Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Ray J. Hit It First Music Video Plus My Poem

Ray J. has made a music video to Hit It First. Although it's only Tuesday, my week is made. That catchy ass chorus is stuck in my head again. Also, did you read my poem He Hit This First. If not, it's listed below. 

He Hit This First 
He hit this first/I know you're jealous/You're trying to claim him but I'm his world/I made him feel better/He said with me it was like a drug/After some time of talking and some good movie watching he couldn't contain his thirst/My body was in heat/My mouth real dry/When he made his move I couldn't hold back/I let him quench me too/"Close your eyes"/Those simple words whispered caught me by surprise/Made me feel like a little girl again so I obliged/Our mouths met and our tongues danced and our hands explored/But it wasn't just sex/For a moment in time our emotions connected/I could feel it when he held me/Even when he kissed the back of my neck/Did he feel it too/Of course he did/And even though he's with you I'm still on his mind/I gave him that type of vibe that til this day will make him say "She's mine"/But you're saying he's your world/And trying to make jokes/Telling everyone he really hit this 30th/None of that matters/The memories of me and him can't be erased

Monday, April 29, 2013

Let Me Find Out~ Juicy J & Doe B, 2013 Music

"Let me find out yo' Bitch want to eat the dick for lunch." Juicy J and Doe B has this new song called Let Me Find Out and it is straight hood certified. I love it.

"Let me find out you niggas sold your sold for some joints."

"Let me find out you niggas ain't who you say you is."

"Let me find out. Oh let me find out."

"Let me find out Juicy J yo' girl favorite rapper. I'ma fuck her all night and I'ma give her back after."

Lyrical Tone & Big Vic~ High Forever, 2013 Music

"She said stay high. Keep it real. Don't lie." Sometimes when talent puts itself in your path, you just can't ignore it. That's why I like this song Stay High by Lyrical Tone and Big Vic.

We all have something in common. We like staying high. They like the weed and since I don't smoke I just get high off life.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Taraji P. Henson And This Blue Dress

I want the blue dress. That is all. 

Fuck (Poem)

So I was listening to Fantasia's Lighthouse song and came up with this poem. I guess I'll call it Fuck since that word is used so much. Enjoy!


Fuck The Bitches And Fuck The Fame/Sometimes It Feels Like Struggle Is The Only Way/Tomorrow There'll Be No Big Houses/No Fancy Cars/By Next Year The World Won't Be Ours/So Fuck The Credit Reports/Fuck The Money That We Don't Have/Lets Spend Like There's No Tomorrow/Put Michael Kors On My Feet/And The Latest Styles On My Body/Just One Time I Want To Pretend Like I Have It All/Cause Someone Once Said Life Gets Better/But Tomorrow It Will Probably Be The Same/Nothing But Bills Bills Bills/So Fuck The Liars And Fuck The Haters/They're The Ones Making Change/Trying To Motivate Me/Saying I'll Get Wealthy/Or Find The Love Of My Life/Just Buy Their Product And I'll See A Difference/Seems Like Entrepreneurship Is Only For The Brave/They Have All The Knowledge And I Stay Confused/So Fuck The Confident People And Their Competent Ways/I'll Continue To Go Astray/It's My Own Fucked Up Path/After All God Blessed Me With The Gift To Create/So Fuck Those That Don't Want To Pay Attention/Do You Feel My Pain/I Can Feel Yours As You Agree To The Words I'm Saying/You've Tried So Hard/Followed All The Rules To Reach Comfort/Did All The Actions To Eventually Fit In/But Pain Has Taught You The World Isn't Your Friend/How Can You Blend In/How Can You Continue To Stand Out/Fuck The Confusion/It's Like Mixing Weed And Alcohol/But Time Isn't Slowing Down/So Fuck It All/Everything Is So Insane/So Like Lil Wayne I'll Pretend I'm Not Human/And In Another World It'll All Make Sense

Thursday, April 25, 2013

2013 Songs On Rotation

Of all 26 years of my life, 2013 is my favorite year of music. Some of the music is the best emotional words I never wrote. Other songs are so fun and dumb I can't even stay mad for long. These songs are creating the perfect mood for me. My favorite songs of the year are listed below.

T-Wayne- Turn Down For What 
Fantasia- Get It Right
Young Dro- Fuck Dat Bitch
Bit K.R.I.T- Meditate

Okay, maybe I should have said April 2013 songs in rotation. These are brand new. There's one more though. I'm trying to interview this underground artist, Jared Orange, soon but until then I've listened to his music and it's very addictive. Two of his songs are listed below. 

Jared Orange- Hell Of A Night
Jared Orange- Special Occasion

Chey B, Why Twitter Is Not Here For Him

No reasonable person is here for this "relationship expert" Chey B or his senseless advice.
Actress Reagan Gomez is not supporting Chey B

Once upon a time the term "relationship experts" were left to those who had experience in healthy relationships. A man or woman had to have a ring on their finger and have been married for at least 20 years to even get anyone's attention. However, in 2013 anyone and everyone is jumping at the chance to claim the relationship expert title. One of those people is Chey B, a self made twitter relationship expert, and twitter is not here for him.

At some point last year this guy Chey B followed me on twitter. Being nice I followed him back. His tweets were horrendous. He insulted women for being friends with gay men. He claimed men were responsible for taking care of women as if we can't take care of ourselves. They were all dedicated to tearing the woman down just so some man could come in, pick up the pieces, and build his on robotic woman. How could you tell this? If anyone questioned Chey B, he always indirectly responded with some tweet about having haters. But no one was hating on him. People were just trying to give sound advice. I stopped following because the madness was too much for me. However, he didn't stop at that point. His tweets became so much worse that people started Retweeting them on my timeline just to make fun of him.

Since then this guy Chey B has published a relationship book called Food, Sex And Peace of Mind. He also has over 37,000 followers and is continuously giving out relationship advice. He's accomplished a lot since its been rumored that in 2011 her was homeless. What's wrong with his credentials? This guy is 24, somebody's baby daddy, and not in an actual relationship. So what kind of message is he preaching? There is no message, which is why twitter is not here for him. Last night Chey B had a book signing and twitter really came after him after people found out he didn't have more than 15 people show up. Some of the tweets are listed below.

