Wednesday, April 30, 2014

#LHHATL Five Reasons To Never Stop Watching Love & Hip Hop

The new season of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta is right around the corner. As I write this the 40 greatest moments from Love & Hip Hop are being replayed on Vh1 and it's hilarious. Vh1 really has managed to capture almost every hilarious and embarrassing moment of all the cast members lives. However, some moments are definitely better than others. Some moments just draw you in and keep you waiting for more. 

I'm just jumping straight to the point. There are some scenes from LHH that will have me tuning in forever. I can't help it. I'm a blogger, I'm nosy, and these people are very entertaining. For instance, remember when Chrissy proposed to Jim Jones? She brought him a ring, invited all their friends, and proposed with a microphone in her hand. When in the history of mankind has a woman ever proposed to a man before? It's usually the other way around. What made it even more entertaining was that Jim Jones didn't even give a yes or no answer. He said, "I'm with you" or some mess like that.  That scene was worth us popping our popcorn and awaiting more episodes. It's been some years, but I'm still waiting for the wedding special. Okay, now I'm going to attempt to give you for more classic reasons why LHH deserves our attention forever. 
coming up

coming up

*Joseline Hernandez and the infamous pregnancy scene
There's so much that has happened with Josephine on LHHATL. She successfully went from Stevie J.'s side chick to his main woman. She became pregnant, took a pregnancy test with the cameras rolling, and got an abortion soon after. She went to counseling with Stevie J. and MiMi. She launched a career as a rapper, even though we are not her musical audience. Stevie J. tried to make her become one of his life partners. Yeah, that infamous scene where he handed her and MiMi life partner rings was unforgettable. I think the biggest part that keeps us watching Joseline is how much she is growing. She looked rough when she first got in front of the cameras, but now she is blossoming into a beautiful woman. Makeup is so powerful. However, for me her bravery for taking a pregnancy test on camera to prove she was pregnant was enough to make me want to keep paying attention. 

*Kimbella and the time she recovered from getting beat down on camera
It was a a group of women meeting to celebrate Emily's independence from Fabolous. However, Kimbella felt the need to let Emily know her man had been cheating on her. That didn't sit right with Chrissy. She tried to beat Kimbella down, but some absolutely fabulous happened right after. Kimbella bounced right back up, ran to the bathroom, and said, "Still pretty" as she checked her appearance in the mirror. This is great television and worth us tuning in for more. Too bad she's not on the show anymore. 

*Joe Budden's marriage proposal gone wrong
Whenever I need a reminder of how fucked up love can be, the LHH series is the perfect spot to find it. We all knew the infamous proposal was coming, but it was still very epic to watch on television. Joe Budden practically made a Vh1 commercial to express his love to Tahiry. Then he pulled out the ring and asked her to marry him. However, Tahiry wasn't feeling it and said no in front of the whole world. Well, initially she rejected him in front of a crowd of NYC people and then later he was rejected in front millions of viewers. Damn. 
The Hip Hop in Love and Hip Hop is very rare to see, but every now and then it happens. In one particular season Olivia came out with a new song called, "December." The song was hot in December, but then it disappeared. It's been a while since we've seen Olivia on the show, but every December I'll be looking for her return. What was that song about again?

Okay, there are so many more reasons to watch. Most of the memorable moments were hilarious disasters. K. Michelle entertained us with many songs dissing her cast-mates. One memorable song was the freestyle directed to Rasheeda's husband Kurt. Kurt also shocked us by cheating on his wife while cameras were rolling. Plus we have more to go on than the previous seasons. Coming up we'll be seeing MiMi enter into the porn industry with her man Nikko, Stevie J. as a happily married man to Joseline, and brand new crumbling relationships on the show. My popcorn is ready. 

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Changes And Progression

I snapped a quick picture of the view from my bedroom window upon waking up. There's a huge tree out there. I've seen it go through every stage of change. Currently it's in full blossom mode. The leaves are green, birds are flying around it, and every now and then it blows in the wind. Not long ago it was a shedding tree though. 

Leaves were everywhere except on it. As the leaves covered the ground, the children sometimes abandoned their toys to play in them. They would take a broom, sweep all the leaves up, and then jump in the piles. The tree would remain in its place. There was no complaining as it did what it was supposed to do. This is one reason why I have my complaints and my confusion about life. 

I know I'm meant to change. I'm meant to see beautiful places, create beautiful pictures through words for you all to understand, and to live to my full potential. I'm meant to blossom, shed old layers, and blossom to become someone even more amazing. I just never understand why people fight to keep things to same.

We all to a point get mad when Facebook makes a new change to the website. Everyone was pissed when twitter decided to take away the black background feed and unfortunately the background photo too. Wait, let's move away from social media.

Unless it is chopped down, a tree never moves from its original place. It does all of it's changing in one central location. As humans, we have something trees don't. We have the potential to really explore the world. We can either stay in one central location and grow until there's no more growth left inside of us, or we can grow in different atmospheres. The problem comes when you finally decide to grow some more and people fight that growth. 

It's been some years now and I can still feel people fighting my growth potential. They fight with the idea of me deserving romance. "Why are you single?" the men ask knowing they don't want to be the ones to claim me. "This is what I think you should do with your life," some random person, or even a loved one, throws out even though they know I have my heart set on where I want to go from here. "Why don't you want to do this?" someone who has missed all of my hard work towards what I want to do asks. 

I often wander when the day will come that I'll be able to make my changes and no one fights me over them. No one is fighting with the tree because it sheds leaves and then re-grows stronger ones. While we get annoyed with the birds, no one tells the birds to stop pooping on cars. No one definitely bothers a black cat when it is walking across their path. They leave the cat to go on to its next destination. I'm praying that my journey will start to become easier. It'll be filled with more support, more money, and perhaps no naysayers. 

Love In The City~ A Reality Show Almost Too Good To Believe

OWN's new docu-series Love In The City is a couple episodes in and all I can think is…AMAZING!

The show consists of four friends succeeding in the city where all dreams eventually come true. That is NYC (New York City). So many people fantasize about moving to NYC to achieve their goals. Whether those goals are to work on Wallstreet or to be a street artist, the promises of success are overwhelming. 

