Sunday, September 30, 2012

Mula, The Realest Song On The Radio

"Ain't nothing more important than the mula. Praise God. Hallelujah."

While driving I heard this song that's all about money. Wait, most songs on the radio are all about money. Well this one is by Big Sean and French Montana. In the song they send out lots of praises to God for all the money they make, because in their eyes there's nothing more important than money. Back in the day I probably would have disagreed with this song. After all, it's using words in the bible to send the wrong message. The bible says money is the root of all evil. However, after many years of being at the mercy of other people's bank accounts to survive and then working to still not make enough money, I think this is the realest song on the radio right now.

After all, money gets you everything. Clothes, cars, gas in cars, cable, trips out of town, a place to sleep, luxuries to add to your home, food, etc. etc. etc. The only things things money can't buy you is emotional stability and people that love you.

Although, emotional stability and love should be more important than money, at the end of the day when we're starving the first place we turn is to our own bank accounts. So "ain't nothing more important than the mula. Hallelujah. Hallelujah."

Sunday Reflections, I Decided To Quit

I decided to quit.

When Future was looking for her with a flashlight, I was looking for him with my two eyes.

 Everywhere I went I wondered "Could he be the one?" But he never was. Men are easy to find, but every time I come across one, it turns out to be a waste of time.

There was the one that made many promises of taking me on lots of cool dates, but by the end he was a day late and a dollar short. I'm lying. He had no money. There was also the one whose first priority was his child. One night he wanted to invite me over with the child in the next room, parents chilling in the front of the house, and an unlimited amount of hours to waste. That wasn't my style. I turned him down. Did I do the right thing? Who knows. He's been gone, haven't heard from him in so long. So I moved on and met the commitment-phobe. We tried to make our relationship work, but were both to afraid to get attached. Our sexual chemistry was strong, but as our schedules became busier I began to contemplate if there was really a such thing as fucking all night long. Or is there even a such thing as casual sex? Soon I was shouting "Next," but he beat me to the chase. He met the next girl right away, started calling her his girlfriend, and I became the ex. But wait, I never had a title so does that mean we never really happened?

 In the midst of it all I've been running across strange men. They offer their names and numbers, but then play strange games. One wants to fuck right away, but then another just wants to be friendly. But then another wants to approach and then lack in any type of conversation. I've been searching for him. I've used my two eyes, hopped in the car and drove places. Grocery stores, gas stations, clubs, and still no love. One day I bought a flashlight, took Future's approach, had an extra set of batteries, and started searching. Maybe he's hiding in a corner somewhere, or under the bed, or could be sitting on the stairs...

Nah, he's not there. I've looked and maybe he's nowhere to be found, or maybe he's looking for me. Either way I'm out of my mind, done, through, in a chill zone, getting some recuperation. I decided to quit.

Since I haven't brought you the real "Out Of My Mind" poem, based off the song, I'm throwing that in every blog post and poem I write until it is done. Oh and that's not based on me. I don't know why I wrote this. It's the middle of the night. However, I'm an really through searching out these men. They keep confusing me. I'm fine riding solo, unless thoughts of sex come up. That's a post for a different time though.

Friday, September 28, 2012

How Do You Get A $250,000 Manicure?

Apparently Kelly Osbourne wore a manicure worth $250,000, but why must we be teased with it?

See it's an election season, which means every time I turn on the television or read the latest news money is thrown in my face. If you've been living under a rock, the current Republican candidate, Mitt Romney, has a net worth of around $250 million. Now there is nothing new about this multi-million dollar money flashing attitude these people are throwing around.

For instance last year Jay-Z and Kanye West did their Watch The Throne album. The whole album was comprised of them rapping about rich people stuff that none of their audience, including me, could relate to. I'm poor, but I could handle that. The beat the the songs was good. I can also handle Mitt Romney's rich attitude. However, what I cannot handle as a woman is seeing another woman with a cute manicure that is worth more than my whole current existence.

What made Kelly Osbourne's manicure worth $250,000?

This nail polish was created by jeweler Azatur and it consists of 267 karats of black diamond. Yes, 267 karats diamonds were hanging out on Kelly's fingers.

See now I want it, but I can't have it. I don't even make $250,000 in a year. I'm broke, poor, one of those people Mitt Romney probably don't like. Maybe when I get famous. Famous people get stuff for free. Kelly had that manicure done for free.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Out Of My Mind Poem/Short Story, Part One

I’m going out of my mind, out of my mind. I’m trying to impress a man that’s not worth my time, worth my time. Mentally he plays with my emotions. Tells me everything I want to hear, how he’s single, thinks I’m cute, thinks my interests are cool, and how nothing about him is romantically new. He claims to be old school, walks in the park, flowers at the door, nice classy dinners, and seeing the world during a night out around town. I’m getting sick off of his words and looking for his actions to heal me.

