It's My Birthday (Explicit)

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

All I want is a big dick nigga who will still his big dick in me. 

But first he'll lick my pussy, stick his tongue all the way in it

Til its good and wet 

And before I realize it I'll beg for him to slide between my legs 

And if he plays hard to get I'll grab his head and rub it like a genie in a bottle

While guiding it to its rightful place. 

Then he'll take over

Put me in total lust 

As our bodies fall in sync I'll leave scratches on his back

Make the walls echo with our pleasure

And it'll be the best birthday present ever. 

Haha, I'm really 26 years old today. 

Not The Girl Of Their Dreams

Why do I remember them when they don't remember me? I wasn't the girl of their dreams. None of them.

Not the one in elementary school that I was infatuated with. He grew up to be very sexy. Not the one in middle school that was my musical creative. Well nothing about him screamed attractive, but he was the look-a-like of a cool rapper. Why do I remember him? Not the 9th grade crush that eventually got married. I haven't seen  him in years. Although he doesn't matter, why do I still remember him? Is it because he's a part of my past? Do these guys deserve to be engraved into my memory bank?

There's that one I met in 2006. It started with online flirtation and was never meant to go past that, at least not for me. But we ended up meeting in person. A friend thought it would be a good idea. While I don't remember the exact date I remember the location, the table we were all at, the way he smiled at me with familiarity, the way my heart beat fast and wouldn't slow down for a couple minutes, the way I kept hoping no one would notice my nervousness.

I've never been the best when interacting with men. At least not ones where my feelings got caught up. My parents never gave me the talk. Could that be the problem? I really do have issues with expressing my emotions. I don't know how to approach them, or compliment them, or even seduce them. However, I'm a great listener and have a really good memory.

I remember the first kiss and the second kiss too. Two very different experiences. That first guy that took me on a date. Even the crazy guy that I spent all night walking around FAMU's campus with. It was an experience to cherish.

He was sweet at that point. However, his craziness eventually showed and one day we just stopped talking. He disappeared faster than he showed up and sometimes I question whether the memories of him are even real. But they really did happen? He really was a couple years older than me living in a college town, but not going to college. I really did decide to give him a chance. It wasn't about looks. He really did get sensitive when I called anime just a cartoon. I really ditched him one day to chill with one of his friends. Whatever we had started didn't matter at that point.

I remember the other guy who to many was my boyfriend. Our short relationship was really about all cuffing season. He had someone to call his girlfriend. There was that first night he took me to a hotel room and we had amazing sex. Amazing. But just as amazing as the sex, and just having someone to call a boyfriend was, it ended. Cuffing season was over. But I still remember him. Why? His feelings were hurt. He was angry. He broke up with me, stopped calling, and deleted me from social networks. But wait, that doesn't matter.

I'm not the girl of any of these men's dreams. Even when I talked to some of them, my phone barely rang. It was the other way around. So why do I have all these memories floating around in my mind? Has any woman met the man of her dreams and forgot about all those men from the past? I would love to do that.

If I Had Ass (A Little Creativity)

“Is that her in the VIP line with the Louis Vouitton?”

At the club standing in a long line every girl is dressed to impress including me. We all assume the positions to grab every man’s attention. Form fitting dresses, half shirts showing off our bellies, trying to show off our perfectly perky breasts, booty shorts made just for twerking. As I work my way into the club the music entices me, calls out to me, and leaves me excited. The drinks speak to me, say “Buy Me. Taste Me. Invite me into your mouth and let me take over your body.” The first drink flows through, makes me feel real relaxed. I can do this. In the mirror I've been practicing so tonight I’m gonna dance. Dance like a stripper and prove to them I am about that life.

“Ain’t got a nigga. I’m throwed off that liquor. I’m about to hit the club and dance like a stripper.”

As I get comfortable, start feeling the vibe, my body starts to move from side to side. He’s watching. His eyes follow me with each rhythm. But she takes over, moves in, bends over, and works all on his dick. She got that ass that he just has to grab. It stands out. Her waist is tiny, but her ass in those jeans looks huge. He can barely hold on as she twerks  faster, then slower, then faster again. He’s fighting to keep his balance, but enjoying every second of it. All of that ass on her, I’m jealous.

