Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Reflections: New Years Resolutions

"I'm invisible simply because people refuse to see me"- Ralph Ellison

The more I write the more I feel like no one is paying attention to me. The more I log onto these networking sites the more I see people talking about New Years Resolutions. They're resolutions always involve them because the more I notice the more I realize most people only think of themselves. A couple days ago I wrote in a post saying mines was going to be to blog more. Well, I'm sticking to that, but I've come up with a new one.

My New Years Resolution is to inspire someone. I write and spill my heart out all the time, but sometimes I wonder if anyone is really getting the words? I know that one person understood the words in this year of 2009. It was the person I wrote the poem The Other Woman for.

I know I inspired her and it's not easy to inspire people. It's easier to make people hate you, make people suicidal, or even make people commit murder. So...
I want to inspire someone in 20-10. They don't even have to tell me they were inspired by my words. I just want to feel like I said something that changed some one's life for the better.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Reflections- Yesterday

In my last post I mentioned how agreeing to what the boy wanted was a mistake. Well, I went to church yesterday and realized something else...
Repenting is a never-ending thing.

The preacher told everyone in the church to repent for any sins or even bad thoughts they'd had over the past year.

Everyone messes up. If someone tells you that they are perfect, they are lying. Even worse, sometimes we don't even realize when we are making bad decisions. It just happens.

And when we don't realize our mistakes there's someone who tries to repent for us. So, if we are always repenting, when are we supposed to be content with the imperfect people we are?

Or are we supposed to never feel content? Are we supposed to always be on our knees praying because we messed up (or we had a messed up thought)?

Reflections: The Right Kinda Lover

At the end of 2008 I told myself I would take a break from dating. Up until that time my experiences with meeting men had all been bad. So...
I did take a break. I had to take a break because classes became extremely stressful. However, in the middle of March I met a man. Although I should reveal his name, I'm not going to do it. But...

I met him and he seemed sweet. He was nice and honest. He even used the b word on me, B= Beautiful. Before him I thought guys only used the word beautiful if they really meant it. I was wrong.

He went from using the B word to only wanting a friend. He said friend, but what he really meant was he wanted to play the role of boyfriend number 2 (for all my old school friends splackavellie). I was lonely (and stressed) so I agreed.


I agreed to what he said, but I never went through with the agreement. I was not looking for a boyfriend number 2, so going along with it would have played heavily on my conscious. I guess he did not like my breaking the agreement, because he stopped talking to me.

The lesson that came out of this was:
People will use you, but only if you let them.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Reflections and Lessons Learned

It's the last Sunday of 2009 and I can honestly say it's been a journey. I don't even remember the first Sunday of this year, but what I do remember is...
January of 2009

In January of 2009 I had a motto for the year. The motto was to live life by each moment and not stress what I could not help. Well, of course that motto was broken. First, I experienced a tough class, which I found myself crying over some nights. Then I ended up dropping the class because I did not want to get an F or a D. In the summer I took the class over. I know my work was better because I was better at what I was doing. However, I still got a C and I found myself upset over that. On top of that the class was taught by only one professor and I was upset that after all of my struggling it seemed like he still did not believe in my capabilities.

Even worse, I would have to deal with that same professor for another class. On top of that I had to deal with a new professor (actually assistant to the professor), who was a straight pain in the ass. I also received a C in this professor's class. It made me mad.

While a C is passing, it also means these professors don't believe in me but also don't want to continue to deal with me. That also hurts because while I did a lot of work, I also felt an obligation to try and please (also known as suck up to) these professors. It all seemed like a waste of time in the end.

However, lessons did come out of these experiences. I learned that there are going to be times where the people you need to believe in you most are not going to. They are going to think the worse about you. No matter what you say or do their thoughts about you will remain the same.

I also learned that stress is inevitable and some people will not be happy until the stress has killed you. My 12-year-old brother told me that authors don't become famous until they die.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Reflections: Sharks and Risk Taking

It's getting close to the end of the year, so I'm doing a lot of reflection on the things that happened and the people that I met.

Well, one memory is of a boy whose friends live down the hall from me. This boy seemed strange the first time I met him, but he became stranger one night when my roommate invited him over.

It all started with a simple question, which was "What is your sexual fantasy?" I think I asked the question (for what reason I don't know, but his response was out of this world. It was surprising, weird, scary, and funny. It was...
To have sex on a yacht in the middle of the ocean with sharks watching.

I laughed when he said it, but then later on I came to the conclusion that he was crazy. However, now I realize his fantasy had nothing to do with sex. It was all about taking risks.

Life is all about taking risks. We take risks when we apply to college. There's no knowledge of whether we'll get. We take risks when we fly. A plane seems to crash everyday. We even take risks when we sit back and relax. The more I learn about my society the more I realize people would rather see you dead than see you take a break.

So, what would be riskier than doing anything in front of sharks? If you survive, it's another achievement.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

IBW (Zane)

Candi Redd was going to be my next post but...ZANE just happened to be on the MoNique Show tonight. Zane is the author of...
* Sex Chronicles
* Sex Chronicles II
* Addicted
* Afterburn
* And too many more to name

Plus, she's the QUEEN of erotica novels. Her books are entertaining, mind blowing, and most importantly amazing. In every book she has sex scenes that are out of this world. Yeah, out of this world.