I’m going out of my mind, getting sicker by the minute. Why aren't his actions adding up? Three months ago he called me and wanted to hook up. Said he wanted to see me, teased me with words about how he could please me. My body temperature rose at thoughts of being wooed. Where would he take me for our first date? What memorable moments could we create? Then like a girl my brain jumped 10 years.

Maybe one day he could meet my family and they would be pleased. After all he had a good job and would eventually make a great father. They’d say “Finally you found the one. He’s good for you. I see wedding bells in the air.” We’d grow together, at some point compromise. Who would have to give up what? Would he watch fewer sports? Would I have to quit writing and reading so much? Would he even appreciate my talents?

It all started to feel like a played out game the first time he cancelled. He didn't want to romanticize me out in the streets. Instead he talked his way into my crib, but for some stupid reason I let him in. It was the beginning of a beautiful lie. Part of me knew he wasn't shit, but another part was too sick off good looks and nice words. Plus I was still hoping that he would eventually use his remedy to start making me feel good.

I’m going out of my mind, dealing with a cold that’s threatening to become a fever. What’s wrong with this nigga? Why isn't he catering to me like he said he would? Two and a half months ago he said he could make me feel good. The night started off innocent. He finally took me out to a club. Partying was his style and partying with his girl was his way of showing love. I settled because even though I wanted more, what we were doing was fun. But he wasn't settling. Before the night was over he had talked me out of my clothes. I wanted to protest, say we were moving too fast, but the sex was good I just kept my mouth shut. Maybe soon it would start working in my favor.

To Be Continued. 

Love and other thoughts about men have been on my mind lately. Stick with me. Oh and this blog is about to become a whole lot more about my struggles and growth and less about my dreams of star-stalking. 

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Ludacris Representing Ft. Kelly Rowland

Could He Be The One?

Last night I had an intense sexual dream about a guy from the past. He was someone I called a friend, but more happened between us. It wasn't too much more though. I was an innocent girl, but once our lips touched each other, our relationship was definitely deeper than just friends. However, it's been years since I've seen him in person, a couple of weeks since I heard his voice over the phone, and a few hours since I sent him a Facebook message. Yes, I told him about my dream.

It was important to express to him this deep sexual dream, but not for his sake. He didn't really need to know. In fact I could have told my best friend about the dream and still came to the same conclusion. He was the wrong one. And the guy after that. And the one that was after him. They've been the wrong ones, but I still keep contemplating what if I made a mistake. Or could he be the one?

See recently I invited a couple friends to help me celebrate moving. Two of them showed up, one a woman and one a man. The man was someone I went to college with a developed a good friendship with. He is just a just a friend and although we have fun together, there's not a lot that we have in common. In fact from my perspective getting him to really have fun requires a lot of work. However, that night he was ready to have lots of fun but my other friend wasn't. Since she had to work the next morning we settled for a restaurant and talking. She loved him and by the end of the night she had come to the conclusion that he is the one for me.

From her mouth to my ears... "You two would make a cute couple."

When asked why she thought he was absolutely the one, she said the common characteristics. He's a nice guy, tall, and our personalities are opposite. Apparently dating someone with a different type of personality than you is supposed to compliment who you are. With the tall part, she thought it was cute that he was tall and I was short. So for a second, well a few days I debated on whether he could be the one.

Could he be the man of my dreams but I'm just too blind to see?
Have I been guilty of friend zoning a potentially good lover?
Could this friend be right about her observation?

Then after having an intense sexual dream featuring another man, I'm reminded he's just a friend for a reason. And the other one was just a guy someone else thought could potentially be the one for me. And there were others that people thought could be great men for me.

So could he be the one? I'm tired of contemplating that question. In fact when I finally do meet the one I hope that question is nowhere near my mind. The only thoughts that need to be floating around in my head is "He's definitely my soulmate."

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Looking For Inspiration, Sunday Reflections

Iyanla Vanzant has a show on OWN called "Fix My Life." This makes me absolutely happy because I've been inspired by her ever since reading her book "Yesterday I Cried." Ms. Vanzant really is a poet, writer, author, life coach, and now has a national television show meant to change others lives for the good. She is truly an inspiration. 

Her show has come at a good time because I'm looking for inspiration. I'm watching others in their crafts to see just how good they are, how they got to their positions, and why they are successful. 

