Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Getting Excited For Change As The Celebrities Make Changes

Changes are taking place. Rihanna is a trend setter, but recently she decided to make a change. Instead of creating a new style she took a style from the book of men. Men are tacky so they just usually layer their clothing to be lazy. Rihanna decided to take those layers and tuck her shirt, or some shirt, under her shorts. It actually works. On the other hand Lindsay Lohan is trying to stay out of the media.

At least Lohan is trying to avoid bad publicity. She's not claiming she does not like the party life anymore. She's also claiming to be clean and sober now. It's good  because Lohan already looks like she's 40 and has a few kids. It's time to calm down. But wait, this post isn't really about them. It's about me.

In less than a week, Sunday, I'll be a red-head. My goal is burgundy, but who knows. I may just shock the Hell out of myself and have blood red hair. I bought three different colors today to show my hair stylist on Sunday. I'll let her help me with picking the right shade. It will be excellent. Oh Yes It Will!

With changing of hair color comes more concentration on keeping hair healthier. Recently I made a brand new goal. It involves ignoring the negative opinions and diving deeper into the needs of Lashuntrice.

They judged me back in the day when I discovered my love for writing and reading, so I hid it from them as best as I could. They judged me when I revealed that I had emotions and cried at times. They judged me when they found out I wasn't the type of girl they originally imagined me to be. I don't know what they were looking for, but they didn't find it and weren't pleased. My reaction was to please, but they lost interest when the truth was revealed. They made me feel like I should settle for whatever they want, but that does nothing but hurt my spirit. They played with my emotions for the longest. I was inclined to impress or make myself invisible. Neither ever works. I'm tired now. It's all about making sure Lashuntrice is happy.

It should have been my biggest goal this whole time, but now that I've made it I can concentrate solely on it. Going natural is already a huge step in being selfish. While you don't learn everything about yourself all over again, you have to concentrate figuring out your hair all over again. Nothing is the same. Your hair is not even the same as the next person, so they're advice is not definite. However, once you take the time to learn your hair you can make cool changes like coloring it. Although I've learned that coloring the hair involves more attention. Sometimes coloring can be damaging to the hair and sometimes it can just make the hair extra sensitive. That means it will need way more dedication. This coincides with my plan.

In the near future I'll become more dedicated to making sure my hair is healthy and my personality is in a healthy state. That means concentrating on Lashuntrice, also known as me, more.

Rita Ora~ R.I.P (2012 Music)

I'm a fan of Rita Ora. There's a new truth to me. I used to be a huge Hip Hop, R&B, and Rap fan. However, at 25 I can proudly admit I've crossed over to loving other musical genres.

 Maybe it was when I became a fan of Rihanna. Maybe it was Usher crossing over to a different genre of music that caught my attention. It could have something to do with Chris Brown being talented in everything he touches. You know Mya no longer does R&B tracks. Yeah, Mya is mostly a techno singer now. Anyway, now that I've crossed the barrier and opened my eyes I've become a fan of Rita Ora.

Rita Ora has a new song out called R.I.P. Apparently it was originally done by Drake, but it sounds great sung by her. Listen to both versions below.

I could actually create a poem off of this. Yeah, that's coming. Oh and maybe I just really noticed her talent because Jay-Z has backed her up as his next blow-up artist and Necole Bitchie took the time to blog about it.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Black History Month, What Happened To You?

There's a lot floating around in my mind right now. Every time I wake up and go to sleep there seems to be something to think about. Focusing on work, writer's dreams, scheming, losing sight of goals, they all haunt and  excite me at the same time. But recently I tried to shake them off and focus on something more important. I tried to focus on something that was not about me. That's when I realized it's supposed to be Black History Month.

Every February is black history month and yes I realize that it is the 28th. The whole month has went by and I lost sight of this huge holiday. This is the only real month where us black people get a chance to focus on ourselves, but I forgot to pay attention. Why is that? Is it that I really forgot this was the month to celebrate being black? Is it that us black people are no longer as important as we once thought? Or is it that a whole lot of events happened to take the focus off all the great blacks that have been born since the beginning of time? Let's see...

Don Cornelius Commits Suicide
The very first day of black history month people started throwing out tons of facts, but then something shocking happened to take the focus away from those facts. Don Cornelius committed suicide on that very same day. This was the same man who was the host of the very first music/dance centered show for African Americans. His show created several trends. However, instead of celebrating another moment in black history we were morning his death. Not only were we mourning his death though. We were shocked that he would commit suicide? Why go out like that after making such huge achievements? Hmn...

Whitney Houston Is Found Dead
Just as we finished recovering from the Don Cornelius shocker, Whitney Houston's body was found. This woman was part of the last generation of singers with real talent. Let's face it. At some point in the 21st century it became more about entertainment and less about actual skills. However, she could really sing at one point. Then after years of drug usage, or maybe just aging, her skills weren't as good. However, instead of thinking of Whitney as a person to cherish during black history, we immediately jumped to pointing out all her problems. Then something worse happened.