Her books also have relationship (or should I say sex) advice so couples can make their relationship better. On the MoNique show she mentioned that she has a manual in the book G-Spot that tells how women can discover their g-spot.

Did I mention the sex scenes in her books? In Addicted she has one scene where the woman gives the man oral sex in a movie theatre and uses cheese.

While her books are great (and she's became a millionaire from writing them), I'm sure someone once told her she was not good. Someone also probably told her that her writing was too explicit.But...
She did not listen to them and this is where she is now. And...
All of the above is what makes her an inspirational black woman. My goal is to be an author (and poet) and I hope to be as successful as Zane.

Monday, December 21, 2009

New Years Changes

It's been a couple weeks, but I'm back to blogging. First off I want to reveal my New Years Resolution. Every year I come up with one of these things, but never follow through so this year I told myself, "Misstoosexy you have to come up with something you know you will follow through." Soooo, here is goes....
Write on my blog daily.

That is as easy as it gets and I'm not going to wait until 2010 to fulfill it.

So readers remember as you are coming up with your New Years Reslution come up with something you know you can achieve.

Also, usually I come up with a song of the week, but since it is the end of the year I've comprised a list of songs I like. They can be found on the side of the page under Soulful Music.

Also I will start reading more books soon so I can have more good books to put in my section titled Soulful Reads and...I will feature an inspirational black woman weekly. Coming soon this week will be Candi Redd.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Sideline Hoe= The In Girl

Since Black Friday (the day after Thanksgiving) Tiger Wooods has been the hot topic everywhere.

It all started when Tiger got into a car accident outside of his house. Then things escalated when women started confessing to having having affairs with him. Now, over a week later, he is still being talked about in the media. Every talk show is talking about him. Comedy shows are making fun of him. Reporters on CNN and FOX are even talking about him.

And even worse...
His sideline hoes are scheduling interviews with the media.

Really!! Every day a new woman says she slept with Tiger. Then she tries to schedule an exclusive interview. What is the benefit? Why are these women putting themselves out there like that?

It's like the sideline hoes are becoming more interesting than the fact that Tiger's wife beat his ass. They even managed to overshadow the apology Tiger Woods gave to the pubic. Since rumors spread about his infidelity 9 women have reportedly confessed to having sex with him.

Or maybe that's it...
The lesson from Tiger Woods' cheating is society likes you more if you are the sideline hoe rather than the faithful wife.

Sorry Monica, but since Monica made such a beautiful song dissing sideline hoes here's the song...

Sunday, December 6, 2009

School Lessons- Sittin Up In My Room

Over the past few days I've seen hundreds of facebook statuses about the infamous cuddle season. This season makes me sick because the very moment the temperatures drops and it starts freezing out every girl is supposed to have some nice warm male body to lay beside.


Unfortunately, I never seem to meet that qualification. Every year I find comfort in hot tea and nice comfortable covers that I share with no one and I don't know why it always ends up like this. I'm 23 now and I have never even had a boyfriend. Cuddle season keeps reminding me that (ugghh).


Maybe I do know why I'm single. My standards for a man are high. I turn down men a lot and when I do give men chances all they seem to want is sex from me. Unfortunately for them they do not get that. All of that combined probably makes me come off as stubborn. I'm not giving them what they want so maybe that's why I end up by myself.

School Lesson of The Week:
1. Cuddle season is here and will continue to come at this same time every year.
2. The men are not the reason I am alone during cuddle season. I am.

Now because I've just derived all of this in the privacy of my room the song of the week is:

Brandy Sittin Up In My Room

Now because it is cuddle season, I do have a man on my mind, and Chaka Khan was featured on the Soul Train Awards the second song is

Sweet Thing by Chaka Khan

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Due to school work and other distractions I was not able to put up a school lesson of the week on Sunday so...
The lesson of the week is...There are always distractions.

Everyone once in a while Toni Braxton comes out with a new album. Well, she back again and the song of the week is...
Yesterday (featuring Chris Brown)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Smooth (IBW)

Lots of singers are supported when they make love songs, but not enough get support for sex songs. That is why my latest inspirational black woman is...

Smooth (real name Juanita Stokes) was a popular singer in the 90's. She is the daughter of Irene Stokes and younger sister of Chris Stokes. She started performing under the name DJ Smooth. Her first album did not do well on record charts. This did not stop Smooth though.

(Smooth and R&B teen sensation Aaliyah were pioneers in the use of jail bait gimmicking. Jail bait gimmicking is performing explicit material while underage. This technique was used for Smooths second album.)

She then came out with a second album, which was more sexually charged. The song featured on this album was "Mind Blowin." While the song was popular (reaching #7 on billboard charts) the CD did not sell well. After this Smooth signed with a different record label.

In 1998 Smooth came out with a third album. This album did not sell well either, but her most famous song "Strawberries" was the single that came from it. I'm sure a lot of babies were made from that song.