I'm looking for inspiration for myself. I'm trying to see what direction I should be headed in the next five years. People love to ask that question when you're young. Where do you see yourself in five years? I used to have that vision until plans, goals, and ambition started to fall apart. Why this stuff fell apart is not important. It just did and now I'm trying to pick up the pieces and move on. How though? 

I'm looking to see what inspires me. Is it knowing other people's stories? I like to ask questions. It is knowing other people have made it. But what if I don't have what it takes to make it like them? Does settling and trying to be happy with settling inspire me? 

People keep preaching this whole be thankful for where you are perspective. Will my current surroundings inspire where I am in the future? I try to be inspired by my current surroundings. I try to add it in my writing, look for more fun adventures to go on, and even meet new people around me, but more and more it becomes exhausting. If we're supposed to just love where we are, then why does it exhaust me? Why do it just leave me feeling tired and old? 

I'm looking for inspiration. Lately I've made some adjustments, which are supposed to lead me to better experiences and thoughts. Let's see how this all plays out. In a year I don't want to be in this same place. I want to be moving on to better. It takes inspiration for that to happen. 

Saturday, September 22, 2012

My First Speeding Ticket

He called it a citation, but it's still a speeding ticket. The night was going by too fast. My day off. I needed to slow down. Just think. Get some more time. However, time wasn't on my side. As the minutes ticked by I just wanted to call it a night, curl up in my blanket, and watch television until sleep came. He had other plans. He wasn't the cop.

He was another random guy that I met months ago and added to my cell phone. My initial intention was to make him just another memory, but instead conversations keeps happening. He doesn't know much about me, but I'm learning more about him.

Theater. Art. Poetry. Travel.

He's a creative and maybe that's what grabs my attention. Then again he's different than any guy I've ever met. Even the poet in Tallahassee who grew a mohawk, dreaded it, and then complained that it hurt head wasn't as interesting as this guy is. But it is because I don't really know him.

So it started with a simple Facebook conversation. During the conversation he suggested we see each other's new places. It was an odd request for the middle of the night, but this is mostly because he was for real about just seeing each other's places. He came to me first, saw my spot, and was ready to leave within minutes. Most men would have taken the opportunity of being alone with me in a different way. He didn't. He was ready for me to see his pot and even that was innocent.

So we left. I followed him in my car. He was a fast driver. I was surprised there were no cops around. I know at one point in following him I had to hit 75-80 where the speed limit was 60 or 65. Then he turned on a yellow light and I ran the red light trying to keep up. Dang, this boy had me acting bad. Still there were no cops around.

The drive took about 20 minutes. We made it to his spot. His crib looked like somewhere a man would gladly live. We talked for a few minutes. He told me about his love for trains. Trains?!?! Then within 10 minutes of me being there he said he was getting sleepy. That was my cue to leave.

You probably thought I was going to say he made a move on me. Nah, this guy is different. I think he's a nerd, but he is also a poet. He definitely has groupies.

 Anyway, I left and drove much slower. I made it to the street before the street that I live on. While driving down that street I did 40 and at one point of two went a tad bit faster, but I was trying to drive slow. The speed limit was 35. See there were no cops around when I was doing 75-80 on the 65, but when I did a little over 40 on the 35, a cop turned on his lights and proceeded to hop behind me.

I did everything right. By the time the cop got out of his car and headed to my window I had registration and my driver's license out. But he did not care. This one was trying to meet his quota for the month, so he took my information and wrote out a ticket. I didn't argue. Nothing good comes out of debating with a cop. However, I did realize that I had just gotten my first speeding ticket.

I feel like a bad girl in a good way. Yaay, I got my first speeding ticket. Wait, did I really get a ticket? But that nigga didn't even speak to me the next day. That's how they get reduced to niggas.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Out Of My Mind Poem Soon To Come

"I'm out of my mind, I'm out of my fucking mind."

There's a new song being heavily played on the radio. It's "Out of My Mind," which features B.o.B and Nicki Minaj. This song is so motivational, crazy, and catchy that it's putting me in another writing mood. Maybe on my next day off I can sit still and come up with a poem. 

As you've probably noticed I haven't been writing as much lately. I'm trying to balance working with doing stuff I love and finding new stuff to love. Hopefully when I figure it all out there really will be a post every single day. 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

His Addiction, Bedtime Story

On a Sunday morning in the middle of church he finds himself thinking about it. As the pastor preaches about abstinence, pregnancy tests, fathers being absent from their children's lives, and how all the problems of the world can be solved by following the word of God, he can only daydream about it. It feels like it's been a while, but he really just got some last night.