Nicki Minaj Performs at 54th Grammy Awards
At least I think it was the 54th awards show. Well first she walked down the red carpet with a catholic priest (fake one maybe) on her arms. Then she performed later on in the show. Her performance involved a priest attempting an exorcism on her and then an interesting performs of a song, Roman Reloaded, that sucks. But that horrible song didn't even matter. It was the strange exorcism that pissed off many of Nicki's fans and she didn't give a damn. Actually Nicki said she wished she had five percent (or something like that) fucks to give. Wait, but I thought it was supposed to be black history month where we care about each other's feelings. Nah,  not this year.

Chris Brown And Rihanna Reunite Ike And Tina Turner
Well Ike Turner and Tina Turner didn't really end up on the same stage. That would be way too much for any generation. However, after years of not being anywhere near each other Chris and Rihanna started partying together. In the midst of their shocking partying, they also decided to collaborate. Their collaborations became instant youtube sensations, but not because the songs were good. Three years ago Chris Brown beat the hell out of Rihanna. He may or may not have apologized for his actions, but he's showed a lot of anger toward anyone willing to bring up that terrible night. That same terrible night Rihanna had the good girl beat out of her and has made the best music of her life since. Her music has gotten so good that she seems to have forgotten what happened with Chris and recently they reunited, as already mentioned. The problem is no one has forgotten what happened that night. It was too public to forget. The bigger problem is neither Chris or Rihanna seems to want to acknowledge that their actions are wrong. They don't even want to say why their actions are good. But wait, there's more...

Celebrities Are Doing Stupid Things
Chris Brown did win a Grammy award this year, but while partying he decided he would take on a new hobby that involved stealing fans $500 cellphones. All the fan wanted was a cute picture of Chris Brown, but he wanted her phone and he took it. Then I found out that Juvenile, my ex baby daddy, has forgotten to pay over $160,000 in child support to some woman in Louisiana. He's headed to jail soon. But that's not the worse part of this month. Every time I turn on the television Jennifer Hudson is talking about weight loss. Sometimes she is singing with her past fat self. It is super annoying and kind of creepy. 

Okay, after bringing up all that I can now see why I forgot it was a time to celebrate the history of black people. Did you forget this month was supposed to be special too? 

Monday, February 27, 2012

Is Tyler Perry America's Next Male Sex Symbol?

Tyler Perry's new movie Good Deeds came out this weekend. While we've seen Perry act like a married man before, this time was different. In the movie he seemed to possess boring husband qualities, have a wild side that turns women on, knew how to flirt with a pretty woman, and he tried to find a moment where it was okay to cry in front of  a woman. He was doing the most to come off as a good sexy black man, which leads me to wonder if he's auditioning for the role of the next male sex symbol.

In his most successful movies Tyler Perry dresses up as Madea. Could you see him as attractive or even the most attractive male? Check out a few pictures from the movie.

Drake/DMX Beef~ Who Would Win?

Within the past year Drake was involved in his first beef. This hatred came from rapper Common and was totally unexpected. Common, known for his sex appeal and soft lyrics, dissed Drake for (I think) having the exact same style. While Drake does appear emotionally unstable at times, he doesn't like being called soft. So a beef began between both rappers. It was weird because it was unclear what the rappers were mad at each other about. However, weeks ago it ended. Now they are cool. However, Drake has developed a new enemy and his name is DMX.

A couple days ago DMX, a rapper known for his hard lyrics, long criminal record, and drug habit, did an interview on The Breakfast Club. During the interview he discussed his dislike for several rappers. One was Drake. DMX said he hated everything from the way Drake dresses to the way he breathes. That's a lot of hatred, but he was serious. 

This could potentially turn into a beef, but who would win? Drake actually has current songs that are hits. DMX, on the other hand, has a long criminal record and is willing to go back to jail if he has to. Okay, the answer is clear. Drake will be a punk and not even respond. 

Being Emotionally Played By The Movie Makers

This weekend I went to see Good Deeds. My parents were going to see the same movie, so I rode with them. However, upon  entering the theater I bought my popcorn and sat alone. It wouldn't have been a typical movie moment if I would have sat next to them. I wasn't sure what to expect, but since the movie was made by Tyler Perry I knew it would be somewhat relate-able. However, it turned out to be too relate-able.

The movie started and there was the main character mirroring my life. He was a successful man making lots of money, but not even sure if that was what he wanted to do with his life. That was not his dream. It was someone else's dream. Then there was a woman who was financially struggling. Her biggest goal in life seemed to be getting to happiness, but it was a struggle just to smile. But wait...

A week ago I went to the movies to see The Vow. Did you watch it? This woman was in a terrible car accident, forgot five years of her memory, and had to make choices all over again. She was told that she was an artist, but all she could remember was being in law school. Her husband was by her side when she was in a coma, but upon waking up she could only remember being engaged to another man. She had cut off all connection with her family, but she did not remember why. She never regained her memory, but she ended up making the same decisions all over again. Well in the end she kept her family in her life, but all other decisions were repeated. She reentered law school and then dropped out to pursue art. She divorced her current husband, but ended up remarrying him because that was the love of her life. The biggest part of all is no one influenced her choices.

I feel like these movies are speaking to me. I'm at a point where I know what will make me happy, but I don't know how to get to that happy place. I also know that if I had a second chance I would choose my passion. That's what these movies are telling me to do also, right? Are these movie makers reading my mind? Or are they just trying to make some money? I feel like I'm being emotionally played.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

K'LA Gimme Love (2012 Music)

K'LA finally has new music. The best thing about K'LA is although she's signed to a major record label, she does a lot of self promoting. Check out "Gimme Love" below.

