Thursday, December 7, 2017

Advertising The Old Fashioned Way (Or Trying To)

There is a meme going around about Chinese restaurants. It goes something like:

 "I've been alive for __ years and I've never seen a Chinese restaurant commercial."

While the meme is true for many of us, we have seen ads from Chinese restaurants. They advertise via flyers on our doors, in our mailboxes, and sometimes they leave the flyers on our cars. One restaurant regularly passes out a menu at the drive-through when customers are getting their meals to go. So while the meme is interesting, we know these restaurants actually pay for advertisement and make sure the words gets around about them. 

This year I decided to utilize the tactic of paper flyers and try to get the word around that way about me. How else are new people going to find out about this amazing writer? By using social media, I'm only enticing the people that already know about me. I have no problem with receiving the support of the ones that already care, but I also recognize I need new faces in order to elevate my life. I need more buyers in order to get my lifestyle to where it needs to be. 

I didn't make colorful flyers though. I just created some new business cards and was determined to pass them out. I wanted to purchase more books and walk around looking for readers with cash like New Yorkers do, but that's not how it works in Houston. So I created colorful cards and looked for a good spot to pass them out at. 

What I should have done was go to a popular club area and stick the cards on doors like strip clubs owners and realtors trying to gentrify a new area do. Maybe I'll do that soon. However, I chose to find a spot and pass out the cards to people walking by. I knew bouncer at a bar, so I sat next to him one night. 

I wasn't ready. I wasn't brave enough. That night I handed one card to a college student carrying a bag  full of stuff. She stopped to speak to the bouncer, so I found out a little information on her. 

While it was cool handing out that one card, the bar was ultimately not a good idea. It was filled with lots of people on the verge of being drunk and many talking and walking by fast. It was too much for an introvert like me. 

I'm going to try this again one day in a calmer area. Wish me good luck on my career. Oh, and if you haven't gotten your copy already, grab your copy of Woman Manifested: A Poetic Tale today. 

Friday, December 1, 2017

Making People Seem Better Than They Are

In this current season of Chicago Fire there's a new recurring character by the name of Hope. Her friend Sylvie Brett, who already works for the fire station, helped her to get the job as an assistant at the station.

Sylvie speaks highly of Hope even after finding out that her friend supposedly stole $10,000 from her last employer. She doesn't want to believe her friend would do such a thing. Sylvie still wants to believe in her friend after one of the fire fighters paychecks turns up missing. At the end of that particular episode Sylvie confronts Hope, and then once she's gone Hope shreds the evidence that she had the paycheck all along. The final straw is when Hope forges someone else's signature to get a fire fighter moved to a political position. 

In her first several episodes on the show, Hope went from the nice friend to a conniving woman that had to go. However, this isn't really about her. This is about Sylvie's perception of her. Sylvie wanted to support her friend. She wanted to believe her friend couldn't be doing terrible things to make herself appear better than she really was, or anything to ruin others around her. She gave her friend the benefit of the doubt and even though this is a fiction show, Sylvie is a symbol of those of us who do it way too often in real life. 

I'm one of those people that have given others the benefit of the doubt and had the reality of bullshit people thrown in my face. For instance I recently unfriended several people that landed in my vision because of Facebook groups. One of those people requested me after getting kicked out of a group and starting his own. He needed members. I don't know why he picked me to be one of those members if he didn't even like me, or why he wanted a Facebook group full of people he doesn't even value. I gave him the benefit of the doubt by joining his group, and even showing up to one of his events, but obviously I was being gullible. 

Actually there's a huge trend going on online where people connect themselves to others they have no actual respect for. One of my goals for the future is to learn how to spot them better and get them out of my vision, but for now I recognize I have a problem. 

I know I've talked about online drama a lot, but that's where the drama tends to happen. I used to have the drama in real life, but I learned to protect myself from the real life frenemies. Now I just have to get better at protecting myself from the online crazies. 

