Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 Ain't Over Yet? Kim Kardashian Is Pregnant

Remember when ain't wasn't a word. Is ain't still not a word? Well, there's still approximately 22 hours left in 2012 so I'm using it. Too much is taking place and has taken place this year to avoid the word ain't. For instance a very controversial celebrity (when it comes to dating and television) has just made a big announcement.

That celebrity is Kim Kardashian and she is pregnant. This announcement came from Kanye West in the middle of a concert tonight. Supposedly the announcement involved him calling her his baby mama. Ain't that a shame? Baby mama? Or is it a blessing? Kim K is a complicated woman. In the last year and a half she married, separated, started dating Kanye, and now just as 2012 ends she's pregnant with his baby. Oh, and Kim is still married to another man. That's complicated. Then on top it all Kanye predicted this by doing "Gold Digger" a while ago. Wait...

This is end of the year news. How did 2012 start off? In celebrity news Real Housewives of Atlanta were fighting in Africa. That was the first crazy thing of the year. Yeah, they went to a different continent to argue. Then there was Jakadrien Turner, a Dallas teen runaway, who was eventually found in Columbia. The story went that she ran away from Dallas to Houston, was caught by cops, and used an immigrants name. That immigrant was illegal and they sent her to Canada. In that year and a half she got a job, a man, and got pregnant. Her family was able to spot her through Facebook. During the time she was struggling but never asked for help. Something about this story inspired my life. That's where my 2012 started. There's really so much that happened in entertainment news, but this post is about me.

From the beginning it was all about getting cash. Hawaii was just months away so I had to save up. To those that don't know that's where my best friend was. It had been years since we'd seen each other and she was graduating with her second masters. Once my income tax refund came back I was set for the trip. The months were counted down. The day to go to Hawaii arrived. It started off interesting. Someone confused my luggage with theirs. I remember they had a pretty pink bow on their bag. I didn't. After that was cleared up the trip became extra fun. There were places, beautiful water, heavenly water, new people, events, men, bottle buying men, cute bottle buying men. Actually it was more than fun. It inspired me to continue my thoughts of one day leaving the jail cell known as Houston. I love my city, but I'm trapped for now.

Sidenote: I was jealous of all the fine men my best friend was surrounded by up in Hawaii. Plus they were willing to buy her bottles at the club for her birthday. Oh, the jealousy was high. 

Then once Hawaii was over reality hit again. Where was I supposed to go from there? Scrape up money to travel again? Just go to work? Find some friends in Houston? It became hard. Friends started becoming slimmer to hang out with. Something had to change. What month was it?

One of these months this year I stepped out and went to a club by myself. Well, the first trip happened at The Horn. For some reason that club closed, but it was okay. Another trip by myself involved the M Lounge, and then the most ratchet experience was at Carringtons. Carringtons had a drink called Blue Mothafucka. That's drink is dangerous for anyone who goes and tries it. Don't be the designated driver. Oh, there was an experience where I went for someone's birthday, was the designated driver, but was as drunk as everyone else. That was a fun night at Grooves. How many clubs did I actually go to this year? They can't all fit in one blog post.

Sidenote: This year after a club I ended up peeing in the back of a gas station for the first time. Everywhere was closed. I couldn't make it home. Before I started I looked around. There was absolutely no one. While in the act a homeless man came out of nowhere. Usually in movies the killer comes out of nowhere and shoots/stabs the girl to death. In the midst of my fear/embarrassment this homeless man just wanted money. The thing is I wanted money too, but not during that night behind a gas station with my dress hiked up and no underwear on. I couldn't successful use it with that thong still on. *covers face at the thought of that night*

Clubbing wasn't all I did. There was also lots of apartment hunting. I looked everywhere and for a second thought there would never be a place nice enough, but cheap enough for me to move into. In August I found that place and September moved in. The greatest part was it was all done by myself. No, I'm lying. That wasn't great. It was fucking stressful. Finding a place, picking out furniture, trying to load extra stuff in the apartment by myself was all hard.

Sidenote: My mom was trying to find out the price at the temporary apartment we had to move into, but nahh. I did not like that place at all. 

Where was my man? I know you're asking. He was non-existent. There was a guy that I stopped talking to after January 2, 2012. There were men that wasted my time asking for my phone number. They had no real plans. The one from the M Lounge was too old. So basically this year I've been single and alone, which wasn't exactly a bad thing. It helped me to at least focus on getting my own place and peace of mind.

Once peace of mind hit I was reminded of my goals. However, instead of discussing them with a million people I only discussed them with the ones I knew understood. Good friends always understand. Oh, and I spent time discussing with friend my lack of a lover life. The crazy part is in the last month of 2012 men have started to appear, I had great sex, and had some crazy approaches, but still no L word. Well, unless you're thinking of lust. Clearly lust is in the air.

Now it's the last day of 2012. I wish I had more to tell you. This year wasn't as adventurous as I wanted it to be. Maybe 2013 will be better.


Sunday, December 30, 2012

Wicked Games by The Weeknd

When dealing with men, sometimes I feel like a prostitute. The difference between a prostitute and I is they benefit more from their experiences.

Felicia Renae My Heart Official Video

Every once in a while I hear a song that gives my whole life a new meaning. Well, at least it helps me to better understand my emotions. That's what "My Heart" by Felicia Renae did the first time I heard it.

"My Heart" has helped shaped my feelings on love. These words are what every woman wants after all. We all want a man that will prove to us that he is worthy of our trust.  The song is so inspiring to my life that I even have it on my iPhone music collection. However, I was really excited when I stumbled upon the music video. Why did no one tell me about this? Watch below.

Mya Mr. Incredible

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Once Django Was Unchained...

he started off as a joke. Did Quentin Tarantino do that purposely?

Wait, before Django was unchained BET spent a good four or five days playing the whole Roots series. From Kunta Kinte's (Toby's) enslavement to blacks becoming school teachers, reminders of how our ancestors have had to settle for what whites thought we deserved was stuffed down our faces. It was a real emotional roller coaster considering the fact that this is a season of Holidays.

Yeah, in case you forgot Christmas was yesterday, today started Kwanzaa, and New Years Day is a week away. Happy Holidays and now back to the movie.

Roots reminded us of how African Americans, niggers in these movies, have been given practically no options since being forced into this society so I expected the same from Django Unchained. Hah, this movie surprised me.

If you haven't watched, calm down. I'm not telling the whole movie.

However, Django Unchained started off as a joke. This is a slave movie, right? Before any shackles were released, I had forgotten. The beginning music sounded like the soundtrack to a 70's family show. Or maybe it was an old wild wild west type of show. Then there were way too many instances where Django said whatever he wanted to those white people. I was holding my breath tight waiting for them to put a bullet in him, but they never did. In Roots the whites didn't hesitate to cut off Toby's foot. Plus did I hear Rick Ross being played at one point? The history books didn't say anything about rap music going all the way back to the plantation.

