Thursday, September 29, 2011

Khia Motor Mouf Labor Day Pains Blog


You have to love Khia. "Here's a little advice, word from the wise. I'm a wise mothafucka." She definitely is star status worthy. Hope you enjoyed that 50 minute video of star status talk.

The "I Told You So" Syndrome, Yes It's A Pet Peeve

There's this popular phrase called "I Told You So." The phrase usually comes right after you do something bad that someone had already informed you about. It could be the fine guy you were ready to give your heart to. He crushed your heart into a tiny pieces and then someone came out of nowhere and said "I told you so." Or it could be that vacation you've desperately wanted to take.

That vacation could be in Jamaica, Hawaii, or even California. However, someone or many people don't see the point in you take one little vacation to rest your mind. They constantly degrade your idea and tell you all the bad things that could come along with it. Things could get expensive, parking is a bitch, people don't know how to drive, it's a huge city, it's unfamiliar territory. They put all the negative ideas in your mind. When you go on the vacation you actually end up having fun. However, you spend a lot of money (your money) and you realize the city really is huge. When they ask you about those things and you tell them they say "I told you so." The purpose of this vacation was for you to relax, but they have to point out all the bad points that were right about. But the fact that they say "I told you" so isn't the point of this post.

Long before the phrase "I told you so" was created there was something much worse. It was the original creation of this awful syndrome. It was the idea that something could go wrong. I think it started somewhere around the time when Adam and Eve were in the garden of Eden. Eve wanted to eat that apple from the the forbidden tree. Adam continuously said "I don't think it's a good idea. You shouldn't touch it."

Pause: How did Adam know it was bad to eat the apple if neither of them knew about emotions or wrongdoings before eating the apple? After all, it contained "life."

Adam intimidated Eve with his words. Eve was scared to eat the delicious apple at first because a big fear had been created around it. Damn, those fears that others try to cast upon us. After thinking it over, Eve finally did it. She got that juicy apple and bit into it. After biting into it and discovering "life" she couldn't be alone. She found a way to talk Adam into eating it too by giving him some of that fear he'd given her.

But while that was so long ago that none of us were born, the intimidation tactic that leads of to "I told you so" occurs on a daily basis. I remember my freshman year of college some friends wanted to plan a cruise. I would be just a few of us on a Disney cruise or whatever else we could find that was nice and affordable. We talked about it with lots of excitement. Then I talked to my parents about it. My mom was against it. She claimed that everything bad in the world would happen to me. She even went as far as to say the thought of it made her sick to her stomach. Some might call that being protective, but now that I'm older it was actually really fucked up. It was an intimidation tactic to keep me from actually doing something new. Many young people go on these trips and absolutely nothing goes wrong. But in my case, I wasn't even given an opportunity to explore this plan. It ended exactly where it started.

See, the biggest problem with these intimidation tactics and the "I told you so" syndrome is some people try new stuff and then their plans or adventures ended up failing. Something goes wrong. Somebody spends too much money, someone moves to a new place and doesn't like it, someone has a hard time building their career, or someone gets shot because they're in the right place at the wrong time. However, these circumstances to not happen to everyone.

In fact as much as I hate the "I Told You So," syndrome, there's another pet peeve that I hate. It's the one that occurs after the intimidation tactics have stopped and you actually succeeded or had a great time doing exactly what you want. It's the "I knew you'd be great" syndrome. But wait, isn't the same people that says "I knew you'd be great" same person that was angry and ready to say "I told you so?" See the problem.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Amber Rose, Even The Stars Get Stressed

Recently Amber Rose went to Ghana to host the Vodaphone 020 live music concert. Now, how big of a star do you have to be to get invited to Africa? While there she also spoke with a group of children. During her visit, she had a chance to explore the area. She took some pictures and tweeted them. Some people, mainly ones in Ghana, were infuriated that Amber Rose only showed pictures of the poor areas and not of the rich neighborhoods. After hearing about others anger, Ms. Rose dug herself into a deeper hole. She gave a statement say that she thought Ghana either had very poor neighborhoods or very rich neighborhoods, no middle class. Below is what she officially blogged to the public.


People have to understand that this is my first time in Africa. This is not my culture. I have never been here so if I said anything to hurt anyone’s feelings then I am really, really sorry. I saw that a lot of people on twitter said ‘don’t just show the poverty, show the rich people’. But for me, the rich people aren’t doing anything for the little kids and the people that are living in poverty so I don’t want to go hang out with the rich people.
I wanted to see the kids in poverty. I grew up very poor. So I wanted to go see them, help them, talk to them and inspire them to let them know they could possibly be somebody great. They can be somebody great. So I want everyone in Ghana to know that I wasn’t just saying that ‘Ghana is a poor country and no one should ever come here.’ Anyone that I have spoken to about Ghana since I have been here, I have been saying that it’s such an amazing place. And I’m sorry for not posting pictures of rich people, but it just wasn’t for me to do.


When most people think of Amber Rose they picture Kanye West ex-girlfriend, a former stripper, and (possibly) the love of Wiz Khalifa's life. But how many ex-girlfriends, former strippers, and current girlfriends get the media attention that she does? Can you even name the girl the Ludacris is dating? However, despite her achievements people continue to throw hate towards Amber Rose.

She does have achievements. From the beginning she didn't grab our attention because she was dating Queen Kanye. She originally stood out because she was bald and she made it work for herself. Then she had a body that many people hit up the gym, fatten themselves, starve themselves, and dream about having. She had this fashion style that seemed as if she effortless put on the best clothes every day while having her eyes closed the whole time. She had a look that screamed "look at me" in a good way. You couldn't help but admire that. Plus she pulled off this glamorous look while keeping her personal life very mysterious. To this day, we still don't know much about Amber Rose's personal life.

It's not quite clear what happened between the time Miss Amber started dating Kanye West and now, but she's become quite the star. She has haters. I once heard every star needs some of them. She has admirers. She's being invited to different countries to host events and speak with kids. What can an ex-stripper teach kids? You'd be surprised at the free knowledge.

Despite all her achievements, people continue to tear Amber Rose down and it's showing. It shows that even when you've achieved a lot, made it far from where you used to be, and built a career, people will continue to make you feel as though you've done nothing important. Remember, even stars get stressed, but that doesn't mean you have to stress them out. Someone needs to remind Amber Rose of how far she's come and that she has supporters.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Monday, September 26, 2011

Pi Nappa Kappa, Natural Hair Sorority

Pi Nappa Kappa, Natural Hair Sorority, will have it's first meet-up December 10-11th at the Reliant Center in Houston, Texas. Never heard of this sorority? Keep reading. 

When many people think of sororities they think of a sisterhood where like-minded women can bond. These women join the sororities because while they are powerful alone, they feel they'd be more appreciated in a group. Once joining these sororities these women are supposed to represent beauty, maturity, friendliness, and anything else that represents a perfect girl in a perfect world. The biggest sororities promoting great messages that come to my mind are the Deltas, AKA's, and the Zeta's. Well those are the names that I heard the most while in college. However, there's a new sorority on the block with a brand new message. It's called Pi Nappa Kappa, Natural Hair Sorority.

Pi Nappa Kappa is a sorority that was founded within that last year. It's mission statement is "to educate, inspire, and uplift natural hair women, men, boys, and girls throughout the world. To make the word nappy into a happy celebrated term."