“You ain’t bout that life ho.”

Compared to her I’m working with nothing. Should I compete? Should I bend over and work my butt cheeks? I ain’t wear this outfit to stand still all night. Should I show him that I got ass too? It’s tiny, but looks just perfect on my skinny frame. He can grab it and wrap his hands all around it. He can pick me up and not use much energy. Would he appreciate my small round ass backing up on him? Would his dick get hard? I don’t know if I have the energy to knock him off balance, have his friends laughing at him. He might have to wrap his arms around me, hold me, so for a moment neither of us would feel lonely. Or do I have to have a big ass to get that kind of touch?

“I want a smart girl with a dumb booty.”

Its girls all over the club shaking their big asses. I try to compete, but I’m just too weak. They bend it over, make it wiggle, jiggle, and speak in its own language. My little booty barely speaks. I try to make it jiggle, bend it over, try to grab his attention, hoping he appreciates a nice round small booty.

Is he watching? Does he want to dance with me? I have a small booty? Would he still dream of taking me home to fuck anyway? Or is he blinded by her big ass in the middle of the floor dancing so hard her dress no longer covering her bottom half? She all exposed.

“Take them fucking clothes off. Let me see that donkey kong.”

Truthfully I love my body, from still perky breasts to having a small behind, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder what a big ass would get me. Would it make me stand out? Would I be more confident? 

Sidenote: I was trying to quote more of what Future said at the beginning of the Turn on The Lights song, but I don't know what all he was saying. 

When Did Jesus Become A Thug?

While promoting his upcoming album, rapper The Game has created a album cover that turns Jesus into a hardcore thug. Judging from the big buildings and old, I'm guessing Jesus is out in California. The picture speaks for itself.

Sheree Whitfield Has Won That Child Support Case

For the last few seasons of Real Housewives of Atlanta we've seen Sheree Whitfield fight for child support money from her ex-husband Bob Whitfield. In fact other than starting off as friends with NeNe, getting that money from Bob was her only story line. Well that and building that house that never got worked on. 

See he used to be a famous football player, but at some point fell on hard times. At least that's the sob story Bob was giving off. Sheree wasn't falling for it though. Although she walked around with only the best of designer outfits and nice cars, she really wanted that money from Bob. She just knew he had it. However, whether of not Bob has any money, courts have ordered him to pay $75,000 in back child support before November 11th. 

Do you think Bob can hand over that amount of money? Back in 2000 he signed a six year contract with the Atlanta Falcons for $30 million. After hearing and watching some of that documentary "Broke," I doubt he still has any of that money. 

But anyway, if Sheree really sees that money I'll be the first to say Happy Early Merry Christmas. 

Sidenote: This will never be me. I'm not stalking any man for his money ever, even if it is for the kids. 

Sunday Reflections: An Almost Embarrassing Experience

I had to pee. I couldn't hold it in. Upon walking out of the club that urge wasn't there. If it had been, this experience would not have happened. 

Home was about 10 minutes away and every gas station I had passed was closed. If I could have held it in longer, I would have driven straight home. Well actually I could have hit the gas pedal, went a little over the speed limit, and then eventually made it to my comfy bathroom. But I just paid $227 toward a speeding ticket. Speeding was not an option. 

My bladder was nearing explosion. There was a gas station that looked deserted. I pulled up, parked in front of a gas pump, and found some bushes. No one could see me. I prayed no one could see me. I pulled my thong off and then my skirt. Lifted the skirt up wouldn't have worked. Yes, my bottom was bare outside, but all that mattered was getting that pee out of my system. Then he appeared. 

In scary movies this is the part where the girl gets attacked, raped, and possibly murdered. He didn't do any of those. Instead he asked if I was okay. What the Hell? Does it look like I'm okay? I jumped a little, but tried to rush and put my skirt back on. The undies didn't even matter. My reasoning for being behind a gas station in some bushes was accomplished. He was waiting for me in the front. 