This guy Chey B doesn't give up though. No matter how many people try to tear down his senseless relationship advice, he keeps moving. After the fail of an event, he proceeded to jump on twitter and advertise a book tour. The tour is supposed to take place in several states, but where will the money come from? Chey B. wants you to give him money to travel the country promoting his advice. This again is why twitter is not here for him. 

Oh, one more thing. Someone made a video of themselves at the event. Check it out below. 

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Preacher's Daughters "Naughty And Nice" Episode Review

"How many of you know that it's easy to take family for granted?-- Pastor Mark Perry

The last episode of Preacher's Daughters was missed, so there's no blog post for it. However, Kolby did  tee-pee (spell check) her mom's house. Her mom had embarrassed her so it was payback time. That's hilarious. I think Olivia took her son trick-or-treating, which is so against being a Christian. Now this is the Naughty Or Nice episode. It's easier to just use the titles instead of counting which number it is. So here it goes. 

Kolby Koloff
Kolby's mom is so mad she's giving out tons of new rules that Kolby more than likely will break. In this episode what seems to be saving her sanity is her older sisters. However, Kolby's sisters are trying to get them all in trouble with their mom. They're talking about tattoos. One of her sisters already has two tattoos.

Kolby is so innocent. In the confessional she assumed the tattoo shop would have witches in the corner. That's funny. Her mom is psychic or something. Wait, maybe God spoke to her. She sent the girls texts about not getting tattoos or piercings while they were in the place. 

When Kolbys' mom found out about her sister's tattoo, she started crying. Kolby stood up for her sister though. These girls are the closest. That really is amazing. 

Taylor Coleman
Taylor's parents find the pictures of her boyfriend's ghetto photo shoot. They think she is posing provocatively and her breasts are hanging out. Again they are angry at her. This time they make her take the purity class over again. Is that a punishment? I never did it. 

The purity class is about learning what is pure and what is not. The first lesson is about abstinence. Did you know masturbation was impure? That class says you can't kiss, touch one another, masturbate, and any type of foreplay. Damn! I love kissing, but they're right. The goal of it is to lead to doing more. That's why I've been picky about the man I put my lips on. Taylor's parents are hoping she remembers to wait until marriage. Will she? 

The purity class confused Taylor. She likes to kiss and touch. She and her friends discuss it after the class. One of them thinks using a dildo means you're losing your virginity. Ha! One huge fact is being a pastor's daughter puts a lot of pressure on a girl. Taylor is falling apart emotionally in some of the scenes. However, her parents only know how to punish her for falling short of being perfect. That's real for a lot of children. 

"When you're kissing you're shopping upstairs for downstairs goods"-- Pastor Ken Coleman

The purity class is not just a class where girls get told what not to do. There is also a dance that follows. Her father is over it of course. Taylor hates the whole thing, especially the vow. She feels as if she is lying to God. It's amazing how a parent can be so proud of something that is tearing their child apart inside. Taylor is no that torn though. She is committing to no sex until marriage. 

Side Note: Without ever attending a purity class (they had it at my church), I did make a commitment to no sex until marriage. I didn't even date until college. It was that serious. Well part of that revolved around a lack of self confidence. The confidence came once I started exploring my sexual freedom. That doesn't make me a heathen though. 

Olivia Perry
Olivia is trying to adjust to being a teenager again. One way is by going to visit her sister Emily in Los Angeles on vacation. Everyone is nervous about her behavior. She's been doing good so far, right? 

Olivia and her sister Audrey are in Los Angeles to visit their sister Emily. Emily is doing a photo shoot to promote sobriety. However, the models look wild. One tells a story of how she devoted her life to Christ until she snorted her first line of Coke. Yeah, the girl did cocaine, but she is currently clean. 

You ever notice you your story makes others want to reveal what they've gone through? It's so cool. 

Olivia decides to join her sister in the photo shoot. That might not go well for her father once he sees the photos. She had a lot of fun. She even said they reminded her of when she was in high school partying. One of the men try to push the sisters a little more. They are partying and invite all of them. Olivia and Audrey say no, but Emily runs off with her friends. 

Once Olivia returns home, she shows her father the pictures. He was shocked, but he liked them. His only fear was that they would not be misinterpreted by the world. 

The lesson I've taken from this episode is you definitely need more than one voice of reason in your life. One voice of reason can leave you making decisions that are good for others, but not for you. Several voices of reason can give you the opportunity to have options to choose from. Do you get a tattoo or not? Do you stay true to the purity ring or do you give the purity ring your own meaning? Can you have fun without feeling pressured to do anything wrong? The choices are yours as long as the decision maker is you. 

I Just Wanna Fuck K. Michelle Music Video

"I can tell that you like me
But it all for the chance
I'm too into myself
I need space
Though you want more
I'm not ready to open that door
I just want you to drop your pants to the floor
Cause I'm a little scared of commitment
But tonight I'll commit to your body" 

"Cause I just wanna Fuck
And Not fall in love
I'm over all the pain that love can bring
Tonight I want sex that doesn't mean a thing"
K. Michelle is speaking the words of every scorned woman that still wakes up and goes to sleep horny in her song I Just Wanna Fuck. This is about to be my jam for a minute. 

Don't be confused though. I want sex that means a whole lot. 

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

2013 Song Black Jesus, Yasiin Bey And Mannie Fresh

For a couple of weeks I've been trying to interpret the meaning of this new song called Black Jesus. I was also trying to figure out who was on it. The discovery was a rapper called Yassiin Bey. After asking twitter who he was, someone replied with Mos Def and it all started to come together.

This song Black Jesus, according to someone I know, is not about Jesus at all. It is simply about the people on it, Yasiin Bey (Mos Def) and Mannie Fresh. 

Is it just me or is it a coincidence that both Mannie Fresh and the dude who played William on Girlfriends are reappearing into the spotlight this year? William (what's his real name?) was on an episode of Let's Stay Together earlier this year. 

Searching For An Internal Crazy

His goal is suicide from the top of a huge building. He wants to ensure that when he goes its a successful ending. So in the middle of a Wednesday he picks a place downtown crowded with workers. As he goes, he wants to have an audience. 