Wait, let stop with the problems. The movie was great. It was entertaining. It showed revenge. It was so bloody that a smile crept upon my face without me even realizing. It was confusing at one particular point. Slaves defending whites? Was the fear that real? The first half of the movie is still a joke. I think Quentin Tarantino did that on purpose. Oh, and even with the love twist it was still a man's movie. Usually movies like that are.



Friday, December 21, 2012

Make You My Boyfriend (Poem)

Make You My Boyfriend


 If you hold my hands, I’ll make you my boyfriend. How long has it been? 2, 3, 4 months since the last man. Maybe it’s been a whole year. I’m lonely. All this running around; to the mall, the movies, and dates at nice restaurants all by myself. I’ve even tried to solve this problem in rooms with the lights down low, slow grinding with some stranger as Waka Flocka Flame yells “Bow Bow Bow,” but so far no luck. The clubs are just not made for prince charming. Wait, where’d I meet you again?

If you kiss me, it means we have to take it to the next level. No longer are there needs for questions of forever. Let’s have sex like college students. Take my clothes off right here in this living room. Not a shirt, nor a bra, or buttons should deter you. Let’s pretend you don’t have a bed. We’ll have sex everywhere else instead. Leave carpet burns on my back. But wait, you can’t have all the fun. Let me get on top, ride you, pleasure you so good that for weeks all you’ll be able to think about is Lashuntrice. This is not a game.

If you talk dirty to me there’s no telling how far we’d go. Treat me like the other woman and call me a heaux. Your little slut? That bad Bitch that you just wanna fuck? Yeah, I hear you keep talking. Put me in a daze, so days later people will still be asking why I’m smiling. 

P.S. So the idea of this poem came from a conversation where a friend and I were discussing how hard it is to get a man to claim you. The answer to it (in a joking way) was to tell him if he kisses me then he is my boyfriend. 

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Damned by Lyrical Tone Ft. Troy & DB


Damned is the first single from Lyrical Tone's Live Forever mixtape. The beat is hot and the words are so true to real life. Just off the beat, I could listen to this song all the time. 

Try It Out Kandi & Big Bank Black


Okay Try It Out is an old song, but I love it so much it deserves to be posted now. It speaks to the girl in me that is attracted to the bad boys.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Reappearing Act

He decided to reappear. Why?

Have you ever had someone that seemed cool to you in the beginning, but then they started doing as much as they could to hurt your feelings. Just when you thought they were done with their acts of trying to tear you down, they found more ways to make you out to be a bad person. He was that guy for a certain amount of time. Then he disappeared. 

It all started a couple weeks before Valentines Day. I met him in January and we moved fast, too fast probably. After only a couple of days, he was sure he wanted to be my boyfriend. I wasn't sure I could pull off the girlfriend title. It had never been given to me before. And no, I wasn't a virgin. Years before I'd decided to ditch the virgin title. 

So the day came and for some reason I told him that I'd be his girlfriend. He immediately rushed to Facebook to make it online official. About two weeks later we had sex for the first time. How long did Steve Harvey say to wait? Then Valentines Day came and he bought me the first gift I'd ever received. Neither he nor anyone one else believed it was my first time getting stuff. Oh, and by the way I hated the chocolates. Someone ate them, but it wasn't me. Soon afterwards the craziness started. 

I don't even remember what the arguments were about, because I shut down and let him get mad by himself most of the time. I do remember calling him too emotional one time. Never call a guy emotional unless you want to upset him more. Anyway, in that last couple weeks the only times I remember that were really good was when we were having sex. He sucked at planning dates and was argumentative with my ideas. See this is why I shut down. There was really a whole bunch of shit that he did or said, but it didn't heavily start until he broke up with me. He broke up with me over the phone one day in March and was calling me the next day like nothing had changed. It was confusing. That night since I was single again I was texting another guy. So he broke up with me and continued to play the emotional games. 

Wait, he cranked the games up ten times more. He started to find more flaws in me and asked really hurtful questions. I still don't want to talk about those. Then came the day, sometime in April I think, that he asked if I would ever be able to chill with him like before. I hadn't seen him since the phone call where he called our relationship off. I said NO. Okay, at the time I didn't really mean no. I just hadn't had enough time to digest all that had happened, why it had happened, and what the fuck was happening. So yeah, I said NO and he disappeared. No more phone calls,  no twitter, no longer Facebook friends, no contact at all. He went ghost so fast it was almost like I dreamed the whole experience. 

Now he's reappeared again, but only on Facebook. It's best that way. He scared me a little. As quickly as our relationship had started he did talk about marriage and kids. I want that stuff, but never wanted it with him. And now he's back. We had a conversation. It was general talk, but what is his ulterior motive. Ah Hell, I don't really want to know. 

I told myself I was going on a blogging vacation until December 26th, but it's a hard task. 

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Jerome In The House, Oh Wait That's Trinidad James

Do you remember Martin's character Jerome? He was this pimp that did everything he could to stand out, and may times he wasn't in good ways. He had gold teeth in his mouth and wore clothes way to tight for his body frame. It was a complete mess. Well even through we've only been blessed with reruns of Martin's show in the 21st century, Jerome has been reincarnated in the form of Trinidad James. If you don't believe me, watch his "All Gold Everything" music video.

That song goes hard, but Oh My Gawd to his look.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Tamar Has That "Hot Sugar" (Music) And We Want To Listen

"He want that sugar. He want that sugar." Tamar Braxton is officially making it into my iTunes.

Did you see it coming? Did you see those hot beats with even hotter lyrics coming? Did you see how Tamar took all those arguments, that big mouth, and those good producers/writers and created masterpieces? I didn't see it coming, but Tamar and Vince's vision has come to fruition. She's officially an artist that people can recognize for her talents.

Let's face it. Tamar's singing abilities were questionable from the beginning. Since the Braxton's Family Values started all we've heard were loud mouths and arguments. Plus there have been moments where the family sang together. It was not the same as seeing Tamar sing by herself. Even in moments of singing irritably to her siblings, it was still hard to tell if she was really talented. However, no matter what Tamar kept preaching about working on her own music. Since she became the most popular sister, she was bound to get her own show, but what would the show be about?

When "Tamar and Vince" first premiered it was hard to tell the focus of the show. Was it on their life as a couple? They clearly argued a lot, Was it about Vince's health? He was sick. Was it about Tamar's career? She was in and out of the studio. I give Tamar her props for that. Some shows stick hip hop in their title and not one song is previewed/premiered throughout the season. Finally once the arguing calmed down (even the arguing in the studio), music started to be created. Finally at the season finale the television audience has been introduced to the talented artist known as Tamar.