For real! Last year I ran into a man that was on the street selling turtles. Turtles were the love of his life and he even wanted me to photograph him. I'll post his photos at the end. There were also people selling tons of shirts, books, and lots of food trucks. In a place like NYC food trucks are the new expensive restaurants that we can't wait to get to. Not everyone succeeds though. Some people move to that expensive city and get caught up in nine to five jobs that take their whole purpose for living away. That struggle of paying bills while still having an exciting life is what makes Love in The City almost unbelievable. Well, it's that and the arguments that just go away without getting solved. Plus these women are living amazing lifestyles that most of us only fantasize about having. Let's break down their lives. 

Kiyah Wright-
Kiyah is the celebrity hair stylist that you just can't go wrong with. When you think you look cute, she knows how to make you look cuter. Well, at least that's the vibe you get from her friends. They call her the bossy one on the show. Just from spying on twitter, Meelah (singer in the group 702) was one of Kiyah's LA clients and showed her support during the last episode. 

Bershan Shaw- 
Bershan is a motivational speaker and two-time cancer survivor. During her last experience with breast cancer the doctors gave her 3-6 months to live, but she beat the odds. Now she's happily married to a mystery man worth millions. Don't quote me on this, but in one of the previous episodes it was brought up that she lives in the middle of SoHo. She has nice hardwood floors in her place and extra room for friends to crash at her place if they need it. You can also find all of her positiveness at

Chenoa Maxwell-
Chenoa is my favorite. She's my favorite of them all only because she's the photographer in the crew. For the longest I've had a fascination with cameras, but Chenoa takes it to the next level. In one episode she had an art exhibit featuring her work. Instead of regular photos against the wall, there were floating photos on screens. In order to get a better look people could touch the screen and enlarge the photo of their choice. While she's talented, she clearly also has tons of money in the bank. 

Tiffany Denee Jones-
Tiffany is the sweetest of them all in the group. She's the founder and spokesperson for Pink Chose Me Foundation. Tiffany is also a cancer survivor and has battled it more than once. On the docu-series, she tells her story of getting a double mastectomy to avoid breast cancer coming back again. Another thing Tiffany does is spends thousands of dollars to make her friends birthday special. Or maybe it was just for Kiyah's 40th b-day. Either way, she's a really good friend. 

Maybe it's the fact that all these women are so positive that makes this show hard to believe. They are some beautiful women and on top of it all, they value their friendships. We do get to see the pretty and ugly picture of it all though. They do have arguments. They all have personal battles that they've had to overcome. I'm addicted to Love In The City just as much as I'm addicted to Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. 

Okay, now as promised, here's the pictures of the man selling turtles in NYC. I saw him somewhere in Harlem. 

Monday, April 28, 2014

Put It On A Shirt So You Know Its Real

There's a saying that in order for people to know its real, you have to put it on a shirt. Well, in the business world you can advertise yourself with business cards, pens, small notebooks with your business written at the top, shirts, and so many other ways. However, I'm very much into fashion so a shirt seems like a cool idea. 

How many people hold onto business cards anyway? In a recent study of just paying attention to my surroundings, I've noticed people are quicker to pay attention to what your shirt says than they are to you handing them a business card. For instance I wore a shirt recently that has the word "BOSS" written across it. Not only did people notice, but one person in particular went out of his way to call me a Boss as we were walking past each other. I am a boss though. This website is just one way of proving it. However, I've been getting lazy at showing just how passionate I am about, so its time to start showing you all that this is not a game. 

This is why the next step for will be to get a shirt made. The current idea is for it to say the following. 


That is just to start off with, but I will get more creative. Please feel free to offer up any ideas to me. Also, men are very visual. On social media they are always staring at multiple photos of the same woman. I might have to increase the amount of photos on here just to draw in more male readers. What do you think? 

Friday, April 25, 2014

No Expectations (Poem)

This poem is for the men that struggle with chivalry.

"Cause I love your dick. I talk to it. I wipe it down, get a towel for it."-- K. Michelle
screenshot from the video, not me 

You need a real girl, one that understands your world…No expectations, you don't want to play the games, taking a girl wherever she wants, dinner and a movie is so overrated when all you wanna know is what it looks like under them panties…Don't be surprised when I give it up easily, replying to your question with alright, your place or mine, like Betty Wright said tonight is the night…Been playing hard to get for so long, keeping up with standards, missing out on sexual pleasure just to prove I can be a good girl, but fuck it…No expectations, while you planning to make your move I'm waiting…So come on, throw that dick my way, cause you're a real nigga and I see qualities in you…I know you come with a big ego and I have to stroke it in different ways to show you that its real…

Let me stop before someone believes I'm that easy. This one was inspired by Studio by School Boy Q and of course the best first-time sex song of all time, Tonight Is The Night, was referenced. Of course the quote is from K. Michelle.


At this point in time everything is 50/50.
There might actually be something good behind the reality door.

I could be preparing myself for an adventurous future. It could possibly become a life of meeting stranger after stranger and cultivating so many relationships I can't keep count of them all. It might consist of moving to different places as my career grows, and doing many interviews to grow my brand. This brand isn't just about fiction of becoming a future author. It also has a sprinkle of journalism in it and a huge curiosity for other people's lives. So many lessons could come from the growth. I could also be building a huge home filled with depression to lay my head in years from now when everything looks the exact same. My luck could go either way.

I could wake up tomorrow and stumble upon the love of my life. Where would I meet him? The gas station that I frequent? In the midst of of a tiny car accident like the movies? He could turn out to be my next door neighbor that I just happen to meet and become real cool with before taking things to the next level. He could also be someone I already know and he just happens to find the right moment to speak up. Then again, another five years could pass by and I'll potentially still be single. There are many circumstances that could lead up to me always being the bridesmaid and never the bride. Only time can tell how it goes.