While his ending will be lonely, he doesn't want to go alone. His younger sister was alone when she overdosed on Tylenol pills two years ago. A part of her had already died on a doctors operating table two years before when she was forced to have an abortion by her ex boyfriend. She felt like she had no one to depend on.

Five years before that his parents ended their lives together. They had lost custody of their children because of their overpowering addiction to drugs. In their last moments they made a drink mix known as the purple drank. It contained a liquid prescription the mom had been given when diagnosed with pneumonia, codeine, and promethazine. They really just wanted to feel good. Something went wrong. Maybe they mixed the concoction wrong or maybe they just drank way too much. Their bodies were found days later. 

Those were the only family members he had. He didn't feel as if he had any friends. All his life he had been trying to please people. He wanted to make his parents happy on his first day of preschool. He wanted to fit in with the other kids. In middle school when everyone else seemed to be gaining new perspectives about themselves, he wanted to come up with something knowledgable about himself too. Who was he at 12, 13, and 14 years old? At 14 he was the kid who had been snatched away from his family by child protective services. All the new kids around him treated him as if he was an outsider. He loved to read. They hated him. He wanted to talk. They wanted to shut him up. He wanted to be someone. They told him he would always be a nobody. 15 years later he couldn't take it anymore. 

The building had 16 flights of stairs. He used the last of his energy to climb up every staircase. The elevator would have been easier. However, his journey did not have easy written anywhere in it. He found the entrance to the rooftop. Upon opening it an alarm was set off. Employees stopped what they were doing to investigate. The ones closer used the staircase. The ones further went outside and looked around until he was spotting standing on the edge of the building. Soon there were people screaming for him to not jump. A security guard was nearby trying to convince him to come back. He had what he had needed all his life. Someone claiming they finally needed him around. Although they didn't need him. He took one more second to enjoy to attention he was getting and then he jumped. 

No one would know his life story. No one would know the effort he made to plan out his death. However, they did know that he had to be internally fucked up. 

Every successful person has an internal craziness inside of them. Love & Hip Hop's K. Michelle expresses her craziness through songs. For instance in her How To Love Remix, K. Michelle takes us through how her past relationships have left her feeling straight up crazy when it comes to how to love. 

Or Kimberly Elise. She's an excellent actress, but almost every role she has played has been that of an internally messed up woman. Remember the movie Beloved? Or Woman Art Though Loose? The list goes on and on. He characters have been so powerfully crazy that anyone watching would only assume something in her past left her internally fucked up. 

See, I've come to the conclusion that all successful people have an internal crazy. Actors express it through the roles. Singers express it through their voices. Comedians hide their craziness with comedy. Writers show how crazy they are through their words. However, in order to get to that success they all have to learn how to take that internal crazy and show the atmosphere what they have to offer. 

This is my goal. I'm searching for the internally fucked up part of me, so one day I shall be a success too. 

Monday, April 22, 2013

Are Daughters Worth Saving?

Sometime in the 21st century a war to save black men from themselves erupted. How it started is not for sure. Maybe it was when some black man said he no longer loved black women and was going to date whites. That always raises blood pressure. It could have also started when Flava Flav was awarded his own television show. He's a gremlin in looks, has a bunch of kids by different women, but was given his own platform on national television, which left everyone in astonishment. Then again maybe this war has been going on since at least the 60's, which is rumored to have been the time black men were forced out of the homes leaving black women to become single moms. No matter when it started it's a national movement now. 

Everyone is trying to save the sons of this generation. Last year Dr. Steve Perry had a show, Save Our Sons, specifically dedicated to changing the lives of young boys who were headed down the wrong path. In the coming weeks Oprah will be the next time tackle the subject. Starting in May she will have several life classes dedicated to saving the sons. But what about the girls? Don't us girls need saving too?

As women we get chastised for everything. We're not sexy enough, or we are too sexy. This point is proven with the rise of twerking videos. We are way too independent and smart. Some men find that intimidating. Or we are too dependent and down right dumb? Throughout this last season Porsha Stewart was called dumb a lot. There are so many issues with us, but who is trying to save us from ourselves?

Have you been watching this new season of Iyanla's Fix My Life? She tried to save DMX from himself. It didn't work because he's comfortable in his lifestyle. She then tackled Sheree of Real Housewives of Atlanta and her ex-husband Bob Whitfield. While Sheree was chastised for her actions by both Iyanla and Bob, Iyanla babied Bob. She knew she couldn't save him from being the dead-beat dad he is. However, there's still this huge platform to save these men that don't even want to change. Can we as women get a platform to help us? 

It would be hard to save the daughters. Daughters grow into head-strong women. We argue our points until the opposing team has no points left, fight hard on national television and debates in general, and want what we want at all costs. We're not playing games. However, we can use a little guidance. Ratings would be just as high if someone wanted to offer us advice instead of always directing it at the man. After all it's a man's world, but it would be nothing without a woman. 

So do you think daughters are worth saving?   

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Admitting (Sunday Reflections)

Yesterday Iyanla Vanzant tweeted a powerful message. Almost every message that comes from her resonates deep, but this one touched me to the core. 

It said "Until you are ready to admit to yourself exactly what it is that you want, you will experience confusion." 

Most of my life I've felt confused. I've been confused about whether I was supposed to be the one practically stalking everyone else to keep in touch. This has been a major factor with friends and family. You ever notice how when you stop calling folks, they don't try to contact you at all? I try not to stress this too much. Those people will continue to stray further away. Maybe that's how it is meant to be.

I've been confused about goals. How can God give a person such a powerful gift, but others never try to help nurture it? Maybe it's just a myth, but it seems as if African Americans over all don't like to push each other towards our actual talents. We'd rather just take what we can get, even if that does nothing for us in the long run.

I've been confused about feelings. For a good part of my life there was no one to talk to when I felt anything other than happy. Want to know a secret? I still feel some type of way that my blood dad has never cared about me. He's never made any effort to really ask me about myself. Although my step dad has raised me, he's never taken the time to get to know the real me either. I used to be a mama's girl, but that changed too. Around middle school I learned to shut others out of my feelings and very few people have tried to break through that wall.

At 26 I'm confused about all that I want. Some of this confusion is because of money. How can a girl that has very little money want anything? But I do want a lot and I'm ready to admit it.