Initially I was embarrassed this man had seen me the way he did. Well I was also afraid he might attack me. I had no weapons except for keys. A cop once told me that keys make great weapons. He wasn't dangerous though. Instead this man was just annoying.

This guy introduced himself and asked for money for a hotel room. He told this story of having a criminal past, just not too long ago getting out of prison, and needing a place to sleep. Well my thought was "sleep on the side of the highway like the rest of them," but I didn't say that. I politely told him I was broke (lie) and kept moving. It was time to go home. Home was calling my name. The night needed to end with some good old fashioned sleep. After all, I had partied by myself, peed in the bushes, got caught my a random man, and then asked if I could spare money for a hotel room. 

Now you might be wondering why this experience even came to fruition. Well first I had a strawberry daquiri. It was only $3. Then everyone kept walking past me with this blue drink in hand. I stopped some guy and asked him what it was. It looked delicious. He said "A Blue Mothafucka." The drinks are pictured up top. Both were delicious. How many clubs you go to where the drinks are made just right? 

Marsha Ambrosius~ Fuck And Get It Over With

Marsha Ambrosius has managed to capture every thought in my mind about men with the song "Fuck And Get It Over With."

In about two weeks I'll be 26 years old. At this point I feel the sexiest I've ever felt in my life. I love my body and the way my mind works. However, I can't say that men appreciate me they way they should. So yeah, these lyrics are so real. "We both know we ain't gonna work out, so we might as well just fuck and get it over with."

Does "Tamar And Vince" Make You Uncomfortable?

Why are Tamar and Vince selling their home that is less than a year old? Could there be trouble in the marriage? What's going on? Have you seen their new show? It makes me uncomfortable. Love has been on my mind lately, but Tamar and Vincent Herbert have had my attention a lot more than love.

This is because of their fairly new show "Tamar And Vince," which comes on WeTV every Thursday night. Granted, we all experienced this married couple for the first time on "Braxton Family Values." They seemed to have the solid marriage while most of the other family members struggled with ideas of loving good men. Actually it wasn't really about their marriage. Vince was on the show simply because he was Toni Braxton's manager. At some point Toni found a way out of her contract and Tamar stepped into the spotlight. From then it was destined that she would have a spin-off show. Who knew Vince would accompany Tamar on the spin-off though? Wait, who knew that the spin-off would show a marriage that looked like it was heading for divorce? As I already stated this show makes me feel very uncomfortable.

When WeTV was promoting the show they made it seem as if we would see a happily married rich couple doing what rich people do to add excitement and more money to their lives. Of course we would see the diva, Tamar, working on her music career, but still we expected lots of warmth, love, and advice for the married life. Or was that just me?

I expected to see a happy couple going through issues, but overcoming them at the same time. None of that has happened though. Tamar hasn't released any music. Vince has found a reason to be mad at her, or cause her to start yelling at him, in every single episode. In the last episode Vince didn't even seem invested in the marriage anymore.

He was in the hospital for months, but was holding a grudge because Tamar left the hospital for a couple hours one day after he came out of his coma. Then Vince became mad when he heard Tamar call him jealous over drinking, but he wouldn't listen to her point. When Tamar was shedding more tears than a newborn baby Vince totally shut her out and pretended nothing had happened. Even in counseling when she tried to apologize for her actions, he never accepted the apology. The shit was uncomfortable to watch.

The tension on that show is deep, but what's even worse is it makes you jump to conclusions. Is this just television? Have they taken out the happy moments between Tamar and Vince to hit ratings or is their marriage really falling apart? It was recently announced that the two are selling their house, which they moved  into last December, for $7.5 million. Why are they selling a house they've barely lived in?

Are you watching this show? Do you see their marriage recovering from all the arguing? After all, the selling of the house is for real and not reality television.

The Guy In Walmart

His badge stares me in the face, but I refuse to look at it. What is his name? I don't want to know, but for some reason I keep checking him out. Not purposely though.

The first time I went in Walmart I asked the Asian lady for help. The toilet had overflowed and plungers were not in the household section. Why did she not know English? She directed me to him and his co-worker. Damn, I had the attention of two men. They didn't seem to be busy, but that's probably because it was the middle of the night. They helped me and finally I thought I was prepared to get the crisis over with.