It came from a pretty girl. She was young, short, and shaped like a Barbie. She had a natural hairstyle, but dressed like one of the women from a music video. People from around the way said she was smart and even had a college education, but he didn't care. He wasn't mentally attracted to her. It was her physical parts that called to him, a special part of her that enticed his thoughts from the moment he saw her. It was her pussy.

He dreamed of getting into it. He dreamed of getting her alone in any room and spreading her legs apart. Whether it was a nice comfortable bedroom or a dirty warehouse did not matter. If all it took was an empty classroom and testing out how sturdy a teacher's desk was with their bodies on top of it intertwined together, he would have done it in a heartbeat. He wanted her pussy. He had to have it. It was what made him happy. It was what lit up his life.

He was not always a feign for her pussy though. There was a time in his life where he did not know what he liked. Nothing made him happy. Not recess or going to the park. Videos games didn't entice him. Sports games were a bore. Hanging with friends was not even an option. Nothing his parents did changed his mood. They always told stories about how he came out of the womb with a frown on his face. It was as if he was contemplating his place in the world from the very beginning. Many people say he spent the first 15 years treading through life. Then one day he all of a sudden perked up and smiled.

That was the day he learned about pussy. The lesson came from a wise old man on a street corner. The old man was skinny, had on a long coat from the winter cold, and did a whole lot of smiling. He wanted to know what there was to smile about at a time where it was freezing, but people were still forced to continue boring activities outside of their house. The old man's answer was one simple word.


For some reason even before he met the first girl that would let him get a special piece of her world he smiled. Something about the world pussy made him happy. So he planned out how he would get it. Well, actually he just planned to ask some random girl he always saw around. It wasn't hard either. She already liked him so she invited him over when her parents weren't home. She didn't want to come off too easy so she forced him to sit through a movie and then played some slow jams to set the mood. After some time she felt it was right, so she gave him exactly what he wanted. Neither of them knew what they were doing, but that didn't matter. When he slid himself into her tight wetness he was in Heaven.

Then he learned that being into exercising, sports, and videos games attracted women in more so he developed hobbies just to get more pussy. At the age of 20 some girl finally let him fulfill his fantasy of doing it against that wall. He wanted to see how the pussy felt under his total control. At 24 he met a flexible girl willing to try out many positions. At 25 he found out he was the father of a beautiful daughter. It scared him for a moment because he knew what the power of the pussy would make a man do. His daughter couldn't do through all that, but then his worries were put aside when his baby mama got back in shape and dragged him back into the bedroom for a memorable night of sexing.

He was in love. It was not necessarily with her, but what she possessed. He knew then that as long as he was able to get pussy there would never be a sad moment in his lifetime again. He was forever happy.

Amber Rose Shows Off Pregnancy In Lingerie

Recently Amber Rose posted a picture of her pregnant body in some lingerie. I guess even with a life growing inside of her she still feels sexy. Those tattoos look cool too.

2012 Music, Lil Wayne No Worries

Why do I love this song?

Monday, September 17, 2012

2012 Music, Khia Fall Back

This is one of the songs that has made it onto my iPhone. I jam when I'm at a restaurant eating by myself. 

He Thanked Me, Note From A Fan

The quote below is from a person I'm Facebook friends with. I never knew he was reading any of my posts or that he liked to read. However, recently he sent me this message on Facebook. I'm leaving  his name out just because I didn't ask for permission to post this.

"Hey sweetie I know it's late but I don't sleep I just wanna tell u thank u,u really don't know how much u help me become a better writer by reading ur material I think ur an amazing poet keep it going for me to keep learning from ur number one fan"

I really didn't know I had a number one fan. This makes me feel good, better than I felt in that picture. 

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Sunday Reflections, Who Was I Then?

I remember anticipating having sex for the first time. The moment was played out in my mind. It would be with a super sexy man that I called my boyfriend (or husband because I don't quite remember anymore. The original fantasy is a blur) and after the act we'd both chill in our sexual bliss. Well maybe not chill. We'd end our sexual moment with cuddling or doing something else special. I don't remember anymore. Maybe my fantasy involved just what really happened. 

It was the middle of the night after a house party. The guy was  actually someone a supposed friend (or maybe I was the supposed friend) was head over heels in love with. I don't know why she liked him so much, but for some reason that night he liked me and I wasn't sure how to respond to it. He had driven and he gave me an ultimatum. He wouldn't take me home unless I let him spend the night. Corny, right? I knew his plans before he ever brought it up. Internally I struggled with the idea because it was as special, romantic, or whatever other memorable ways I had planned. Instead it would be the night I lost my virginity to a guy someone I called a friend was actually in love with at the time. Why did I do it? Who was I back then? I thought I was the girl who wanted to make my first time memorable. Maybe that is not really who I was.