I want to be published. This goal has been a long time coming. Every other year I come up with a book title, put a manuscript together, and then hide it away. This time the manuscript I'm working on will be self published.

I want to eventually move. I fell in love with Las Angeles upon visiting during my 25th birthday. Before that I had already made up my mind that one day I will live there. That's not changing. I'm moving one day.

I want to be a photographer. Photography used to be one of the best things. Then I started encountering people (friends) who claimed to not like pictures. It ruined my groove. However, I still have a million pictures on instagram and more throughout the internet that I took myself. Plus every year I upgrade to a more expensive camera. One day photographer will be a title. The pictures will be seen as more than a hobby.

I want love. Sometimes when I'm in deep thought some guy will text something either sexual or shallow. At that point it doesn't entice me at all. I need more. I need a guy I can open up to. I need a guy I can spill all these ideas to. I need a guy who will let me express my creative freedom. I need to meet that man I can start a family with.

There's more, but these weigh heavily on my mind. Now that they've been put in writing, how much longer will the confusion last? 2013 is turning into a year of questions. I need answers at to how to make it all work.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Boo'd Up, R.L. Featuring Taylor J

Singer R.L,. formerly, of Next is coming out with a new album soon called 5:15. The first single is called Boo'd Up.

Being boo'd up is just about every girl's goal in 2013, but what every man is running from. R&B is also very scarce right now, but with his vocals hopefully R.L. can slide right into the radio stations with the others trying to bring back the baby making music. 

What do you think of Boo'd Up

Young Dro~ Fuck Dat Bitch

Recently I heard a new song called Fuck Dat Bitch by Young Dro. This song is one of the reasons why I love down south slang.

"Everything y'all did been done."

"You a bird, Parrot."

"I train hoes. I'm a pimp. Trinidad James cold."

"Fuck that Bitch. Before I do that shit I might need me a rubber." What?

T.I. was also on the radio talking about how everyone from Georgia to Mississippi is jamming Fuck Dat Bitch. That's not true. This girl in Texas is jamming it too.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Overnight Chaos In Boston And Watertown, Massachusetts

It's been a long week in news. This is especially for Boston, Massachusetts and surrounding areas. Over night the chaos in the city that started Monday continued with the chase of two suspects.

It's 3:30 am and the details of the night are still sketchy. What's clear is around 5 pm yesterday photos of the suspects from the marathon bombing were released, hours later a cop on MIT campus was shot and soon after died, a car was stolen, which lead to many of us tuning into to CNN for hours. That's those of us that were still awake. I just happened to be up and live tweeted/Retweeted as much as possible. It all started with a response to someone else's tweet.

In the beginning it was crazy. CNN was reporting, but had very little information to report on. A couple more tweets and Retweets are listed below.

 The cell phone reporting was cleared up soon after. CNN's photo journalist Gabe Ramirez was told to stop using his phone at one point.

This was one of my retweets. CNN was the first news station to start live tweeting these over night events. They're my favorite station. Check out all tweets at @mrsstarstatus. There's one final thought.

I thought they had a guy stripped naked and in the police car and was searching for a second suspect. When did he die? Who killed him? Did the police put a bullet to his head just for the Hell of it? Explain. They did explain at 3:55 am. I'm still tuning in. This was just a regular guy who was mistaken for a suspect. He's been released. By the time I'm sleep, the world will be waking up confused as to how all this happened without their initial knowledge. By the time I look at this story again, it'll make more sense. Maybe!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

The News Keeps Me Wondering...

Yesterday a bill for expanded background checks on people purchasing guns was defeated. However, every job in America still requires a background check. Whether working in the medical field or McDonalds, your history has to be known. So shouldn't a thorough background check be done when purchasing a gun? I'm starting to be confused about what society is promoting.

For instance everyone has heard about Rick Ross' rape lyrics. They were done on a mixtape song released months ago, but someone after months of being underground the song surfaced to mainstream media. This caused outraged. People were so mad they rallied for Reebok to end Rick Ross' contract. Reebok actually followed through. But how could Reebok be threatened by some rape lyrics when in just about every song he promotes drugs, killing people, and carrying around powerful guns? See what is society promoting?

My purpose in life is so confusing sometimes. From an early age it was clear what talent I was blessed with. However, that's not what I've been motivated to do most of my life. I thought I had a clear path to go through with my dreams the moment I turned 18. Well, actually it was the moment I was dropped off in a new city for college. I was able to pick a major based off love and not just money. My life was changing. Then sometime after college I was sent mix messages again. The world became a place a disarray. Too many college kids were graduating with no jobs to look forward to. There was a recession. The ones closest promoted chasing money over getting a career. Three years later I'm in a better situation to go after what makes me happy, but the ones closest are not on the same page.

Are others opinions important if they haven't caught up to you in the book? Because I want support, I've been on a constant campaign to support others. As I ask a person who I've grown to think of as a mentor a million questions, I've also noticed someone asking me a million questions. Am I fit to give that person advice? I am working on myself still.

Maybe I am. As of 2013 I haven't checked to see the numbers of unemployed people. I try to stay away from considering the people in worse situations than me. Their issues won't change how I feel about my own circumstances. It's much easier to turn my back on the negativity than it was a year go. Plus I've learned to spend more money on things I want. There's no more holding back for a while. I'm 26, single, and have no kids.

I won't stop wondering, but I'll do what I have to do to feel alive.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Yesterday I Cried, Poem

This was written years ago, but being exposed to you now. It is a poem called Yesterday I Cried and was inspired by Iyanla Vanzant's book with the same title. It's been years since I picked that book up, but at the very beginning she had a poem. The emotions in it were powerful. It was obvious there was a release in her writing those emotions. I wanted to create that same release for myself, so I decided to write my own version. This is personal. 