Then there was another time I went to grab household items. He was there walking the aisles doing his job. He caught me looking, but didn't say anything. Just stared. Damn, I had become recognizable. Or was he looking because I was looking? Complicated thoughts.

So many Walmart trips. So many familiar faces. For some reason after midnight there is only one line open. The same person works that one line every single time. Then there are the two employees who don't/barely speak English. They are no help at all. Then there are the two young black men. It's the same at every Walmart. Sometimes I run to the one located down the street from my job. It's convenient. Other times, like when I need emergency cleaning products, there is the one down the street from where I live. He works at that location.

He's short, but still much taller than me. He's skinny, but like all other men he probably has a healthy attitude. Tattoos decorate both his arms. There must be some kind of addiction there. He's very helpful compared to the non-English speaking Walmart employees. I've been single too long, so that's the only reason he catches my attention.

Wyclef Jean Feels Sexy At 43

Happy Birthday Wyclef. A little earlier Wyclef Jean announced through twitter that he's 43 today, but feels 26. The tweet was accompanied by a photo.

The photo speaks for itself.

Legends Live Forever~ Free Your Mind

I'm supposed to be on a blogging break, but I just heard this song by Legends Live Forever called "Free Your Mind." They have a very relaxed sound.

Refocusing Time, No More Posts Until The 30th

Since starting this blog my life has changed so much. 

In the beginning it was meant to be sort of like blogxilla.com, now known as Married 2 The Blog. The structure of that blog was originally about the writer expressing his views and adding his love of music to the mix. It made a lot of sense. Since then his brand has grew really big. As you can tell there was a name change and there are also other writers. Plus he's more of  a person people go to for advice now. The beginning of my blog was a different story. 

In the beginning I needed a space to just be myself, write down the journey, the love for music, and have a more chill spot to share made up stories/poems. However, I was a journalism student afraid that something I wrote would ruin my career before it began. Silly little girl. My fear left little room to grow. 

At some point I decided that I would take my love for celebrities and create a brand off of that. The brand was supposed to be a mixture of the girl searching for stardom while also stalking the lives of celebrities. That's really fun until you realize there's someone out there that is doing this stalking much better than you and your time to do the stalking keeps getting more and more limited. The time became so limited that a few months ago my stupid self said yes to blogging for an old classmate, but then backed out of it a week later. I was tired mentally and physically from trying to do too much. 

Just in case you haven't noticed, since then my blogging has become a little more scarce. The Sunday Reflections haven't been as thought-provoking. Something has to change. I have to find myself. After all, the real brand of this blog is about Lashuntrice (that's me). I have to figure out how to confidently write about my journey. The real brand is about the journey of Lashuntrice Chevelle Bradley.

Of course celebrities are still going to be there. Whether people like it or not, celebrities are my motivation. Not the lawyers, doctors, nurses, and teachers. Although they are all great people in great career field, the almost 26  year old Lashuntrice feeds off of Nicki Minaj, B.o.B., Usher, Jay-Z, Beyonce, Rihanna, Lisa Raye, and many others. 

I'm going to work on my brand and come back strong on my birthday. Hopefully my link will be the first one you click on upon getting on the internet October 30, 2012. 

Sunday Reflections~ Being Different

I'm different. That's what I keep telling myself. I'm different, so you should pay attention to me. I'm not like those other girls, the sad women, the always happy women, the naturally glowing women, the women desperate for attention, the ones with no talent, the ones with all the talent, the ones that "wow" you the moment you first lay eyes on them, or the envious women. I'm different, right?

I keep trying to convince myself that I'm different. I'm not like you. You know all the answers to your life, but your life isn't mine. You have thoughts I'll never be able to comprehend. I have questions you'll never be able to answer. I'm different, right? 

I'm different. That's why unlike you my love life is on pause. These men have come around, but in the end they try to treat me the same as all the other women they've dated. So I've stopped for the moment. I'm different. I deserve romantic dinners and being accompanied by a lover to the movies. I deserve moments alone and also moments of being introduced to his friends. I deserve so many nice memories that have yet to be created. However, when I listen to rap songs it feels like the men are speaking to me. I'm the girl they've used, abused, and are now dissing for doing what they wanted. That doesn't make me different, does it? 

