Sunday, January 13, 2013

Continuous Falling And Pushing Forward? A Sunday Reflections Post

I tripped and fell in front of a bunch of people, but was able to pick myself back up. 

It was a Valentines Day many years ago. I was headed to one of my best friends apartments to celebrate. Very few, if any of my friends at the time, had Valentines so we were celebrating our own way. My friend lived on the other side of campus. I could have easily walked there, but taking the campus bus was easier. The goal was to get on the bus and ride it to the other side. As my turn approached in the long line of college students trying to get on I tried to step up and missed a step. Then I went tumbling halfway on the bus and halfway on the ground. People laughed. I laughed a little, picked myself up, and kept it moving. 

There was another time where I was at someone's house. A couple of us had walked in and no one turned on the lights. As we were standing in the person's living room in the dark I felt something brush across my leg. My initial reaction was to scream and run. I'm not sure if I screamed, but I moved over what had initially brushed against me and went tumbling toward the floor. It was a dog by the way. Upon trying to get away from the dog I fell on top of it. Everyone around me laughed. I guess I did too, got up off the floor, and kept it moving. 

The last time I remember falling was a couple months ago. I was with a guy walking down some stairs at a coffee shop. Either I missed a step or that day wasn't meant for wearing those heels. I went tumbling down and the guy was asking if I was alright. I didn't want him to pity me or anything, so I tried to play it off. I wasn't hurt. I was able to get up and walk off the embarrassing moment. 

However, there's a fear that keeps building up inside of me. What if I fall one day and I can't pick myself up? Will there be someone to help me? Will I be stuck at the bottom all on my own? It seems like the older I get the more struggles get thrown at me. I just don't know how much I can handle on my own anymore. 

Oh wait, there are words of support that get thrown at me every so often. How long can one survive on people's kind words? I need more. 

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