It was founded by Leola Anifowoshe, self proclaimed natural hair authority. Her goal for the sorority is to have a place where people with natural hair can tell their stories, interact, and create a bond. While the sorority is still fairly new it is growing in popularity. According to the Huffington Post Pi Nappa Kappa. has over 1600 fans on Facebook and they even have a pledge. Read the pledge below. 

As a member of the Pi Nappa Kappa Natural Hair Sorority, I pledge that:
1. I am a smart, special, valuable person!
2. I respect myself and I respect others. 
3. My words and actions are kind and honest. 
4. I will respect the dignity and essential worth of all individuals. 
5.I will promote the diversity of opinions, ideas, hairstyles and backgrounds which is the lifeblood of the sorority. 
6. I will promote a culture of respect throughout the natural hair community. 
7. I will not tolerate bigotry, discrimination, violence, or intimidation of any kind. 
8. I will practice personal integrity and expect it from others. 
9. I will always be proud of my natural born hair.
10. I accept only my best in all I do.
I am PROUD to be ME!
So what do you think? Do you believe in the natural hair sister, brother, everything-hood? 

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Sunday Reflections: New Addiction Involving Change And New Pet Peeve

Sometimes I feel like no one is really paying attention. Okay, maybe the best friend has noticed and a few randoms, but the people I have to face every day have no clue. They want me to be content where I am, but they don't notice my goals. They think of all the side work and studying I do as a hobby, a waste of time. Someone recently asked me if there were any more Awkward Black Girl videos but then said they had more important things to do than look for the videos themselves. They think of me as unimportant. I'm unimportant because in their eyes I don't have any major accomplishments. Anyone can get a degree and anyone can find some job, even if it's not the job they want or need.That leads me to wonder that when I die, will people finally notice? Will these words mean anything? Will my articles, private thoughts, or poetry be recognized? Or will these still be private thoughts lost in a huge public world? Anyway, recently I discovered something huge about myself.

I'm addicted to change. Change can happen in many ways. It can take place in the form of moving. It can happen with a new hairstyle or a brand new wardrobe. Change can take place in relationships or even with marriage. Change can take place in families. Change is inevitable and recently I discovered that I'm addicted to it.

I'm addicted to the thought of moving. If you don't know about the California dreams, then you must be new to this blog and my life. Hello!!!

I'm addicted to changing up hairstyles. Granted, I've been doing this since the day I came upon the discovery of new money that was all mine and I need no one's permission to spend. I tried shoulder length hair, short hair, sew-ins, glued weave, wigs, colorful braids, and finally recently cutting all the perm off. Now there are these team natural people walking around, but I didn't do it to fit into a team. I did it to make a change. Someone (maybe Britney Spears or Cassie) once taught me that when life gets boring find the scissors and surprise the public.

I'm addicted to a new wardrobe. Stars taught me this addiction. Most stars shop and shop and shop and never wear the same clothes twice. They go from actors, actress, and singers to trend setters. Beyonce is not a trendsetter. Cassie is one of the most famous trendsetters out right now. Watching Cassie and other celebrities has caused me to want this perfect wardrobe that fits exactly who I am. The only problem is who I am keeps changing and the wardrobe has to change with it. Therefore I'm addicted to new clothes, which only strengthens the addiction to change.

I'm addicted to the thought of relationships. Maybe one of the reasons it never worked with with the men in the past was because when I needed change, they stayed the same. Whenever I meet the right man, I want him to grow with me. Growing means changing for the better. See how the addiction works itself out in a positive manner.

I'm addicted to change in families. This actually brings me to a big pet peeve. I used to be content with listening and never having anyone listen to me. It was as if my role was to obey, but never have an opinion or mind of my own. Now it's just plain annoying. People say respect your family, but when does that respect get returned to you? I'm addicted to change and respect has to be buried somewhere in the midst of that change.

Do you see change as good or bad?

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Beyonce, Christina Milian, And Meagan Good: The Look Of 30 And The Knowledge That Comes Along With It

Beyonce At 30
Recently Beyonce announced to the world that she was pregnant. Around the same time Beyonce also turned 30. Her journey through her 20's was documented for the world to see. We all watched as she re inspired women everywhere to have girl power (rule the world), be excellent lovers (cater to you), and celebrate have split personalities (Sasha Fierce). Now since she has hit 30 she's showing the world what a new mother and continuous woman full of confidence looks like. However, she's not the only high profile celebrity that has turned 30 this year. Two other high profile women that have left their 20's behind are Christina Milian and Meagan Good.
Christina Millian's 30th Birthday 

Christina Milian started her 30th birthday celebration last Thursday in New York City. According to Ms. Milian her biggest lessons she's learned are that she's more blunt and less naive when it comes to love. Check out her full interview with Hypnotiq where she expresses more about her birthday below. 

Meagan Good At 30
While Beyonce is starting a family of her own and Christina Milian has discovered confidence, Meagan Good has gotten more in touch with her party side. In August 2011 she talked to Rolling Out Mag bout her discoveries of turning 30. "I think the main thing is that I'm definitely a party animal. I love to go out, and have a great time."

Over the past year and a half I've been trying to figure out when knowledge, power, and control starts to finally come into our lives. Some people gain it by the time their 18. They have their whole lives figured out and everything goes right. Others spend the majority of their youth struggling to figure it out. I'm one of those strugglers. Could 30 be the year all starts working out? It's working for these women.


Lyricist Lounge: Favors by Solange

Break-ups are horrible, but holding onto a man that doesn't want to be in your life anymore is worse. Recently, in a brand new song called "Favors," Solange expressed how she'd rather a man that doesn't want to be around just leave. 

Listen to "Favors" below. 

Are you brave enough to let a man go? Men, would you let a woman leave? It would actually hurt me more to keep a man around when I know he doesn't love or want me. 

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Miss Sexual Intellectual: Sex On The First Date

Sex On The First Date (Short Story, Edits Will Come Later)
She sits next to him as they ride around town. Her four inch heels are screaming for her to take them off. Her dress is slowly but surely riding up her thighs and revealing too much skin. The wine she had at dinner has left her too lazy to pull the dress down. But her exposure is not what is on her mind. Images of his six foot physique explores her thoughts. Seeing his dark chocolate skin, the tattoos, that cover his chiseled chest, his nice long penis that will have her sweating. Dinner and a movie is what he had planned for them, but tonight a movie will be watching them. A soft porno to compete with the sounds they'll be making. Every so often his eyes leaves the road to admire her physique. Their conversation has faded and slow jams are playing. The mood is being set. The hotel is getting closer. It's only the first date, but she's planning to get to know him in every way. His mind, his body, and a little bit of his soul. Well really she just wants to explore what's under his clothes. She'll worry about first expressions later, worry about whether a phone call will come in the morning tomorrow, worry about whether they'll ever speak again in the future. At the moment in time, however, it's all about the sex on the first date.
One thing I've never done is have sex on the first date. According to society if a woman does it on the very first night, she's doomed to be a whore and never get into a serious relationship. Maybe it's hormones, or maybe it's curiosity, but one day I'll do this. I'll have sex with some guy on the very first date. It's not that hard to find a horny guy with a hard dick. Or is it?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Lyricist Lounge: One Of Our Favorite Old School Songs

If I ever repeat myself, it's because I'm a reflection of history.