Smooth's career has not looked pretty. She was criticized before she was even an adult. Some said she was growing up too fast because of the raunchiness in her video "Mind Blowin." Others criticized her mom's parenting. I don't care about any of those criticisms.

In fact, Smooth is inspirational because she had to deal with those criticisms. She was told she was too sexual for her age, but continued to make sexual songs. While she continued to make sexual songs, her albums were not selling. She still continued. Plus, she had to deal with the fact that her brother's male group were becoming popular (Ex: Immature).

One more thing makes Smooth inspirational. If no one remembers any of her albums, she can positively know that no one will forget the songs "Mind Blowin" or "Strawberries."

And now both music videos will be put up and the songs can be found on the side of the page.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

School Lessons- Last Minute Caring

Your problems are never important unless your life is at risk. An example is the hospital. To be treated as soon as possible in a hospital you have to have had a heart attack, be facing a near death experience, or dripping blood everywhere.

And now the song of the week is:

Coolio Gangsta's Paradise

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A Pedal For My Thoughts

Collaborative Poem
By Lashuntrice Bradley and Jerome Turner

A Pedal For My Thoughts

He loves me?
One pedal falls
He loves me not?
Then goes the second pedal
He loves me?
As I pick another pedal off the flower
The question plays
Over and over in my mind
He’s never given me an answer
But I never ask him
For fear that I’ve been wasting my time
So I pretend that there is something there
True love hidden under a brick wall
Just waiting to be broken down
And I feed him with
My love, affection, and time
Give him more attention
Than he deserves
Then give him space
In hope that while we are apart
He’s thinking about me
How much he cares about me
And doesn’t want to lose me
But as I get to the last pedal
I pause
Afraid to pull it
Because although the answer is clear
I’m not ready for reality to hit
So I play the role of Snow White
And while he and the rest of the world
Persists to move on
I keep dreaming
and going back to the question of
whether he loves me
Because surely the answer cannot be NOT
The picture shows clearly I’m in love
But unsure about the other party
Pedals seem to be my analogy for
Dealing with the reality of it all
But the truth is that he may not come back
Should I consider my other options
Or should I wait around and mope
Time will be the judge
Am I to wait on someone that
Doesn’t want to be waited for
A pedal from a flower, my analogy, how ironic…

Monday, November 9, 2009

IBW (Nicki Minaj)

Recently I heard that Mya had a new song out called "Poytail." It's been a while since Mya's came out with any music so I had to check it out. When I listened to the song I discovered a new (refreshingly familiar sounding) rapper. This rapper is Nicki Minaj.
Nicki Minaj is...

*Nicki Lewinsky

*Nicki the Ninja

*Nice Nipples Nicki

*Black Hannah Montana

*Drake's wife

But most importantly...
A female rap artist that has "single handedly annihilated" every other female rap artists by copying the styles of females artists such as Lil Kim and Trina. Many would say she copies Trina more than anyone else.

If any proof is needed that Nicki is copying the styles of others it can be found in her songs. She calls herself a bad bitch and says she lives by the slogan "Pussy By Any Means". Clearly from her first song to her last Minaj does not change up her style (and by style I mean she continues to bring focus on her body in every lyric).

Nicki Minaj not only uses her sexuality to sell herself. She is depending on Lil Wayne to form her image. Who wouldn't listen to a artist that Lil Wayne backs up?

Honestly she may not sound like an inspirational black woman. She has Asian in her so she barely looks black...But Nicki Minaj is inspirational because she puts everything out on the line, is becoming famous off of what has already been done multiple times, and has no shame.

Now to listen to one of her songs...
Ponytail by Mya featuring Nicki Minaj
(this can also be found on the side of the page under song of the week)

(Disclaimer: Each nickname and the quotes can be found in one of her songs)

Sunday, November 8, 2009

School Lessons- Kissing Game

A couple days ago I was having a discussion with my roommate and a few other people. Somehow our discussion went to sex and relationships. We all agreed that sex is not the most important part of the when it comes to intimacy. Kissing is more important. Kissing creates a connection between two people that sex can never match.

That is why the song of the week is..
Kissing Game by Hi Five

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Good Deeds

Sometimes good deeds are just good deeds. There's nothing special for them and there's no reward for doing them.

Monday, November 2, 2009


I let it all out
Allowed myself
To become emotionally distraught
But it was not an easy task
The first tear struggled
Feared going down my cheeks
Fought hard
Cause it was afraid of feeling weak
Was taught everyone goes through hard times
But in no one’s hard time
Should it feel any reason to appear
Cause tears show fears
And tears says a person is not ready
Cause tears only appear
When a person breaks under pressure
But because I was already broken
The tear could not fight my emotions
It fell
Slowly at first
Cause like I was feeling lonely
It was too
And although it knew
It could not erase all my hurt
It was determined to try its hardest
But I didn’t want that tear to suffer
So while I chose to cry alone
I decided to give it some company
So a second tear fell
And then a third tear
Then more started coming
So fast I lost count
And before long
I was an emotional wreck
Could not stop the tears from coming
Until they were ready to stop
And by the end I didn’t feel better
But the pain was gone
Replaced with an empty feeling
But I already knew the feeling was coming
Because I’ve cried before
And it’s always the same result
But sometimes the result does not matter
Which is why yesterday I allowed the tears to leave my eyes
Wet my cheeks
Soak my face
Encompass my mind
Take hold of my emotions
Just flow
It’s why
Yesterday I cried

