she does any little bit of activity she gets tired real quick. Maybe, just maybe, T-Boz needs to sit down somewhere and only reminisce.

Wait, could this be about overcoming her illness? In every clip almost as soon as T-Boz talks about her career, she goes and also mentions feeling sick. She had a brain tumor at one point. After surgery she had to relearn all abilities. Technically she's handicapped.She can't travel, can barely sing, and she's a single mom struggling with this illness.

The illness could be the focus, but I'm still not sure. Where is Totally T-Boz going? I'll give it until a third show. So far my attention is fading to something else.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Sunday Reflections, The Poet

At first I wanted to call  him a friend. I promise I really did. However, the more I think about it he is just an acquaintance. He's someone I just happened to meet while helping a friend celebrate her birthday. He's someone that just happened to spark my curiosity. Who was he? I just had to know.

The poet is who he is. He makes a living perfecting words, so maybe that's why I couldn't turn away. Watching him on stage was different than chatting with him on Facebook. Talking on Facebook was different than getting him alone. In getting him alone sooner or later something was bound to happen. Was I trying to make him a friend? Was I trying to get more out of this strange boy? What were my intentions?

Other people ask the men what their intentions are. I ask myself what am I looking for from this guy. This question doesn't always make sense. It usually is about sex if the pursuit of fulfillment is strong enough. However, I don't have sex with every man I meet. Usually fear and their stupidity keep me from making those mistakes. When I do meet a man and it goes down like that eventually I don't feel bad about it at all.

Sex happened more than once. Once would have been a one night stand and he was too good for that. However, the reasonable part of me is now running. Why? Because you can't develop a relationship with someone who continues to be an acquaintance. If you asked me serious questions about this guy, I would still not be able to answer any of them.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

2 Chainz Featuring Juicy J, Own Drugs

"I ain't gotta smoke yo' weed. I got my own drugs."

2 Chainz had a huge taste of fame in 2012, but if you thought he would disappear you are wrong. In his first song of 2013 2 Chainz raps with Juicy J. about having his own drugs.

2013 Music Turk Zip It Featuring Lil Wayne & Juvenile

If you missed the rapper Turk, he's back. Turk, better known as Young Turk, is one fourth of the original cash money clique, but has not put any music out lately. This is due to the fact that he's been in an out of prison. However, Turk is out now and has dropped a new song for 2013.
It's called "Zip It" and features Lil Wayne and Juvenile. What do you think? 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

American Horror Story, The Name Game Episode

American Horror Story is back. So much has happened. The asylum was already fucked from the beginning, but it really went downhill when Sister Jude started having regrets. Now it's a new year filled with new episodes. What can we expect? Well, below is my thoughts on tonight's episode, the first one of the year.

I'm still confused about where the baby came from and how Grace could be so pregnant? I remember her and Kitt having sex in the kitchen, but she was shot in the stomach by the security guard. She's supposed to be dead.
  • Dr. Arden almost killed Kitt. His heart did not want to start up again. 
  • Ahh damn. As a patient Sister Jude is getting a taste of her own medicine. Did he really have to perform electroshock therapy on her? Speaking of these weird obsessive operations, did Anne Frank really get cured? She could have been cured or it could have been the Arthur's imagination pretending she was better. 
  • If the asylum hasn't gone to hell, now it really is there. Sister Jude can't even remember who she is. She promised Lana she would help her escape, but after that operation her mind is completely fucked. 
  • Wait, I missed something. Did Sister Mary Eunice have sex with the new leader of the asylum, Monsignor? She is a very dirty woman. Oh, and he came in less than a minute. That man had not had his penis stroked in a while. 
  • Dr. Arden should have shot himself. He sucks at being a doctor anyway. He completely fucked up Sister Jude's mind and I'm convinced he didn't fix Anne Frank. 
  • Why is Dr. Thredson still around? He doesn't want that baby and does not give a damn about Lana. Wait, he wanted to kill Lana but failed. 
  • Wait, so Grace is now giving birth. *passes out for a second*. 
  • Sister Mary Eunice and this bad girl attitude is starting to get old. What is she, or the devil inside, trying to achieve? 
  • Monsignor is a pimp. He pushed Sister Mary Eunice over two flights of stairs in order to free the evil spirit. However, evil spirits tend to jump from body to body. 
  • Why does Grace look sorta like Kitt's wife, Alma? WOW, I wasn't expecting Dr. Thredson to torture Kitt with the sight of his new child and baby mama that is supposed to be dead. 
  • I thought Lana was having the worse time ever. Sister Jude has been pushed over the edge and forced back to reality. Although, Sister Jude sounds like she is in another world. I guess botched electroshock therapy can do that to you. 
  • Oh shit, I knew Dr. Arden wanted to die, but damn. He burned himself alive. 
I think I've lost a little of my mind watching American Horror Story, but what do they have for next week? There are still so many questions that need to be answer