There was one performance at one of the BET Award shows, but they gave Tamar the wrong song. It was too strong for her vocals. She did her best though. However, the new songs are perfect. Every song that Tamar has released a snippet of so far is hot. "Hot Sugar" is my favorite. When premiering the snippet of "Hot Sugar" on camera, they said it sounded like the first single. However, "Love And War" is actually Tamar's first single. You can download it off of iTunes now. 

I can't wait for the album. 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Can The Cool Be Loved by Chrisette Michele

In a dedication to Audrey Hepburn, Chrisette Michele asks if the cool can be loved anymore.
This song makes me wonder. Can the cool be loved anymore? Is there still a such thing as  meeting face to face and going out  on dates?

Trina Is Getting "Back To Business" With 20 New Songs


"Yo, yo. I mean. Check this Bitch out." Trina, everyone's favorite hood princess, is getting back to business with the release of a brand new mixtape.

Trina really is back. While Lupe Fiasco told us ladies were better than bad bitches months ago, she is redirecting us to what makes bad bitches wonderful. 

"Man that Bitch bad and she smelling like money."

With "Back To Business" Trina reminds us why she is the baddest Bitch and a diamond princess on 20 different songs. Oh, plus she's smart. In the "Back To Business" freestyle she mentions speaking fluent French. Check out all the songs below. 




Lil Wayne Is Spitting "Awkward" Rhymes About Karrine Steffans

If you don't know who Stevie J is by now... DJ Stevie J has a new mixtape coming out and Lil Wayne is contributing his talents to it.

"Awkward" is the name of the song and the title is correct. It is very awkward because Lil Wayne is rapping about Karrine Steffans. This is not the first song he's done this on this year, but it has become clearer. Karrine also did an interview with Vibe Vixen recently where she said she doesn't feel like herself when she is not with Lil Wayne. Awkward.

What do you think of the song and their twisted relationship? Karrine, better known as Superhead, is almost 20 years older than Lil Wayne.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Different Places (Poetic Story)


As we chill, you and me, we’re supposed to be vibing to the surroundings. The music playing softly over the speakers, the current football game showing on one tv, news on the other, the food barely touched in front of us. Forget the families and couples around laughing, playing, eating, flirting, just having a good time. There’s so much to go over.

Like who are you? Are you my type? Not a guy that’s totally focused on money, but one that can balance it off with lots of good times. Not the guy that’s looking for the right woman to build the perfect family, but the one that will run away on a random weekend with me to an unknown city just to get away. Take me on dates to clubs, not just nice elegant restaurants. Sneak into random bathrooms to make love.
But as you ask me about my work day and dive in about your 40 hour work week that turned into 80 hours, I can’t concentrate. You've lost me. My mind is wandering.

It’s been a while since we last hung out. Two friends who've known each other for a long time, but we were destined to take a break. Our lives have been heading in two different places. You met the man of your dreams and immediately started making wedding plans. Now the bulk of your conversations are on financial plans, having savings, building stability with your man in this shaky economy. You spit out grocery store coupons, the best places to go to save money, and often times how to fix your relationship problems.

As I talk about this cool restaurant with food that tastes so good, you try to convince me it’s better to cook. I’m hearing you, but not paying attention. Not ready to settle and the man that mouths “one night stand me” while the seafood restaurant screams out “come spend money on me” and the exotic place screams “you’ll really like visiting me” I just can’t vibe with you. You’re getting to stability while my mind is just heading toward crazy.

As the co-worker shows me her babies my mind silently shouts “Don’t hold me back please.”
Their cute bodies, so small, so innocent, so full of nothing but hopes and dreams, and wishes to be taken care of are just not what I’m ready for. So right in front of her eyes, I go into a daydream.

His name is Unimportant and he’s come to rescue me from a future of working 9- 5 only to come home to change diapers and eventually fall asleep to a husband who’s too tired to continue to love me the way it was in the beginning.

And as that friend talks about saving money, I imagine a future of making barely enough, not being able to make all ends meet, being stalked by bills, having overdue rent, all because I went and spent my money on some event. Maybe it was a couple different places. I had to see R. Kelly in concert, had to see Christian Keys in that new movie, had to take that spur of the moment trip to the Bahamas. “What happened to her? She used to be so responsible?” And that’s when I start to question myself.

Are my thoughts bad for my health?

When she went home to her man, I went to the mall for some cute pants. They'd work well for a night of unexpected plans.

His job title says 40 hours a week, but his work load keeps him gone for weeks at a time. Is that the man I should be looking for?

Those co-workers are people I see on a daily basis. Maybe my life should mirror theirs?

But as I think about settling, my mind goes into another day dream, another fantasy, about what could be if I’m just being me.

We’re in different places.


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

His Confidence Scares Me, Learning The Male Ego

Once upon a time I was told to find my future man while he was still down and out so by the time he hit successful I'd already be by his side. This means I'd settle for poor and together we'd get to rich. In his time of reaching success he would look at me as his down ass Bitch. Gold digging would not be a part of our vocabulary, not grace our minds. We'd count our money together, create a good family, and live happily ever after.

But that's a dream.

The longer I stay single the more I meet men who are finally getting self-made money in their pockets. They're proud, successful, and bragging all about it. Before even speaking to them, it's obvious they have an air of confidence. They dress to impress, run out and buy the nicest cars, and carry around the most expensive cell phones. Or they work long, hard hours which leaves them rarely available. They're always on the move. However, once upon a time they were not so successful.

Where was I then? If I try to be nice to them, that is the first thought that comes to their minds. "I have money now. Where was this Bitch way back when?" But I don't want them for their money. I want them for their confidence and success. I want that good guy because he will take care of me, cherish me how I need to be, and I will easily return the love. I want him because we're on the same path. We'd be good together. But maybe that's too much to ask for.

Every time I meet that guy his confidence, or maybe it's conceded-ness, scares me. I'm looking for a good man, but even when he's only halfway there I can tell he's questioning me. Am I a gold digger? Will I just emotionally use him before leaving? Why did I not speak up way back when?
I recently spoke to a guy that I had not said anything to in a while. Our conversation was short and straight to the point. I really just wanted to see if he was doing good. Later he posted a Facebook status about how Bitches were checking for him now that he was doing better. Although I'm sure it wasn't directed toward me (I never checked for him or vice versa), I couldn't help but question the male ego.

50 Cent Ft. Too Short First Date


Okay, 50 Cent has this song about having sex as soon as possible. Well, actually it's about having sex on the first date. He talks about not talking, doing it quick, doing it with two women in the room, and loving nasty girls. He don't want a good girl. Then to add to the nastiness Too Short jumps on this song. Why do I like this? Why?

P.S. I'm too selfish to get freaky enough to invite another woman into the picture.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Asshole (A Poem)


I was thinking about Chris Brown's situation when I wrote this. 