School Lessons- Unfound

Sometimes things happen and we find ourselves looking for the reason why. We try to find a meaning in disappointments and happy times, but really there is no meaning. Sometimes we just have to learn to accept and embrace what happens and then move on.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Pet Peeves- LOVE

Before I start, let me get this out of the way. I purposely choose to have pet peeves that cannot be avoided. Listing these unavoidable pet peeves helps me understand what I can handle in my (crazy) life and most importantly helps me realize what I have to deal with.

Now my latest pet peeve is...

And not just any type of love. It's the grown-up kind.

The kind that has you feeling:
*like doing a dinner and movie date
*in the mood to cuddle
*just staring at your phone as if the person is about to call
*Calling the person just because
*Missing the person
*Staying up thinking about them all night
*Studying them for more understanding
and all that other stuff (I think I have a pet peeve for mushy feelings but that's another post)

Well, the only reason Love (this kind) is a pet peeve is because I'm single.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

School Lessons- Hide And Seek

Life is like...
a game of hide and seek.

The only difference is you are playing both roles at the same time.

Mirror Mirror

Sometimes I confuse reality with my dreams. Sometimes I wish my dreams were my reality. The one question I've never had the answer to is...
how to make those dreams become reality.

This next song of the week expresses my emotions better than I can ever express them.

Mirror Mirror by Kelly Price

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

If You Love Me

Today I turned in a poem to workshop in my poetry class. One thing I've learned about myself this semester is...
I don't like for people to tell me how to write my poems.

Unfortunately this teacher had a problem with it. She thought it was too abstract. Well, I don't see any problem with the poem. In fact, I think anyone reading this blog now should take a look and just for themselves. Here it goes.

I was dreaming while our friendship was disappearing.
Lost in happy moments, your hate I could not see.
I was dreaming while you were scheming,

Trying to find a way to abandon a never ending friendship.
You never cared about my feelings:
Only pretended to like me

Like everyone else you thought the worst.
Didn't think about anyone else,
Just wanted to quench your thirst,

Left silence, emptiness, hate
You broke the pact.


You broke the pact.
Left silence, emptiness, hate:

Just wanted to quench your thirst.
Didn't think about anyone else.
Like everyone else you thought the worst.

Only pretended to like me;
You never cared about my feelings.
Trying the find a way to abandon a never ending friendship,

I was dreaming while you were scheming.
Lost in happy moments your hate I could not see.
I was dreaming while our friendship was disappearing.

Honestly if anyone needs more details than that, just grab a camera and follow me around.

The song of the week is:
If You Love Me by Brownstone

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Breathe Again

Last week I was a little busy and could not post up the song of the week on Sunday, so now I am changing the day I put up the song of the week.

However, I still want to put up a song.

Tony Braxton Breathe Again

Unsent Letter

I wrote him
A letter
Careful And Hard
What I would
Tell him
Didn’t want to
Come on
Too strong
Didn’t want to
Scare him
So for a while
I just stared
At the paper
Hoping the words
Would just jump
Out of
My brain
Express my emotions
In such
A perfect way
Until finally
My fingers
Decided to
Pick up
A pen
And just
Caress that paper

Yesterday I
Wrote him
A letter
Was scared
At first
Feared he didn’t
Want to hear
What was
On my mind
But as I
Touched the paper
With a
Smooth moving pen
My worries
Were erased
I spilled
My guts
Wrote about
When we
First got to
Each other
I think
We were supposed
To Be
But who really
Needs notes
When concentrating on
A love connection

I wrote
Him a letter
Started off with
My initial perception
Of him
He was
Didn’t see him
As a boy
Yeah, to me
He was a
Couldn’t do no
He had me
Wide open
With the
Phone calls
That unfortunately led
To emotional
Sexual desires
How every time
I saw him
Felt like
My heart
Was on fire
Like a moth
To a flame
I was burned

I wrote him
A letter
Tried to explain
How it was
My fault
We ended up
This way
Maybe the invitation
To come over
Too much
Or telling him
To hush
Keep it a
Didn’t really
Mean it
Was just scared
Didn’t want to
Anyone’s opinion
But even
Hid from him
When he hurt
My feelings
Thought it
Didn’t matter
Cause I was
Never his
No claim
No fate

I wrote him
A letter
Explained to him
How I was
And his
Physical touch
Wipe away
My emotional pain
Thought all I had
To do
Was cry while
The rain wiped
My tears
Then everything would
Be clear
And I could
Be with him
Consumed with
Too much hurt
Had to
Let him go

I wrote him
A letter
Explained how it
Wasn’t easy
My Brain
I’m trying to
Move on
In Me
Still longs for him
Because my feelings
Go too deep
The letter
He didn’t receive

This is for every girl out there that is still holding on to the memory of what once was.