Then I can think back to a time of disappointment. There was a movie out. I was just a little girl, but I was eager to see it. It was a church trip I was forced to attend. My parents had promised that after the trip I could watch the movie. Some grown-up on the trip informed my parents I had been bad. I thought I was a good girl. They decided my punishment would be to not watch the movie.  I was disappointed. It didn't make sense. That wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. 

When everyone was getting a Gigapet I wanted one. I was told no. Months later I was given a Nano baby but it wasn't the same. When I planned out my sweet 16 birthday part, even shouted out that they could make it a surprise party, I received nothing in return. In fact I remember my parents saying they forgot. There was no party. There was a 17th birthday party, but it was really just an excuse for greedy family members to get free food. That was not about me. It was not what I wanted, but what did I want? What was it that my heart desired? Who was I back then? 

Both Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant have asked people who they are now. They couldn't answer the question. In last night's Fix My Life Evelyn Lozada gave some bullshit answer just because she didn't want to admit that she was not sure. However, I can honestly say I don't know who I am. I know some of what I like to do. I know some of those places I want to go. But am I the girl who can just plan it and do it? Am I the girl who needs help every step of the way? Or am I the girl who doesn't know who she is because even when I think way back when I still can't figure out who I ever was? 

Maybe I'm thinking too hard. Could that be who I am? The girl that always thinks too hard...

Friday, September 14, 2012

How To Kill Your Boyfriend (In 10 Easy Steps)

If you have a boyfriend that you wish would die, you should just break up with him. This is not the post for you. In another post about a book called The Last Dream Before Dawn I talked about my love for the author D.V. Bernard. This was the book that let me know Zane acknowledges more than sex driven novels. The book was so good that I went and ordered two more of Mr. Bernard's books. 

The books were How To Kill Your Boyfriend and The Raw Essentials of Human Sexuality. I immediately started reading both at the same time, but it's hard to read two books at the same time, concentrate on moving into a new apartment, and work a full time job so I stopped and concentrated on only one. How To Kill Your Boyfriend (In 10 Easy Steps) was the better read. 

This book is about a bored national radio host/author and a strange woman who keeps killing her boyfriend for fun. Every time she does it within an hour he comes back to life. However, the more it's done the more both women start to have strange things happen to them. Surprisingly the radio host/author also feels like she's living and enjoying herself for the first time in her life. 

This book is definitely a great read and a reminder of why I continually spend the money I make at Barnes & Nobles. 

Since summer is over I'm starting a new tag called "Falling For Books" so look for the books I blog about in the coming month under this tag. 

To The World Kanye West & R. Kelly

Sometimes I wonder is there ever an appropriate time to say fuck the world. Anyway, there's something oddly cool about this song. I just can't figure it out yet.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Thinking About Him Again (Random Thought)

Sometimes loneliness is soothing. Some of those lonely times bring freedom that could not be created with a significant other around. Eating at any restaurant I choose, going to the movies at the spur of the moment, discovering more of what Lashuntrice loves to do, not having to settle for what he wants at the time or lose myself in his random thoughts. Other times loneliness is too loud. 

Yesterday I was eating at a restaurant I recently saw and liked. Because it was my day off and the middle of the week while everyone else was at work, no one was in the restaurant. So I sat down, ordered, and ate alone. During the time I wore my headphones and enjoyed music. Everything was good. The thoughts in my mind revolved around work, bills, new apartment living, and what fun to have in the upcoming days. Then a certain song decided to make it's way into my ear. 

"Dickmatize" by Khia
The song "Dickmatize" is about sex. I think the name says it all. After hearing this song I started to think of how much I missed having a man around to flirt with, hang out with, have long conversations about nothing with, and have sex with. I missed the smell of a man's cologne (well the cologne on the man that I like). It's really getting lonely out here and then there's another problem. I don't know how to meet a man. 

How do you go about meeting a man? Do you go to the club? I've tried that and they're just there to have fun. Do you go to a restaurant? I've noticed that even at the bars they just want to eat? Do you meet him at work? They're all married and much older than me. What do I do? 

I don't even know. All I do know is it would be nice to have a man around to call my boyfriend and do all he things that couples do. 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

50 Shades of Elle Varner (Pictures)

Elle Varner is one of those people that once you see them you can never take your eyes off of again. Of course for Ms. Varner this is because she's an amazing woman with a talent to match her personality. That must be why Stuff Fly People Like picked her to represent their blog for this month. Click the link to read the full article.

In the article she discusses several things about herself, including her fashion style.