An Asshole is what they call him
But once upon a time he cried real tears
The boogey man
The Easter Bunny
Even Santa frightened him a little
And he’d run to his mom to take away the fears
She was his dependence
However, something changed
Now he’s always fucking up
Can never do anything right
Messing up people’s plans for him
Messing up his plans for himself
And when he’s called out
When someone points out a moment where he messes up
He’s always quick to snap back.
A PR’s nightmare has become his new name.
He has anger issues
Probably because the media glorifies and hates him at the same damn time
His guard is up
Especially since there’s always someone looking to attack him
Like the woman that proudly harasses him on twitter
Calling him ugly, a woman abuser, a waste of talent and life
But he became like that the hard way
One night, one moment in time changed his life forever
He was a good boy
What happened?
Was it because he put his hands on a girl?
But people laugh at those actions on World Star Hip Hop.
Was it the fame that marked his downfall?
The cameras stalk him.
The media uses him as a reminder of how black men continuously make bad choices.
Was it the way he started expressing his feelings about women?
His mom was once his dependence
He loved and cherished her
Now he has two, three, and maybe four women at a time
But he refers to them as Bitches all the time
Then they only get treated good in the club
And since there’s no respect outside the club his actions aren’t bad
Or are they?
Sometimes he does feel bad for his ways
Every now and then he tries to change his ways
But how far he’s come from being an Angel

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Trapped In The Closet Part 3

In 2005 R. Kelly ended up trapped in someone's closet and every since he has found his way being trapped in various other place. It's the Trapped In The Closet series that just won't end and like users are addicted to crack, we can't stop watching. 

R. Kelly debuted part 3 of this Trapped In The Closet series on IFC last night. Viewers were both amazed and confused by the end. It all started seven years ago when R. Kelly was trapped in some woman's closet after her husband arrived home. It has continued with lots of strange story lines, one  involving a stripping midget that is supposedly blessed hiding in the kitchen cabinet from the policeman/husband of the woman he was sleeping with. All in all, as soon as the story line started it had no ending, which is why R. Kelly decided to create a part 3 to this saga. 

This is why R. Kelly is a genius. He sings and acts out 50 different people. The most amazing thing is R. Kelly also had throat surgery a little over a year ago. Can you tell? 


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Mid 20's, Starting To Feel Free

"I don't ever feel pain, because I done felt too much pain."

It's been a while since I shed tears. Maybe it was the beginning of the year and maybe it was last year. The pain was real. A lot of tears fell. Most were in complete darkness while everyone else was sleep. 

"Pain is joy when it cries."

Something changed. The years between 23-25 was spent with my parents trying to change my every goal, every dream, every hope for self pleasure. Going to grad school was their priority. Staying away from school was mines. Getting a great job at some bank, accounting firm, or anywhere that required hiding from the world all day was in their plans. Getting all the knowledge the world was willing to give was in my plans. Destroying my every happiness for a smile on their faces was in their plans. For me, especially at the age of 23, and a lot of 24, wallowing in depression was my game plan. I wasn't happy. I was a broke girl living with her parents and struggling to figure out how to make it on her own. Their opinions only made things worse. Even if they were only trying to help, it did me no good. But something changed. 

"It's no risk without gain."

Maybe it was that trip to California. That's my dream place to move. Or it could have been saving up for the Hawaii trip. Then again way before then as I made money, I stopped asking for money. And as I stopped asking for money, I learned to stop asking for approval. I don't need anyone's approval to find my happiness. 

"It's a match made in Heaven. All that's missing is the reverend. All that's missing is a blessing."

I never let appreciation hit. I felt that if I gave into appreciation of what they had done for me (even if I needed it), I would be giving up on me. So I somehow, well with the help of friends and strangers, learned to start believing in me again. It's still happening. It's a long journey. 

"I hope God gets the message."

I'm on my own now. I work a lot, write a lot,  party as often as possible, drink alcohol straight from the bottle, flirt with a lot of men just because, then find ways to get to lose my number, eat a lot of fast food, go to lots of nice restaurants, and rarely ever cook. My apartment is clean and rarely quiet. The television stays on and I'm up all night. I have a goal to watch the sunset rise at some park one day. All of my good friends live in other states, or are too far away to see. I'm tired of people who don't appreciate me for me. It still catches me off guard to find out I've created fans just from posting my poems on here and Facebook. All my life I've been taught to be responsible. At 26 my mindset is more about creating fun moments than being totally safe reliable independent woman. But I am independent. Don't get it twisted.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Amerie, Why Don't We Fall In Love?


In memory of love songs that made me want to fall in love, today's jam is Amerie's "Why Don't We Fall In Love." How did her career get stuck at one-hit wonder status?

I Googled The Kenya Moore Foundation And...

So everyone who has been watching this season of Real Housewives of Atlanta knows about Kenya Moore. Just in case you haven't been informed, she is 1990's Miss USA. Well, Kenya is also the second black woman to win the Miss USA title. Outside of the beauty pageant arena Kenya has been known for modeling tiny bikinis and doing a little acting. Plus according to her, she has a foundation that raises scholarship money for kids. But before we get to that I have a confession to make.

In the last episode Kenya was mad when the other RHOA newcomer Porsha referred to her as Miss America. Kenya said a person has to be dumb to not know the difference. Well, I'm one of those dumb people. I know the women in the Miss USA pageant represent different states. However, I'm not really sure on Miss America. Then I found out in order to be Miss America you have to have talent. That's where the talent portion kicks in. Miss USA pageants don't have talent portions. But then when you think about, does the title really make a different. Both pageants are about beauty and Kenya hasn't expressed any type of beauty on RHOA. Okay, back to the foundation.

So far during this season Kenya has dissed two different people. Cynthia was the first and it happened while at Cynthia's modeling agency. For some reason Kenya thinks Jet wanted her there, but it was Cynthia's agency. Then Kenya goes to newcomer Porsha's fundraising event ready to hate before she even sees anything. Then while leaving the event Kenya tells Porsha that she has her own foundation, The Kenya Moore Foundation. This foundation is supposed to consist of scholarship money that helps kids get into school. Porsha shot back and told Kenya her foundation can't even be found on google. Oooooooh! So I googled it.

I googled the Kenya Moore Foundation. All the details can be found under biographies that Kenya has created on herself. As far as pictures, all you see is Kenya in bathing suits and pictures from RHOA. Where are the children? Where are the checks? Where is the foundation? I found none of that. Looks like Kenya has a foundation to create.

Friday, November 16, 2012

The Power of Being Elmo

Elmo was almost a child molester. Well, almost is a strong word. 

Recently allegations of possible child molestation came up against Kevin Clash, the voice of Elmo. A young model by the name of Sheldon Stephens accused Clash of having a sexual relationship with him when he was just 16 years old. Stephens is now 24 while Clash is 54. Clash had a statement of his own claiming they were  consenting adults. Did you see what he did? Days  after making the allegations Stephens recanted his story. But that's not the amazing part. 