Recently I was listening to some music on youtube and it lead me to a bunch of songs by the infamous Brandy Norwood. Brandy has been my favorite singer since the lovely show Moesha was on UPN back in the 90's. I'm not exactly sure how I got to her music, but it led me to one of my favorite jams by her. It's the remix to "I Wanna Be Down" which features a bunch of other great artists I loved hearing.

Sex, Material Feelings, And Unforgettable Memories: Some Things Are Meant To Be Lost


If you were as easily influenced as me during your childhood, you probably told everyone you would wait until your wedding day to have sex. However, the day you lost your virginity was neither your wedding day nor with someone you saw yourself with forever, or a month from then. You probably didn't even care about the guy, or maybe that's just my story. I just wanted to have a good experiencing losing my virginity while at the same time participate in some tooting and booting. We were at my house, so someone would eventually get kicked out and it wasn't going to be me. But kicking him out isn't the point. I was a young innocent girl one moment and the next my virginity and virgin ways were gone, lost forever. After that day there was no getting my virginity back. That's because your virginity is meant to eventually be lost, no matter when you lose it. But a virginity isn't the only thing we have to learn to let go of. Some other things are meant to be lost.

Material feelings are one of those things we have to absolutely learn to lose. The lessons of losing material feelings have been around since the beginning of time. It's one of the reasons God never wanted Adam and Eve near that tree. The moment they took a bite of that apple they created an appreciation for all things material. They paved the way for road rage drivers who honk at who if you get too close to their car (or try to run you off the road for cutting them off). They paved the way for people to appreciate J.C. Penny sales, club fashions, Baby Phat, FUBU, Sean John, Glo Jeans, and all other kinds of clothes and clothing stores that come to mind. They paved the way for women to throw drinks at other women in an attempt to ruin their clothes or weave. God knows that knowledge forces us humans to appreciate all things material and freak out if our material things get ruined or lost.

For instance my mom used to be a mean mom. She was much meaner than she'd ever for the rest of her lifetime realize. She was so mean that she'd have me in tears every time I lost something. The bad part about this is as a child I had a tendency to lose everything. I'd lose shoes, dolls, toys, keys, backpacks, books, paper, fingers, my legs, my head, and anything else replaceable (or non-replaceable). However, my mom was so fed up with this tendency that she went off on me so bad she left an invisible emotional scar on me. That scar was so deep that I was in class one day writing and lost a pen. When I realized the pen was gone I freaked out. No one understand because her scar was invisible, but I didn't realize it. I shed tears hoping others could feel my pain until someone finally gave me a new pen. Please don't laugh. This is serious. I was child and her scar had made me create material feelings for that pen. What she should have told me (and I'm telling you now) is that pen and those other material things were meant to be lost.

They were meant to be lost because their value then has no value now. That flip phone you owned five years ago is worth nothing now. That little nappy headed doll you owned back when you were six doesn't even matter anymore. It was lost and forgotten about. That school book you lost back in 4th grade and your parents had to pay for doesn't matter today. They don't even remember it anymore, which is why it was meant to be lost.


However, with this being known we still hold on to everything. We hold onto that lost cat, lost pen, lost experience, lost $20 after we've made $2 million more in it's place, and lost of innocence like it will matter in the long run. We try to hold onto our virginity by calling ourselves born-again-virgins. We hold onto lost experiences by continually bringing up the night we got too drunk and couldn't remember anything after midnight. How do you hold onto a memory you can't remember? We continually search for that missing $20 even though there's a new $20 in our bank account waiting for us every second of the day. We hold onto our innocence by wishing we could be kids again or we could go back and relive experiences. While we're holding on so much, we such be letting go because those moments (whether sexual or emotional) are lost forever.

This wasn't what I originally planned to write, but then again I don't remember the original thoughts. They're lost.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Lyricist Lounge: I Spend It

To some people Tity Boi makes dumb music, but to me he makes the most relaxing and funny music. Check out my new favorite song "I Spend It" below.

Love Changes Us: Five Ways Women Change In Relationships

Just Because Beyonce Is Number 1 Right Now
A friend of mines recently asked me if I had any days off other than the weekends. We both work, but she works odd days and has odd days off. Sometimes she may have a weekend off, but most commonly she's chilling at home once or twice during the week while everyone else is at work. Because of our schedules we rarely see each other, so when she asked me I told her we could hang out when I get off work. Worked ended, I called, and she said she'd be over. As soon as she arrived she spoke, her phone rang, it was her boyfriend wanting to see her, and then she was gone. Before she left she said they barely see each other (although they actually work at the same job and hang with each other during their free time). I thought her actions were a little rude, but I couldn't be mad at her. After all, love changes us.

Love changes us in various ways. In the beginning these changes aren't apparent. We think we're just being our normal selves, but as time goes on we notice the changes we make and I've happened to notice a few changes. Below are the top five changes women go through once we have a man in our lives.

Every Woman Is A Groupie
We think every woman is a groupie. If the woman is a co-worker we are curious to know how close she is to him. If the woman is his sister, we think she calls him too much and wants to see him too much. We don't want to lose the man we have, so we have our guard up. Every woman, especially if she looks like Draya, is an enemy to our relationship. You may blame Basketball Wives for this train of thought, but women have been like this since the beginning of time. After biting the apple Eve developed a form of jealousy, even though her and Adam were the only humans on earth. 

We Need Our Man Every Second Of The Day
If we are doing nothing then we need to be with our man. If we're working we need to be thinking about being with our man. If we're with our man, nothing else matters. We're supposed to be smothered by the special significant other and he's supposed to return the favor. Even if he's a little jealous, is as emotional as Drake, or likes to dress up as a woman, we are supposed to be loving and supportive every second of the day. If we stop showing some attention for a second, then we're bad girlfriends. 

Friends Become Pen Pals
Once we get into a relationship, we're supposed to drop our friends. It's sort of like that friend did me earlier. As she was walking out the door she tried to compare the last time she'd had time with him to the last time we'd hung out. It had actually been weeks she we hung out, but she reminded me that she hadn't seen him up close and personal in a week. That I can't argue with because it's one of the rules of relationships. You're supposed to treat your friends as if they are in prison and have limited visiting hours. Why do you think they created texts and instant messaging? 

We Do Unexplainable Shit
I couldn't wait to get at least one cuss word in this post, but it's true. We do unexplainable shit. For example one time a guy said he was feeling sick and he wanted me to see if he was really sick. I actually felt his head to see if I could feel the illness. After all, that's what women are supposed to do. We're supposed to check for a fever or something, but my dumb ass didn't even know how to do that. I was a lost soul doing it because he said do it. I couldn't even explain my actions and... he wasn't even my boyfriend. But seriously, girlfriends do unexplainable shit. We (when in relationships) call single women groupies when our man doesn't even have two cents to his name. We will drive around a city, even the other side of the city is an hour away, just to find our where our man is. Calling him would be easier, but being sneaky makes less sense and gives us something to do. We'll show up to wherever our man is without any warning and then try to explain why we did it (even though we have no real explanation). 

We Dramatically Change
I was reading today's verysmartbrothas.com post and Panama Jackson mentioned how when women break up, we do some kind of dramatic change. We may cut all our hair off, regain those lost friends, or do something productive in the most extraordinary way (according to Panama Jackson). However, while we makes changes after breaking up, we also make dramatic changes in a relationship. The first three examples are just some of those changes. Hell, our most dramatic change is that we forget about ourselves and make our man our whole world. Even if he has no car, makes minimum wage, has a criminal record, and five baby mama's we make him our whole world. Damn, that's a big change. 

