Tuesday, January 1, 2013

It's 2013 Already? This Is Not My Year

It feels like just yesterday was 2012. Where did the year go? A year ago I promised that it would be my year. Yeah, 2012 was supposed to be my year. Then a year before that, 2011, I kept telling myself it would be my year. It was the same the year before, 2010, which really was not a good year for me. After so many years of wishing it would be my year, I'm through. 2012 is not my year, but what will happen this year?

Every once in a while when I feel myself drifting into a comfort zone, something hits me. It could be a rude person that decides to bump into me while walking down the street. Then again, it might not be a hit. It could be a strong gust of wind pushing me into a different direction when I'm trying to walk. The moment it occurs I'm reminded that I am not where I want to be. I'll repeat this. I am not where I want to be. This is not where I want to be nor where I need to be. How do I change it? Does the year determine my rightful direction. 2013 does not feel like that year. So what do I do this year? 

#1 Travel A Little?
In the past I've traveled a little and every time it gets harder for my spirit to settle into reality. However, traveling is become a routine so it will happen. How much of it can happen though? When I look at my checking, savings, and credit card I cringe. There's not enough money in the world for my plans. What is written in stone is New York. Then there is quite possibly another trip to California. 

Sidenote: Every time I think about this stuff it makes me tear up a little. Could my heart be holding onto ideas too much? 

#2 Have Some Fun? 
Fun is the number one cause of  putting smiles on a woman's face. Well, they put smiles on a man's face too. At least that's the myth. I want to have more fun, feel more free. Although sometimes I wonder if freedom is really being able to live by your own rules. Could freedom perhaps be giving up yourself and operating by everyone else? After all, people love to tell you how to live your life and what will make you happy. 

#3 Be A Little More Secluded? 

In the past year, I've become such a loner that it could not get more one-deep than this. Or could it? Is being alone part of staying sane? Do others cause dysfunction? I want to have friends to go out with weekly, or every couple of weeks, or even once a month. After all, I'm single and childless. However, getting hang-out buddies is not a simple task. Sometimes I wish I could be closer to those best of friends, but they are all over the place. 

Those are just some thoughts. Technically these questions are not directed to 2013. They are really just directed to the unpredictable future. What does the future hold? Well I'm not about to hold my breath til I find out. This is a one-day-at-a-time journey. 

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