Now people are in an uproar. They are doing whatever it takes to make Stephens look like a troubled person. One way is talking about an arrest that happened a few years go. Stephens was caught with supposedly stolen jewelry, claimed it was actually a gift from the accuser, and the charges against him were later dropped. Does that make him a bad guy?

Some people have also said this case is all about money, but that doesn't matter either. Elmo admitted to sleeping with another man and people ignored it. Instead they chose and are still choosing to be angry at the other man. Now that's power. 

I wonder if Kevin Clash will keep his job. That'll be even more powerful. 

Should We Hate Laura Govan?


Out of all the women on Basketball Wives, I respect Laura Govan the most. From the beginning her opinion hasn't changed. Laura is there to make only Laura happy. However, this season some people have tried to make her look two-faced. How?

Of all the women in season two Laura is the only one that does not play best friends forever with Jackie. Jackie has given all of the women reasons to hate her guts and Laura is holding on to those memories. People find that being two-faced. But when did Laura ever try to be the happiest of friends with Jackie? In season one upon meeting they did seem cool. However, Laura changed when seeing the real Jackie. Then there is Draya.

In season one Laura did not like Draya. There was one episode where Laura put on gloves and beat Draya up in a ring with no real warning. This season she hasn't changed. While she's not beating her up, Laura has not become best of friends with Draya either. They don't share much camera time unless it's a bunch of other women around.

Then there is how Laura comes off to her own sister. Obviously she loves her sister, but Laura is not being the shadow of Gloria. She's barely there to given Gloria advice (at least in front of the cameras).

I don't dislike her at all. I actually like and respect Laura for being herself.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

American Horror Story Season 2, A Weird Addiction

What The Hell? This is the first question that comes to mind every Wednesday night while watching American Horror Story. Well sometimes I watch the show a little later because of other obligations, but that's not important. I've become a faithful addict of American Horror Story Season 2.

This is not like the first season. Season one was all about a haunted house that kept the souls of everywhere that moved in alive and trapped. At the end of season one that creepy half dead baby was born. That story line could have only continued one way, but the makes of AHS did not do it. Thank God. Instead they came back with an asylum full of crazy people. Wait, an asylum is supposed to have crazy people, but this one even has crazy staff. It's all so crazy. I don't know how to go completely in detail of how awesomely crazy this season is, so here are a couple of characters and moments that have kept my head spinning and waiting for more answers.


Crazy Characters  That Have Captured My Heart

  • Sister Jude, played by actress Jessica Lange, is a nunn/owner of Briarcliff Manor. She's supposed to keep the asylum running smoothly, but instead allows her staff to do whatever they want to the patients. Even if the methods involve torturing and killing patients for no reason, she's cool with it. After all, Sister Jude has her own demons to deal with. She can't save the patients too. 


The thing about Sister Jude is in season one she played the nosy neighbor who was addicted to the haunted house. One reason was because her sons were ghosts there.


  • Kitt Walker is another one of my favorite. He was sent to the asylum because he's accused of killing multiple women. The thing is in the first season he played a ghost who didn't remember shooting up a library full of students. This season he has no recollection of killing women. Does it matter? In this crazy place, whether guilty or innocent he's being tortured. 


Kitt has been beat 40 times for trying to run away, locked up in a space by himself, and forced to confess to murders he didn't commit. Well, actually did he confess? I think the doctor/psychiatrist confesses for him.


  • Lana Winters is the journalist who is forced against her will to become a patient in the asylum. Sister Jude did this because she assumed Lana was there simply get the asylum shut down. Oh and in the first season Lana, called Constance then, was a psychic in the first season. 


Her role keeps getting more and more intense. She's so stupid. In the first attempt to escape she ruins it because she doesn't want the accused woman-killer to get out. Then she hands herself over to more danger while trying to escape.


  • Shelly in the beginning was my favorite character. She was the most sexual woman ever and no one could change that. Then the physician really fucked her up. He cut her legs off. 


Questions That Have Come Up


  • How Did A Sinner Get Put In A Position To Run An Asylum?

Well not any sinner, but a nunn. Clearly Sister Jude has not dealt with any issues. She starts off as an evil woman on the first episode. She did force a journalist to become a patient for no real reason. However, Sister Jude keeps having these flashbacks to killing some girl with her car and driving off. She also remembers her days of putting on red lipstick and pleasing men. In fact in the last episode Sister Jude says fuck the aylum, slides on her red lipstick and a pretty dress, and meets a man to have sex with.


  • Is Anyone Checking For The Missing Patients?

One patient was murdered by Sister Mary Eunice. She's the nunn that seems to be afraid of Sister Jude. Around the same time the physician cuts off Shelley's legs and locked her in his office. Was no one checking for her? I thought she was famous for giving out sexual favors to everyone. If the man that was pleasing me disappeared, I'd look for him.


  • Are There Any Normal People In This Asylum?

Sister Jude keeps breaking down from cruel memories. The physician is doing unnecessary surgery on patients just for fun. Sister Mary Eunice is a killer and has a wild side. The psychiatrist, we discovered, is putting on a bloody masked and killing women. He uses their skin to create lampshades and curtains. Even if the patients were normal, they've been tortured to the point of craziness.


  • Is The Real Bloody Masked Killer Ever Caught?

Well, we know the psychiatrist is putting on a mask and killing women, but Kitt has been blamed for his crimes. Do the police ever realize the crimes are continuing long after the supposed-killer is caught? They have to realize it. The couple that has a sexual fetish for haunted places are in Briarcliff after it has been shut down, but there's a killer lurking the halls.

I absolutely love the show. It's my weird addiction. Are you watching too?


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

If He's Taken, Why Don't He Just Shut Up?


Every day on twitter a married man (or just a man in a relationship) decides to tweet a bunch of advice about what he likes in a woman. After several days, weeks, or maybe months of pointless advice women start following him from all over the world. They hang on his every word hoping to catch the man of their dreams. Some of these women even imagine him as the man of their dreams, except there's one problem. He's in a relationship already or married. Yeah, he walked some woman down the aisle that fits what he wants. He's confessed with his mouth that she cooks, cleans, has fun, and bears children just the way he appreciates. So why is he out there telling all these other women what he wants in a woman?

For some reason these men convince themselves after some time that every man wants the same thing in a woman as them. One example is Tony Gaskins. He was never someone I stalked for advice or even ever met. He just randomly requested me on Facebook one day. Neither of us have followed each other on twitter. At that time, years ago, he was just starting out his relationship expert career, but he was already married. His advice to me seemed irrelevant. I was also good friends with someone who went to high school with him and she asked what I thought. His views were simply outdated, but since his wife fit his description none of it mattered. Now it's years later and this man has lots of Facebook friends and thousands of women followers on twitter, but his advice hasn't changed. Why is he doing it? What's his point? He's found the woman of his dreams, so why is he giving women advice that not every man is looking for?

