Thursday, September 27, 2012

Out Of My Mind Poem/Short Story, Part One

I’m going out of my mind, out of my mind. I’m trying to impress a man that’s not worth my time, worth my time. Mentally he plays with my emotions. Tells me everything I want to hear, how he’s single, thinks I’m cute, thinks my interests are cool, and how nothing about him is romantically new. He claims to be old school, walks in the park, flowers at the door, nice classy dinners, and seeing the world during a night out around town. I’m getting sick off of his words and looking for his actions to heal me.

I’m going out of my mind, getting sicker by the minute. Why aren't his actions adding up? Three months ago he called me and wanted to hook up. Said he wanted to see me, teased me with words about how he could please me. My body temperature rose at thoughts of being wooed. Where would he take me for our first date? What memorable moments could we create? Then like a girl my brain jumped 10 years.

Maybe one day he could meet my family and they would be pleased. After all he had a good job and would eventually make a great father. They’d say “Finally you found the one. He’s good for you. I see wedding bells in the air.” We’d grow together, at some point compromise. Who would have to give up what? Would he watch fewer sports? Would I have to quit writing and reading so much? Would he even appreciate my talents?

It all started to feel like a played out game the first time he cancelled. He didn't want to romanticize me out in the streets. Instead he talked his way into my crib, but for some stupid reason I let him in. It was the beginning of a beautiful lie. Part of me knew he wasn't shit, but another part was too sick off good looks and nice words. Plus I was still hoping that he would eventually use his remedy to start making me feel good.

I’m going out of my mind, dealing with a cold that’s threatening to become a fever. What’s wrong with this nigga? Why isn't he catering to me like he said he would? Two and a half months ago he said he could make me feel good. The night started off innocent. He finally took me out to a club. Partying was his style and partying with his girl was his way of showing love. I settled because even though I wanted more, what we were doing was fun. But he wasn't settling. Before the night was over he had talked me out of my clothes. I wanted to protest, say we were moving too fast, but the sex was good I just kept my mouth shut. Maybe soon it would start working in my favor.

To Be Continued. 

Love and other thoughts about men have been on my mind lately. Stick with me. Oh and this blog is about to become a whole lot more about my struggles and growth and less about my dreams of star-stalking. 

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