Although I have my issues with being too nice, it really hurt me when one of my Facebook friends shared a story recently about what she is currently going through. Well, she's been talking about her issue for some time now. I hope she's okay with me telling her story. She's an author that I look up to a lot. She's also a very nice lady that is fighting for social security disability coverage. 

Well, in recent times she's had trouble with the judge over her case, her lawyer, and making sure all her paperwork was getting done. 

One of the ways she has shown how overly nice is, is by doing the paperwork when her lawyer wasn't taking care of it. In a status she actually mentioned how the lawyer had just had a new baby, so she understood her needed time to bond with his family. Unfortunately in what I call a jackass move, after that the lawyer decided that he could no longer work with her. 

While it bothered her, and would bother anyone, she tried to positively move forward. However, hours before deciding to write this, she put up a new status. In her new status she said the lawyer filed papers to get her case dismissed. This was all after she had been doing the work toward the case herself and saying positive things about him to make herself feel better about her extra work. 

There's nothing we can really do to stop people from being assholes. However, we can stop giving them the benefit of the doubt; stop convincing ourselves that they are actually nicer than they really are. 

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Some People Only Want The Illusion That They Hurt You

It's a 15 minute break at work. A comment I made on a post in a Facebook group is a problem for someone else. The comment was not directed toward them, but they got offended. That person gets mad and starts calling me names. Usually in these circumstances they use phrases like, "You're ugly," and "Nobody wants you." I think of replying, but again it's a 15 minute break. I have to use it wisely, so I scroll through my timeline looking for posts that appeal to me until I have to get back to work. 

It's a post in a women-only Facebook group designed for women to compliment each other. I compliment a woman and she responds with gratitude. A few minutes later someone reports my comment as spam. I'm not sure if they had a problem with me or the woman I complimented with. However, it's just a post in a group. I move on. 

There are discussions about serious matters going on throughout the internet. The subjects can range from sexual assault to politics and religion. I comment sometimes. I read the comments. These subjects bring out lots of emotions and of course lost of online arguing. 

What do you do when people taunt you on the internet? Do you take their bait and argue? Do you log off? 

I prefer to log off. 

I spend a lot of time on the internet. Sometimes I spend way too much time staring at vacation photos of celebrities and people working regular jobs like me. I tune into their beautiful wedding photos and the photos of their bad hair days. I also give them glimpses of my life in the form of photos, tweets, and status updates. I allow them to jump into my inbox to have more private discussions and I share with them.  I also make enemies on the internet. 

You remember those enemies you made in school? The bullies? Their goal was to taunt you until you had a face full of tears . They threatened to beat you up and some were brave enough to actually do it.  I only got threats. They didn't like you and didn't want anyone else to like you either. 

Well, the enemies moved to the internet. They believe in being petty and giving the illusion they won a fight with you. They taunt you into arguments on the internet or try. If you don't respond back, they assume they won a battle. I'm cool with that assumption. They can have that illusion. In 31 years I've never been a physical fight, so I'd rather not engage in online fights either. 

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Upgrading My Lifestyle

A college classmate recently got engaged and did a Facebook live video about it. She talked about how she went through struggles and one day decided to change her mindset. She started focusing on the future to make her happy. Part of that future involved a husband. Even though there was no man for her to marry at the moment, she would think about the kind of man she wanted and even window shop for things he might like. It set her mind up for how far she has come. I've been taking on a similar mentality.

I'm not where I want to be in life. I don't have the perfect job and I definitely don't have the man of my dreams. However, in this year of 2017 I started making baby steps to getting my life closer to my dreams. One of those adjustments was Valentine's Day.

I didn't have a man on Valentine's Day 2017. However, I did have a concert ticket to the Keith Sweat concert. The concert featured Avant, Bobby Brown, and of course Keith Sweat. It was something I could dream of doing with a significant other and also something I enjoyed very much. So I went by myself. This was actually the first time in my 30 years of life that I did something centered around love on a holiday about love. Maybe for year 31 I'll do the same and maybe I'll even have a date.

Okay, I'm lying a little. Although it would be good to have a significant other to go with me, I just really wanted to go. I was and am tired to waiting on a man, or even friends, to suggest events I love.