I let it all out
Allowed myself 
To become emotionally distraught
But it was not an easy task
The first tear struggled
Feared going down my cheeks
Fought hard
Cause it was afraid of feeling weak
Was taught everyone goes through hard times
But in no one’s hard time
Should it feel any reason to appear
Cause tears show fears 
And tears says a person is not ready
Cause tears only appear 
When a person breaks under pressure
But because I was already broken
The tear could not fight my emotions
It fell 
Slowly at first
Cause like I was feeling lonely
It was too
And although it knew 
It could not erase all my hurt
It was determined to try its hardest
But I didn’t want that tear to suffer
So while I chose to cry alone
I decided to give it some company
So a second tear fell
And then a third tear
Then more started coming
So fast I lost count
And before long
I was an emotional wreck
Could not stop the tears from coming
Until they were ready to stop
And by the end I didn’t feel better
But the pain was gone
Replaced with an empty feeling
But I already knew the feeling was coming
Because I’ve cried before
And it’s always the same result
But sometimes the result does not matter
Which is why yesterday I allowed the tears to leave my eyes
Wet my cheeks
Soak my face
Encompass my mind
Take hold of my emotions
Just flow
It’s why
Yesterday I cried

Sunday, April 14, 2013

What's On My Mind? Sunday Reflections

Two years ago I discovered that there was a conference for bloggers. It's called Blogging While Brown. At the time Slim Jackson, who recently decided to start using a new name, was requesting donations to attend. With the help of fans he made it. That was the deciding factor that I would one day attend. I will be attending in two months and it is all I can think about.
Blogging While Brown  2013 I'm Going Badge
Blogging While Brown is the first conference for writers that I'm attending. I never had money for NABJ conferences or any other conferences that can be thought of. I never had help getting to any either. Since I'm not a popular blogger (yet), I didn't request any money from online people. It just took a lot of money (mainly the tax refund) and my plane ticket and hotel room has been purchased. In two months I'll be in New York City for the first time.

Yes, this my very first time in NYC. I'm scared, because I'm not sure what to expect in this brand new city. I'm also scared because this is my first time attending this conference. Is it worth it? What all do I need to take? Although I've spent over $1000 I'm still brainstorming. I'm going as a fellow blogger, so I have to represent myself.

Will others like free pens? A pen is always cool. Does one with a website name and link make people go look?

Should I also have chapbooks to hand out? I'm more than a blogger trying to express an opinion. My opinions are put in creative forms. Will they appreciate poetry being put in their hands for free? Do I have enough money to put my poetry in the hands of other writers for free? We'll see.

On top of that the normal every day issues continue to haunt my mind. I always think about work, my next adventure, shaking off boredom, one day leaving, if a man will ever be ready to live happily ever after with me etc. For real, where is that man? I need someone to bombard share all these thoughts with.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

K. Michelle I Just Wanna Fuck

When I grow up I want to be like K. Michelle. She's definitely not afraid to express what's on her mind.  This shows in her new song I Just Wanna Fuck.
Sometimes I just wanna fuck, but I'm afraid to say it. The problem evolves around those morals that has been instilled in me. For instance I want a boyfriend and for the times to be romantic. However, sometimes waiting can drive this girl crazy. Like K. Michelle sometimes I just wanna fuck. While this isn't exactly 2013 music, there will be a video for the song soon.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Preacher's Daughters Episode Five

My newest favorite reality show on television is Preacher's Daughters and there's a reason. Unlike the other shows, Preacher's Daughters actually has three interesting story lines.

The first story line is about Kolby Koloff and her family. Her parents, both pastors, are divorced, but her family is big. They have to find several ways to bond and they do. Kolby is the youngest and seems to be the easily influenced in her family. The series started with her mom ramming thoughts of sex being bad into her head and her struggling with having a boyfriend for the first time. The pressure was so heavy she broke up with him. Ooh!

Episode five starts off with Kolby's parents (Victoria and Nikkita Koloff) going on a date. It was a set-up by the daughters. How sweet. During the date they discuss their issues and bringing the family closer together. This whole episode might be more about them than Kolby until the end.

At the end of the episode Kolby runs into Micah. She was hurt by her choice in breaking up with him, but thought it through thoroughly. Plus she prayed about it. She and I have something in common. We both wish we could pick up the phone and speak to God that way. It would make life a lot easier. Back to Micah. He's receptive to her. They become girlfriend and boyfriend again. That was cute.

Taylor Coleman

Then there's Taylor Coleman. Taylor is a pastor's daughter trying to live the ways of the world. As the daughter of a pastor her every move is scrutinized. She can't breathe without being yelled at, so she lies and ends up making her life worse.

In episode five Taylor's parents leave her at the house with her older sister. She convinces her older sister she's going to the store and a friend's house. Again, she does something different. The boy Demarious (spell check) that wants to date her needs photos for his album. He's a 20 year old that does drugs and drink. Of course he'd want to be a rapper too. She has found friends to be on the album cover with her. Once they get to the spot they change and start posing. Other than the boys using a camera phone, it looked like a lot of fun. Of course Taylor doesn't hear her phone ringing urgently during the fun time. The call was that serious.

Taylor's mom calls her several times to alert her that her dad is in the hospital. Once she finally gets the messaged, she is super upset. Her sister tries to convince her it's not her fault, but she knows her behavior is putting stress on her parents. That night for the first time she shows she really wants to change.

Olivia Perry

Finally there is Olivia Perry. She has the most serious role of a pastor's daughter on the show. She has messed up the most. She partied, got into a serious car accident, ended up pregnant, was wasn't sure who the father of her child was. She eventually found out who the baby's father is, but she is still a single mom. Olivia is also trying to change her life. She's trying to hard that she probably thinks too deeply about every move she could make. Or does she?

"Olivia what I'd like for you in a guy is somebody who is perfect and chivalrous"-- Pastor Mark Perry

"Okay, that might be hard to find"-- Olivia

Olivia starts to become more receptive to this old party friend being back into her life. Pastor Mark Perry invites him to dinner for questioning. The tough father shows for the first time. This guy gets grilled and gives all the right answers. Her claims he's changed his life and wants to be involved with Olivia. He even talks about being a figure in her son's life. That's deep. However, he lied.

Towards the end of the episode Olivia tells her father bad news. This guy blocked her from his Facebook and twitter. What was he hiding? His girlfriend. Now why did he lie to the pastor?

Despite the struggles, all of these families are very close. They can talk about anything and their bonds are clearly unbreakable. I'm amazed.