Recently several people from the twitter world was tired of his pointless advice and they roasted him. The tweets were hilarious. However, Gaskins isn't the only man that does this. There are several others out there. Every some man creates a twitter page and gets the attention of thousands of women by just tweeting their versions of relationship advice. Their words become Tyler Perry scripts were the woman never actually gets the man by following his words.

I don't want relationship advice from the married man, or the man that's about to propose to the woman of his dreams. Give me the single man that I can relate to, the single man still looking for the woman of his dreams, the single man that understands he and his woman have to compliment each other, the one whose words actually have purpose.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Chrisette Michelle Charades Music Video



R. Kelly Remote Control (Throwback Jam)


R. Kelly's "Remote Control" song is like the best of his songs that never went mainstream. My future man (that lasts more than a few months) will have some fun with this song. 

Sexual Equal (Story Teller)

Random
I don't want to be bored. I don't want to be bored. No lame conversations where men totally ignore my interests just to try to get themselves a few hours of un-passionate lust.  As the stranger on the other end sends naughty pictures, he reveals just enough to to pique my interests and at the same time keep my imagination running wild. His chest bare, a nice six pack revealed. He's been working out. As my eyes roam lower, it's clear there's a deep cut v-shape and from the looks of it he might not be wearing any underwear. Then the picture ends, but  the conversation is just beginning.

I don't want to appear desperate. I don't want to appear desperate. No sharing of who I am. No revealing of career goals, relationship thoughts, or even how he could be the one. There was no solicitation need, no explaining of myself. He paid attention, saw what I was doing. He noticed my interests in good looking men and thought he fit the description. And that was all the conversation needed to be about. Judging his physique. Is he good enough? Could he spend some alone time with me? Could our bodies make great conversation? He explained it wasn't a v-cut shape. It was actually a long Y.

I don't want to appear needy. I don't want to appear easy. He sends another picture. This time with some underwear on. Still unsolicited, he continues his bragging game. He finally gets to the point. He wants to see me, first in a a revealing picture and then in person. Instead of a picture I just reveal that all I have is a t-shirt on. As far as meeting we're in two different places. Maybe one day, but not now.

No more lames. No getting on my knees trying to get him to please me. No acting blind when it's clear he's not the right type. No playing games. This girl is looking for her sexual equal.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Does The Mean Girl Get More Money? #RHOA

The second episode of this season's Real Housewives of Atlanta graced television screens around the world last night.

How many seasons has it been since we were first introduced to NeNe Leakes, Kim Zolciack, Phaedra Parks, Kandi, and Cynthia? There are many others, but they just didn't have the charisma reality television needed. However, reality producers never fail at finding fresh faces. This season we're being  introduced to two new  women, one named Kenya Moore. Kenya is a former Miss America, model, and actress. While Kenya is new, she's definitely a mean girl. Even though a lot of people (at least in the twitter world) are not feeling this newcomer's attitude, she seems to be very content on becoming the mean girl throughout this whole season.

It all started when Cynthia invited Kenya to her modeling company for  Jet magazine audtitions. Jet Magazine was looking for a new beauty of the week and asked for Cynthia's help. In case you've never looked at a Jet Magazine, beauty of the week is when some pretty woman poses in a bikini. As a kid, I wanted to grow up looking like those women. So Cynthia extends this invitation and Kenya accepts. She even mentions that she was once a Jet beauty. Everything starts off good with the judging until Kenya decides to be a mean girl. She's questioning these women, humiliating them in their bikinis, and then goes as far as to tell security to kick out one of the Jet mag. workers. Cynthia does try to set her straight, but in the end  Kenya just does not understand her actions. So the mean girl continues.

Kenya told the other women a story about Jet mag. inviting her to Cynthia's company, which was a lie, and how the women were dressed inappropriately. How are you supposed to dress when your'e being picked to model in a bikini? Cynthia then tells the women her side of the story. It all starts to look crazy until the original mean girl, NeNe Leakes, throws in her little opinion.

NeNe tries to play the nice girl role, but she's rich. Since NeNe became rich she does not want to engage in the drama, but drama is what made her rich. If she would have never become friends with Kim and Sheree, but then dissed them both, no one would have paid attention to her. Then Donald Trump would have never picked her for Celebrity Apprentice. Everyone on Celebrity Apprentice has a little mean spirit in them to compete, so NeNe was perfect. Since then her career has been elevated to an actual actress with her biggest role being on The New Normal. However, before the actress roles she was already making the most money of all the women on RHOA for being the mean girl.

NeNe has made more money, so could this be Kenya's plan? She's being mean so he audience will pay more attention to her and then in future seasons they'll have to give her a bigger paycheck. Is that how it works? After all look at other reality shows. Tami Roman was on food stamps at some point before getting on Basketball Wives Miami. Gloria Govan was not nice to Shaunie O'Neal on Basketball Wives Miami, but now Shaunie is cutting her and her sister paychecks.

So do you think the mean girl gets more money? NeNe is rich now.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Pregnant Amber Rose Wears A... Wait, What Is That?

Recently Amber Rose and her pregnant belly were caught going for a ice cream run. Now the above picture exudes everything pregnancy is about.

Ms. Amber had on her comfortable sneakers and what looked like a stretched out garbage bag. That outfit said tired pregnant woman, but her face clearly said she's loving her look. That's why I love Amber though. She can walk out the house like that and still look like some fashion model.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Pulling Women Out of Binders

I know everyone is talking about President Barack Obama being elected for another four years. That's excellent. Not only is President Obama the first black president and the 44th president of the United States. He is now the first black president to be re-elected to a second term. Anyway while it is great for Barack Obama to serve us another fours years, something even better has happened. Women have jumped out of binders and into senate seats.

Remember how Mitt Romney talked about having women full of binders during his term as governor? Well some of those women got tired of being in the binders. As of today, well actually 11/6/2012 there are at least 18 women in the senate. Some of these women are listed below.

Senator Elizabeth Warren
New To The Senate 

Republican Deb Fisher (of Nebraska)

Democrat Tammy Baldwin (of Wisconsin)

Democrat Mazie Hirono (Hawaii)

Democrat Elizabeth Warren (Massachusetts)

Democratic Women Re-elected 

Maria Cantwell (Washington)

Dianne Feinstein (California)

Kirsten Gillibrand (New York)

Amy Klobuchar (Minnesota)

Claire McCaskill (Missouri)

Debbie Stabenow (Michigan)

So what do you think about our first black president being re-elected and more women being in senate seats? I'd rather see them in senate seats than in binders waiting to be chosen.








Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Basketball Wives LA Season 2, My Thoughts So Far

Have you been watching the second season of Basketball Wives LA? I have. It's not as messy as the first season. During this first season Jackie was a very successful puppet master. She played everyone against each other. She forced everyone into bullying Draya, who seems headstrung on being a lesbian this season. Then she gossiped about all the other women to each other. Okay, all those bitches were gossiping. That's what they did to pull off a highly rated show. This second season is different. Oh, Jackie is still a drama queen, but she's not playing anyone. In fact in several episodes she's gotten played and it's the other women continually pulling the strings. Wait, let me break it down with some facts that's been pointed out.

#1 Strings are being pulled everywhere.
Instead of Jackie playing bully, Laura is trying to take full control this season. She talks about Jackie behind her back, Draya (who she never liked), and she's playing with her own sister's feelings. Laura, how do you neglect Gloria when she needs you?

Bambi is pulling Malaysia's strings. Well, then again they're supposed to be best friends. Malaysia won't be friends with someone that Bambi is against. She's confronted Brooke and Laura. But then when it comes to Laura, Bambi is getting her strings pulled by Jackie. Bambi, didn't you watch the show  before being on it? Jackie will turn on you when you least expect it. She has multiple personality disorder.

Then there's Draya. Draya doesn't have any strings being pulled by anyone. She's living in her own world this season. Neither Jackie nor Laura can faze her. She's making herself look good and being the only person that embarrasses her.

Brooke must have watched the first season. She's cool as long as no one offends her, but she's not afraid to put that hair in a ponytail. Did you see her hair and Jackie's after that fight? Yeah, Brooke isn't playing.

#2 Family members are finally being claimed.

Well in the first season we were introduced to everyone's family, but Jackie's. Of course her husband was by her side, but she only claimed one daughter. However, that daughter popped up on twitter and dogged her out real good. We didn't know the full extent, but we did know she was broke with kids and Jackie refused to do anything to help. Now that angry girl has a face. Jackie is claiming her, but refuses to acknowledge any pain she caused.

#3 There's no acknowledgment of any pain caused.

This show is almost like a Tyler Perry movie. You know how in every script Tyler forces the family to reveal a huge secret that is painful for everyone, but then the pain never gets addressed. They just become a dysfunctional happy family. This is Basketball Wives LA.

During the first reunion show Draya said "Fuck all you Bitches." So why is she acting all buddy buddy with them this season? And Jackie was a mean old woman putting on fake smiles the first season. Why has she not apologized for all the hurt she spread, but she wants others to feel bad for her? She needs to chill for real. Then Laura is playing bully. I really want to know what women have done to Laura to cause her to be so angry all the time, but in true Tyler Perry fashion we'll never find out. Wait, I'm sorry Tyler. This is Shaunie  O'Neal trying to copy you, but using reality.

I honestly want to stop watching this show, but I can't. Part of me is drawn to the drama. Part of me wants to see all the issues really get addressed, so black women can stop being portrayed so badly.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Nelly Gets Naked For His Birthday

Rapper Nelly was photographed completely naked for his birthday. Of course he used a cake to cover up what we all would really love to see. Ooh, he's hot.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Sunday Reflections, Am I An Angry Ass Black Woman?

Am I an angry ass black woman? I ask myself this question after reading An Angry Ass Black Woman by Karen Quinones Miller.

This book was Miller's autobiography and she definitely had a lot to be angry about. However, she found ways to overcome the negative times. I'm still amazed that she sold 3,000 books in three months after being told it would be hard to sell 1,000 in a year. Actually I'm still stuck on the part that at 5 years old she and a group of others arranged a plan to rob the person over the apartment complex, so they would then pay the rent they owed. Elementary kids think of that? Anyway, Karen Miller has lived a life of memorable and shocking moments, but she's not the same woman she was as a kid or even a teenager. Does that make her angry still? 

I asked myself this question after recently reading about D.L. Hughley saying all black women are angry. Really? Am I angry? I've had some angry moments. As a woman I've felt pain just as much as the black man, maybe the white man, and definitely the white woman. That shouldn't make me angrier though, should it? 

After 26 years on this earth it's safe to say that I'm a writer. There were the dreams, lots of reading, the education, and the struggles of realizing my own family members couldn't comprehend the importance of me having a writing career. Whether they accept  it now doesn't matter. I've started to build my career, even if just online so far. Plus when not writing, I still create memorable experiences. Some of these experiences become aggravating, let out the angry woman, and some of them put a huge smile on my face. Yes, I smile. But does my angry moments make me an angry ass black woman for life? Or can I wake up one day and finally change that persona?

According to D.L. Hughley I'm angry and men just have to accept it. Forget about the moments that made me angry. Forget about my happy times. That's how he is wife his wife and daughters. He's loves them because he's accepted that they're forever angry as hell. How happy they really are doesn't seem to matter to the world. 

I also can't help but wonder how many men are walking around thinking every black woman they encounter is just mean for no reason. 

Friday, November 2, 2012

NanoWriMo (National Writing Month), Why I'm Not Doing It

It's NanoWriMo (National Writing Month). This is the month where writer's everywhere put their minds to work and spit out 50,000 words by the end of the month. 50,000 words equals a book. This idea used to entice me, but not anymore.

Don't get me wrong. I still want to write books. The world will know Lashuntrice as an author one day. Wait, or Lashuntrice and her close buddies will just know her as an author. Who knows? The author thing is a dream and will always be one. However, I'm not interested in the national writing month where I spit out 50,000 words from this brain. This brain can't take it. Why?

Work is stressful. No matter the work is, it's always stressful. This is because lots of energy is used. Having fun is equally stressful. Fun is supposed to be done for relaxation purposes, but after planning what do to, staying out for a while doing it, and losing sleep fun becomes tiring. Then because writing involves using the mind, it is as exhausting as everything else. I can't do all three at the same time. I'll die from mental exhaustion.

But then again before trying to write, work, and have fun kills me, I'll probably die from sexual depression first. Where's that fine guy with good bed games at? Where is he?

Wait, the biggest reason for not getting involved is because this is not the way my creativity works. When it comes, it comes. When it's not there, I can't force it. Right now the creativity is hiding from me? That could be because of all the hard paying work or the lack of sex.

Anyhow, when I'm ready to write my book it'll happen. It just won't happen in this month of November.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

He Forgot To Romanticize Her

This guy was heartbroken because the girl went back to her ex boyfriend, but...

I saw a guy put up sad status on Facebook hours ago and was curious about what happened. This guy is Facebook famous for being upset over not being able to get the girl he wants. However, this status was a little more vague, so I wanted to know what exactly happened. Of course it was over a girl. 

He claimed there was a girl he really liked. He thought she was nice and they had great conversations. He met her when she was seeing her boyfriend, but during the time she broke up with the other guy. That relationship had ended because the guy cheated.  At that point he had his chance to express his feelings. However, he told me he didn't tell her how he felt because he was giving the girl her space. He thought she needed time to be single again before he made his move. Then one day he became brave enough. He didn't make a real move. He told me that he asked her to meet him somewhere. His perfect idea was the fair. At that point she told him she was going with her boyfriend. She had gotten back with the guy who cheated on her. She did invite him along though. Why? She thought of him as a good friend. This broke his heart. 