Teyana Taylor D.U.I. Ft. Fabolous & Jadakiss

Teyana Taylor, Bow Wow's baby mama from that one Tyler Perry movie, has a brand new song out. Now the phrase "Byrrrrroooonnn" might be stuck in your but she's a way better singer than actress. Check out her new song "D.U.I" below.

Sunday Reflections: A Color Change Is Gonna Come

At the beginning of the year I wanted to make a change. Instead of talking about the past I wanted to discuss my future and I created a label for it. It was called "Visions Of The Future." I thought that label was so creative but then realized after a couple times of using it that Sunday Reflections sounds so much better. See Sunday Reflections it better because it doesn't just involve looking upon the past. I can also casually reference the future. Now onto the real part of this post...

A change is gonna come soon. It's not about to be a small one either. It'll be a change that makes a huge difference. See I watched Good Deeds this weekend and last weekend I saw The Vow. Plus some random trip to Target earlier this year caused me to buy my former life story Never Been Kissed. It wasn't my life story because of her bad luck with relationships. I bonded because I realized both the main character and I were extremely awkward, struggle with words, but in the end can create a masterpiece. 

A change has come. Last year I discovered that my new life story is the movie Young Adult. See I thought I knew who I was and what my passion was upon working my way through college. However, in the last two years I've been ridiculed for my passion and tried to be dragged into a life I don't love. If I hadn't know before I really discovered what unhappiness felt like. However, upon watching the movie Young Adult I discovered exactly who I am. I'm a weird, awkward writer struggling to fit into this fucked up world and that will never change. I'm quite possibly immature but that may just stem from a lack of understanding from others. I'm emotionally turned off because 90% of the time I'm stuck in my emotions and 45% of that time I won't reveal it to you. I'm cool because I can always find some way to cope. Wait, the real point is coming.

A change is soon to come. It'll be a small change that will show in a big way. This change will cause more people to judge me, which I really don't want but it will help me get in touch with Lashuntrice more. The changte involves coloring my hair. For a while I've had a vision of being a blond or a red head. Well my fantasy is having fiery red hair, but I'm willing to settle for burgundy. I really want to consider what every one else will think (parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, co-workers), but this one ain't about them. Yeah, I used the word ain't. This color change is about me, so if I decide to do a streak of blue there will be no problem. 

It's almost near. I've set up a hair appointment for a week from now. I'm nervous, but totally excited. No one's gonna change my mind. No one is going to scare me with stories of hair falling out or it being a struggle to keep up the color. If you have a sudden overwhelming feeling to give advice that's opposite of my opinion don't do it. 

You get to live. Why shouldn't I? 

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Can I Get A Second Chance? (Poem)

Can I Get A Second Chance? 
2012 Poem

Can I Get A Second Chance???
 I feel like the girl who keeps running into the same men over and over again
He starts off handsome, nice, a little insecure
 He believes in chivalry, holding doors open and always giving out unwarranted compliments
Brags about his achievements and allows me to listen to his future plans
He's not the traditional man
Doesn't want to become a doctor, lawyer, banker or even engineer
 His goals, they stretch past the achievements of a nurse, mailman, singer, or rapper
This man, each man, the ones I always want to refer to as my man, dream of ruling the world
 They're entrepreneurs who dream of making millions of dollars, driving fast cars, living in fancy houses, and giving the women in their lives everything they could imagine
 Their big dreams lead to lots of small lies
 Instead of looking at what they have they're ashamed of where they're at, but they don't want to show it
 They convince me it'll get better
 "Dinner nights out are coming soon. 
We'll go to the movies tomorrow. 
When the weather's better we'll chill at the park. 
That concert's expensive, maybe next time." 
Tomorrows and next times never come around, but I know it will never happen.
 I've been there before
Each guy, different looks, different heights, never the same color eyes, voices always sound different, skin color tends to vary, but they all come off the same way
 Very goal driven but lacking in the ways that it takes to build a relationship
 But I don't know if a better man exists
 So can I get a second chance to be with him, different man, different name, but same game, all over again?

Okay, so I was listening to Elle Varner's song "Refill" before I wrote this. Can you tell?

Friday, February 24, 2012

Intellectual Tips: Stealing A Phone Gets The Media's Attention

Ever since the Grammy awards, or maybe even before then, Chris Brown has been heavily in the media.

His recently escalating popularity started with adding a grammy award to his collection. Soon after the police report from his brutal attack of Rihanna was released. The media started talking heavily and Chris Brown responded by letting his haters know he had an award.

Then two new songs were released with Chris' name attached to them. One involved a remix of his song "Turn Up The Music." What made the song media worthy was the fact that Rihanna was his feature. The other song that came out was Rihanna's song "Birthday Cake," which featured Chris Brown as the feature. "Birthday Cake" sparked more attention because it seemed as though the two ex lovers were telling each other how much they wanted to get back together and have hot sweaty sex. This erupted more bad press for Chris Brown and caused lots of women to writers letter telling Rihanna to be careful. It has also effect Chris' love life since neither he or his girlfriend Karrueche have announced a break-up.