School Lessons- Kids Do The Darndest Things

There was a show when I was little about little children doing the craziest things. It was entertaining.

However, lately it has been brought to my attention that kids are doing some things that are far from entertaining. Actually they are nearly SCARY...

*There's a video on youtube (I didn't watch it) about a baby who is trying to have sex with grown woman.
(Okay, that is clearly the parents fault)


*There was a story on CNN this week about a teen who was set on fire by some boys because he snitched and told his parents they were trying to steal some of the parents stuff. He's now fighting for his life in the hospital.
(What happened to fist fights and black eyes?)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Cause I Love You

It has taken me a few days, but earlier today I thought of the song of the week.

This thought came on because of a facebook status. In the status a male wanted to know why females like to be called queens and princesses.

Being a female, this seems very simple. It's because we want to know that we are special. We don't want to be treated like everyone else. We want to be referenced like we are more than an acquaintance and not just a friend.

Lenny Williams knows what I'm talking about...

That why Cause I Love You by Lenny Williams is the song of the week.


Seems like everyday I'm being reminded that someone might not like what I say...

I'm also reminded that I can't say everything that is on my mind...

Yeah, my freedom is limited...

And if I do say what is on my mind it can effect me for the rest of my life...

Fortunately there are people to remind me and everyone else that it is okay to practice freedom of speech...
Last night MoNique from The MoNique Show did just that.

She was telling Queen Latifah and the audience about a moment she said something in front of her grandmother (who has since past.) After saying it she felt like she had disrespected her grandmother so she started to apologize. She then stated that her grandmother stopped her and said...

Sometimes you got to say that. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Death of Me

This poem is a poem I wrote for everyone.

I love people but,

People are gonna be the death of me
Everyone and their different personalities
Will one day drive me crazy
The happy
The talkative
The crybabies
All other kinds
Are gonna work my nerves
Until they explode
And send me into a pit of rage
Unlike no other
And it will happen so suddenly
I won’t be able
To explain my actions
Maybe it’s cause I’m too nice
Or too quiet
I keep too many things bottled in
Or maybe something totally different
I don’t know
But it will be such a scene
Doctors and nurses
Will be called to strap me down
And drug me up
Put me in a deep slumber
So when I wake up four walls
Is all I will see
And then the rest of my days
I will find myself alone
But the personalities
Of all
These damn people
For All these damn years
Will be stuck in my head
And have me so far gone
That people and all their personalities
Will still manage to be
The death of me

(This was already on my facebook profile so I decided to add it here)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Single- (Poem dedicated to the single life)

I wrote this poem a few days ago. It's all about my feelings toward being single. Well some of the words were placed in the poem to make it sound better.

I’m 22
Turning 23
And I’m

I’m 22
Turning 23
And I’m
Plus it’s that time of year again
Where the winds come out of nowhere
And the air starts to get chilly
And no jacket seems to keep me warm enough
And there aren’t enough covers in the world to throw on my bed
And I start realizing what I’m missing is a…

I’m 22
Turning 23
And I’m
And I’m constantly being reminded that it’s cuddle season
Apparently it’s time to go out and find every man and any man that would be willing to wrap his arms around me
After all it’ll take more than just me to keep this nice body warm
So I search and I search
And what I find is
Drug Addicts and drug dealers
Shy niggas and some fly niggas
But all the ho’s got they attention
Then I meet
Stalkers and serial killers
And then comes the God fearing
But they so into God that to them I’m invisible
So, I’m still single

I’m 22
Turning 23
And I’m
Plus it’s that time of year again
You know
Boyfriend Season
And it’s becoming more apparent that all of my female friends have boyfriends
From the cutesy texts they send to me about what their man is doing for them
To the petty arguments they tell me I’m lucky to be avoiding
And to me being the 3rd, 5th, or 7th wheel
While all the couples hug, kiss, and cuddle
And remind me that…

I’m 22
Turning 23
And I’m single
And a while ago I started pondering the idea of being a nun
Meaning dressing up in outfits that cover my body for the rest of my life
Plus no more cakin’
Late night phone calls
And no one night stands
No potential boyfriends
Or husbands
No thoughts of ever having kids
No playing house
Meaning giving up the thought of ever meeting a man and falling happily ever after in love
Meaning every year
On every birthday
Reminding myself
That I’m still single
But at least I’ll have God
But of course that won’t work for me

I’m 22
Turning 23
And I’m pondering the thought of one day being in a relationship
Having a man by my side
To love me and cherish me
And of course I’ll do the same for him
And it won’t be playing house
It’ll be a home
Filled with warmth and security
And best of all love
Yeah, he’ll be the love of my life
But until then
I’m single
And I keep asking God
Where is my man
But I’m not hearing his response
And I’m not being sent any signs
And I’m starting to wonder if God thinks I’m impatient
Cause I’m tired of waiting
Should I wait for him
Or go out and find my perfect man
Put destiny in my own hands
Cause I don’t want to be here
Turning 23
And Single
And I don’t want to be reminded in the coming years
That I’m getting older

Sunday, October 4, 2009


When we are little we are given instructions on who it is okay to communicate with and who to stay away from. These instructions are given to us as kids to help protect us from dangerous situations, but as we get older meeting potentially dangerous/crazy people becomes unavoidable. That brings me to my school lesson of the week...
Crazy People Are Everywhere

A few places they are located at are:

*Your job
There's at least one crazy person at your job. If they have not already talked to you they are waiting for the right time to open the lines of communication.