He Hit This First (Poem)

This poem is based off of Ray J's I Hit It First

He Hit It First

He hit this first/I know you're jealous/You're trying to claim him but I'm his world/I made him feel better/He said with me it was like a drug/After some time of talking and some good movie watching he couldn't contain his thirst/My body was in heat/My mouth real dry/When he made his move I couldn't hold back/I let him quench me too/"Close your eyes"/Those simple words whispered caught me by surprise/Made me feel like a little girl again so I obliged/Our mouths met and our tongues danced and our hands explored/But it wasn't just sex/For a moment in time our emotions connected/I could feel it when he held me/Even when he kissed the back of my neck/Did he feel it too/Of course he did/And even though he's with you I'm still on his mind/I gave him that type of vibe that til this day will make him say "She's mine"/But you're saying he's your world/And trying to make jokes/Telling everyone he really hit this 30th/None of that matters/The memories of me and him can't be erased

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

What Will I Tell Them? (Poem)

Back in 2009 I took this poetry class. In the short period I wrote tons of poems all for fun. This year for National Poetry Month I'm trying to have some of that same spirit as back then. With that, here's a brand new poem I started 30 minutes ago. Yeah, this girl has talent. Enjoy!

If he ever gets famous/His name in the papers/His face on television/His voice all over the radio/His presence throughout the world/If he ever gets so popular/They want to know where he came from/
Who built him up/Who tried to tear him down/If they ever search out his past/When they get curious about the girlfriends he had/Or even the women he just fucked for a minute/Although none were meant to last/If they ever find out I was one/I lay on my back while he hit it rough/I allowed my hips to move to his rhythm/But his intelligence/The drive he has to get to the top/What if they ask me about that/And I know nothing/So now is the time/While discovering his body I'll try to discover his mind/What irritates him/What's his motivation/Does he have a five year plan/Will his stance on relationships ever change/Where do I go from here/Do I stay/They say patience means everything/Do I leave/Some questions are better left unanswered/Do I allow myself to fall in love/With love the memories last forever/But what if he doesn't let me get that far/Puts me on pause/Stops my curiosity from the beginning/It's just sex/For a second it'll relieve stress/And eventually the tears come/I'll turn into a little girl/Searching for someone to take the pain away/But he'll be long gone/Until one day he'll make the spotlight/But what do I tell the press/Should they know the truth/How he left an invisible hole in my chest/It took some time to repair/Or should they know about the hopeless romantic/It felt like we were in the same lane/But one day the road came to an end/Or maybe they'll ask and I'll simply have nothing to tell

Monday, April 8, 2013

Slow It Down~ The Dream Ft. Fabolous

It's been a while since The Dream dropped a song. After all, he's making the real money behind the scenes. However, I ran across this song Slow It Down on youtube today.

Slow Down is about getting rid of the dance songs for a minute to slow dance and features Fabolous. The best days at the club, parties, etc. was when the DJ would change from fast dance song and throw on slow grind music. They just don't do that anymore. That needs to be brought back. Anyway, is Slow It Down a hit to you? I like it.

Ray J~ Hit It First

Although Ray J may have been the 50th person to have sex with Kim Kardashian, he's claiming that he was her first on his new song Hit It First. Listen below.
Maybe Ray J. meant he was the first celebrity to have sex with her. After all Kim K. told Oprah she started having sex at a very young. Plus she got married at a very young age too. She beat is nice on the song though. I'm rooting for Ray J. to get it together. He can't always just be known as Brandy's little brother.

It's Kenya Moore's World, According To RHOA Reunion

It's been an eventful season of Real Housewives of Atlanta, but it has come to an end. While we originally thought RHOA was about several different Atlanta women, on Part one of the reunion show Kenya Moore let everyone know she was the star of the show.

Kenya joined the cast of RHOA for the first time this season and she didn't waste any time getting into drama. She argued with Porsha Stewart, Cynthia Bailey, and Phaedra Parks. Each fight was about a different type of situation, but they all had something in common.

In each fight Kenya was the victim. Someone was out to hurt her. Someone claimed to be her friend, but eventually stabbed her in the back. She was the angel in the situation. Wait, that's not what we all saw. We saw Kenya start a lot of mess. Usually after watching the season through, some reality stars have a different opinion of how they acted. Not Kenya.

On the reunion show Kenya held onto her views of being wronged. She event went as far as to say Porsha and Phaedra's story lines revolved around her. She claimed Phaedra was not a hot topic until she made her a hot topic. However, Phaedra has been doing business deals and having marital situations that caught our attention before Kenya ever graced the television screen. Could Kenya be delusional or could we just see everything wrong? After all, in Kenya's mind this world revolves around her.

While we are heavily tuned into the reunion show, in real time Porsha and Kordell Stewart are getting a divorce. According to blogs, the divorce has started to get messy. Kordell has supposedly locked Porsha out of the home and hired a nanny for his son. Remember during that one episode where he argued that there was no need for a nanny? How bad can this situation get? Will Porsha be on the next season? I like her better without Kordell around.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Rapper Khia Loves University of Florida Football Team

While the thug misses, Khia, has not attended University of Florida as a student she is showing love for the football team. According to her twitter, she paid UF a visit recently.

Recently Khia released un-photoshopped photos of herself in a University of Florida towel. Along with the pictures she did several tweets where she showed love to the Gators. The photos are slightly racy. All she's wearing is some Payless shoes, a Gator towel, and Madi Gra beads to hold the towel together.

Usually in order to release photos like these a person has to have some kind of affiliation with the college. If the college does not approve, she could be sued. What could Khia's affiliation to UF be? Whatever it is, it is clear that she is a Gator fan. Look at more photos and tweets below.

Looking For Improvement (Sunday Reflections)

Lately I've been looking to be critiqued in my writing life. However, no one has had anything to say.

The majority of the time in order to get someone to read my writing, I have to send the links directly to them. I've been doing to that a few select people. Their responses haven't been what I was looking for.

Recently I decided to send some articles I wrote to my best friend. If anything needed improvement she would definitely speaking on them. In my own mind I still need to do better, but she has not had any comments on improvement. In fact upon reading the articles she was sucked into the stories of the people that were interviewed.

Maybe this is good. Currently everything is just practice for the real experience. Maybe the practicing is almost over.