I often question why time leaves me so clueless. Why didn't it let me know that a moment would come where all the days started to blend together and everything would seem so repetitive? Or better yet, I could have been warned that the glorious life I've always dreamed about would still be a dream the moment I realized age 30 is closer than it appears. A paycheck only goes so far. The better technology gets, the less dream jobs actual pay people. You go from dreaming about happily living out all your fantasies to just wanting to survive the rest of the day. Becoming physically burned out is real. Bills don't stop. Credit reports mean nothing and everything all at the same damn time. People get mad at you for needing them and for not needing them. Fuck, Shit, Asshole, Bitch, and Hoe become vital parts of relieving stress.

And then when you stop to reflect on it all, you realize time is still going. I could never have predicted the age of 27 turning out the way it has, but time has taught me that I can't really control how it'll turn out down the road. I can only act upon my dreams and hope they become reality.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

It's My Body And I'm Ready To Expose It Again

Black shorts because I'm hot like that. 
The past couple days have been beautiful. I think Winter has finally decided to take a break for at least until December. So the sun is shining bright and the last couple days off have been filled with skin-exposing outfits. It is my body and now is the time to start exposing it again.

At one point in my life I couldn't stand to expose any part of myself. Even in 99 degree weather pants were my best friends. I was very insecure. Someone was always reminding me of how skinny I was and how I needed to eat more. I didn't want them to look at me and see only skin and bones. But as you get older, you also getter hotter. Well, it wasn't this hot outside when I was a kid. It felt like 70 degrees all year long, except when it dropped below 70. 

Then there was a point where I could expose either my legs or some cleavage. I was feeling braver, but still insecure. Sometimes our insecurity makes us do things just to see how others will react and the switching up from top to bottom was part of it. Now it gets so hot it feels like I'm in Hell and the only option is to wear as little clothing as possible. 
Put it on a shirt so they know its real.

At least that's the lie I'm telling myself. They say (someone says this) that as a woman gets older her need for sex starts to get stronger. She goes crazy with the rages, or is that just me? Since my mind is going crazy with all these sexual thoughts, it's only right my clothes fit the part. I'm not trying to get the first guy I run into in my bedroom, but I want to look how I feel. So I'm currently exposing as much as possible. I absolutely love my body right now. I love dresses, skirts, crop tops, and short shorts. Even when I've eaten a little too much and my stomach pokes out, that crop top is still cool. I still feel amazing. 

Okay, so I'm still a little insecure at times. Not because of my own internal thoughts, but how others may perceive my look. The internet is only a tiny window into how everyone thinks. Obviously people accept photo-shopped photos over a woman's natural look. This is interpreted as people seeing you and looking for flaws before they spot the beauty. Now if you make a sex tape and people see on you the street after watching it, you're a porn star. I'm just a girl who likes to show off my body while it still looks good. 

Although I've made a new goal. The goal is year after year keep dressing like this. If I happen to make it to Mariah Carey's age and still look this good, just compare me to her. 

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Kenya Moore And Her Unfortunate Victimization Game

When we first heard there was a fight that broke out at the Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion show it was all fun and games.

We couldn't wait to see it. Questions ran through all of our minds. What happened? What did Kenya Moore say to push Porsha Williams over the edge? However since Kenya has managed to press charges against Porsha, all the excitement has gone downhill.

Well, then again there was some excitement when the mugshot was released. Ms. Williams took the most glamorous mugshot anyone has ever seen. Her black shirt blended perfectly with the background. Her makeup was on point. She didn't look upset at all. It was refreshing to look at, but then that actual fight aired.

If you watched it, then you can agree with me on this. The show was boring before Kenya finally got dragged by the hair. In fact it was probably boring because it was all about her. They talked about her dog dying, her pretend African boyfriend that no one believe is real, and they all argued with her. It was the mothafuckin victimization of Kenya. She was all of a sudden the good one on the stage surrounded by a bunch of vultures. I was annoyed, except for when NeNe told that funny story of meeting Kenya's supposed man.

Then the victimization drama became worse. Kenya accused Porsha of cheating and Porsha stood up. Kenya still had that damn blow horn in her hand. Porsha then accidentally exposed Cynthia's breast trying to get her to move and snatched Kenya by the hair. She dragged her until they were both on the floor.

Afterwards everyone came to Porsha's rescue. She was freaking out about her own actions. That's how you know someone has a genuine heart. Andy Cohen, on the other hand, was trying to play the middle man. A smile was huge on his face up until that fight. He was eating all the drama and props up. Then his emotions changed. He became the spokesperson for Bravo network. He talked to both women, but ended up dismissing Porsha from the show. It was horrible to see.

I absolutely hate how all this went down. They were so desperate for nice-nastiness and now it's lead up to cast members pressing charges against each other. I also had the fact that as mean as Kenya is, in this situation she gets to play the victim role up until the next season airs and she's rightfully doing it. She got dragged by her hair. This is a lesson that evil does prosper in a good way sometimes.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Why? (Poem)

This happens on way too many occasions.
"Have I already been where I'm gonna go in my life?"
Day in and day out I'm scheming
Working hard to take care of now
But still planning for much better 
A year from now can't wake up and see the same things
Meet a few more physical needs 
Complete a few more goals 
Be prepared to travel brand new roads 
Be able to smile and say I did a little more 
But I don't know why they try to hold me back
Its like I don't deserve a peace of mind
Everywhere I turn they trying to knock me down
With every step I take up, it's something I'm not doing right
Planning to have fun tonight, there's a problem with that
Wanting to make a little more money, she's so selfish for that
I don't know why the pain runs so deep 
What did I do to have strangers hating on me
Smiling in my face because we're at the same level
But laughing behind my back
They don't believe in dreams 
And why it's my own peeps that make me cry at night
I can still hear the echoes of yesterday
Internalizing being called weird 
And always being the one to disappoint 
The disappointments have floated into today
I can't speak up 
Can't say no when there's a need to be alone
Continuously stuck in the box 
Always getting trapped in my feelings
Do I have to make a play like Kandi 
Invite everyone from as far back as I can remember
Show them the damaged girl they've created
She's not a Bitch or a Hoe or a Thot
This is just a reflection of what you've created 
But why I'm so slum to the negative
I know I'm doing right 
On this crazy path there's someone I've inspired
But why I keep falling victim to others opinions
Is it because I'm just playing myself 
"Will everybody who doubted me finally be right?" 