“My style is fun, unpredictable, and unique. I wear a lot of bows and glasses as accessories.
I don’t wear things for shock value, but more to express how I’m feeling that day or in that moment. I
definitely like to push the envelope.”

The thing about pushing the envelope is everyone is doing it now. Elle Varner has her style, Lil Wayne has created some weird looking clothing line, Lupe Fiasco is continually reinventing himself to make his voice heard, and even Lil Kim has become more plastic in order to make herself stand out. I guess you can say we're living in a creative world.

Check out more photos below. I absolutely love the dress with all the colors in it. Where can I buy that?

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Willow Smith Wears Spiked Black Hair

Recently Willow Smith was seen wearing her hair jet black and spiked.

She has to be the most creative kid on her when it comes to expressing herself. Willow doesn't realize how lucky she is. Look at that outfit. First she takes a picture with a fake tongue ring and now this. Well there has been a countless amount of creativity in the middle. Do you have to be the child of a rich parent to absolutely do these things without getting totally shunned out by the world? If only I would have been free to express my creativity back then, maybe I'd be someone great (in the eyes of others) now.

Sleeping In The Living Room. Blog 2

Big Television. Comfortable Couch. Brand New Chaise. Nice Decorative Pillows. A Big Comfy Pillow From Off The Bed. Who needs a bedroom when you have a living room? 

I don't know what my bed feels like, but the couch is comfortable. The chaise is also very comfortable and a peaceful place to sleep. How do I know? It's night 2 and I've made a bed out of the chaise in the living room. Upon moving in my friend actually suggested putting the bed in the living room and the other furniture upstairs. 

Nah, that idea didn't sit well in my mind. It wasn't that it was a bad idea. Put a bed downstairs is actually a excellent idea. However, I've dreamed of the moments I could fall asleep on my own couch. My parents couches weren't that comfortable. If I was exhausted I would fall asleep on the floor, but quarter life age has started to effect the way my back feels on certain surfaces.

So yeah, I'm sleeping in the living room. The bedroom is beautiful, but the bed is not part of the fantasy yet. Parents don't like you sleeping on living room furniture. Grandparents believe in preserving furniture to last a lifetime. Children don't care. When you get my age you just want to try new ideas out. Sleeping in the living room is one of my ideas. 

This is blog 2 of my first apartment alone series. 

Monday, September 10, 2012

Will Lil Kim Ever Get It Right? NYFW

During the New York Fashion Week Lil Kim showed up to various events broadcasting platinum blonde hair. However, the color of the hair was not the problem.

Since the 90's Kimberly Denise Jones has been rocking this dried up stringy looking weave. Actually her hair looked a lot better back then. It was a popular style at one point, but times have changed. People can afford better looking weave for cheap prices. Why is Kim still wearing that nasty,  haven't-washed-her-hair-in-two-years looking weave?

Who is her stylist? This must be fixed. As a black woman I know that we don't play around with our hair, so Lil Kim needs to stop playing and get it right. 

Rihanna Tattoos Goddess Isis Under Her Breasts

Rihanna has gotten a new tattoo. It's of the goddess Isis and it is perfectly placed below her breasts. This tattoo is in remembrance of her grandmother, who recently passed away. What do you think of the tattoo? Would you do it?

Although I'd hate to see what that will look in 10 years it's really pretty. It is also brave. Only Rihanna could pull off a tattoo like that. I would try, but I'm not a celebrity.

P.S. I want a tattoo. Maybe it's part of the quarter life crisis or realizing I'm not staying young forever, but I want a tattoo.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

What If The Journey Repeats Itself? Sunday Reflections

Moving On With A Fear Of Being Forced Back
What if I have to start all the way over again one day? This is the second time I'm moving out of my parents house. The first time was back in August of 2005.

Everything I could take was packed up. Clothes, shoes, some books to keep my mind preoccupied during the trip. Whatever I could not bring was deemed unimportant to the future. The bed I slept in, the dresser my clothes was stored in, the closet that I used to store more clothes, the nice book shelf/computer desk. After all was securely put in my father's truck all that was left for me to take was memories. Memories.

Those memories were supposed to stay with me forever while the past was supposed to stay in the past. My life was packed up and prepared to go on a journey. No looking back. New memories to create. Goals to make and accomplish. A man to meet along the way (maybe). A great career to start and never end (possibly). However, in 2010 months after graduating college I found myself pushed back to the same place. 

It was the same room, except for more of someone else's stuff stored away. The same bookshelf/computer desk, same dresser from five years before that, and same carpeted floor. I was 23 with a college degree, but somehow instead of moving forward I had to sleep in the same room from the times when I was 14- 18 years old. 

