Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Sex, Material Feelings, And Unforgettable Memories: Some Things Are Meant To Be Lost

If you were as easily influenced as me during your childhood, you probably told everyone you would wait until your wedding day to have sex. However, the day you lost your virginity was neither your wedding day nor with someone you saw yourself with forever, or a month from then. You probably didn't even care about the guy, or maybe that's just my story. I just wanted to have a good experiencing losing my virginity while at the same time participate in some tooting and booting. We were at my house, so someone would eventually get kicked out and it wasn't going to be me. But kicking him out isn't the point. I was a young innocent girl one moment and the next my virginity and virgin ways were gone, lost forever. After that day there was no getting my virginity back. That's because your virginity is meant to eventually be lost, no matter when you lose it. But a virginity isn't the only thing we have to learn to let go of. Some other things are meant to be lost.

Material feelings are one of those things we have to absolutely learn to lose. The lessons of losing material feelings have been around since the beginning of time. It's one of the reasons God never wanted Adam and Eve near that tree. The moment they took a bite of that apple they created an appreciation for all things material. They paved the way for road rage drivers who honk at who if you get too close to their car (or try to run you off the road for cutting them off). They paved the way for people to appreciate J.C. Penny sales, club fashions, Baby Phat, FUBU, Sean John, Glo Jeans, and all other kinds of clothes and clothing stores that come to mind. They paved the way for women to throw drinks at other women in an attempt to ruin their clothes or weave. God knows that knowledge forces us humans to appreciate all things material and freak out if our material things get ruined or lost.

For instance my mom used to be a mean mom. She was much meaner than she'd ever for the rest of her lifetime realize. She was so mean that she'd have me in tears every time I lost something. The bad part about this is as a child I had a tendency to lose everything. I'd lose shoes, dolls, toys, keys, backpacks, books, paper, fingers, my legs, my head, and anything else replaceable (or non-replaceable). However, my mom was so fed up with this tendency that she went off on me so bad she left an invisible emotional scar on me. That scar was so deep that I was in class one day writing and lost a pen. When I realized the pen was gone I freaked out. No one understand because her scar was invisible, but I didn't realize it. I shed tears hoping others could feel my pain until someone finally gave me a new pen. Please don't laugh. This is serious. I was child and her scar had made me create material feelings for that pen. What she should have told me (and I'm telling you now) is that pen and those other material things were meant to be lost.

They were meant to be lost because their value then has no value now. That flip phone you owned five years ago is worth nothing now. That little nappy headed doll you owned back when you were six doesn't even matter anymore. It was lost and forgotten about. That school book you lost back in 4th grade and your parents had to pay for doesn't matter today. They don't even remember it anymore, which is why it was meant to be lost.

However, with this being known we still hold on to everything. We hold onto that lost cat, lost pen, lost experience, lost $20 after we've made $2 million more in it's place, and lost of innocence like it will matter in the long run. We try to hold onto our virginity by calling ourselves born-again-virgins. We hold onto lost experiences by continually bringing up the night we got too drunk and couldn't remember anything after midnight. How do you hold onto a memory you can't remember? We continually search for that missing $20 even though there's a new $20 in our bank account waiting for us every second of the day. We hold onto our innocence by wishing we could be kids again or we could go back and relive experiences. While we're holding on so much, we such be letting go because those moments (whether sexual or emotional) are lost forever.

This wasn't what I originally planned to write, but then again I don't remember the original thoughts. They're lost.

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