I'm different. That's what I keep telling myself. As I look at friends, family, past relationships, years of memories I know I've changed. I'm not the girl they think they raised me to be, the friend they originally met, the girl he dated at one point. I'm different. However, more often than not I feel the same. 

I feel the same as that 15 year old that felt all alone, the 20 year old that was struggling to hold on to new-found facts about herself, the girl that they've been working hard to conform to society. Half the time I feel like I have conformed to society. Whenever I'm looking for a way out, there are too many distracts weighing my down, too much time spent laying in the bed from exhaustion. 

I'm different, or at  least I want to be. How do I change so I can start feeling more like me? 

2012 Music, Erika Kayne Give It To Me

I've been a fan of Erika Kayne's ever since I heard the 2010 ratchet song "She Said (Don't Cum In Me)." However, she's been slow with coming out with new music since. However, I found a song that was released this year. It's called "Give It To Me."

The stuff Erika Kayne talks about in "Give It To Me" is what I want to happen after he's given me a couple dinner/movie dates.

2012 Ratchet Music, Lady~ Pussy

I love ratchet music. It makes my heart beat fast and puts a smile on my face. That's why rapper Lay's song "Pussy" makes the cut for being one of the hottest songs I've heard this year.

"Pussy good. Pussy sweet. Pussy good enough to eat." By the way where do they sell dresses like the orange one she has on? I have the perfect shoes to match it.

Eve~ She Bad Bad

Eve is coming back strong with a new song called "She Bad Bad." The chorus makes you want to tribal dance while the lyrics are hardcore.Listen below.

I Missed The 2012 BET Hip Hop Awards

This is the first time in history that I've missed any BET Hip Hop Awards show. Every year I look forward to it. The ghettoness that corrupts television for a few hours, the cyphers featuring familiar faces and new rappers, the million dollar chains and outfits that make no sense, that performances you can't hear because of all the cussing being blocked out.

On twitter people said 2 Chainz started his performance by getting out of a Gucci-looking coffin. Plus Mystikal performed, which means he's out of prison.

I really missed it. Maybe next year I can watch with everyone else, or get lucky and have enough money saved up to go there and experience all of that in person. Watching the encore or 50 million other times BET repeats it is not the same.

House At The End Of The Street Review

Before I had to take a second trip to Walmart because of water leakage yesterday and before my brain went into a panic overload trying to figure out what had gone wrong and how to fix it, I took a trip to the movies. The movie of choice was "House At the End of The Street."

"House At the End of The Street" was amazingly suspenseful from beginning to end. It started off with this mother and daughter moving into a new town. Right off the back both mom and daughter appeared to be boy/man crazy. Well the mom did more than the daughter did. The daughter came off a little shy and awkward. However, her shyness was broken when she met the weird neighbor whose family had been killed in the house he was residing in. His background was that his kid sister had killed her parents and ran away. At least that was his background at the beginning.

Throughout the movie everyone changed. The mom became more of a parent concerned about her child's protection. The daughter became friendlier and more concerned for her new found friend, the boy next door.  The boy next door became creepier as the movie went on. The twist at the end was awesome. Usually twists in scary movie suck badly, but this twist actually made sense. Okay, I'm about to stop right now before I spoil the movie for someone. A friend who never watches the same movies as me always accuses me of spoiling the movies (she's not going to see anyway).

The next move I'm looking forward to is called "Mama." Hopefully that will be as good. After all, enjoyments like this really are a luxury with all these bills I have.

Stacey Dash Uses The Election To Stay Relevant

Stacey Dash is best known for her role in the movie "Clueless," but lately she's getting attention for who she's voting for.

A few years ago the attention was on Ms. Dash for her starring role on the show "Single Ladies," but her acting sucked so bad they fired her. Well, all the women on that show had bad acting skills, so there could have been another reason. Since then she's tried to get our attention by writing a self help book, which would tell us how to be like Stacey Dash on a day-to-day basis. The world doesn't know if that book has been completed yet, but now she's back with her campaign views.