Okay, those may not have been the top five changes, but they are very obvious ways we lose our minds over men. Have you done any of those? If not, is there any way you dramatically changed once getting into a relationship? Let me know. I'm curious. 

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Dormtainment Cooking W/ Leon



Dormtainment's weekly view has dropped. I hope you liked "Cooking W/ Leon."

Sunday Reflections: Did God Bless You With This Gift? Stupid Question

Yesterday before heading out to make a minor adjustment in my life, I had a friendly online conversation with a man that is a juggler. He's a juggler because he maintains many careers, such as being a pastor and an author. He was originally trying to message someone else, but I responded in confusion. After telling me the many careers he juggles, he asked me what I do. I told him I'm on the path to creating a career. His response was something that I didn't quite expect, but shouldn't have surprised me.

Have you seen Kevin Hart's movie "Laugh At My Pain?" I'm pretty sure he did this joke in other comedy shows, but it's about the overly religious person who brings God into everything. You can get into a conversation about anything with this overly religious person. For instance that person may ask you how you're doing. No matter what you reply back with, that person will ask if God created that feeling. If they ask you about your career, they will want to know if God picked out that career for you. Pause....

This is what happened in the online conversation with this stranger. They asked me about myself and then asked if my goals were planted in God. What kind of question is that? I've heard people get asked that before. Everyone likes to reply to those questions in a different manner. Some people reply yes and others will say no since their Gift is nowhere near what bible thumpers would call good. Example of bad careers to bible thumpers are stripping, singing and rapping in a non-Christian way, writing in a provocative fashion, and modeling in a non-Christian way. Wait, is there a Christian form of modeling? Anyway, you get the point.

However, while some people can courageously answer the question, I suck at it. It's a horrible question to ask in the first place and it doesn't have a real answer. Is my gift planted in God? Did God bless me with this Gift? I don't really know. All I know is this gift started as a hobby when I was a child. It was a way of letting my imagination roam wild in the midst of loneliness. Somehow doing what make the heart smile always takes away the lonely feeling for that moment in time. Over time the gift developed and became a passion.

That passion is sort of like Beyonce's gift for singing. Her lyrics became little raunchier, her look became a little more provocative, but her voice became much stronger. There's also Lil Wayne. I don't know how much money he was making in the 90's, but Lil Wayne is worth an estimated $80 million. Back in the day Lil Wayne rapped about the life he lives and his lifestyle grew with his career. Now he's arguably one of the greatest rappers of the 12st century, but who blessed him with the gift that he has? Who blessed Beyonce's gift?

Is God embedded in our every achievements? That's a question that some people just want to stuff down our throats. However, I say forget it. Can God just silently be embedded in our achievements? That's the real question. That's the question that should never be voiced out loud. I don't want to have to answer a question that I'm not sure of. When someone eats a salad no one asks them if God blessed them with that salad. No one asks the person eating a cookie if it was blessed by God. So why should that question be asked when pertaining to career moves?

Can I just do it because Lashuntrice wants to do it? After all it's the passion I've been working on all my life. Now I'm off to juggle a few things.

Baby Cravings, The Act Of Juggling And The Movie I Don't Know How She Does It

Recently I learned that the most important part of juggling is throwing. Now you've probably seen people who juggle balls. They throw them in the air and then then catch each of them in a synchronized order. However, the catching part is not the most amazing part. It's the fact that they can effortlessly throw the balls in the air. This amazing art of juggling was actually mentioned in the movie "I Don't Know How She Does It," but it can be applied to every aspect of life. How you ask?

Politics:
While the result of a law or bill that gets passed effects us tremendously, it's not that effect that matters in the beginning. It's getting the law or bill passed that matters. It's the throwing part of the juggling. Some congressman, governor, or the president throws out an idea. That's the important job. They have to throw out ideas to continually do their jobs.

Religion:
Every Sunday when we go to church a pastor throws a new bible verse at us. If it's not a bible verse, they are throwing out some new form of disapproval. That form of disapproval stems from a bible verse in the bible.While the result of not following the bible verse is known, the result is not important at the moment. The important part is that the pastor juggles and they juggle by throwing a bible verse at everyone who attends the church.

Relationships And Family:
Relationships and family involve the most important and chaotic juggling act there is. Within relationships you have to juggle romance, work, and free time. With romance you have to continuously throw out energy (in whatever form) to get someone of the opposite sex interested. With work you have to continuously throw out professional energy in order to look like you can handle the job. With free time you have to throw out enough tired energy to convince everyone you actually need a break. For some people, this part of the throwing act of juggling doesn't happen until the exhausted one passes out in the oddest place. Then there's family.

My philosophy on juggling is not exactly my idea. It came from the movie "I Don't Know How She Does It." This movie is wonderful in every way for women. It shows the career woman, the stay at home woman, and the work-a-holic. In an instance these women are also transformed into mothers and expectant moms. In every aspect of life these women play the game of juggling in order to handle their surroundings. None of them actually manage it in an effective way, but at the end of the day they all make their jobs look easy. You have to watch the movie to actually understand what I mean.

By the way, have you ever watched a chaotic movie about mothers and started having thoughts of children? Maybe it's just the age that I'm at. When do baby cravings become appropriate? Don't say when you're financially stable.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Black Panties, R. Kelly Is Reminding Us Of Their Sexiness In His 11th Album

R. Kelly is working on his 11th album called Black Panties. If you're as big of a fan as I am, then you are super excited. According to R. Kelly this album is going to be great, just like Love Letter and 12 Play. His first single will be titled "10 Minutes."

If you've forgotten how sexy R. Kelly's music can be, check out the song below. 


It's Complicated Movie Preview


Have you ever been  in a good relationship? Has that relationship gotten sidetracked by temptation? Whether you were the one facing temptation or it was your significant other, you can probably relate to the above move. It's called "Complicated" and it'll take you through the decisions a man must make when he has to choose between two good women.

Let me know what you think about it.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Natural Hair, Bet You Think I'm Doing It For Health Reasons

She dreamed Until She Woke Up Short Story 
Before you read my history might be a little out of order, but it's all within the same time frame. 

She dreamed until she woke up. Daisy dukes, short shorts, women showing half their butts. She watched in admiration. It was the way she learned to worship, appreciate beautiful black skin. As she heard how much men loved girls with the daisy dukes she realized she wanted some. Then they could look at her with her daisy dukes on, appreciate her, love her figure. But she was told no,  she was too young, they didn’t look cute anyway. Short skirts, skinny dresses, big hair, and big boots, they were all the rage in her world. One glimpse at the Spice Girls and in her mind she designed a brand new wardrobe. Big hair like Scary Spice, short dresses to walk like a lady, lots of baby blue to show that she’d always be somebody’s baby, big boots with long heels cause that’s what they all did. But somebody thought they weren’t real, entertainer’s doing it for the public, and unfortunately none of what they did was meant for her. Giga Pets, animated toys made to steal away a few hours of a kid’s time. Giga pets taught children to be responsible without having actual responsibilities. Remember to feed the fake pet, put it to sleep, keep it clean, wake up tomorrow and do it all over again. It was just a toy but it was the most popular toy to have at the moment and she wanted one. Everyone had it except for her. She was told no. Eventually someone changed their mind, surprised her with one, but it was too late. The thrill was gone, her and the rest of the kids had moved on.  FUBU, for us by us, the biggest clothing line for blacks during it’s time. There was clothing of all colors, but what caught her attention most was the clothing designed in baby blue. One particular outfit that caught up attention was an all blue warm-up suit. The idea of her loving designer clothes was an outrage to someone, but that FUBU was nothing to fight. She dreamed, but that baby blue warm-up suit woke her up. It was bought for her to wear proudly. It was a fad which would soon fade, but she couldn’t wait for the next big thing. She was tiring of dreaming. It was time to wake up and join the crowd.