Friday, April 18, 2014

The "How To Love Me" Cheat Sheet Challenge

Necole Kane ( has created a great idea for getting men to understand us more. The exercise is to have friends make cliff notes for the man (or men) who will try to win over your heart in the future. I think it's a cool exercise. 

Over and over again men keep saying we women are difficult to love. They can't figure us out, so we find ourselves single for another year. Or is that just my story? The problem is men don't know how to love us. Some approach every single woman the same exact way and that's just not how it works. Each of us has different values, different needs, and different paths we're walking down. 

For instance while I want to experience a family of my own, achieving my goals is more important. Take notes men. I hope a few of my friends will be willing to participate. Not only does this help men out, but it helps us women gain a better understanding of ourselves. 

Give 'Em Up (Poem)

I spelled them wrong on purpose. That needed to be said before anything else.

There's a theme to my poetry this moment. It's all supposed to be an ode to Hip Hop, but not just any Hip Hop. I'm honoring the current music. You know how they say Hip Hop is dead? Well, the poems I'm writing from the lyrics in our everyday music is supposed to prove that its still very much alive and inspiring others. Now the following poem is inspired by Spenzo's "Wife Er."

"I can never wife her,
Only one night her
Women full of lies"
So I contemplate if it's worth it
Never having real special moments
No dates in the park
And no fancy restaurants
Our friends won't officially meet
And no introductions to parents either
It'll be something like a secret
Rendezvous in the middle of the night
Cause sex is the only thing on his mind
So I contemplate if I can give 'em up
Next to sleep, feelings are hard to fight
But in order to do it
I'd have to put 'em to the side
But do I want to
Sex without love is just a distant memory
Almost surreal
You're supposed to appreciate the intimacy
But at the same time remember it's not real
And I don't trust him
Just as much as he hates me
I can tell he's a man full of lies
P.S. I'm mad he took the H off of her and named the song "Wife Er."

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Five Hour Phone Call With The Other Woman

Men cheat. It's been proven time and time again. They are also very sloppy when doing it. For instance, for no particular reason other than boredom I've been watching Black Ink Crew. If you watch it, then you're acquainted with the dysfunctional relationships. No one on the show has a relationship with regular problems; especially Dutchess and Caesar.

Caesar is the owner of the shop and Dutchess is always in competition for craziest girlfriend of the year. During the first season she did her best to reck every friendship/employee relationship he had. What we didn't see on camera was her heart issues and her miscarriage. So maybe Dutchess wasn't as bad as television portrayed her, but Caesar fucked up. He fucked up in the biggest way possible. The nigga cheated.

Caesar didn't just cheat. He was laid up with another woman when she called to confront the other woman. According to Dutchess, the other woman handed over the phone to him to prove what was going on. Then they had a five hour conversation. No, let me correct that. THEY HAD A DAMN FIVE HOUR CONVERSATION.

During the conversation the women exchanged many words. The other woman went on to say Caesar had told her they were eventually getting married. However, none of that shit matters. They stayed on the phone for five damn hours. Who talks to the woman that her man is cheating on her with that long.

How long would you have spoken to her?

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Or Nahh (Poem)

Via Fresh-Tops

Do you like the way I say your name…Or nahh…Trying to reach you on the phone, but only getting ring back tones…Leaving voicemails letting you know there's no one else on my mind…Do you like the way I sound…Or nahh…Thirsty for your attention…Faithfully waiting to be claimed…Can I be your wife…Or we can move slow and you call me Bae…Your power is so strong I just can't wait…Your money on my mind…Stacking seven figures a year…Your body so fine…Can you imagine yours on top of mine…Or nahh…You say you want a girl that does the most…Ride or die for her man…But you won't return that favor…A girl that's the best at sex…a Scorpio in her natural zone…Not the type you'll take home to mom…But you'll still disappear for days at a time…You sounding real funny…Am I really what you want…Or nah!

I was looking for a picture to match the poem and came across a cool shirt. This shall be added to my wardrobe soon. 

Monday, April 14, 2014

Hold On Tight (Poem)

My Photo
Hold on tight
I'm not for the faint of heart
If you follow me, we're going for a ride

My love is not smooth
Can you handle bumpy roads
Dealing with ignored requests
I was too busy
I really needed to rest
Plus you're not the biggest passion on my list

And anger left unexpressed
It's the same shit over and over again
You made the plans
But when it was time to go on the date
You disappeared
Days later we pretend it never happened
Just like that girl I saw you with
Didn't we become official
I'm supposed to be your one and only
And yet I say nothing
Just let it all build up
Don't be surprised the day I explode

Hold on tight
Sometimes you'll be confused
As we're chilling at construction sites
Trying to fix the issues we have
Or at least see if they're fixable
Sure the sex is great
But after you've made me cry
And after I've called you every name in the book
Is love what we're really making

Hold on tight
You don't want to look like a weak man
Cursing every girl that comes after me
So angry with one experience you can't move on
She's not a Bird
Just another young black woman looking for love
So give her that
And don't worry about me
I'll be alright

Lost Souls, Coping With Words Ignored

As a writer I spend a lot of time thinking about words ignored. I've spent a lot more time thinking about this topic than anyone knows.

It's so easy to talk about because of ignored phone calls, ignored text messages, people being mean on social media, and bragging about being mean on social media. Sometimes people can be so cruel. They can say the meanest of words to others or they can be cruel just by ignoring someone. How do we know that the person we're ignoring doesn't need someone to just pay attention in that moment? I think about it every time someone says something so unnecessary online.

For instance, a girl got mad because people that she doesn't follow entered her mentions on twitter the other day. She thought it was funny to laugh at them, but it's called socializing. What's so wrong with that? I think about ignored words whenever I send someone a message and wait for a reply that never comes and then I think about them again when I make a conscious decision to remove any physical traces of those people from my life.

I'm not sure when evil became so popular. Maybe it was always like this and I just created this comfortable ignorant bliss of a bubble for too long. Actually society created the bubble. The world we live in gave ideas that everyone can seek help while leaving out the problems in getting help. There's counselors for all sorts of issues, but they're getting paychecks so they're not always available. Counselors disappear real quick when you have no money. There are pastors in every community, but at some point they have to take care of their own homes. There is your family, but often times if they think different they'll tell you to do differently than what you really need. There are your friends, but friends get busy. Sometimes friends need you more than they realize you need them. Then again some friendships are so fragile, they may never realize how much you are suffering. They're not trying to ignore you, but there are so many obstacles keeping them from paying attention to your words.