*In your classroom (if you are a student or teacher)
While most people are focused on leaving the class as soon as it ends they are waiting for that chance to communicate with you.

*At your local grocery store
They are either on the same aisle as you or they are that clerk that is checking out your items. They are thinking about you and they are waiting for the moment to say something to you.

*Outside your house
This is why we are told not to talk to strangers when we are little.

The worst part is trying to figure out how to deal with crazy people. I haven't figured out how that part out yet, but music does help me to avoid thinking about this issue.

That is why the song of the week is
I Need by Kandi
(I chose a song by Kandi because she is grieving for the loss of her ex-fiance AJ. She has to deal with his death because some crazy person took a fight too far.)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

School Lessons- The Problem With Children

Ok, this is not directed toward all children, just the ones born from parents that were never in a relationship at all. The problem results like this...
Because men aren't the ones who pee on a stick to find out if they are pregnant...and because they don't carry a child in their stomach for 9 months...and because they don't give birth to that child...they really can't comprehend the fact that they are responsible for that child too.

See, it all started when they were children.

Little girls were busy playing with barbie, ken, and watching a million movies involving couples falling happily ever after in love. This in turn filled their minds with the idea of meeting a man and falling happily ever in love.

Little boys on the other hand were playing every sport imaginable. They also learned about cars, getting dirty, and playing rough was fun. Then as they got older they started to develop the physical feelings for girls. They were patted on the back and told it was good to have to feelings and act them out. This in turn gave them the idea that having sex with a girl was the best thing. However, because of this process of knowledge it wasn't built into their minds that the consequences the girl might face would also be their problem too.

And now for the song of the week:
Situations like this is why women have to really think before they react and that is why the song of the week is...
The First Night by Monica

(Disclaimer: This is a generalization, but I do know that not all men think like this)

Monday, September 21, 2009

Pet Peeves- The Irresponsible Control Freak

As you are reading the title you might be thinking...
"How can someone be irresponsible and a control freak?"

Well, I recently discovered it is possible and that is a pet peeve of mine.

It all started a week ago with a group assignment. One girl appointed herself the group leader but she did not give anyone any way of communicating with her. Then she had a million excuses as to why she was later than what late is for a group meeting. Then without trying to get in contact with anyone she ran to the professor and complained, but of course she had an excuse as to why she did not try and get in touch with anyone. Then she still wanted to try to give everyone orders once she got in contact with a few people. Soooo freaking annoying...

I already hated irresponsible people with a million excuses and now because of her I hate people that match that description and are also control freaks...
If you are like that please do not talk to me or at least do not act that way around me...

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Kiss Me On My Neck

From my School Lessons post you can probably tell...
That I have love on my mind.

It seems as if in certain situations (especially love) you have to approach it half heartedly (or partially serious) to keep from getting hurt. At some point, however, it becomes serious. Whether you want or not, the feelings of wanting someone to love pops up and stays on your mind.

That is why the song of the week for 9/20-9/26/2009 is...
Kiss Me On My Neck by Erykah Badu

School Lessons- Partially Serious/Good Man

Since school started I've learned...
Most people are only partially serious.

This statement can relate to several things.

*One being love--
Usually when people take chances on finding love they are only partially serious. They believe what they say, but they don't have the confidence to believe they'll get the response they want. (Hence the breathtaking feeling of love/like being given back).

Now in the process of finding love we have to figure out what type of man/woman we want to be with.

I've learned that...
*Saying I want a good man is not a good enough description--
A good man can leave me open to any man and just because a good man approaches me does not mean he is the man for me.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

What Is Wrong With....

* There was a story in the news today where a woman got mad and spanked a strangers 2-year old child after the stranger had told the woman to leave them alone. It's not acceptable to spank your own child in public, so what would give this woman the idea that it was okay to put her hands on someone else's child???

Monday, September 14, 2009


My song of the week expresses how I feel sometimes. Sometimes people just get on my nerves. Today was no different, except it was not people working my nerves.

It was the television company...

I was excited earlier today when I heard Whitney Houston was going to be on Oprah. I rarely watch Oprah because her show is just not interesting anymore. However, Whitney Houston is a diva who noone can fall out of love with so I just had to watch it today.
Well, that did not happen. At the time Oprah was supposed to be on, the local stations (channel 9 for me) was showing a tennis match. I was mad because I really wanted to see Whitney Houston. Then I saw that they rescheduled it for a later time. Well, that later time turned out to be on another channel, a channel that is not available on regular cable.

So, yeah comcast screwed with my mind. I then decided to look on the internet. Usually I can find everything on the internet, but I could not find that interview at all.

I did find this video, however. The name of the song is I Look to You and it's beautiful.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

School Lessons- Breaking Up and Making Up

I have two school lessons to share with you today. I'm going to try and keep them short so here I go...