Although the press has been trying to find new problems with Chris Brown he has used his twitter to stay positive. It's worked up until yesterday.

Yesterday news got out that Chris Brown may be in trouble with the law again. His new way of being bad has been to steal an Iphone.

It all started when he and rapper Tyga were in a club. After the club a fan allegedly tried to get a picture of him and he snapped. He yelled at the fan saying she wasn't going to post any photos of him for press ant hen stole her phone. To be accurate it was a $500 Iphone 4S. Now Chris may be in trouble with the law and he has the media's attention for doing something bad again.

He's an entertainer. You may be wondering why it's bad for the media to have so much on Chris, especially so early in the year. Well at the beginning of the year Chris Brown's team said he would not do any interviews or have any opinions this year. While he's stuck to his word on interviews, Chris is doing a horrible job of keeping a low profile.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Finding Happiness In The Victoria's Secret Challenge

I'm an addict of perfume and body sprays. The addiction is so strong that every once in a while I just go wild while buying fragrances. Yesterday was one of those days where I faithfully allowed myself to lose my mind. However, the loss of my mind went far beyond fragrances. It stretched to my other addiction that involves underwear.

So the fragrances were easy to grab, but the underwear was another beautiful story. Buying underwear this time involved doing the Victoria's Secret challenge. This challenge is something I read about on another blog about a month ago. The blog, which I'm too lazy to find, involved a new mother trying to discover her sexiness again.

The mother's husband had been deployed off to Iraq for some time and she'd not too long ago gave birth to their  first child. After giving birth she discovered her body had gone through some changes. Nothing felt the same anymore, especially her confidence with her sexiness. So she wanted to get her sexy feeling back. In order to do it she'd need to take a trip to the store for new underwear. Well, her choice of a store involved Victoria's Secret.

Upon going to Victoria's Secret she grabbed every cute bra and panty that caught her attention. The amount of money she spent was crazy, but the feeling was amazing. I'm not a mother and I'm not married, but my confidence wavers from time to time. Yesterday was one of those days where I needed a pick-me-up. So I remembered this woman's story and ran straight to Victoria's Secret before I grabbed my needed fragrances.

The trip to Victoria's Secret did not lead to crazy money being spent. However, I did purchase a VS bra for the first time. It was strange spending over $30 on one bra. Then came the underwear grabbing. That was so much fun. To add to it I always brought a cute VS shirt and some teeny shorts. They were expensive, but worth the buy.

During another down and out time I'm preparing to do this all over again.

Kanye West Sits Front Row During London Fashion Week

It's that time of year again. Every year there is a week dedicated to fashion in several places. Last week was New York Fashion Week. I wanted to write at least one post on it, but since I wasn't in New York it became hard to do. This week is different however. It's London Fashion Week and celebrities are sitting front row just so I can have something to talk about. The black celebrity that is gracing the front row for London is Kanye West.

You probably thought I was about to say I had magically found my way to London. Nah, I just noticed Kanye is the only black person in a sequence of pictures sitting in the front row. Then again he could be the only black person there. Check out the pictures.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Mama I Want To Sing~ Ciara Hasn't Given Up

I'm not sure how long it's been since Ciara released a new song. It feels as if years have passed by, but she's been on the scene. Ciara has been seen in relationships, at parties, and on the red carpet. However, recently we were reminded that she still has singing dreams. This reminder comes with the release of her new DVD "Mama I Want To Sing."

"Mama I Want To Sing" is now in stores. Will you watch? I'm thinking about buying it.

Maya Angelou Gives Advice To 15 Year Old Self

I think it's too late for my 15 year old self, but the advice I'd offer my child and every child out there is discover yourself. Find out your talents, what you love doing, and then follow your heart. Never listen to negative advice, even when people think they are offering you something positive. Understand you who are and who you're meant to be. Well, actually that's the advice I give myself on a daily basis. Living is hard work.

Grew Up Fast by J Cole

Over midnight rapper J Cole realized he had reached two million followers on twitter. Lots of followers on twitter always means a celebration is in the near future. J Cole celebrated by releasing a brand new song called "Grew Up Fast." Check it out below.

Apologize For My Feelings? Jennifer Williams Visits The Breakfast Club

Two girls are best friends through thick and thin. From the beginning they have different personalities but they click well. One is a nice shy girl. The shy girl even comes off a bit bougie, but that's her lifestyle. The other is an apparent mean girl. She can come off nice when you first meet her, but don't get on her bad side. When you get on the mean girl's bad side you can never ever be friends with her again. It's instant enemies. Even if her best friend said something that pissed her off she would become enemies in a heart beat. That is exactly what has happened on Baskeball Wives. Two best friends Evelyn Lozada and Jennifer Williams have become enemies. 

Hate is a strong word. Jennifer revealed to The Breakfast Club recently that she has no hate for Evelyn. However, the new season of Basketball Wives premiered this past Monday and Evelyn was an angry bully. Evelyn continuously said her and Jennifer would never be friends again on the show, but what is this all over? 