For a couple days now I've been thinking about the silence some people need help receive. I've also been thinking about the people that turn away from getting help to deal with their issues, and the ones who seek help but still choose to be lost souls.

For instance, after hearing about Karyn Washington's death I found myself messaging all these people asking if they were okay and how they were doing. These were people who purposely chose to pretend not to have my number, people who could have easily asked me but didn't, and just random strangers. I felt concern for them. I wanted them to know that I care about their words. I'm not the one that ignores people when they need the attention.

The crazy thing is my words were ignored heavily at one point. I was just a teenager, but that teenager had no one to talk to. That teenager would wait until everyone fell asleep and then cry herself to sleep at night. Sometime later a girl told that same teen that they thought she was very strong and the way she handled situations inspired them. They didn't know she was crying herself to sleep to cope with everything.

Even if I did have someone to talk to during that time, it probably wouldn't have helped. Crying myself to sleep helped a whole lot, which is why I have to learn to cope with not being able to help others. I can't always be there when someone else needs me. Just like a counselor leaves the job at some point, I have obligations that isolate me from them. I have to deal with the fact that like many others, I can comes across mean and unapproachable. You won't see me brag about ignoring any phone calls on social media, but there are days when my mood gets sour. I have to learn that I'm still coping with my own personal issues. Can you really help someone when you still need to help yourself?

How exactly can a caring person deal with knowing they can't always be there when someone needs them? It's easy to talk about it, but I don't want to beat myself up every time it happens.

This is the Sunday Reflections post I couldn't figure out how to write yesterday.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Bittersweet (Poem)

The following is more poetry for National Poetry Month.

"I'm a turn life into a hotel
Check you into your suite
Show you all the finer things
You deserve better baby"

And just like that his verbal promises started
And just like that her mind was open again
She wanted a date
And he promised her two
She had a taste for certain food
And he convinced her that's what he liked too
Even when it came to the movies
He convinced her that he'd be there
Together they'd be in awe at Frankie & Alice
and together they'd laugh at A Haunted House 2
But she knew these were just surface promises
With the next man, she'd push the limit
She explained that their relationship had to be deeper
She explained her self confidence issues
How sometimes she felt like the prettiest girl in the world
And other times she was tortured with a pain too deep
It felt like she would never heal
So he promised he'd do his best too make her feel good
Even though he questioned his own capabilities
He knew he was more like the man society made him out to be
A flake, he didn't really want to take her out on any dates
A deadbeat, no matter what happened he planned to leave
A liar, it all sounded better than the truth
But none of that is what he wanted to be
What about the man that followed through with his promises
And prove they really did have lots in common
He wanted to be the man that would make a good husband
Someone she could be proud to claim as her own
And she knew she'd be doing a lot of ego stroking
If they made it work she'd have to mold him
Help him to be the man she need him to be
While at the same time still molding herself

No More Marrying The Game? #MarryingTheGame

From reports of broken noses to messy Intagram messages it's been a rough past couple of days for two familiar faces from Vh1.

It all started when a police report was leaked to the press. It stated that The Game (Jayceon Taylor) and his ex-fiancee Tiffany Cambridge were involved in a domestic dispute back in March. This ended with Tiffany's nose being broken.

Then the controversy between the two deepened when one of The Game's enemy's, 40 Glocc supposedly posted up a picture followed by disrespectful messages aimed at Tiffany and the children. The message called the children ugly and had him mentioning not wanting them around when she sucked his D later that night. We'll say he supposedly did this since hours later he claimed his Instagram had been hacked. However, 40 Glocc was just a tiny bit of wind alerting us to the real storm.

Via his own Instagram The Game shared a heartbreaking message about not being able to see his kids.

“Doing the best I can not to break.. But it’s funny how someone you’ve done so much for can be so ugly & cruel as to keep my children away from me vindictively because I’ve decided to move on with my life. I love all 3 of my kids more than life itself & it’s one thing to keep me away from them.. & them away from me but @harlemcarontaylor hasn’t seen his younger brother or sister in a month & just texted me “Dad, how come Justice can’t come to my house” & I have to lie to him because he’s to young to understand the real reason why. I know they ask about me, I know they love me & I know they miss me as much as I miss them but were not allowed to see each other & for what ??? As if I haven’t been there for them everyday since the day they were born…. They are the only reason I care about breathing another day on earth… They are the sole reason I have become a better person… They are the reason I give back, the reason I help people & the reason I wake up everyday with a smile on my face. Most importantly… They are MY CHILDREN & we deserve to be in each other’s lives forever. What kind of person would get in the middle of someone’s devoted fatherhood when there are countless women out here that are raising there children on there own with no one to help. You would think a father that loves his children the way I do would be the least bit appreciated & not have to beg someone to see his own children. I have worked so hard at being a good parent only to have it taken away by someone who cares not about me, nor the welfare of our children but only about themselves. All of this just so you can keep me away from Justice on his birthday. What lie y’all gone tell em’ when his Daddy ain’t there ? Like I have been the past 6 birthdays ? The past 6 Christmas’s ? The past 6 years of a sons life whom got his name from a father that patiently awaited his arrival here into this world ??? & Cali….. I’m not gone even start.. I will end this by saying…. Daddy loves you…. Misses you… & will always be here no matter what happens !!!! I am a REAL FATHER.”

Before the popular reality show he and Tiffany had been dating on and off for seven years. The signs that their relationship was the tightest was already there. However, from the start of the show they seemed like any other normal dysfunctional family. They loved each other and were raising two kids together. At least it seemed normal up until the point where Tiffany called off the wedding. Season 2 of the show arrived and it was all about co-parenting. See, Vh1 can take anyone's reality and profit from it. Now they've gone from co-parenting to domestic disputes and The Game not being able to see his kids. WOW!