To Be Continued
Me Now, That's A Wig

Healthy hair is the goal for us all. Some people think of healthy hair as long straight shiny hair while others see big thick Afros. My definition of healthy hair is continually changing up the style. When I was little I had no choice but to see braids as the best way to gain healthy hair.Then at one point I didn't care. I just wanted to be weaved up and gel'd up like all the other (supposed) ghetto girls. Now natural hair is all the rage. Whether natural hair is a part of history or a fad that everyone at the moment loves is a mystery. However, I'm about to take that journey to naturally loving my kinkiness. Don't get it confused though. I'm not just doing this for me. I'm doing it for everyone and because a lot of people are also doing it.

Sometimes a star gets tired of being a leader. It's more fun to follow.


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Word's That Come Out Of A Parents Mouth....

I think my real dad stop caring about me when I was 6 years old. He saw me as his child because I had his last name and his blood flowing through my veins. However, he stopped loving me at age 6. You may be wondering how I came to this conclusion. I have no recollection of ever being close to him. There were never any father/daughter trips, any just because gifts, barely any holiday gifts, no phone calls just to check up on  me, etc. If any phone calls did happen, they happened because I made the effort to call and then the conversations lasted a minute at the most. There wasn't any real bonding and I always wondered why. There is one possible explanation to the emotions that never developed or just stopped before I was old enough to see them.

One day about a year ago my mom was talking to a friend over the phone. From the subjects of that conversation I believe it was someone she grew up with. As she was talking my real dad became a subject. I'm guessing the other person said something about my real dad and asked if he ever wanted me to live so far away from him anyway. I was 6 years old when my mom and I followed my step-dad to Texas. My mom actually told this friend that he put up a fight for me to stay. He wanted to see his second oldest daughter grow up. I was shocked because I never knew how he felt. It's hard to read someone who's unreadable. My shock didn't last long though.

Within the same instance she said that her convincing words to my "nowhere nearest" daddy was a lack of child support payments. She said he gave up on me growing up in Florida because he didn't want to reach down in his pockets and put a fee on my life, the life he helped create. I don't think my mom knows I heard her when she said that, but it doesn't matter anymore. 

You may be wondering what this has to do with being a star. We only hear about the star's parents who come back. 

Fantasia's dad was cruel to her, but wanted a relationship after he knew she had money. Well, he wanted some of her money too. 

After more than 20 years Kelly Rowland's father spoke to people in the media and confessed that he finally wants a relationship with her. 

Terrell Owens could possibly be that father that walks back into his lives just because he's a role model. He hasn't proven this statement wrong yet. 

When the word star is attached to a person, some fathers waltz back into their children's lives. We hear it every so often.However, even if you or I happen to be a star, it won't guarantee the reappearance of a father. All of the star status things in the world that I have and will accomplish doesn't matter. This star stopped receiving love from her real dad when she was 6. 

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Beyonce's Fall 2011 House Of Dereon Photos Have Been Released.

The following pictures are obviously Beyonce before the baby bump. Recently the fall 2011 House of Dereon ads were released. The following are of a beautiful Beyonce. Would you wear the clothes?

My favorite  outfit. 
I actually never understood the diaper wearing trend. Don't they look like big diapers to you?

Sunday Reflections: When Reflecting On The Past Is Okay

We talk about this every year. 
It's September 11, 2011, exactly 10 years after planes crashed into the twin towers killing a countless amount of people and changing the lives of people across the world forever. Every year on the anniversary of that tragic day millions of people across the world reminisce. CNN, FOX, and other major news stations replay the crashing of the planes, the victims stories, and show how the lives of the victims children have been affected. Many people who didn't have a family member or know someone that died on that day, remember where they were when they heard the news. Some were at work, some were at school, and others were doing random things like watching television. While this is a huge bonding time and a day to remember a tragic event, what I find most interesting is that fact that people take out the time to remember.

They remember where they were, who they were with, what they were doing, who died, who was born, etc. They cry all over again and try to rationalize why such a tragic event could occur. What would make anyone think killing people on a plane or driving a plane into a building would be worth it? What would make anyone terrorist volunteer to commit suicide while murdering others? Could some of this blame be based on the United States? Those are just some of the questions that come up. However, while we do this with the September 11,2001 terror attacks, many of us fear reflecting on our past.

Everyone has heard the sayings...

"Leave the past in the past."
"What happened yesterday doesn't matter today."
"I don't want to talk about it."

Why is it that we avoid talking about the memories that hurt us the most? We can talk about 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, Haiti, Barack Obama becoming the fist black president, whether Lil Wayne glorifies prostitutes or teaches them how to love, and how in debt Drake is with his emotions. However, we put up a wall when someone brings up that ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, the family member that has always been the big bully, that dream that we gave up on, and even when we try to figure out why things in the past happened.

For instance there is something that has heavily been on my mind. This problem bothered me a year ago and it still bothers me up until this day. I'm not sure if it bothers me more because it happened or because nothing has changed since then. It was actually a little more than a year ago. Are you ready for the story?
4th of July 2010, Trying to hide my pain behind the camera.
It was July 4th weekend of 2010. I had been out of college for approximately three months and still didn't have a job. There were no job offers when I was graduating and applying for one was becoming more and more stressful. However, the lack of a job wasn't the worse part of that weekend. The horrible part was seeing my family. My parents and two brothers had came down to Florida to help me pack all of my belongs and move back to Texas. Seeing family is supposed to be good, right? This visit was the worse though.

I didn't want my family to see me looking a hug mess, so two of my best friends had paid for me to get my hair done. I was broke and could not afford it. I was also grateful for what they did, but my parents weren't. They never asked me who did my hair or how I paid for it. They never said they were glad to see me that weekend. They just arrived and immediately started yelling. They yelled about my lack of packing fast enough. my lack of being enthused to moved back to Texas, my lack of cleaning quick enough, my lack of a job, my lack of  having money, lack of planning out a great career and being on my own by then, etc. They made me feel like a failure in every possible way. But it didn't end there. It got worse.

Instead of going back to Texas right away, we spent a week visiting family in a small town in Florida. During that week they humiliated me in front of any and everyone. They made sure everyone knew that I was unemployed and they made sure everyone knew that they thought I wasn't trying hard enough. By the end of that week my confidence was dead, and if I wasn't depressed before then, I hit the biggest depression. However, they didn't notice my depression. They continued to say hurtful stuff. On one of the days of the trip my dad gave his plan of a successful career for me. He basically told me that he never thought of journalism as a good idea. He believed I should be sitting at someone's desk shuffling papers all day to make money. Apparently that's a safe and great career for someone. He let me know that he didn't respect any of my future goals and was what hurt the most.

September 11, 2001 was a tragedy for everyone across the world, but that 4th of July week in 2010 was a tragedy in my world for the rest of my life.