Apparently Jennifer did an interview a while back where she spilled her feelings on Chad Ochocinco, Evelyn's fiance. The interview and the big fight that ended their friendship was then broadcast on live television so we would all understand. Evelyn was fuming, but after all was said and done Jennifer had revealed her feelings. She couldn't take her would back because it was her opinion. The fight eventually escalated later on after a blog post had been written under Jennifer's name. The post said something along the lines of Jen named dating the same type of men as Evelyn. Those shouldn't be fighting words, but they became instant enemy words for Evelyn. 

Now Jen is doing interviews, which are requested from different reporters. Evelyn is angrier at the interviews, but they are reality stars and at the end of day the Jennifer is only expressing her opinion. They latest interview that Jennifer has done is with the Breakfast Club. You can watch below. 

On another reality television show, The Braxton Family Values, Tamar asked Toni to apologize for her feelings. Tamar was very hurt by a lot of words that had been thrown at her. On this show Evelyn's anger began when her fiance Chad was called cocky by her then best friend. I think Evelyn realized wants Jennifer to apologize for how she feels and change her opinion. 

Is there something wrong with feeling a certain way now? Should we express disinterest or dislike? Should we apologize for expressing disinterest or dislike? I'm not the apology type. 

The Truth About Nerds, I'm Not In Love With Them

It was the year 2000 and I was discovering what it meant to try to fit in. Fitting in was a struggle. The friends that I had known for years seemed to be growing apart from me. Or maybe I was growing away from them. Either way I was being forced to find myself all over again and discover new friends. It was a hard task to do when everyone I was surrounded by were people that I'd known for years. However, being around a group of friends and trying to fit in was the least of my problems. The bigger problems involved harder work and falling grades.

My grades were falling but not in every area. The areas that I was messing up in were math and science and these were also very important areas to my parents. They saw the grades, continuously yelled at me, but I didn't know how to fix my problems. Figuring out math and science was like trying to understand what was going on in a Spanish soap opera. However, the good part about math was in two more weeks the struggle would be over. The school would purposely move me from Algebra to pre-Algebra. My brain would be at rest, or so I thought. I wasn't in my school zone and it was starting to take a toll on my parents. They decided it would be a good idea for me to move to a school where I could ride the bus. The switch happened before the math class could get easier and I was again doomed to fail. And I did fail for the rest of the semester.

Science became easier at the new school. The teacher didn't actually teach and we took open book tests. My mind wasn't stressing out at all. However, at the new school I was again stuck in Algebra when I didn't need to be. The new teacher recognized my struggle. She was ready to put me in a lower class, but my parents weren't having that. She had my consent to make my life easier, but my parents thought she was being racist by telling them I needed to be in a different class. She was white and they weren't pleased. So I failed, got yelled at, and failed again for the rest of the semester. Before this grueling semester I had been called a nerd.

My love for reading made some assume I was a nerd. They said "She's a little girl reading for fun so she must be nerdy and smart. She must know everything." Being a nerd was somewhat of an insult but I claimed the title. I really didn't have a problem with it until I spent that horrible semester in 2000 failing Algebra. That semester of failing made me realize I wasn't a nerd.

I wasn't a nerd, but I wanted to be one. However, my lack of being good at and even interested in math and science set me back. Without an interest in math and science I could never be a nerd. However, I could like them. I could dream of falling in love with an engineer, doctor, astronaut, or even electrician. The architects carefully making measurements when they weren't even working could quench my need for a nerd in my life. I could dream about letting them entice me with their job experience. A doctor would tell me about all his frustrating patience. A pharmacist could tell me about all the different types of medicine he has to prescribe to patients. Then when they were tired of talking about their jobs they could tell me about their hobbies. I envisioned myself enjoying watching anime with the man of my dreams and discussing his love for hockey. Yeah, it would be a dream made in Nerd Heaven, but the fantasy got old real fast.

The nerds came, but the bad boys did too. The nerd were just as I imagined them, but each time felt like I was settling for something safe. The non-nerds on the hand brought fun. They gave me memorable experiences, such as getting drunk and carrying me halfway across the club. The nerd seemed to be happy just in my presence. No excitement, no special experience. The nerds never made me guess, but the other guys drove my mind around in circles. They claimed that I was so sexy and then did disappearing acts until they needed some feminine attention once again. Wait, the exciting ones didn't always disappear before the flame died. Sometimes life was just exciting and then the excitement was over. Neither the nerds or the opposites were bad. No, they were all good guys. I just realized nerds and I have nothing in common.

No, absolutely nothing. Nerds are not my type and I'm quite possibly not their type either.

This is the second post where I describe experiences of not fitting in. Guess it's a series. Keep following if you can hang.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Kevin Cossom~ Hands On Her Butt

Melanie Fiona~ Change The Record Ft. B.O.B

The Stranger From The Past (Story Teller)

The day had started off odd. My alarm clock went off and I immediately stopped it and laid back down. Less than a minute later I had jumped up and out of bed. It was Monday. The day signified the start of another repetitive week. I'd get up, take a rushed shower, throw on work clothes, and pretend breakfast didn't matter. However, repetitive didn't make up this particular morning's feelings. .

The boring feeling of doing the same routine was only part of it. The feeling that swept over me on this particular morning was a feeling or exhaustion mixed with too much sleep. Usually I'd wake up 3 or 4 times during the night just to check the time or because I had to use the bathroom. But I had slept the whole night through. Yet, even with getting at least  8 hrs of sleep the alarm clock still seemed to go off too soon. My body still yearned for more sleep. 5 more minutes, 10 more minutes, or maybe even 15 more minutes of laying down would help. But my mind said follow the routine.