Now two years later I'm attempting the move again. Leaving behind the same old furniture, same old house, same green grass outside, and same neighbors for some place new. The goal is to move on with my life and try to chase happiness and success again. Will if it doesn't work out? What if the journey repeats itself? 

What if a year from now or five years from now I'm knocked back into that same room,  mirror, dresser, and bed, where childhood dreams were created? We're suppose to progress in life, right? 

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Did Nicki Minaj Really Endorse Mitt Romney Or

Did it just sound good in some song lyrics? There is no doubt that Nicki Minaj is a good money maker and it's also a fact that she has several split personalities. There's the nice girl, the Harajuku Barbie, Roman (the male side of her), and a countless amount others. However, the one side of Nicki that always shines through is the man girl.

In every song she puts out there's is some remark to Bitches and sons, which are meant to reduce all her haters down to nobodies. So in a most recent song off of Lil Wayne's Dedication 4 mixtape it was no surprise that she threw in more lyrics dedicating to dissing her haters. However, the surprise of it was when Nicki always stated that she's a Republican and voting for Mitt Romney. Read the lyrics below.

"I'm A Republican, Voting For Mitt Romney. You lazy Bitches is fuckin up the economy."

Do you believe Nicki Minaj or do you think this is all just for a hot song? After all, the lyrics rhymed. Do you think Mitt Romney would throw support back at Nicki if given the opportunity? Now that's what I'd like to see.

Five Favorite Hobbies Of The Moment, Random Writing

Lately moving has been all that I can think of and it's getting stressful. I thought I'd love having an apartment all to myself, but so far it's getting on my nerves. This is mostly because there are issues and no one is moving fast enough to fix these issues. I'm impatient and also learning to create a whole new budget plan. Budgeting is even more stressful than stressing over the issues of a new apartment. So in the midst of it all I'm trying to continue some of the things that have been a huge part of me being happy. One is eating out once a week. Yes, I'm budgeting but there's something about sitting down in a restaurant, sliding on headphones, and eating some good food. Keep reading to find out more. 

  • Reading. For a while I stressed so much over work, men, and trying to have fun that I abandoned the books. Earlier this summer the passion for reading was reignited though. It started with a T.D. Jakes book and currently "Aftermath" by Tracy Brown has my attention. 

  • Driving. In the big city of Houston, driving around is a must. There is no walking to the corner store,walking to the nearby park, or hopping on a bike to go up the street. If you really want to go somewhere, you must drive and that's what I've been doing. I drive everywhere with my XM radio stations blasting some type of hood music. From my current location downtown is a 30-minute drive. North Houston is approximately an hour with traffic. Galveston is about two hours, but I haven't drive there by myself yet. However, one day I will drive to Galveston just to experience the city alone in my car. I can't explain it, but there's something freeing when getting behind the wheel and just going. 

  • Watching Ratchet Reality Shows. Millionaire Matchmaker What? I don't want to see rich people looking for homes on television, or even watch sisters fight and make up over and  over again. Nah, I love tuning into reality shows where people are better off financially than me, but way worse off mentally. MiMi, Stevie J's baby mama, thinks all men are cheaters. Joseline Hernandez was a stripper, has had over a 100 mugshots, and will gladly marry for money over love. Rasheeda and her husband has spent the last 12 years preparing themselves for a nice little underground career, but still haven't realized the music will never hit mainstream. Then K. Michelle appears on every episode with a new hairstyle. I can barely keep up, but the entertainment of it all forces me to pay attention. One day I need to quit television, but until then I'll continue to watch these people taint their reputations forever. 

  • Writing. Sometimes I let the stress and creativity build up in my head until it drives me insane. By insane I mean I do some spur of the moment action like sex a random guy who doesn't deserve it, get my hair cut again, or drink too much at some club. So I tried to avoid the build up of all the pressures by writing everything down. On this blog for the most part my journey has been documented and it feels good. Writing is more than a hobby though. It's my life and it makes me happy. 

There's more, but I'll end it here. Do you have hobbies that you just can't live without? Let me know what they are. 

Did Lil Scrappy Do Shay Wrong? #LHHATL

Or did Shay "Buckeey" Johnson play herself? And is Erica Dixon wrong for accepting that ring with pride and joy? I've been trying to figure this out all night.

Throughout the first season of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta Lil Scrappy spent a lot of time trying to blame his problems on Erica. At one point in his life he'd left her to be with the rapper Diamond, but on the show he tried to say she wasn't emotional enough. Her lack of emotion stemmed from the fact that Lil Scrappy messed up their trust by leaving her for another woman, which she had to find out through the media. On top of it, Lil Scrappy tried to convince Erica they needed space by moving into his own place. If he wanted more emotion from her, why leave? Then in the process of it Lil Scrappy started seeing Shay Johnson?