This may be pathetic, but I actually think back on it every time I get yelled at. When my dad yells at me about not doing the dishes, I remember how 4th of July week in 2010 he told everyone I was a failure. When he yelled at me this summer because I had not been going to church, I remembered that he thought I was a failure anyway. When he gave me a talk earlier in the summer about independence, I remembered that he must still believe that I'm a failure. Sure things have changed. I have a job, paying some bills, working on a job and a career on the side, and continually trying to figure out the next move. However, there's no respect still. There's been no acknowledgement of accomplishments, just complaints so it lets me know that I must still be a failure to him.

See, I titled this "When Reflecting On The Past Is Okay," but actually reflecting on the past is okay all the time. Even if it's something mediocre, because as much as we want to ignore the past it has changed the way we think today.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Does Star Status And Being Alone Go Hand In Hand?

See how far away the papparazzi had to stand to get the picture. 
One of the biggest mysteries in 2011 is how did Beyonce hide her pregnancy until the MTV awards. Seriously, the paparazzi has stalked her since she was around 15, maybe younger. Three weeks ago Beyonce was skinny and now she has a proud belly bump. Not a day went by where the paparazzi was not following her so how did she do it?

There have been many speculations around this baby bump that just appeared out of thin air. Two of my favorite are listed below.

1. Beyonce is wearing a fake belly. There's no doubt that she's pregnant. A rich woman would have to be crazy to make up a pregnancy, especially with Jay-Z as the father. However, she could be wearing a baby bump just for preparation for when the stretch marks and fat belly really does come.

2. The paparazzi missed it. How the hell could anyone have missed a pregnant Beyonce before the MTV awards? Even during 2010 when she was supposedly on a break, the media still managed to have a picture of Beyonce during every day of her vacation. So if the media did miss the pregnancy when she first started showing, how? Now that's a $750 million question.

Anyway, Beyonce hasn't taken a break since she was in her teens. For the last 5 years there's been a rumors that a baby has been growing in that stomach. Every year the rumor has been denied. Now, it's real. The media always stalks Beyonce and at some point she has to be tired of it. Any star would get tired of the cameras following them continually. When the camera is on, the lights flash, or a reporter just asks questions a stars' every move is being 100 percent critiqued. Could pregnancy the answer to getting away? Having kids does seem to create a bit of alone time for many stars. Even if a kid isn't in the picture (not all stars get pregnant), there's seems to be a connection between star status and being alone.

When you're in the spotlight your every move is watched. Beyonce  is the perfect example of that. Constantly being watched makes it harder to relax and be yourself. If you don't quite know yourself, then the spotlight becomes extra frustrating. This is because people are directing your every move and blocking the growing person you are.

Remember when Brandy got pregnant? She had sex because as a growing star she discovered she liked men and sex. Now remember when she lied about being married to her daughter's father? That pissed a lot of Brandy's fans off and she wasn't expecting that. In fact she didn't even do that for herself. She did it because someone had messed with her mind and made her believe that pregnancy outside of marriage is the absolute worse. After the false marriage incident Brandy had another occurrence where she hit a person while driving. The media came at her so hard that she had to disappear from the spotlight for a little. As stressed as Brandy was, that alone time had to have been the best time of her life.

Anyone know where Jassmine Sullivan is?
If the above examples don't work, think back to your favorite 90's actors. Many of them disappeared once their shows left the air. Do you think it's because they couldn't get any more acting jobs? Of course not. These were highly talented people on million dollar shows. I think it was the scrutiny of the spotlight. These people were just tired and needed to be alone. They needed the cameras off and the reporters to disappear. Well, we don't really know about those stars, but at the end of 2010 Jassmine Sullivan did let her twitter fans know she needed a break from everyone. Where is Miss Sullivan now?

As much as I want to have star status, I appreciate those moments when I'm alone the most. Maybe, just maybe, that means star status and being alone go hand in hand.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl Episode 8

We've all been waiting for "Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl" episode 8. Check it out below.

Dear You- Dormtainment Love Letter

Have you ever felt like telling people that they ain't shit? Well, watch the following video and if you're brave enough send it to those that you think ain't shit.

It's Hard Being Black, A Black Woman, And Awkward

She's asking herself if the world cares about her. 
It's hard being black, a black woman, and awkward. Remember that popular online show "Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl?" We're all impatiently awaiting the 8th episode. In the first episode Issa Raye (Jay), the star of the show, says "Let me introduce myself. My name is Jay and I'm awkward and black. Someone once told me those were the two worse things anyone could be. That someone was right." Recently I was thinking about that line and realized she is right. Well, I don't know about those being the worse thing anyone could be, but it's absolutely hard being black, a black woman, and awkward. Allow me to tell you why.

Being Black... The Black Person's Biggest Struggle
Before Martin Luther King (that's the example we all like to use), the hard part of being black was all about fitting in. You had to prove you could work as hard as the white person, raise kids as good as the white person, raise the white person's kids, and stay out of trouble. Trouble could be anything from killing someone to flirting with a white person. However, Martin Luther King chose to non-violently stand up the African Americans everywhere. He had a dream that whites and blacks could work in the same places, drink out of the same water fountains (that was illegal then), and even peacefully hold hands with each other. We can arguably say that his dream has been accomplished. Now, almost 50 years after Martin Luther King marched for our peace and equality, the black person's biggest struggle is being black. 

Being black no longer means being a slave. It no longer represents working in a field or raising other people's kids. It also no longer means being treated as if you're invisible. Instead people's black means being put under a huge microscope and getting worshiped, or criticized. You can take it how you want it. The non-blacks love to talk about us. How are we crucially watched? 

They Judge Our Relationships. Which race has had the most attention given to them because of their lack of commitment to the opposite sex? African Americans. 

They Judge Our actions. I don't know how true this is, but the majority of studies say black men are the quickest to get incarcerated? Back men are also most criticized when it comes to sexuality, such as the gay men. We must admit though if one gay black man stood next to 20 others it would make them all look that way just by that one man's actions. If the example before didn't work, look at Barack Obama. He's handling the presidency as good as any president before him (except George Bush), but there are some people ready to write him off as the worse president ever. Why? It's because he's black. He's the first black president, but at the end of the day he's black, so that means Obama has to work 10 times harder than any other president and make no mistakes. 

Black People Are Judged By Spending Habits. I'm pretty sure rock stars were talking about money long ago, but no one noticed the excess spending of stars until a rapper said something. Also, have you ever noticed that only black women are labeled gold diggers? It's a shame because a group of white women rappers actually called themselves "Gold Diggin Divas" and everyone that watched the video shook their heads and said "those damn black women." There have also been studies that said black people have trouble keeping money, because it's new to us. New money= don't know how to handle it. 

Being A Black Woman 
I'm not a confrontational person. I promise you this. However, the last friendship I lost was based on make-up. YES, Really! The girl was trying to critique my looks and I really didn't want to add more make-up to my face. It sounds childish, but that was what ended the friendship. She was mad I didn't want to take her advice. Granted she was black, but that's not the point. As a black woman you can lose anything and possibly everything just by your looks. People judge our looks to the highest degree. For instance a couple of months ago a reporter did a news package (that's what they call videos in the news room) on becoming natural. Her name is Rochelle Ritchie. Check out the video below. 
Her deciding to go natural was not even the part to look for. Did you notice the reactions of the white anchors? They cared more about her process than she did. This is just part of being a black woman. People judge our looks and our actions. Black women are supposed to be the strongest types of women of all races. We're supposed to be conditioned to be single mothers, not need a man in our life, and carry the world on our shoulders. We're supposed to be conditioned to avoid tears. Have you ever seen a black woman cry? Everyone pauses as if she's committing a sin. More than anything else, when a woman is not being told to be single, the media is telling us how to date. There was a recent study say black women should date outside our race. Now why would we need a non-black person to tell us how our dating lives should go?