Look At Me (Poem)

Another Poem Written By Me

Look at me/Now look at you/All my niggas look.../As I turn around/I realize I'm alone/Where they at/I thought they had my back/But my friends/For now they've disappeared/Gone on to live their lives/Work 22 hours a day/Tend to their families/Never go astray/They're grounded/Have found their place/All grown up/Life is not a game/A day I'm not supposed to waste/But I'm at the end of a rope/It's a game of tug a war/I'm pulling in one direction/Trying to live a little more/Trying to be a little more selfish/Nice vacation to paradise/I'll take it/Thinking about moving away/I'll continually visit/And one day I'll get my way/Spending days at work/Trying twice as hard to get to the club/Growing up/I don't want that life/If it means giving up my thoughts/Falling in line/Blending in/Not being able to recognize myself from them/I'm not yet finished/Fighting for my freedom/But my aim is failing/Sometimes the hatred is convincing/You're on the other end/Pulling tightly/And saying have several seats/In the classroom of life/Listen and learn/Is it not about me/Is it not about what I want/Yeah sometimes I'm dreaming/Can I have that perfect career/Have a husband to call mine/No side chick/No mistress life/The perfect child that'll blossom with artistic beauty/Not a confused writer like me/And like now, some people will still call me crazy/But they'll respect my life/Respect the struggle/Because the ignored pay a price/Constantly needing attention/Forever losing their sanity/But I'm not totally ignored/You're paying attention/Trying to explore/Curious about my weirdness/Wanting to know more/And I'm tugging on that rope/Gaining strength/Is it just me/Maybe I'm not alone/Could they still be there/Or have they never left/Or was it me all alone trying to prove a point by myself

It's still National Poetry Month

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Don't Remember My Name (Poem)

In honor of National Poetry Month, here's a new poem from me, Lashuntrice. Enjoy!

Don't Remember My Name

Whatever you do don’t remember my name/But pay attention to me/Listen to every word I say/For a moment you’ll be thankful/You’ll feel informed/My every thought will captivate your sight/My story will fill you up/Whether it’s a horror story/Something that’ll leave you with nightmares for years/A love story/You can only show your happiness with tears/A comedy/You won’t be able to stop laughing/Or a true story/You won’t believe it happened in real life/I’ll leave you curious for more/But don’t remember my name/Don’t get attached/This is not a game/Stay curious for only a minute more/Read the story line/Hold on to it for some time/But don’t notice the person that wrote/Don’t notice me/I’m invisible/Jut another writer you see/This life is not about me/It’s about me getting a story out to you/Drawing you in/Captivating your attention/Depending on how close you are/Maybe giving you a mention/Then creating and ending/Pushing you away/Again it’s time to go astray/Someone else needs you/We’ll meet again/But don’t worry when/I’m not important/It’s whatever you’re seeing/Or hearing/Or reading when the time comes

Felicia Taylor~Arizona

A little over a year ago I stumbled upon Felicia Taylor on youtube. At the time I watched a music video called I Love You. It was beautiful and I knew after that I'd be searching for more of her music. Recently she dropped a new youtube video and her voice is still amazing.
The song is called Arizona. It was originally done by Priscilla Renae and Felicia Taylor did a cover. This song is absolutely amazing. 

Getting Back To The Goals (New And Old Ideas)

A few weeks ago a friend asked if I'd interview a couple of rappers and singers for him. They're all part of this record label called Wind Fam. Actually it gets cooler. The majority of them are family. It's sort of like what the Wayans family did with comedy. 

I started making phone calls and did the first interview last week. It was  an over-the-phone interview with me holding a recorder to the phone. For some reason I was nervous. 

It's been a while since I've done any interviewing and especially any article writing. It felt almost like I was revisiting a long lost sister or brother. You know those episodes on shows where relatives are reunited? I missed it. I didn't realize how much until that interview. I want to do many more. Maybe in the future interviews will be something to add to the blog. I'll write in every kind of interview style possible. I'm an addict. It will be tough, take time, but it will also be fun. 

Sometimes it feels like my life has been put on hold. I'm getting older, but most of my time is spent sitting at a desk eight hours away typing some document. I want to get back to focusing on my passion for production. It's one of the reasons why I chose to get a broadcast degree. I love writing, but there's more. I also love cameras, recording, editing, and trying to write to the picture. 

In January I bought a $800 camera. It was worth it. Yesterday I bought a MacBook Pro. It was time. As I gasp at the emptiness of my bank account, I'm still trying to see what more needs to be bought to get me on my way. A Final Cut Pro is in the works. I own writing books already. Lots of studying is needed. Networking is a must. 

At no point is this for fame. People who look for fame try to get wrote about. I'd rather be the one to make them famous. This is my passion. How far I'll get with this can only be told by time. 

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Temptation, How Tyler Perry Made Men Appear

Usually people complain that Tyler Perry makes women look like they can't handle anything in life without a man. However, in Tempation Tyler Perry managed to kill every aspect of the man. At least the aspects we women need men to have.

Every woman is supposed to want a good man. We're supposed to want a man who is willing to work hard, make us feel special, and protect us when needed. Every woman is supposed to want a man that will stand up for her, call her beautiful, and notice when she makes changes. Okay, most of the time men don't notice our changes. We make those changes for ourselves anyway, but they should notice. Every woman wants a man that will excite her and introduce her to new aspects of life. Love shouldn't be monotonous. However, in the movie Temptation Tyler Perry made all of these seem wrong.

Sexy Lance Gross played the good husband. He worked hard and loved his wife. There was no problem with that. However, the good guy couldn't remember his wife's birthday. On top of forgetting he acted like it wasn't a big deal.

Wait, before the birthday part happened there was a scene where they were walking down the street and some man called his wife a Bitch. He didn't react. He kept walking. Even verbally, we as women expect men to stand up for us. Tyler Perry wasn't having that though. Lance Gross' character responded by saying "He could have had a gun." What? That was his excuse for not standing up for his woman. He also was not down for trying new sexual acts. If his woman was bored with what he was currently doing, he should have been trying new moves.

The good guy did not protect his woman when men threw verbal insults at her and he forgot her birthday. Plus when another man started spending time with his wife he asked no questions. Huh? A man should always get nosy when his woman starts getting distracted by another man.