So this guy was upset because she got back with her cheating ex and he was ignored. He was also upset because he realized he'd been friend zoned. Well, in his mind she friend zoned him. He was the most upset because he felt like he'd played the good guy role and she'd left him for the bad guy. Am I the only one that finds his pain self inflicted?

The guy came to her as a friend, continued to act as only a friend once she became single, and never asked her on a date. Where was the "I like you as more than a friend?" Where was the "You're special, nice, kind, etc?" He never did any of that, but ended up terribly upset.

When will good men learn that they can be good and aggressive? This means be friendly to the girl, but serenade her at the same time. Compliment the woman to show that you're paying attention. Take her out to her favorite spots. Then claim her once she's already telling everyone how you're the perfect man. 

Wait, will good men ever realize this works, or will they continue to be heartbroken by the relationships they don't create but wine about ending? 

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

It's My Birthday (Explicit)

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.
All I want is a big dick nigga who will still his big dick in me. 
But first he'll lick my pussy, stick his tongue all the way in it
Til its good and wet 
And before I realize it I'll beg for him to slide between my legs 
And if he plays hard to get I'll grab his head and rub it like a genie in a bottle
While guiding it to its rightful place. 
Then he'll take over
Put me in total lust 
As our bodies fall in sync I'll leave scratches on his back
Make the walls echo with our pleasure
And it'll be the best birthday present ever. 

Haha, I'm really 26 years old today. 

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Not The Girl Of Their Dreams

Why do I remember them when they don't remember me? I wasn't the girl of their dreams. None of them.

Not the one in elementary school that I was infatuated with. He grew up to be very sexy. Not the one in middle school that was my musical creative. Well nothing about him screamed attractive, but he was the look-a-like of a cool rapper. Why do I remember him? Not the 9th grade crush that eventually got married. I haven't seen  him in years. Although he doesn't matter, why do I still remember him? Is it because he's a part of my past? Do these guys deserve to be engraved into my memory bank?

There's that one I met in 2006. It started with online flirtation and was never meant to go past that, at least not for me. But we ended up meeting in person. A friend thought it would be a good idea. While I don't remember the exact date I remember the location, the table we were all at, the way he smiled at me with familiarity, the way my heart beat fast and wouldn't slow down for a couple minutes, the way I kept hoping no one would notice my nervousness.

I've never been the best when interacting with men. At least not ones where my feelings got caught up. My parents never gave me the talk. Could that be the problem? I really do have issues with expressing my emotions. I don't know how to approach them, or compliment them, or even seduce them. However, I'm a great listener and have a really good memory.

I remember the first kiss and the second kiss too. Two very different experiences. That first guy that took me on a date. Even the crazy guy that I spent all night walking around FAMU's campus with. It was an experience to cherish.

He was sweet at that point. However, his craziness eventually showed and one day we just stopped talking. He disappeared faster than he showed up and sometimes I question whether the memories of him are even real. But they really did happen? He really was a couple years older than me living in a college town, but not going to college. I really did decide to give him a chance. It wasn't about looks. He really did get sensitive when I called anime just a cartoon. I really ditched him one day to chill with one of his friends. Whatever we had started didn't matter at that point.

I remember the other guy who to many was my boyfriend. Our short relationship was really about all cuffing season. He had someone to call his girlfriend. There was that first night he took me to a hotel room and we had amazing sex. Amazing. But just as amazing as the sex, and just having someone to call a boyfriend was, it ended. Cuffing season was over. But I still remember him. Why? His feelings were hurt. He was angry. He broke up with me, stopped calling, and deleted me from social networks. But wait, that doesn't matter.

I'm not the girl of any of these men's dreams. Even when I talked to some of them, my phone barely rang. It was the other way around. So why do I have all these memories floating around in my mind? Has any woman met the man of her dreams and forgot about all those men from the past? I would love to do that.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

If I Had Ass (A Little Creativity)


“Is that her in the VIP line with the Louis Vouitton?”

At the club standing in a long line every girl is dressed to impress including me. We all assume the positions to grab every man’s attention. Form fitting dresses, half shirts showing off our bellies, trying to show off our perfectly perky breasts, booty shorts made just for twerking. As I work my way into the club the music entices me, calls out to me, and leaves me excited. The drinks speak to me, say “Buy Me. Taste Me. Invite me into your mouth and let me take over your body.” The first drink flows through, makes me feel real relaxed. I can do this. In the mirror I've been practicing so tonight I’m gonna dance. Dance like a stripper and prove to them I am about that life.

“Ain’t got a nigga. I’m throwed off that liquor. I’m about to hit the club and dance like a stripper.”

As I get comfortable, start feeling the vibe, my body starts to move from side to side. He’s watching. His eyes follow me with each rhythm. But she takes over, moves in, bends over, and works all on his dick. She got that ass that he just has to grab. It stands out. Her waist is tiny, but her ass in those jeans looks huge. He can barely hold on as she twerks  faster, then slower, then faster again. He’s fighting to keep his balance, but enjoying every second of it. All of that ass on her, I’m jealous.

“You ain’t bout that life ho.”

Compared to her I’m working with nothing. Should I compete? Should I bend over and work my butt cheeks? I ain’t wear this outfit to stand still all night. Should I show him that I got ass too? It’s tiny, but looks just perfect on my skinny frame. He can grab it and wrap his hands all around it. He can pick me up and not use much energy. Would he appreciate my small round ass backing up on him? Would his dick get hard? I don’t know if I have the energy to knock him off balance, have his friends laughing at him. He might have to wrap his arms around me, hold me, so for a moment neither of us would feel lonely. Or do I have to have a big ass to get that kind of touch?

“I want a smart girl with a dumb booty.”

Its girls all over the club shaking their big asses. I try to compete, but I’m just too weak. They bend it over, make it wiggle, jiggle, and speak in its own language. My little booty barely speaks. I try to make it jiggle, bend it over, try to grab his attention, hoping he appreciates a nice round small booty.

Is he watching? Does he want to dance with me? I have a small booty? Would he still dream of taking me home to fuck anyway? Or is he blinded by her big ass in the middle of the floor dancing so hard her dress no longer covering her bottom half? She all exposed.

“Take them fucking clothes off. Let me see that donkey kong.”

Truthfully I love my body, from still perky breasts to having a small behind, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder what a big ass would get me. Would it make me stand out? Would I be more confident? 


Sidenote: I was trying to quote more of what Future said at the beginning of the Turn on The Lights song, but I don't know what all he was saying. 

Lashuntrice

Lashuntrice