Sunday, November 12, 2017

Socially Burned Out

Before my birthday weekend trip I received a Facebook message that a friend was talking shit about me. "Talking shit" were the words the other friend used to describe how she was talking. The message was long and I didn't really feel like writing my feelings out, so I just called her. During the phone conversation she explained that the other friend had been talking about both of us to someone else we knew. I know all of these women from high school and still keep in contact with them because of social media. Anyway, we talked, she told me some things I already knew and a few things I didn't. Afterward I tried to shake the conversation off and focus on the fun I was about to have, but this conversation is actually part of a series of things that have happened this year that is making me want to take a break from friends.

It all started in February of this year when a former Facebook friend started making sub-statuses toward me after she found out about her ex and I. Well her initial thoughts, which she never came to me with, were that I was trying to get with her ex after she broke up with him. She made it seem like a man could never be interested in another woman after being with her unless some new woman threw themselves at him. Then on March 6th (yes, I still remember this particular date of being harassed online) she decided to let everyone know that I "fucked her man."

There were a few things that bothered me about her calling me out in this group. One thing was I had never discussed any specific man I was involved with in there. Actually unless they were close friends, not family, the people on my actual friends list didn't even know the name of any guy I had been involved with. Instead, I was focused on trying to sell my books in the group. I managed to make one sale before that happened. Other than that these women didn't seem to care about my strive to entrepreneurship. The other thing that bothered me was even though they didn't care about supporting me as an author, they jumped at the opportunity to call me every insult in the book in defense of her. Someone even went as far as posting a picture of her boyfriend and asking if I had slept with him too.

A few weeks later she sent a message to say that she was sorry for calling me out like that. She sent an apology in a message. She wasn't even woman enough to apologize that same way she trashed me. If she would have just come to me in the beginning she would have found out that my actions had nothing to do with her. My actions were about my own happiness. My actions were about me not turning every man down just to keep up the "men ain't shit" conversation.

However, apology or no apology, she trashed my name in hopes to make herself feel better. She trashed my name and other women and men joined in too.

Can you tell that the shit bothered me?

It's all hard to deal with because I need to make new friends. I have to meet acquaintances that are motivating. I have to surround myself around business people that'll help my brand grow. I need to be surrounded around people who we can bounce good energy off of each other. Instead the opposite has been happening.

I don't have a lot of examples of drama in my life because I spend a lot of time alone. There's this seafood restaurant in Houston that I frequent. It's a quiet spot and has a patio that I can sit on. The waiters have my order memorized. After they take my order I slide my headphones in and listen to music. Sometimes I type specific lyrics in the notes section of my cellphone for possible poetry inspiration later on. It works for me.

Honestly I'm socially burned out. I can't do anymore "Hey, I'm Lashuntrice" introductions at the moment. I can't deal with anyone else questioning whether I'm real or fake. I can't really deal with hearing about someone talking shit about me. I'd rather hear about someone helping spread the word about my very good books. However, since my books haven't been the topic of conversations I'm not there for, I'd rather not even know about the conversations. The best way to do that is to just say to myself.

One day I'll try this making new acquaintances and friendships thing again.

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