More than anything else, being a black woman is hard because the world has so many expectations of us. Have you ever noticed how black men get criticized and they don't say a thing? The world looks to black women to defend the men. Did you notice how in the movie "The Help" the black maid was boosting the little white girl's self esteem?Have you noticed how the mean girls of television are black? Exactly, at the end of the day the expectations fall on us. 

Being Awkward And Black 
Everyone is awkward, but black people are especially awkward. I think we're awkward because we try to fit in. Remember when you were in high school? If you were a part of the popular crowd you didn't take to the nerds or outsiders. The gothic chick couldn't hang with the pretty girl, because it would look awkward. The jock could only be seen teasing the nerdy boy, because nerds looked weird. That's why being black is awkward. We can't fit in because we're different. Our skin is darker, our accents are thicker, and our shapes are out of control. We have liberal beliefs, but at the same time we're extra judgmental. However, when we stand out things like the video above happen. Other races treat us as if we're different (whether they're doing it for good reasons or bad). Actually, forget the other races. We treat ourselves as if we're different, which in turn looks very awkward. 

Monday, September 5, 2011

Dormtainment The Many Ways Men Cum

We all know men need lots of affection and none of them want it in the same fashion. Just like affection, men cum during sex in different ways. They can be violent, silent, or just loud for no reason. Allow Dormtainment to demonstrate the various ways men cum in the following video.

Dormtainment The Walking Championship

Walking is a simple everyday activity, but Dormtainment managed to turn walking into a huge spot. Check out their latest video titled "The Walking Championship." It's hilarious.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Sunday Reflections: DISCLAIMER: This Is Not Your Blessing

Picture this. There was once a little girl. She lived in a poor neighborhood, watched those around  her struggle, and struggled with her own demons. Those demons came from being molested as a kid,getting pregnant, and having a miscarriage. Later on that little girl became a woman who started her first big job as a reporter, started up her own television and movie studio, and owns her own television network .That woman is Oprah. Oprah is now a billionaire who's success is unstoppable. She was blessed with gifts that she learned to conquer in order to fulfill her success. Was her gift yours? Can you be a talk show host and produce the show at the same time? Can you interview people in front of millions of others? Can you own your own television network and be in a countless amount of movies? Do you make as much money as Oprah? If you said yes to any of those questions, that's good for you but you're not Oprah. Because your name is not Oprah Winfrey and you're not living her life, didn't go through her struggles, and you're not on her level, that blessing is not for you.

Oprah's blessing is not yours and anyone else that has achieved a level of success that you admire is not a representation of you. Oprah had a passion and that is what got her to the point of where she is today. It's the same for Gail Mathis.

Ms. Mathis has become a millionaire off of several health products, such as her famous health drink Le Vive. Her key to selling products is showing that world that she uses everything she sells. She's the CEO, one of the employees of the company, and a consumer. That's how she has built her success and that's how much she loves her products. Has Ms. Mathis success helped you to be successful? Are you getting money and respect off of her goals? No, because that's her blessing. Just because you're inspired doesn't mean her life is your life.

For some reason many of us have that impression though. We believe that just because others can do something, we can easily achieve it too. If not achieve, we believe we can easily be accredited for it also. Some of us think we should be at the top of our game just because Oprah and Gail Mathis made it. We feel like we're entitled to respect just because Jay-Z is worth $450 million and Beyonce is his wife. We tell the world we made it just because Lil Wayne, P. Diddy, Kimberly Elise, Loretta Devine, and even Necole Bitchie made it. However, they all made it in America by using their blessings. Their gifts are all different. Your life is different from theirs, so therefore their blessing are not yours. Now get over it and find your own path by using your own thoughts.

Wait, I'm not finished yet. Just like their blessing is not yours, others wrongdoings is not you problem. Many people in the African American community think T.I.'s actions affect all of us. If you didn't know T.I. originally went to prison on gun charges, was set free and then broke the law again while he was on probation, just got let out of prison a few days ago, but returned back the very next day. As stupid as his actions have bee, we have to understand that T.I. is not a reflection of all of us.

I get so tired of hearing how blacks are supposed to be embarrassed every time something happens to one of us. T.I. takes guns into an airport and blacks are stupid. Soulja Boys does cocaine and blacks are drug addicts. Obama has only achieved one goal since becoming president and all blacks look bad. One black person gets on welfare and all of a sudden we all need government assistance. One black woman decides she wants to date a man with a career and all of a sudden we're all gold diggers. Do you get my point? The messed  up choices of others, does not affect us all. So stop feeling like it's your fault when Lil Wayne takes another sip from that cup and comes out sounding like a 10-year-old trying to be grown.

Remember this is not your blessing. If you haven't yet, go discover your passion, so you won't feel entitled to someone's else's success. Also, remember someone's else's crime is not yours. Don't take responsibility for what you didn't do.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Friday, September 2, 2011

(Star Status Guest Post) The Success Game, A Game We All Know Too Well

Have you ever noticed how addictive Monopoly is. You already know that you're playing to get around a card board and gain more money. In the process you're spending money on houses. The more you buy, the more it seems like you're winning. Now when you end up in jail and the other players are still playing, it's devastating. While you may own as many houses as them or have more money than them, your time in that jail gives them the opportunity to be equal to or better than you. While that's just a game that when we're done we stick in a closet, there's another game we play that's non-stop. It's very similar to Monopoly, but it effects our everyday moves and it involves more than buying houses and going to jail. Instead it involves men, women, and the "L" word. Allow Mrs. Starlicious to tell you about her version of Monopoly called The Success Game.



Introducing you to Russian Roulette’s First Cousin, Mrs. Starlicious

We all play the game.

No, not the pointless one that meme-tards play where players lose every time they think about it (you just lost, by the way), or the power-struggle that we romantically call dating—I’m talking about something different.

This is the success game.

This game isn’t about the rise to success, although it is about ambition. This isn’t some honorable contest of perseverance like achieving the American dream. This is something much more base and improper. It isn’t about accomplishing things based on your own goals, but impressing others. It’s about things like keeping up with the Joneses and showing up to your class reunion looking fabulous.



The game isn’t always about the crowd, however. Most of the time it’s about two people—the ex and the enemy. Sometimes they are they are one and the same. The influence they have over our lives is one that we would never admit—even to ourselves. We think that we do what we do for the noble cause of self-actualization; however, as soon as we see these foes it all becomes clear.

We see Mr./Ms. Ex/Enemy and noble intentions don’t feel like enough. Even if we are perfectly happy with our patch in the quilt of life, we see these people and suddenly want to add more embroidery. Our job that we are so grateful and blessed to have suddenly seems like a bottom-rung position.

My reasoning for this is that contentment is boring. People define success as being almost god-like. You have to glow, and you can’t smile; you have to grin. You have to bounce with happiness. I think that to simply be at peace, to simply be content, is just not enough for some people. That’s why we have to make the simple fact that we’re alive and doing alright sound like we’re jumping off the San Francisco bridge into a pile of cash.

