Sunday, January 20, 2013

MAMA (I Don't Think CPS Would Approve Of This) Movie Review

Disclaimer: If you have not gone to the movies to see "MAMA" and you are planning to see it, do not read any further. This is a review. I'm revealing a lot of stuff just because I can. Well, it won't be the whole movie. It'll be just parts that stood out. Now that we have this out of the way, it's time for you to continue reading.

The very beginning of "MAMA" screamed white folks story line. Two business partners and a wife were dead. Only a white man gets featured in the news for doing that.

Then this man shows up to get his kids. Blood was all over him and he looked a mess. Wait, why were the babies alone in a house? One could talk, but she was still a baby. So he kidnaps and then drives fast until they end up in an accident. They were his kids, but it was a kidnapping since he had killed three people. Afterwards, they stumble upon a cabin owned by Elvilisha (or whatever the ghost name was.) As he prepares to shoot his oldest daughter Elvilisha (I know that was not her actual name) comes out of nowhere and does whatever she did with his body.

That ghost must have really mutilated the father. Five years went by and authorities still thought he was missing in action.

Five years pass by and some nosy hunters discover animalistic kids living in the woods. Them kids were scary. They didn't speak a real language and they jumped around like monkeys. Plus they put professional track runners to shame. This is actually a part of the movie that I loved most.

We hear about kids being raised by animals all the time. The kids were different. They were raised by a ghost who hated the idea of baby daddies. Did you see how that ghost handled those men? She was not playing games. The way that uncle went tumbling down the stairs and into a coma was priceless.

From this point I'll just refer to Mama.

They called her Mama and she was definitely one mean mother. Her story line was that in the 1800's she lived in an asylum, had a baby, they tried to take her baby from her, and she ran off and jumped over a cliff to keep it from happening. I'm not sure if she was a patient or not because she wore a nun costume. This would mean she was a pregnant nun. She wasn't supposed to be spreading those legs. After jumping her body and the baby's body was separated in the jump and her spirit had been looking for it forever.

So these children's uncle and his girlfriend take custody of them. In the process they are seeing a child psychologist who doesn't have a positive attitude toward children with fucked up lives. Then on the side they have a aunt who wants custody of them out of spite. The girlfriend has lived a rough life so they find it easy to like her. Mama hates her. Mama tried to bruise her up and she didn't even feel it. Mama tried to scare her in the house several times and she was blind to the presence. The uncle was a little nosier, so Mama took him out of the picture right away. That girlfriend was not going down without a fight though. She didn't want to be their mama, but she didn't want to lose them to some ghost.

So in the beginning Mama just wanted her child. Maybe over 100 years ago all she wanted was her child, but Mama got greedy. In the end she got her child back and wanted the other two children. Now how does a person explain that to CPS (child protective services)? Mama didn't get both kids, but she did get the youngest one. The baby didn't know any better, which means that uncle and his girlfriend would still have to speak with CPS soon about the missing child.

I didn't think this movie would be great. It was PG13. However, MAMA was BRILLIANT. I screamed twice in the theater. However, the fucked up child lifestyle did not surprise me. After watching the movie Orphan years ago I decided adopting is a horrible idea.

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