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Kim Kardashian Debuts Pregnancy Look

Okay, so New Years Eve Kim Kardashian stepped out in public. Everyone was talking about her baby bump, which is not noticeable in this dress. However, it is clear that Kim K. is pregnant. Why? That's an ugly ass dress.

It's 2013 Already? This Is Not My Year

It feels like just yesterday was 2012. Where did the year go? A year ago I promised that it would be my year. Yeah, 2012 was supposed to be my year. Then a year before that, 2011, I kept telling myself it would be my year. It was the same the year before, 2010, which really was not a good year for me. After so many years of wishing it would be my year, I'm through. 2012 is not my year, but what will happen this year?

Every once in a while when I feel myself drifting into a comfort zone, something hits me. It could be a rude person that decides to bump into me while walking down the street. Then again, it might not be a hit. It could be a strong gust of wind pushing me into a different direction when I'm trying to walk. The moment it occurs I'm reminded that I am not where I want to be. I'll repeat this. I am not where I want to be. This is not where I want to be nor where I need to be. How do I change it? Does the year determine my rightful direction. 2013 does not feel like that year. So what do I do this year? 

#1 Travel A Little?
In the past I've traveled a little and every time it gets harder for my spirit to settle into reality. However, traveling is become a routine so it will happen. How much of it can happen though? When I look at my checking, savings, and credit card I cringe. There's not enough money in the world for my plans. What is written in stone is New York. Then there is quite possibly another trip to California. 

Sidenote: Every time I think about this stuff it makes me tear up a little. Could my heart be holding onto ideas too much? 

#2 Have Some Fun? 
Fun is the number one cause of  putting smiles on a woman's face. Well, they put smiles on a man's face too. At least that's the myth. I want to have more fun, feel more free. Although sometimes I wonder if freedom is really being able to live by your own rules. Could freedom perhaps be giving up yourself and operating by everyone else? After all, people love to tell you how to live your life and what will make you happy. 

#3 Be A Little More Secluded? 

In the past year, I've become such a loner that it could not get more one-deep than this. Or could it? Is being alone part of staying sane? Do others cause dysfunction? I want to have friends to go out with weekly, or every couple of weeks, or even once a month. After all, I'm single and childless. However, getting hang-out buddies is not a simple task. Sometimes I wish I could be closer to those best of friends, but they are all over the place. 

Those are just some thoughts. Technically these questions are not directed to 2013. They are really just directed to the unpredictable future. What does the future hold? Well I'm not about to hold my breath til I find out. This is a one-day-at-a-time journey. 

Poem, To The Next Man

To The Next Man
I haven’t met you yet
But there’s something I have to admit
I’m sorry in advance
One day your feelings will heal
You’ll move on
Find the woman you’ve been searching for all along
Too bad it wasn’t me
I never meant to lead you on
I’m not even sure what I did wrong
Was it the way I stroked your ego?
That day I placed my arms around your neck
You were pulling me close
I think I whispered something about you being big and strong
Those words were true
I knew because I could feel you
Or was it from the kiss we shared?
That kiss confused us both
It started the rollercoaster ride to lost hope
I knew what I wanted in a man
But still having sex with you wasn’t in the plan
I wanted to wait and do things the right way
But you were persistent
Or maybe I wasn’t resistant
It all felt so damn good.
How did we get to this point again?
Oh yeah, I didn’t know your intentions
Was too afraid to ask any questions
And you didn’t ask what I wanted in a relationship
To the public we were just friends
Or maybe casual acquaintances
But then again they probably didn’t see us at all
We lived in our own world, operated on our own times, and created emotions in our own minds. That was the problem. We were so caught up with each other that we forgot to share with each other. By the time I realized I was falling for you, it was too embarrassing. I was too shy. What’s your excuse?
See even if we meet, don't have sex, just casually date, spend too much time together, our emotions would still get wrapped up in each other, and we will still run from each other. Why? Because we barely know each other, and that is actually what I’m sorry for.