Stacey Dash supports Mitt Romney. We now know because she announced is via twitter. Does her opinion change who you want to vote for? Could this really be a way of just staying in the spotlight. After all, I think it will be another 15 years before we see her get another role. Maybe I'm wrong.

Would you use election season to become relevant to the world?

Fighting Off Regret (Of Renting Here), Sunday Reflections

But regret seems to be winning right now. There's water leakage in my apartment and I don't know how to stop it.

One area is the dishwasher. I've turned on the heat dry cycle several times, but will that work? So far no more water is leaking from that area and the water in the dishwasher has gone down some. Will it rise again though? I'm afraid of that happening. Will more water be everywhere in a couple hours? That's a big fear.

The reason I'm afraid of seeing a whole lot more water is there's a leak in the downstairs bathroom. I'm  moved into a loft style apartment, so it's downstairs and upstairs. The upstairs bathroom is doing good, but the downstairs bathroom has an untraceable leak. Well I've traced in the a tiny crack at the very bottom of the wall. The crack is so low that neither a bucket or even a cup would catch the water. Instead there are currently two towels down. I don't think those towels will hold up all night, so soon there will be another trip to Walmart.

This was all noticed once I arrived from my grocery shopping trip. Food is needed for the week. All I bought was food and only spent $40, so it should have been a good day, right? Before the Walmart trip I spent two hours enjoying a good suspenseful movie called "The House at The End of The Street." That made approximately four hours away from home. This water trouble wasn't there when I left earlier today.

Now I'm fighting off a panic attack and regret. The panic is from the fear that I'll wake up tomorrow and water will be everywhere. Why did I move into an apartment where the office was closed on Sunday? I could have moved into a place with 24-hr maintenance for emergencies like this. I could have just stayed with my parents until I had enough money to movie to California, or Georgia, or some other interesting state.

See, regret is slowly beating my mind up and I'm trying to stop it. Regret and I are in a big battle right now, but I have made it a whole month in this new place. There have been nice moments. I've met people and saw familiar faces in this area. Plus I have 11 more months on the lease. This has to get better. It will get better, right? Right? Oh shit, I have to wait until 9 am to tell them these problems need to be taken care of. 9 AM? That feels like a long time from 9:51 pm.

LL Cool J~ Ratchet

Recently I heard this song "Rathet" on the radio. My first thought was "What in the...??? That sounds like LL Cool J." Now that I know it is, I'm still shocked. He's blending in to all the current music though.

Avant & Keke Wyatt~ You and I

This is definitely going to be my wedding song. Well, I'm not having a traditional walk down the aisle wedding, so it can by my future husband and I's song.

Faith Evans~ Tears of Joy

For weeks I've been watching Faith Evans and several other artists with classic voices become friends, share their stories, drink, and get into arguments. After each episode I feel like the reality show addict I am, but I also look forward to new music from these women. Well, Faith Evans took the lead with her new song "Tears of Joy."

"Tears of Joy" is absolutely beautiful. There is no other way to describe it. This reminds me of another one of her songs, "I Love You." Although I think "I Love You" has more of a classic feel. I'm ready for more music.

Rain Came Through The Ceiling

It was a very rainy Saturday. At some points the rain was light and others very heavy. I'd been at work all day freezing my body off while getting paid, so the rain wasn't too big of a deal. It had no effect until I arrived home. I thought I was escaping the wetness by coming home to comfort. Instead I was greeted with more rain.

this came from the internet

There was a leak in the ceiling. Right above the stairwell water dripped and hit the carpet. I found a towel to put over the wet spot and keep the spot from getting too much wetter. Then I sat in my chair and prayed for the rain the lighten up.

This was the second time since I'd moved in that water had leaked from that spot. I complained once and they claimed they fixed it. Obviously they didn't.

It's almost my birthday. At the end of the month, October 30th, I turn 26, and a big booty heaux is not in the game plan. I'd rather be the big booty heaux and have a fine, charming man as my birthday present, but my butt isn't big.