Tyler Perry's bad guy played by Robbie Jones was no better. The bad guy complimented her a whole lot. We want compliments. What's wrong with that? He also was ready to fight a biker when she accidentally collided with the man in the park. What's wrong with defending someone you care about? Then they went on a business trip together. He allowed her to feel special during presentations and took her out for some exciting time in the city. There is absolutely nothing wrong with showing a woman something new that she will love. Now that bad guy obviously had anger issues. He also had a drug problem, but Temptation made it look like being treated extra special comes with physical abuse.

Now after tearing down every aspect of a man, what does Tyler Perry expect us women to do? I'm going to look for a good man who encompasses all I need. Hopefully he won't be a drug addict with anger issues.

Preacher's Daughters Episode Four Recap

Preacher's Daughters is well into episode four. If you haven't been tuning in the show features Taylor Coleman, Kolby Koloff, and Olivia Perry. Each daughter has her own struggles that she is dealing with when it comes to living life and obeying parents rules. Their parents are all pastors, so they have some tough rules to obey.

Taylor is a 16 year old dealing with trying to date for the first time, have some freedom, and get around her parents very strict environment. So far she's lied, been caught, and tried to be more honest with her parents. Kolby is trying to balance the idea of dating while staying a virgin until marriage. Out of the three of them, Olivia has the biggest struggle. She's a teenage mom whose trying to raise her son on her own (with the help of parents) and live a better life.

Taylor Coleman
Taylor agrees to the double date. During the double date, Taylor's father asks a lot of questions. He wants to know if the guy goes to church, has he had drugs, been arrested, and if he's sexually active. All of these pastors seem to think a whole lot about sex. He even went as far as asking the guy to do a celibacy bow. Okay, I'm embarrassed for Taylor.

Taylor is really trying to prove she can be responsible. One way is by doing a clothing drive. The clothing drive combines her church friends and friends from other areas. The other friends are all about having fun. They do secular dances and talk about men's underwear. Of course, girls can't have fun without a nosy old lady running to a parent to get them in trouble.

The nosy old lady is called Evelyn. She is the church gossiper. While Taylor's father is preaching, Evelyn interrupts him to give him the bad news. She says his daughter was dropping it like it's hot. Well, damn. See that's how children become super rebellious. People won't let them live a little.

Side Note: One time when I was 12 or 13 I was on a church trip. Church trips were where I could show my personality anyway. The church children around my age were some bad ass kids. I wasn't bad, but I  had to have a little fun. I did something some adult disapproved of and they told my parents. They were supposed to take me to a movie that weekend, but they decided my punishment would be not going. I don't remember what I did or what movie it was, but all the daggers being thrown at me at that time still hurts a little til this day.

"We weren't dropping it like it's hot. I sat it down like it was warm." Taylor's dad was mad, but Taylor tried to explain that this woman was overreacting. She was doing something good for the community. The pressure is high on her because she's a pastor's daughter.

Uh-Oh, I'm trying to root for the pastor's daughter, but she keeps breaking the rules. Plus she said she likes the thrill of breaking the rules.

Kolby Koloff
Kolby's mom, Pastor Victoria, discusses getting a divorce. Her family struggled with dealing with the divorce because Christians aren't known for that. Christians aren't known for being angry. Christians are supposed to have a smile on their faces at all times. Wait, is this true?

Kolby discusses with her family that she broke up with her boyfriend. They never really dated though. Her dad, Pastor Nikita Koloff, also comes in town. He and her mom do not have a close relationship. After seven years of being divorced, he wants to heal his relationship with Victoria.

Olivia Perry
Olivia's family had a meeting. In the meeting they discussed their spiritual growth. Olivia also brought up going to lunch with someone she used to party with. Her older sister was shocked. Of all the family, Pastor Mark Perry might be the one with the most open mind.

This family doesn't just have praise in the church house. They also do micro-church in their home. However, it's not just family this time. Olivia brings her old party friend, Frankie. She is happy because he seems like his lifestyle has also changed. Of course it has. This man is in her house sitting next to her as she feeds her kid that is not  his.

Pastor Mark liked this guy Frankie. He liked him so much that he invited him to dinner. Olivia feels weird about it. They're just friends, but being around the parents is a dating thing. Wait, is that a friendly invite anyway or is the pastor trying to have more control over his daughter?

These are teenagers. However, the relationships between them and their parents remind me even more of why I want to leave Houston. Too much closeness can create friction. Too much closeness without any actual understandinf can create resentment.

"Christian shame is the worse. That's not how God works."

Monday, April 1, 2013

Trippin (Poem & National Poetry Month)

It's National Poetry Month. India Arie is making a comeback. Plus I just wrote a new poem. We'll call it Trippin. The following poem is about no particular man. I took different experiences with men and combined, which is why it sounds the way it does. Enjoy!


Brown skin/You know I love your brown skin/From the moment we met I couldn’t stop thinking of your brown skin/Soft to the touch/The first time we held hands made me blush/Very few blemishes/My body all over your body/From the first date we couldn’t wait/Couldn’t pretend away the connection we had made/Couldn’t pretend the sexual frustration away/So we rushed/In 20 to 30 minutes top we spit out a lot/Made each other feel like we’d known each other forever/Would you believe me if I said I’m in love/Before our bodies ever touched/Before we decided on your place or mine/Before the waiter brought back your credit card I was already on a natural high/So it never took much for you to get me out my clothes/But you did make me nervous/Obviously you were already a pro/And I was a woman willing to drop my guard for the night/Willing to let our passion collide/Willing to take the risk of waking up the next morning and being called a heaux/It’s amazing how deep passion can run/But yours was lacking some/Memories of great sex flooding my mind/No words from you the next morning/While you were busy going on about your life/Thinking you’d hit it just right/Maybe you’d call later/Maybe when   you were ready again I’d be ready too/I was in mourning/Taking shots as a little more of the good girl went bad/Wanting to hate you every time you sent a text and I said yes/Was I at least special/Or were you too self-centered to notice who was in front of you/I think you said I was/You said you don’t do this too much/Not every girl is your type/And even though you don’t act like it you think I’m just right/A little different/A little weird/Just your type/As I turn your nightmares into sweet dreams/Great sex/Many nights of interesting conversation/I got you on a power trip/But you got me trippin