Shay claimed she didn't know Lil Scrappy had a woman.However, her mind was made up that Erica was not a good girlfriend to have anyway. Her story is that Lil Scrappy said that was just his baby mama. There were scenes in which Lil Scrappy repeatedly talked about his baby mama to Shay and she offered comforting words to his every complaint. He said he was single and Shay was ready to be in a relationship with him. He said his baby mama was trying to get child support out of him and Shay acted as if child support was the work of the devil. Then when Momma Dee and Shay discussed the asthma attack situation Shay only slightly wondered why Erica would be in the position to take Lil Scrappy to the hospital in the first place. Almost as soon as it crossed her mind, the thought was gone. Then came the episode where Lil Scrappy told Erica what they never really had was over. His heart was no longer in it.

While all of this was going on for the cameras to see, off camera Erica Dixon and Shay Johnson spent time arguing with each other on twitter. The reasoning for these arguments was because Lil Scrappy had been with them both. Erica stood her ground as more than a baby mama and Shay tried to play the very emotionally available woman that Lil Scrappy needed. Then came the reunion show.

Shay's feelings were hurt while Lil Scrappy did a ghetto marriage proposal to Erica. Every single word that came out of his mouth was spoken in slang. There was no real English. The proposal did not even sound rehearsed, but Erica was overjoyed when she received her ring. Shay, on the other hand, watched from a screen in the hallway of the studio.

Now I'm trying to figure out Did Lil Scrappy do Shay wrong or did she have it coming? This woman has had her heart broken on two different television shows on the same network. She should know the lies when they get said to her, right?

 Or was Erica the stupid one? Lil Scrappy has abandoned her twice, called her unemotional, and then pulls out a ring at the reunion show? Some might say Erica is setting herself up to keep getting hurt? Or better yet, is sit all Lil Scrappy's fault.

Clearly Lil Scrappy is an emotionally unavailable man most of the time. This is probably because Momma Dee makes him believe women should be licking his toes in order to show their appreciation. He lies and abandons these women all the time and then tries to sweet talk his way back into their life. There's a saying that goes "A man will do only what you allow him to do," so is Lil Scrappy playing these women or are they doing it to themselves by letting him stay in their life?

Monday, September 3, 2012

Is This K. Michelle?

When I clicked on the video the focus was to see what K. Michelle looked like before plastic surgery, but is that even her? I can't tell. The Afro makes it hard to judge whether it's her or some other singer that can successfully pull off a Whitney Houston song. Not all singers can do it. Anyway, whether it's her or not that song was a beautifully done. 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

New Apartment Experience, First Blog Post

One of the moments I've been waiting for has finally arrived. I have the keys to my first apartment. There is a mailbox with my apartment number on it. The furniture is there waiting for me to use it. My color choice is red and in the bedroom sits a queen sized bed. This has been a long time coming. Years of dreaming. A little over a year of saving up money. Months of searching for the perfect first apartment. It's here. Now for the not so nice parts.

My furniture is great. The location of the apartment is great. The overall apartment is not so great. Appliances need to be worked on. The counters and bathtub have to be what they call resurfaced. Two weeks ago they told me this would be done and two weeks later I'm still nagging them every chance I get for it to get done. A drawer in the bathroom is broken. That has to be fixed. It is obvious that the people who painted the apartment became lazy after a certain point. The microwave in the kitchen looks disgusting. The oven is not even plugged in. Little old me can't fix that problem. Work orders have been put in. I'm stressed. I have an apartment, but can't fully move in yet. I didn't sign a lease that said "As Is." 

Anyway, I saw this coming. Well, I didn't see the specific problems coming, but I knew there would be issues. Only dumb girls think everything will be perfect. So as I look at the problems, my mind is trying not to lose all sense of reality. Parts of reality is these people are giving me a hard time right from the beginning. Other parts is that this is the moment I've been waiting for all my life and I should be overjoyed. Yes, overjoyed. 

But I'm not overjoyed. I'm excited and scared at the same damn time. Should they be giving me a hard time on fixing issues? Did I move too fast on getting my first place alone? After all, my pay checks don't reveal a whole lot of money. When receiving my furniture I hopped all over that stuff, but when glancing over the actual apartment I locked it up as if it's just some storage space. How did you feel when you moved into a place by yourself? Have you ever had that experience? I need to know I'm not alone. 

There are more posts to come. I'm trying to make a record of this journey.