*Breaking Up--
It's sad to say, but sometimes good things do come to an end. Those good things could be relationships, friendship, and even education. It happens and it's best to leave before the situation (whatever it is) gets worst.

*Making Up-
This is a term usually used when two people reconcile, but I'm using it differently. Just because a situation ends doesn't mean everything is better. Whether in relationships, friendships, or even furthering our education we tend to neglect ourselves. So in order to get better sometimes the best thing to do is make up with yourself. In order to make up with yourself rediscover who you are as an individual and you can start on your journey to feeling better.

Somebody's Gettin' On My Nerves

Unfortunately there's always that one person who feels the need to work a person's nerves. What's even worst is that person who persists to work someone's nerves adn then plays dumb. That is why for 9/13-9/19/2009 the song of week is...
Somebody's Gettin On My Nerves by Salt N Pepa
(P.S. It's footage from a Harry Potter movie but this is the actual song)

Friday, September 11, 2009

Random Person

If a Mustang had a dick I would fuck it.
-random person


It's September 11Th again. This is a day that will burn into people's minds forever because of the terrorist attacks on September 11,2001. Every one's reflecting on where they were on that day, but I want to do something different...

These are some reflections on my life

At this point in my life I feel like I may be going through a quarter-life crisis. I'm evaluating every single move I make and questioning every single move I need to make in the future. I'm confused so the best way to heal some of this confusion is to go back in my past.

*People pleaser--
I remember when I was little and lived in Missouri City (to be exact Hunters Point). I hated playing outside alone and was an only child at that period of time. I would bring snacks outside for the other kids when they came to play with me. My mother stopped that soon after I started doing it. I realized at that point that if I had something to offer people then I would never have to feel lonely. This may have been the start of my people pleaser stage.

*Inevitable change--
In middle school I started growing apart from those people I had called friends for so long. I didn't want to grow apart from them so I tried to force the change away for a little while. The change became apparent when I had to switch schools in the middle of my eighth grade year. This is when I learned change is inevitable (whether anyone likes it or not).

*Standing Out--

In high school everyone has their bad experiences and I am no different. During these times I thought (despite the fact that I went to a small high school) that if I didn't draw any attention to myself then life could go by smoothly. I was wrong. I now realize that there is no hiding in the shadows. Everyone gets noticed and judged for something. Standing out in the crowd is inevitable.

*Since those days I've faced a lot more dilemnas. I've learned to deal with some of the craziness thrown my way and I am sure more lessons to learn will be thrown my way in the future.

These are some of my reflections. Hope you enjoyed.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Pet Peeves- Regrets

I saw someone today and that person inspired this pet peeve...

Regrets make the world go round. There's a homework assignment someone didn't do today and they are going to regret it. There's a sixteen year old who probably found out she is pregnant today and the daddy doesn't like her anymore so she's regretting ever getting with him. Bill Clinton probably regretted being with Monica Lewinsky. Obama at one point probably regretted running for president. Plus, there are things that I regret but none of this stuff can be changed.

So, regrets make the world go round but they are such a pet peeve of mine.

*When I think of regrets I get mad cause I made the decision to do whatever I regretted.

*When I think of regrets I get mad cause I can't press the rewind button.

*When I think of regrets I get mad because I have to live with those regrets for the rest of my life and one day come to a conclusion of how to appreciate those moments in life. Do you really want to appreciate moments you don't want to remember?

*Hopefully I will not regret writing this...

So REGRETS...I hate them but what I hate most is that I will probably do something in the future and regret it...UGH!!!

Monday, September 7, 2009


I wrote this poem a few days ago. It's different than what I usually write,but I'm trying to stray away from love poems for a while. So check out my latest poem called crying.

Happiness is where I want to be
But happiness, it just keeps escaping me
Running away every chance it gets
Seems like with me it wants to play hide and seek
And I chase and I chase until I get frustrated
Frustration then allows itself to take control of me
Want to yell at somebody
Want to yell at anybody
But everybody disappears
And when there’s nobody to get mad at
I turn the frustration on me
And that’s when the tears begin
Starts off as just a drop
But the drop feels so good
More drops start to follow
And as the wetness falls downs my cheeks
I start to float in a new kind of ecstasy
The ecstasy of pain taking over my body
Turning the drops into rain
Allowing the rain to keep falling
And as the rain keeps falling
Bad memories float to my mind
Taking over my thoughts
And allowing the rain to turn into a waterfall
And as the waterfall flows
I start to drown
And as I’m drowning
My face is soaked with tears
And to some this scene may look bad
But really the more the tears flow the more I find peace
It’s like Betty Wright said
No pain, no gain
So by the end I’m still not happy
But by remembering my haters
And those bad past experiences
I’ve managed to find some comfort in my tears
So this is the routine I go through
When I have no hope or answers for the moment
In an odd way it keeps me sane
And lessens the pain
So, next time I feel this way
It will be the same routine
Crying and not trying to wipe the tears away

Pet Peeves- The Guilt Trip

The older we get the more we are taught to put others before ourselves. We have to consider every word we say for fear of how someone else will react. BUT what about our own feelings???...And that bring me to another pet peeve.
When we say or do stuff without considering others they have this habit of trying to make us feeling guilty. They send us on a guilt trip. We can consider others every moment of our lives, but the minute we focus on something else they get mad. Even more these same people more than likely never show any concern towards us. I hate, hate, hate this...