The day went by as usual until it was time for me to break. Usually I'd go home and eat junk food. In the midst of the junk I'd read blogs. If I didn't go home I'd grab food and eat in the car. On this day I broke the routine. I decided to go to a restaurant and eat there during the break. Upon ordering my food and day dreaming about how my food would taste he spoke to me.

"Hey Lashuntrice."

I'm not sure where he came from. Up until the point where I asked him his name I wasn't sure who he was. However, he was confident in speaking. He didn't hug me as if we were long lost friends. He didn't try to hold a huge conversation. All that was asked was about jobs. He asked so I asked. But I didn't know what else to say. Aside from his name I couldn't even remember him.

He was a stranger from the past.

Rihanna Birthday Cake Remix

"Don't try to hide it. I'ma make you my bitch."

Monday, February 20, 2012

My Passion Is Powerful And Not Going Anywhere (The Vow Review)

If you were given the chance to make some of your choices all over again do you think you would make the same decisions? Would you get into the same career? Would you choose a new career? Would you be closer or farther away from your family? Would you date the same men? Would you be more open or less open in your dating choices? Recently I went to see the movie The Vow and realized if I had to choose all over again I'd choose being a writer.

I started writing at the age of ten just for fun. At the time I wanted to share my new found talent with the world, but not everyone was interested in it. My family pretended to be interested in it, but didn't really want to read. The kids at school did read it until they found something new to entertain them. When it seemed as if no one cared about my talent anymore I continued to write.

At that point it became my own little secret gift to myself. I'd waste paper creating story after story and then hide the stories in a drawer inside my room. Then one day I moved on from just story telling. I wanted to see if poetry was a part of my writing gift.

So I tried it out and it was horrible. Well I found out I was horrible when I decided to share my poetry with some people. Their reactions made me go back into hiding and work on perfecting my talent. I perfected and perfected until it was time to choose a career.

Well actually it was more like a major for college. I had two choices. They were major in English or major in journalism. Since I wanted to explore the depths that my talent could do I chose journalism. The minute I stepped into that world I knew it was time to add a title with it. So I started calling myself a writer.

A writer is what I am. There's no denying it. Some people give themselves titles for the money. While money is at the heart of all survival methods, my gift has never been money motivated. It's never been forced upon me by anyone. It has purely been a gift that I had at a very young age and never stopped utilizing. In fact I'm writing right now. But recently I went to the movies and realized if I had the opportunity to pick a brand new career I'd still choose being a writer.

The latest movie I had the pleasure of seeing was The Vow. This movie is about a woman who gets into a car accident and forgets that last five years of her life. The loss of her memory affects her family, her husband, and her career. Her family is changed because they realized she forgot why she was mad at them and they don't have to go through lots of apologizing to get her back into their lives. Her husband is affected because she doesn't remember marrying or ever meeting him. Her career is effected because when she comes out of her coma she only remembers the dream job her father had planned for her life. She is affected the most because she has to discover who she is all over again.

The movie is over all deep and very relate-able. While we don't all get huge brain injuries that cause us to reflect on where we are, we all go through the decision of choosing the decisions that will make us happy. Some of us end up later on down the road trying to decide whether we made the right choices. Not everyone ends up happy and some people end up eventually following their hearts once they realize the cause of their sadness.

Actually I'm speaking about choices, but this has nothing to do with choices. In the movie before the accident the woman had a strong passion for art and eventually see worked her way back to that passion. There's a scene where she's in a law class and she's drawing in her notebook. She couldn't remember her past but the gift managed to find and put a smile on her face again. This was a a sign that my gift is powerful and not going anywhere.

So if I all of a sudden forgot my memory one day I already know that the passion for writing is so deep that it would find me again.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Sunday Reflections: In The Real World I'm Out Of Place

Usually silence was my friend, but at this particular moment it was extremely mad at me.

 In the past it represented peacefulness. I could daydream and create from the lack of words being spoken. A cute six foot man with the personality of a college educated Tupac would play with my imagination. My fingers would then lead me to create poetry and short stories filled with lustful moments just waiting to be created. However, on this day the sexy man and fantasies were nowhere to be found. Instead they were replaced with the extra loud silence.

The idea of creating a conversation about something, anything was very tempting. I wasn't alone. There was one other person sitting in the break room. However, within her silence I could tell she was entertained. She felt peace in the silence that was torturing me. I spoke anyway.

"Today is one of those extra long day," I said.

"Yeah," she responded without much enthusiasm. I had interrupted her solace. Now instead of extra loud silence there was awkwardness. It didn't take much for awkwardness to fill the air. All I needed was for someone to make me feel as if they'd rather not talk to me. Sometimes it was the look on their face when I realized they weren't interested in my topic of conversation. That look was soon to come.

"There's not much to do today," I said.

She looked at me. The stare was there. It said "Shut up. This is the real world. Get used to it." So I stopped talking. Silence greeted me again. This time it came with a vengeance. It made me feel terrible. Speaking was a mistake. Making conversation just wasn't meant to be.