What I really want for my birthday this year is peace of mind. Somewhere along the lines the problems started to become bigger than my happiness. This way of thinking needs to be changed. A start would be that hole where the water keeps coming through getting fixed and a fine, charming guy doing what fine, charming guys do best just for me. It's so easy to meet good guys, but it's hard to meet a good guy that will do something to actually impress you, or is it just me?

Cooking Fish In The Microwave (For Survival)

I became hungry. The 1st of the month was creeping up and my bank account would soon be too light. Eating out was no longer an option. Saving money was the new game plan. How can a girl who can't cook find cheap good tasting food to eat? The frozen food aisle was invented for women like me (and single men).

So I found my way into the grocery store and the food section.  First I grabbed frozen waffles. It's been a while since I used a toaster. Then there were the Jimmy Dean Pancake sausages. Those are better than going to the carnival. Next it was time to look for food that's a little more fulfilling. The next aisle had the answer. Forzen grilled fillets and Tilapia. Are frozen fish really good for you?

The only way to find out was to buy and try. I bought a couple packs and in the same day I microwaved some Tilapia. Yes, I mircrowaved Tilapia. It tasted great.

For some reason this experience makes me feel like a big girl. Are you proud of me? Please be proud. The next step is to buy a pot and a pan, but those things are not as cheap as they used to be.

From Weird Grocery Store Guy To White Collar Man

It was a Wednesday, approximately five days ago. I wasn't looking for a man. Instead I was in the grocery to looking for household products and some food to match. I don't want to starve myself during this living alone experience. In the midst of walking onto an aisle and going into a random daydream, he came out of nowhere.

He seemed innocent and it had been a fairly nice day. He wanted to know my name and asked for my number. I figured why not. He wanted to know when an appropriate time to call was, but those questions are always hard to answer. At least for me it is. Then he called me just so I could have his number in my phone and he disappeared off the aisle. It was a cool ending to a fairly nice day, but later he would change my impression of him. How can a guy go from a stranger to a weird stranger in five days?

In a matter of days these are the only texts he's sent. No phone calls have occurred.

"How was your day?"

"I'm single and I work hard." (I asked him to tell me a little about himself. What does that mean? Does he work hard as a drug dealer? Does he find women in the grocery store to pimp out in the streets? That's tough work. What does he do? I sent a text asking, but he never replied back.)

"Good morning?"

"LOL, I know" (I told him he had short text convo's.)

"How was your day?"

"Good morning?"

"wyd?"

"How was your day?"

This occurred from Thursday to Sunday until I finally decided to call him. I didn't want to do it. I'm an advocate of men making the first advances, but usually fail in that department. Waiting is a game the devil created. I had to make sure it was all real and he was real. Even though it all started in the middle of a grocery store on a random aisle he could have been a figment of my imagination. Every man could be. So I called.

What if I called and it was some kind of answering service? What if some woman answered the phone? Or there could have been a kid on the other end? Actually a part of me had started to believe that he was younger than he looked. He could have been a teenager and I was setting myself up for failure. The only way to find out was with a phone call.

There was no answer. Only ringing. Then came the voicemail. It said "You have reached the voicemail of (3 seconds of silence). Please leave a message after the beep." What the Hell? Almost as soon as I hit the end button, there was a call on the other end. Could it be him returning the call?

No, it was a friend with men issues. She talked, but all I could do was laugh on the inside. That voicemail was hilarious and none of the crazy questions in my head had been answered. She talked and ended the conversation. The activities of the day was starting to get to me. I just wanted to lay back and watch television, but the phone rang.

He was calling back. I became nervous to answer. What if it was all some kind of weird prank? What if my imagination was too active?

"Hello?" I answered in the sexiest way to possible. Sike, it was a regular "Hello."

As he spoke he said he was sleep when I called and has to be at work at 6 in the am. A lot of jobs require folks to be at work really early, so already he was reduced from weird to normal. Then I asked where he worked. He named some place I had never heard of. So I asked what it was.

He's a garbage man. I know you see the title. Is a garbage man considered a white collar job? Or is that blue collar? At least he's not a drug dealer or pimp searching for heaux's in the grocery store.