The toughest part of reality television has to be the reality that we all miss. We know relationships aren't perfect but its some shocking stuff going on. If there will be a 3rd season, we probably won't see this part of the drama unfold. Then again even with Mary Mary, we were blindsided with Tina Campbell's marital issues. Who knew her husband was getting fulfilled by other women while she was on tour?

I titled the post "No More Marrying The Game?" because the television show was meant to show the world that they were taking their love to a new level. However, now it looks like the love don't live there anymore.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Money Fantasy (Poem)

"Tell me your thoughts and you better not lie to me
Slangin' that product, and I'm a product of my community
And I'm a product"
What do I have to do to make enough money in this world…Waking up every day and working my ass off…Just for the first of the month to roll around…And it's all given away…Gotta have a roof over my head…A place to sleep after a long day of catering to everyone else…But for me when will it all pay off…Having a little extra for that emergency fund…Having a little stored away for that dream vacation trip…Even more to travel a couple times a year…Being stable enough to skip a few paychecks…Or enough money to make a big move to a brand new atmosphere…Is it all in patience…They say just take it a day at a time…Do as you're told…And eventually wonderful things will unfold…Well I've been waiting…And waiting
"If money ain't the convo, tell me what the Hell you called for
As soon as the block close, it's just me and my vatos"
Getting desperate for more money…Getting desperate to search out new plans…The rappers saying drugs are the answer…Future and his crew got a whole song dedicated to moving that dope…While Rick Ross has created such a huge fantasy we forget selling drugs was never his reality…Looking to the business professionals desperately searching out answers…How'd they become so content with just enough…What did they do to get paychecks equalling six figures and more…But they're only offering vague answers…
"I'm talkin' pesos, nigga leave me the fuck alone
I'm talkin' big chips, nachos"
The comfort of where I am now hugs me…Holds me tight…Promises that if I just be happy with it, it'll keep me warm at night…But the dream of having more is enticing…The idea of having one extra material possession…Or seeing one new place that I've never been…The fact that more money provides a little more than I could ever imagine keeps me scheming…

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

(Parody) #WeAreYoungMoney Welcome Home Boosie

The following video is a result of searching youtube too long. There's a series out called "We Are Young Money" which is basically a cartoon parody of the Young Money crew. While I haven't watched all the videos, the following one is pretty funny.

By now everyone knows that Lil Boosie has been released from prison. Since he's on parole he can't leave the state of Lousiana, but Boosie is still making appearances. He has released new music, made a new music video, and is even booking spots. For instance, in the parody Boosie visits the Young Money house to make an important announcement. It's hilarious. Watch below.

"I call my homies Bae" 

Dream (Poem)

In an attempt to escape the normal routines
And block out the voices of all the people shouting her name
Whether it's someone new trying to control her life
They know just what she should be focused on
But care nothing about what she is most passionate about
Or the new guy that finds her attractive
He does everything it takes to get her attention
Meeting up a couple of times
And finding her on social media
Saying everything he thinks she wants to hear
Just to eventually get bored and disappear
She looks for solace within herself

Even if that means creating a world all on her own
A place where only she exists
Whether it consists of four white padded walls
And room after room resembles each other
And within each room lays the same assignment
To repeat day in and day out
But instead of her being locked up
Stuck in a realm of repetitiveness
It's everyone else looking and admiring her freedom

She creates a story so beautiful
A life she only wishes she was living
Something like Rick Ross
The girl who started all the way at the bottom
Maybe it was a strip club in the hood
Dancing for dollars at a time
Barely making enough to get by
Until one day she becomes super successful
Has more money than most people can imagine
And her past is no longer a lie
It's a reality that many believe
Although she has no answer for how she made it
When they ask she just shrugs
That's all they need to know

She looks for peace
She searches out beauty in the world
But when she can't find it she'll continue to dream

My theme is writing a poem from listening to a popular song out, but today is a little off topic.

(Pictures) Khia #Married2TheMusic Photo Shoot + More

In a career field where perfection is everything, there is at least one woman that we can count on to keep herself real.

If you guessed all the hood folks everyone's favorite female rapper Khia, you're right. Recently Khia celebrated 13 years in the rap game. Along with celebrating her longevity in her career field, Khia also dished out a whole lot more to us all at once.

For instance the Thug Misses is now an author, has an album Love Locs coming out July 4, 2014, and recently released a ton of promotional pictures. Not only has she managed to survive in a career where men prosper the most, but she is her own public relations team. Check out the pictures and Khia's first book below.

Ignoring The Signs by Khia Shamone

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Tyrese Teaches His Daughter Self Confidence

"It doesn't matter what they think of me. I know what I think of myself." During a time where some people are trying to get the word "Bossy" banned, others realize the importance of teaching our younger generation self confidence.

While young boys need to be taught important lessons to become excellent men, it's refreshing when a father gives motivation to his daughter. That's exactly what Tyrese did. In the following video you can see Tyrese telling his daughter to repeat phrases like "I Am Beautiful" and "I am amazing." The little girl giggles throughout the video, but years from now she will appreciate it.

(Video) Lil Boosie~ Show The World Ft.Webbie

"I'ma be on T.V. mama." Lil Boosie is back and his new song is boosting my adrenaline. Not only did Boosie come back strong, but he also pulled Webbie from whatever cave he was chilling in.

This is not one of those songs promoting big asses, yellow bones, or lots of money. It's really all about overcoming struggles and what success looks like to these two men. I pulled out some of my favorite quotes. Now watch the vieo and become inspired.

"I you don't like Bad Ass, then that's yo' problem."

"Dang hoes, that's a figure of speech. Get a lot of shit like that when you listen to me."

"Father forgive me, I was raised on some real shit." 

"Sometimes I cry and when I cry, man, I don't know why."

"Ain't nothing like a strong mind and some confidence." 

"I ain't never had shit so I'm flashing." 