In the midst of silence and boredom I searched for my fantasies. Tupac with a college degree was there. Creative fiction stories and poems were waiting for me to type them up. I met up with the girl who would attempt to see if he was the love of  her life through a lap dance. I met up with the broken-hearted girl that was ready to give up on black men, but was willing to be convinced one more time that a black man was the key to her heart. What was greeting me and would forever greet me was solace. Peace.

In the world of fantasy I find peace. However, in the real world I am forever out of place.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Intellectual Tips: Being Different Is Hard

Recently I began to learn that being different is a huge struggle. 

I found out that most poets struggle to come up with words to get their audience's attention. For example it was clear that Common was struggling to get the audience to feel his words at the BET Honors. 

I've found that most actors struggle to let the world know who they are and why they are important. Actor Brian White has continuously talked about his career and his opinions on black women. 

I've found out that most entertainers work hard to prove to the world that they will never stop entertaining. This past Sunday Nicki Minaj did a strange performance on stage. The performance involved a priest and an exorcism. Last she revealed that the point of the performance was to prove that her alter ego, Roman, would never change even if a priest tried to help. 

However, no matter what intent Nicki had she angered a lot of her fans and the catholic church. Brian White has also angered a lot of black women with his negative views. Common will always be a poet that people either  love or hate. 

Sometimes I try to desperately fit in. It's true, but I fail every time. My real personality slides out. I'm the nerd that loves to read, loves to write, and loves to learn from everything that she hears. The topics that my memory holds onto and later spits out in front of people is so visual that eventually the word "weird" slips out of someone's mouth. However, it's who I am. It is what makes me different. However, when you began to end up around strangers or familiar faces you learn that being different is hard. 

It's depressing because someone's going to force you to care. It's sad because there's someone close always trying to change you. It's hard because it's who you are. 

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Lil Wayne Man In The Mirror Ft. Bruno Mars

I've seen dozens of songs and prepared to post them, but Lil Wayne's Man In The Mirror speaks to me most right now. I don't know why, but I hope you enjoyed it if you hadn't already heard.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I Love Questions Too by Jerry LaVigne Jr

Celebrities Tribute Whitney Houston With Their Voices

Before the Grammy Awards Sunday night we already knew Jennifer Hudson could do a Whitney Houston song justice. However, we didn't know how many others had the talent, or were willing to trying, to sing a hit made by one of the greatest to get into the music industry. However, other singers have attempted to sing at least one of her songs. One of those people is Ashanti Check out how she does below.

Another singer to touch a Houston song has been Monica. See the video below.

Bobby Brown Reportedly Banned From Whitney Houston's Funeral

The death of Whitney Houston is still fresh in our minds. Less than a week ago she was on stage performing and having a good time. However, since the announcement of her death Saturday there has been lots of grieving, drama, and blame being passed around. According to TMZ and other sources the blame has gotten so bad members of Whitney Houston's family is banning Bobby Brown from the funeral.

Latest reports are saying her funeral will be invite only. Bobby Brown is not on the list of people to see her one last time. Keep in mind that he is the father of her child. Do you think he deserves to be banned from the funeral? Do you think he is to blame for her death?

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Lil Kim If You Love Me

It's amazing what photo shop will do to a person's appearance. Lil Kim has finally introduced her first song of 2012 to the world. The song is called "If  You Love Me."

On this track, little Kim tries to sing, but what's really good is the fact that her lyrics aren't as bad as the 2011 stuff. Then again it could still be bad. Judge for yourself.

In Honor Of Valentines Day Poem Re-post~ Tired, Stressed And Depressed

The following is a poem that I wrote back in 2007. It was and still is dedicated to the man I haven't met yet, the man of my dreams. No words have been changed. No editing has been done. These are purely my thoughts at at very young age. ENJOY!

Wandering when the day will come
That he will see me undressed
Layer after layer of clothing coming off
Layer after layer of clothing that's been weighing me down
Keeping me with sad eyes
Keeping me with a frown
Imagining myself stripping for him
Just wanting him to see the real me

Just wanting the pain to go away
Just wanting him to hold me
Feel me, touch me, grab me, kiss me
Wanting him to be all up on me
Thinking he's the cure to my pain
Thinking he's the one that will stop the rain
So imagining stripping for him
Hoping he'll like the real me

Afraid, but curious of what the world has in store
But knowing whatever I do it's my choice
Just the thought of him gives me butterflies
Wandering if he'd have me so high I'd be touching the sky
To be or not to be
To approach him or not to approach him
Just standing on the sidelines
Imagining myself with him
Hoping he'll like the real me

Waiting for the right time
When he'll be mine
Seeing him in front of me
Talking to me, hugging me
Holding me oh so closely
He's feeling...

Cause he's been sad, miserable, and lonely
Just waiting for the day he could hold me
Feel me, touch me, grab me, kiss me
Just the feel of his hands caress me
Kills me oh so softly
He is...

Unsure of what he wants
But willing to see if what he wants is me
So he sits back in a chair
And watches as I undress
Layer after layer of clothing coming off
Layer after layer of clothing that's been weighing me down
Revealing myself to him
That shy and quiet me
The fun and energetic me
The me that's willing to fulfill his every fantasy

Feelings for him still intact
But my fantasy of him nobody knows
Until that day
That I strip for him
Layer after layer coming off
His hands caressing me
And killing me so softly
Guess I stay
Tired, stressed, and depressed
While layer and layer of clothing
Keeps me dressed

Inspiration From The 2012 BET Honors

It's been a long month, but the awaited 2012 BET Honors has finally aired for the first time. While watching I couldn't help but notice all of the legends that showed up to the awards just to be there or honor someone else.