I shouldn't feel 'GUILTY' about thinking about ME...

(P.S.) Plus if I do I might end up like this picture.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

School Lessons- Frienemies

In school you can learn a lot but not all lessons come from a book. Remember when you once had that friend and then they later turned into an enemy. Well school lesson #2 is...
Your frienemies never go away. Going away and leaving you alone is too easy. Instead those that were once friends but are now your enemies are either...

*making their presence known still. They might be calling you up every once in a while acting like everything is still normal. They might just see you around and still want hugs and kisses (and all that other icky friendly stuff). For some reason your sarcastic remarks and crazy stares do not stop them.


*they are waiting for your downfall. At this point all communication between you and them are cut off, but they are still finding ways to spy on you. They might be getting their friends to find out what is going on in your life or they might have a friend that spy's on your through an internet website (facebook, twitter, etc.).

Or (this is the biggest one

*they seriously hate you now. They are probably popping up at every function you attend just to show you how much they hate you. This is the most childish one of them all, but remember mentally some people do not grow up.


Lately I've stopped trying to figure out why I'm single and started focusing on what type of women men say they want. In my observations I've noticed a lot of men claiming they couldn't find good women, but their actions weren't the kind to keep a good woman's attention.

That is why the song of the week for 9/6-9/13/2009 is Kick Your Game by TLC.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Without A Cellphone...

Lately I've noticed that we are dependant on technology and one technology most of us cannot live without is the cell phone. Most people would probably go crazy if their cellphones were not working so I'm going to point out some ways where we'd be lacking without our cellphones...
Without cell phones

*People would not be able to access the internet. Most people choose to use their cellphones instead of computers to access the world wide web. (From my previous posts in this particular section I've already expressed what the internet does for people).

*People would not be able to text. Most people are addicted to texting. Texting is so popular now that it has it's on section of fans and it's haters.

*People would not know what to do with their lives...

*People would lose connection with all other people. Who uses house phones anymore?

So, without cellphones the world would be lacking a very important invention.

Lady's Night

Lady's Night by Mark Anthony

This book is amazing. It describes the life of a girl named Tina from when she is young and molested by her mother's boyfriend to when she decides to leave the bad situation and live on her on while still a pre-teen. From there this book describes Tina's life from when she meets a pimp and is given the nickname of Lady. After meeting this pimp the book describes how Lady, which Tina starts calling herself, goes from a prostitute to the top of the hip hop game in New York. This book starts off interesting and ends interesting.

So, if you like good street fiction you should definitely read Lady's Night.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

IBW (Lucille Bogan)

I created this section to show love to the inspirational black women of today, but since knowing our history is important I want to show love to Lucille Bogan.
Lucille Bogan was an American Blues singer who lived from 1878-1948. She was among one of the first Blues singers to be recorded. She first started singing during the 1920's, but after 1930 most of her songs were about drunkenness and sex. After 1935 Bogan stopped recording songs, but by this time she had already made her mark as an IBW.

Bogan is an IBW because she is the original queen of freaky songs. Everyone talks about how nasty Lil Kim and Trina are, but Bogan knew how to say nasty things in her songs without the most mature people knowing what she was talking about. She could talk freaky in a song and make it sound classy....
And this is why Lucille Bogan is an IBW to me.

(If you want to know what I'm referring to in one of her songs check out the previous post).

Old School Freak

The title of this post represents the fact that more than anything else I am in love with old school music...

It also signifies the fact that

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Pet Peeves (Hanging Out/In)

"When are we going to hang out?"

This question gets on my nerves. The reason is because usually when men ask it they have no actual intention of hanging out. There's no movies planned. There's no trip to a nice restaurant and no thought of McDonald's either. There's no interest in getting to know each other floating around in the males head. They just want to get to a girl's house/apartment, get her comfortable, and then see if she'll have sex with them.

Monday, August 31, 2009


It is Monday and raining outside so this calls for a song to fit the weather...
Rainy Days by Mary J. Blige and Ja Rule

Sunday, August 30, 2009

School Lessons- TEXT MESSAGING

School has been in for a week and already I'm learning a lot. One of my recent lessons have been about texting messaging.

I have always thought of texting messaging as simply sending messages to people and receiving messages, but it is much more than that. Texting can be healthy.

Texting can help improve health in arguments. Here are a few examples how.

*Texting can help keep your blood pressure down. When two people argue face to face they tend to show and then their blood pressure goes up. Rising blood pressure is not a good thing.

*Texting can keep your fingers in shape. Yes, it's exercise. The more you text the more blood keeps flowing through your fingers and that is a good thing.

*Texting can prevent people from physically getting hurt. If two people get mad enough when they are arguing physical fights can break out or things can get thrown. When you text only the words can hurt.

So think about your health and text next time you feel like arguing with someone