Friday, April 25, 2014


At this point in time everything is 50/50.
There might actually be something good behind the reality door.

I could be preparing myself for an adventurous future. It could possibly become a life of meeting stranger after stranger and cultivating so many relationships I can't keep count of them all. It might consist of moving to different places as my career grows, and doing many interviews to grow my brand. This brand isn't just about fiction of becoming a future author. It also has a sprinkle of journalism in it and a huge curiosity for other people's lives. So many lessons could come from the growth. I could also be building a huge home filled with depression to lay my head in years from now when everything looks the exact same. My luck could go either way.

I could wake up tomorrow and stumble upon the love of my life. Where would I meet him? The gas station that I frequent? In the midst of of a tiny car accident like the movies? He could turn out to be my next door neighbor that I just happen to meet and become real cool with before taking things to the next level. He could also be someone I already know and he just happens to find the right moment to speak up. Then again, another five years could pass by and I'll potentially still be single. There are many circumstances that could lead up to me always being the bridesmaid and never the bride. Only time can tell how it goes.

I often question why time leaves me so clueless. Why didn't it let me know that a moment would come where all the days started to blend together and everything would seem so repetitive? Or better yet, I could have been warned that the glorious life I've always dreamed about would still be a dream the moment I realized age 30 is closer than it appears. A paycheck only goes so far. The better technology gets, the less dream jobs actual pay people. You go from dreaming about happily living out all your fantasies to just wanting to survive the rest of the day. Becoming physically burned out is real. Bills don't stop. Credit reports mean nothing and everything all at the same damn time. People get mad at you for needing them and for not needing them. Fuck, Shit, Asshole, Bitch, and Hoe become vital parts of relieving stress.

And then when you stop to reflect on it all, you realize time is still going. I could never have predicted the age of 27 turning out the way it has, but time has taught me that I can't really control how it'll turn out down the road. I can only act upon my dreams and hope they become reality.

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