Also, and this is just more of my opinion, women have the harder time of trying to win this game. Men can simply gather up money, or the illusion of money, and it can cancel out everything. All men have to do is flash a nice watch or roll up in an expensive vehicle. Not only that, it is very easy to fake money. A man can rent a nice car, or visit Chinatown for that fake watch. 



The Holy Success Grail (HSG) for women is much more difficult to obtain. We have to have a man. A man, of course, is much more harder to get than money—even in this economy. A woman can’t fake a man because unfortunately and fortunately, she has to have his consent.

Not only that, it is harder to please Mr./Ms. Ex/Enemy with a man. Mr./Ms. Ex/Enemy are notoriously picky anyway (didn’t I just say even contentment isn’t enough to please them), and the quality of your significant other is the apex of their anal-ness. It isn’t enough that you have one; you have to have the perfect one—he’s under the same success scrutinizer that you are. He can’t even have the normal HSG for men. He can’t just be rich—he has to be handsome, supportive, kind and romantic, at least in public. A rich jerk won’t work, neither will a handsome guy who’s dead broke He also has to appear to be madly in love with her, and her with him. Their mutual happiness has to ooze through their pores, take the form of a fist, and punch Mr./Ms Ex/Enemy in the face with all its lovey-dovey goodness.

What is also so messed up about the women’s HSG is that if they don’t have it they automatically lose, unless Mr./Ms. Ex/Enemy is also single. If she’s single and wildly rich with a great career, Mr./Ms. Ex/Enemy can walk away thinking about how sad it must be surviving with only the most expensive vibrator to keep her warm at night. Even if she’s wildly rich and has the HSG by her side, he better be more successful than she is. If not, the sugar mama rumor gets passed around like a cheap trick.

This is why so many women are down on themselves about being single, or even why we hate being single. Even if we are perfectly happy and successful, we always have to worry about running into Mr./Mrs. Ex/Enemy. A single hater, by bringing up the fact that she can’t keep a man, can bring down Halle Berry, with all her looks and money. No matter if we have it all, we never really win until we have the right guy. It doesn’t even matter if we can say truly that we are “single and loving it”; it will always come across as a brave and boldfaced lie.

It’s a dangerous double-standard. Women can’t feel as if they are truly successful, as if they have truly made it, until they have a man. It turns love from a wonderful blessing into a the most pressing and frustrating item on a to-do list.

The only thing that we can do is sing some Maxwell—“Let’s Not Play the Game”.



Mrs. Starlicious, also known as Jessica Green, is an alumni of Florida A&M University, a victim of the corporate world, a dreamer, and just getting warmed up. Stay tuned for more. 

Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Halle Berry Mentality And Other Types Of Single Black Women

Halle Berry is one of the most famous and (arguably) most beautiful single black women on this planet. At the age of 45 she has looks most 20-year olds can only dream of having. She has a body that most teenage boys actually want to fuck. How many young boys do you really know want to have sex with women their moms age? She's a single mom worth millions of dollars and she doesn't need or want a man to take care of her. In fact many people can arguably say that Halle Berry would rather be a single woman than have a man.

You may be thinking "Yeah Right," but there are several logical reasons why Halle Berry would rather be single than proudly sport a wedding ring. Some of their names are David Justice, Eric Benet, and Gabriel Aubrey. No one knows exactly what happened while Ms. Berry was with Justice, but when he divorced she took out a restraining order to make sure he stayed away from her. When Halle Berry was with Eric Benet the relationship wasn't the same. To show how great they were together and to express how much she loved his child, Ms. Berry adopted Benet's child as her own. However, their relationship was officially over when the public discovered that Eric Benet was a sex fiend. Unlike the others Gabriel Aubrey seemed to be Ms. Berry's perfect match, but after her child was born that relationship didn't last.

On top of all the bad "romantic" relationships Halle Berry has had, she also had a bad relationship with her father. So some might call Halle Berry a scorned woman. However,  I have a different description. I think of the scorned woman as someone like Betty Broderick. Mrs. Broderick was married for more than a decade, paid her husband's way through school, took care of her kids by herself, and he repaid her by marrying a younger a prettier woman. If you watch Lifetime you already know how that story ended. However, when like Halle Berry have a different mentality.

These women are pretty, can get any man's attention, can get a wedding ring and a couple kids out of a man, but can't seem to keep a relationship. Well, some of them can, but the tiniest problems have them running for the single life again. After they've gone through so much, they just don't give a damn anymore. They still want the family life, but having a man in the picture is no longer necessarily. A man being in the picture for too long complicates their life, because an issue will definitely arise. I refer to women with the "don't give a damn" mindset as having the "Halle Berry Mentality."

However, Halle Berry doesn't represent all single women. There are other kinds of single black women.

The Desperate Single Black Woman
I used to think that a part of being in a relationship involved wanting to be in one, but this changed when I got to college. According to some men, if a woman talks about how she would love to meet the man of her dreams (or thinks of every man as the man of  her dreams) she's desperate. Desperate is not good. The desperate black woman is a woman who acts as if she cannot live without a man. She will go as far as get in long distance relationships with strangers to make a love connection seem possible. In this age of internet, there are tons of strangers in relationships and they're using the L-word to describe their feelings. Those relationships don't last long because either the man is using her, he feels suffocated, or both are issues. 

The Independent Single Black Woman
If you ever come across a man that says he doesn't mind a woman who always pays for herself (and is willing to pay for him), he's lying. In the last decade (that's how long I've been paying attention) women have been screaming independent and men have been yelling cheap. Destiny's Child made two songs about this issue. One was "Bills Bills Bills" and the other was "Independent Women." Now you're probably wondering what would make an independent woman unattractive. She has her own house, car, and pays all of her bills without any help. She might have a kid or a few and is not worried about getting child support from a baby daddy. She probably came from a rough environment and found her way to the top of her game on her own. That should be attractive, but when a woman brags about being independent it does something that most men lie about. It threatens a man's man-hood.

 Society says men are strong, the ones women should need, and are head of the household. While men don't like to admit that they love being needed and they love spending the most money, they really do love those things. If a woman can do all that better than them and brag about it, she's unattractive. She robs them of their job by saying she has control and it's okay for a man to need her. Men aren't supposed to need women. So there's the independent single black woman who runs her mouth about being able to handle herself and in turn stays single. 

The Single Black Woman That's Waiting

See the media is obsessed with single black women because there are some black women that believe in prince charming. They've probable left a shoe, or articles of clothing, and hoped that man would get the message and become Mr. Right for them. There are also women who went on dates and right after the dates because they thought it would end perfectly and that man would want a relationship with them. You're probably wondering what this has to do with waiting. Many of these women didn't pretend to be "miss independent" and they didn't play "desperate." They waited, picked, and chose the men they wanted to become they one. When that man didn't become the one they waited some more. They didn't give every man  chance. Some of them are still single because of that. 

I like to think of myself as one of those single black women waiting. What are we waiting on? Not all of us know. We're not desperate because we're not out hunting for men. We haven't given up on men, but we know a bad new dude when we see one. Some women, like Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas, has a list of the kind of man they're waiting on. Others, like me, are just winging it. 

Which single black women are you? Do you have a Halle Berry mentality, are you desperate, too independent, or are you just waiting? 

Lashuntrice

Lashuntrice