Patti LaBelle was one of them. She performed in the tribute to Mariah Carey and it was amazing. Stevie Wonder was also shown love by Aretha Franklin. Plus he got on stage and sang one of his classic hits. Legendary filmmaker Spike Lee was also there to receive an award. Plus several Tuskegee Airmen showed up. However, it wasn't just the fact that they were there that made the night special. It was the words of wisdom that they gave us. Some quotes and paraphrased quotes are below.

"Do not kill your children's dreams"-- Spike Lee

"I did not know it was possible for me to feel better than I look...and I look good."-- Coach Beverly Kearny

(Paraphrased) "Back then I didn't know what we were doing was historical but now I know that it is."-- The Tuskegee Airmen

The most special moment for me was not what Mariah Carey said. It was the fact that her husband announced the award and gave it to her. 

And The Literary Art Award Goes To Maya Angelou

Two days ago I tuned into the Grammy Awards along with millions of others. One of the most disappointing moments of the night was watching two football players that had just won the championship struggle to read the category they were announcing. However, BET reminded us that literacy is important when I watched Maya Angelou receive the Literary Arts award on the 2012 Honors last night.

The show was actually taped a month ago so I knew it was coming. However, it was still amazing to see a literary art award go to a legend such as Maya Angelou. Ms. Angelou is amazing. She's a poet that has paved the way for generations of new poets. She's a woman that has inspired generations of women to to have courage in themselves and each other. She's a writer that has shown how powerful literacy can be. 

Maya Angelou inspires me. 

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Mya~ Mess Up My Hair

Sunday Reflections: The Day The Bad Girl Became Afraid Of Being Bad

Right after losing my virginity my first thought was "It could have been so much better." I was young and didn't know what I was doing. Even more, there was a fear in my heart that kept me from pretending to know. That fear stemmed from so many messages being thrown my way growing up. Many of these came from what I heard in church, what school students were saying around me, the reactions of men when in the midst of sexual activity, and how my parents reacted whenever there was a hint of anything sexual going on whether in a movie or a conversation. I was a heavy listener, because I was trying hard to learn everything I needed to know in order to be perfect. Well, recently I found out something that was holding my sexual perfection back. It has to do with the moments I was taught that being a bad girl was horrible and being a good girl was much better.

I'm a sexual woman. I love being a sexual woman. When people look at me I want them to see a woman that is in control of her sexuality. I want to be in control of my sexuality. When looking in the mirror at all times I want to feel sexy, beautiful, and alive. Stating how I want to see myself is the first exercise in the book "The Good Girl's Guide To Bad Girl's Sex," by Dr. Barbara Keesling. Exercise two in the book is dedicated to defining moments in my good girl history.

One example the doctor uses is a girl blossoming into a woman and abandoning wearing a bra. The moment the girl decides that she's comfortable without a bra is the moment she becomes a bad girl and develops a relationship with her sexuality. She is comfortable in her sexuality until her mom discovers what she is doing. Her mom then puts fear in her by telling her she's being bad and forces her to wear a bra. Good girls always wear bras. Her mother's words affected the way she walks, talks, and even dresses for years.

The Day The Bad Girl Became Afraid
I've had several moments that turned me into more of a good girl. Well, these moments really made me afraid of being bad. They made me think that my ideas were bad in a horrible way. So for years I hid under my fears. One moment that made me afraid was a day during my teen years when I received a phone call. The call came from a girl who lived down the street. She and her sister had guests over and they wanted me to go to their house. I would have gone anyway, but they added that there was a guy there that wanted to see me. The guy was someone who went to my high school that I had never really thought of before. In fact I didn't even think of him as cute. However, as a girl that was coming into her sexuality I was willing to go see him. I let them know that I was coming, but my mom was against me going. She had lots to say.
"You can't go to a boy."
"What if they are just trying to use you?"
"What if he plans to rape you?"
"Bad things could happen and you don't want that to happen."
It was odd. I had never thought of rape before, but I didn't want to be afraid. I told my mom I was mentally prepared for anything. Technically I was mentally prepared for whatever could go wrong. School had prepared me for the dangerous situations. However, I couldn't argue the point with my mom. She continued to talk angrily until she felt that she had convinced me. However, it wasn't the guy that made me decide that being a good girl was better. It was my mom.

I was afraid of what she would think of me if I was to go to a boy's house. I was afraid that her words would possibly one day come true. So I avoided going to any boys or men for years. Instead I allowed them to come to me. Even when I did develop the courage to go to a guy or do something he wanted very few people  knew. My mom wasn't one of them. I was afraid of her or someone else being disappointed and thinking of me as a bad girl in a negative way.

In a way I'm still stuck at "Good Girl." Even though I've made huge steps in my sexuality, I'm still afraid that at my happiest moment I'll reveal that I followed some man's lead and someone's words will make me feel terrible about my actions forever. Do you have memories any memories that effected how you view your sexual actions?