Monday, April 7, 2014

2 Rounds (Poem)

I was in Houston for a minute….Now it's back to business…I was in Houston for a minute…Now I'm getting serious…All it takes it one text…He's begging me for some sex…Or begging for some head…He claims I'm the only one…He only wants the best…So I tell him I'm on one…Unless he's willing to travel…Put in time..Come to my planet…Be in my world…Stay for a minute…

I was in Houston for a lil minute…Now I'm getting mine..Cause I ain't worried about no nigga…Especially one that's about that life…Lying on his bank account…Saying shit to impress…But not realizing actions come next…Cause he just wanna fuck…Ass up, face down…But even with that he sucks…Cause I'm looking for creativity…Try out different positions…See what works for us…I want him to hit this all night…Go more than two rounds…

I was in Houston for a minute…But now I'm creating my own zone…He asking me what's next…I'm telling him someone else…Unless he gets his shit together…It's all about success…Taking things to new levels…I'm focused on my goals…He can join me or go home…

Friday, April 4, 2014

Cut Him Off (Poem)

It's day four of National Poetry month and I have something for you. The following poem is inspired by K Camp's song Cut Her Off. This isn't your ordinary poem. I hope you enjoy it.
Curve (Image Via Google)

Cut Him Off 
It ain't nothing to cut that nigga off…So what you saying nigga?…You know I'm that lady, nigga…

On the low… hope his girl don't see him…Turn into a stalker after buying a drink…Gotta share with my friends…They can tell he's thirsty…Following me around…Tryin' to get the digits…So I hit him with the Mike Jones, 281-330-you already know the rest…But he won't give up that easily…It ain't noting to cut his ass off…

So what you saying nigga?… You know I'm that lady, nigga…Tryin' to impress me with a lot of money…I got my own…What I tell your ass about that?…Tryin' to tempt me with Prada purses…Boy, you know you can't afford that…But I done had enough…Cause you making my shit hot…All the fine men around and you blocking…

You know you not a real nigga… You a knock-off…No Rick Ross…And not Bad Ass either…So what you saying? I'm know I'm that lady…I'll leave you where you stand…And you know I ain't playing

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Fragile (Poem)

I've managed to write a third poem three days in a row for National Poetry Month. I hope you enjoy this one.

She drinks the pain away…And smokes until her body feels numb…All others can do is warn her…They're afraid she'll take it too far…She gets hold of strong pills….No Aleve or Advil…She needs Vicodin…It helps her sleep…And Oxycontin…It makes her emotionally weak…No stressing about a 9-5…No waiting for those monthly bills to come around…Self medicating helps her forget about the men in her past…She doesn't want to think about whose done her wrong…So she stays in a constant party mood…They know her at every club…And her face is familiar at every after spot…They judge…But she smiles…And some smile back…As they join her in her territory…No one knows the depth of her pain…No one knows her full story…But what they do know is she's fragile…And she's not ready to change.

The Girl Talk Chronicles by Ariel Williams (Excerpt & Review)

“Oh, so he’s got a girlfriend now?” I was in disbelief as bestie shared this news. Damn. Here I was developing a casual thing for this man and he has a girlfriend. In his defense, he was single in May when we’d met. Still, to start a relationship so fast makes me wonder how long he’d been booed up or preparing to boo up his current girlfriend. Regardless of the answer, it was none of my business; we didn’t owe each other anything.                          

Bestie told me this right before saying “Man, both of y’all were playing around. Both of y’all liked each other but no one said anything.” Heifer. She had a point. He and I both pussyfooted around the idea of exchanging numbers, let alone anything more than that. Before I decided to completely wipe Sir Nice, Funny & Smart from my mind, I befriended him on Facebook just to see his new girlfriend. Usually, I try to refrain from judging a woman’s pretty or ugly factor. Being a plus-sized teaches you things like that. Still, quiet as it’s kept, if looks meant anything, I walked circles and squares around her, but who’s counting shape-like laps? I’m sure she had an irresistible heart. Maybe she was nice, funny and smart.

Williams, Ariel C. (2014-02-15). The Girl Talk Chronicles: Advice on How to Manage Love, Lust And Situations (Kindle Locations 1319-1332). Ariel C. Williams. Kindle Edition.

It's been a full year since I've dated. That means it's been a full year since I've been on any dates, had any sex, or even invited a guy over my house for one on one time. This is mainly because lately I've been pondering on what the Hell I'm doing when it comes to men. It really does seem like the same process I've been repeating since my very first time ever taking interest in a boy. The cycle of smiling in each other's faces, doing lots of flirting, having sex before calling it quits is addictive, but can also become so draining. Sometimes the sex doesn't even happen. Either I or the guy dips out of the picture before feelings can become too serious. So I've been searching for answers to why all of this takes place and how to fix it. If you've been struggling like me then Ariel Williams' The Girl Talk Chronicles is definitely for you.

If you are still clueless about why you were so stupidly in love with that 14 year old boy so long ago, Ariel tells her story about how she was stupidly in love too. She talks about being in love with him and having her heart broken in front of a bunch of on-lookers as he chose another girl. However, eventually she managed to get over it and discovered lessons from it. Many of her others stories reflect how that first failure at getting love affects the rest of the males that we come into connect with as we go older.

The relatable stories and the lessons from each of them are what makes The Girl Talk Chronicles a good book to read. Ariel really breaks down how to manage love, lust and situations. For instance the above excerpt is about a guy she was interested in, but he blindsided her by getting a girlfriend. Because of common friends she ends up being uncomfortably near him and his girlfriend at the same time. See I've been in that situation of becoming interested in a man just to find out months down the line he decided to give another woman that precious title of being his woman. I didn't know how to handle it though, but reading The Girl Talk Chronicles gives a fresh view on it.

You can purchase The Girl Talk Chronicles: Advice on How To Manage Love Lust and Situations on Amazon or just click the link. It's very informative. A couple months ago I was speaking to a friend on how I was getting tired of having the same old conversations about men that lead to nowhere except for more alcoholic beverages. Is it mean to say that to the friend you've been having those alcoholic beverages with? That friend was confused by that statement, but Ariel seems to understand the elevation of having the girl talks. I'll also be going to her for future questions if she doesn't mind.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

#PreachersDaughters Long Way Home

Long Way Home was the title of this week's episode and I'm assuming it was directed toward Tori Elliot. Although she's the oldest of the daughters being represent on the show Tori has a lot of issues. However, every daughter was highlighted in some way tonight.

Victoria Koloff and Her Daughters:
Although Kolby Koloff is the daughter represented in the Koloff family, every daughter is getting camera time this season. Of all the families, this family is the biggest and they tend be the closest. In this latest episode Victoria went back to educating her daughters on sex education.

It all starts with Victoria (Pastor/sex educator) and Kolby walking in on Kendra and her boyfriend Brandon. Brandon was giving Kendra a massage, but Victoria found a way to twist it into an open door to sex policy. Honestly sometimes "Hello" can lead to sex, but that's another discussion. They weren't taking her seriously, so she decided to teach them a lesson. The lesson was in form a non-stop crying doll and a baby belly. Kendra had the doll and Kolby ended up with the belly. It was both hilarious and painful to watch.

It was hilarious to watch because Kolby had that baby belly on so long that she started to have emotions that come with pregnancy. On the other hand it was painful because those dolls are the most annoying things to have. They also had to go out in public, so that made it very embarrassing.

Taylor Coleman:
In this specific episode there wasn't really a problem with Taylor. Instead she proved that she could handle herself in uncomfortable situations. Taylor has said before that she wants to be an actress and she found a role to try out for. However, from the moment she described the role it was clear that the movie is an erotic film. Some of us know right off and others have to get the experience to realize what it is. Taylor is one of those that has to see for herself instead of hearing warnings. The pastor Ken Coleman doesn't quite understand that.

Upon going to the audition she was doing great. Then the director wanted more from her. The next scene he wanted involved her kissing another girl. Taylor wasn't down for that. She told him it went against her religion and he quickly dismissed her.

During the filming process we also see Pastor Ken Coleman learning what has to happen with his kidney problems. He's being educated on the kidney transplant list, dialysis, and what could happen if he doesn't go through with any process. You can donate to the Ken Coleman Kidney Fund here.

Megan Cassidy:
From the first episode we've seen Megan sneaking out of the house, drinking, smoking, and whatever else she needed to do to escape reality. It all caught up to her once her parents made her take a drug test. They smelled marijuana on her clothing. Along with that her brother, who battled a drug addiction, arrived home from rehab.

Now we're seeing Megan do a 180. She apologizes to her parents for everything she put them through. Megan also admits she's a teenager and temptations are all around. She's trying to be strong.

Tori Elliott:
Tori Elliott is the oldest and has been through the most. At 21 years old two men have proposed to her and then abandoned her before making her a wife. She's also been a police officer, arguably one of the toughest careers, but couldn't handle the pressures that the job came with. Now, as we see on television and her twitter account, Tori just likes to party. She likes to stay in a zone where she doesn't have to face the hardships of reality.

For instance in a previous episode we saw Tori's parents kick her out of their house. They were afraid that her activities would rub off on her younger sister. At the moment they were kicking her out Tori was high. Initially she couldn't process what was going on because she was so drugged up. I'm pretty sure the marijuana was laced with something, because she said she couldn't feel anything.

The problem with Tori is she doesn't see anything wrong with her actions. Everyone around her is complaining though. Like on this latest episode her mother is forcing her to go on a job interview. Tori agreed to it, but then doesn't show up. She didn't want the job. It wasn't her problem, but her mother did make it an issue because adults are supposed to go to work.

Tori's situation is tough, but real life is also tough. We have to do what we have to do to survive, but at the same time we can't let life destroy us.

P.S. Congratulations to Taylor Coleman on the engagement.

Snatch The Cat Back (Poem)

In honor of National Poetry Month I've managed to write something for you two days in a row. The following poem is inspired by the Thug Misses, Khia.

"You make a Bitch wanna
Snatch the cat back"
For all the forgotten promises
I never received any flowers
And never got that $200 date
You said I should be your lady
So I gave you chances to prove yourself
But you failed time and time again
Didn't remember when we were supposed to hang out
Even though you planned the occasion
A quiet dinner at Pappadeaux
Would have been just the two of us
Instead I heard you were hanging with the boys
At some strip club making it rain on a bunch of heauxs
And never mind about the other dates
You know the ones that didn't happen
But you were quick to beg for sex
You make a Bitch wanna snatch the cat back
For the whack ass sessions you put me through
Always finishing first
Never lasting past five minutes
Then you'd roll over and fall fast asleep
and I realize I'm too good for that
You make a Bitch wanna snatch the cat back
Cause you a lookin-ass nigga
Want way too much from me
Trying to borrow money
Tired of living with your mama
So you wanna move in with me
You're way too dependent
You make a Bitch wanna snatch the cat back
Because in every area that you lack
There's a man that'll pick up the slack

Every song is essentially a poem. The following is my favorite part of Khia's Snatch The Cat Back.
I wish I never let you get this pussy
Let you stick this pussy
Let you drill this pussy
I wish I never wraped ma lips around ya
Wraped ma hips on top spinded around n drop
Bounce bounce on your dick suck your lolly pop
Jack jack on it faster till you beg me to stop
Just start it over from the top is this good enuff
Nigga dont stop lip and sip and eat it up
And you can beat it up
Cause I like you strong
A big fat long dick to fuck me all nite long
Pussy drippin tight n wet
Keep it commin back to back
Na nigga how you gonna act wen I snatch the cat back

She's so raunchy.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Emotional Illusion (Poem)

And if someone should ask
I left my heart with him
I gave him all my love
And all the hugs a girl could offer
And all the cuddling a girl could want for
He's now the keeper of my most genuine kisses
So I can perfectly wear my red lipstick
Can't fight the feeling of being wild and free
Since he holds the key to my most passionate lovemaking
I can now give you wild, unadulterated fucking
We can do it behind an abandoned building
Or after the club if we're drunk enough
Or just leave the flirting to twitter
As we entice each other's timelines with thirst traps
And feed each other's minds with less than 140 characters
Talking about how I want to get one of my follower alone
Juvenile's Slow Motion could be the soundtrack to our night
And we'll be sexing all night
Or at least until we get tired
And go our separate ways
Because neither of us can get attached
He took the key to my emotions and locked it up
So just as soon as I fall into your world…

It's officially National Poetry Month. I'm going to try and give you as much creativity as possible. Join me.