A few other things I've done this year are my NYC birthday trip, comedy shows, and most recently went to a Je'Caryous Johnson play for the 3rd time.

All of these things costs money, but they are an upgrade in lifestyle that I appreciate. For example, depending on the nightclub I could put on anything. But when going to a stage play I get to look fancy and be around other people that are looking fancy.

Now, I just have to figure out how to add more money to each paycheck, so I can afford to enjoy more of these activities.

P.S. I have baby fever really bad. That's normal at age 31, right? Anyway, my mom has said that I would have to slow down if I had a child. However, I was in a restaurant recently. A woman walked into the restaurant with two small twin boys. There's hope for me after all.

Have you been doing anything to upgrade your lifestyle?

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Socially Burned Out

Before my birthday weekend trip I received a Facebook message that a friend was talking shit about me. "Talking shit" were the words the other friend used to describe how she was talking. The message was long and I didn't really feel like writing my feelings out, so I just called her. During the phone conversation she explained that the other friend had been talking about both of us to someone else we knew. I know all of these women from high school and still keep in contact with them because of social media. Anyway, we talked, she told me some things I already knew and a few things I didn't. Afterward I tried to shake the conversation off and focus on the fun I was about to have, but this conversation is actually part of a series of things that have happened this year that is making me want to take a break from friends.

It all started in February of this year when a former Facebook friend started making sub-statuses toward me after she found out about her ex and I. Well her initial thoughts, which she never came to me with, were that I was trying to get with her ex after she broke up with him. She made it seem like a man could never be interested in another woman after being with her unless some new woman threw themselves at him. Then on March 6th (yes, I still remember this particular date of being harassed online) she decided to let everyone know that I "fucked her man."

There were a few things that bothered me about her calling me out in this group. One thing was I had never discussed any specific man I was involved with in there. Actually unless they were close friends, not family, the people on my actual friends list didn't even know the name of any guy I had been involved with. Instead, I was focused on trying to sell my books in the group. I managed to make one sale before that happened. Other than that these women didn't seem to care about my strive to entrepreneurship. The other thing that bothered me was even though they didn't care about supporting me as an author, they jumped at the opportunity to call me every insult in the book in defense of her. Someone even went as far as posting a picture of her boyfriend and asking if I had slept with him too.

A few weeks later she sent a message to say that she was sorry for calling me out like that. She sent an apology in a message. She wasn't even woman enough to apologize that same way she trashed me. If she would have just come to me in the beginning she would have found out that my actions had nothing to do with her. My actions were about my own happiness. My actions were about me not turning every man down just to keep up the "men ain't shit" conversation.

However, apology or no apology, she trashed my name in hopes to make herself feel better. She trashed my name and other women and men joined in too.

Can you tell that the shit bothered me?

It's all hard to deal with because I need to make new friends. I have to meet acquaintances that are motivating. I have to surround myself around business people that'll help my brand grow. I need to be surrounded around people who we can bounce good energy off of each other. Instead the opposite has been happening.

I don't have a lot of examples of drama in my life because I spend a lot of time alone. There's this seafood restaurant in Houston that I frequent. It's a quiet spot and has a patio that I can sit on. The waiters have my order memorized. After they take my order I slide my headphones in and listen to music. Sometimes I type specific lyrics in the notes section of my cellphone for possible poetry inspiration later on. It works for me.

Honestly I'm socially burned out. I can't do anymore "Hey, I'm Lashuntrice" introductions at the moment. I can't deal with anyone else questioning whether I'm real or fake. I can't really deal with hearing about someone talking shit about me. I'd rather hear about someone helping spread the word about my very good books. However, since my books haven't been the topic of conversations I'm not there for, I'd rather not even know about the conversations. The best way to do that is to just say to myself.

One day I'll try this making new acquaintances and friendships thing again.

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

There's That Feeling Again-Baby Fever Problems & Awkward Conversations

Every time a photo of a newborn baby graces my timeline I get butterflies in my stomach. Every time a video appears somewhere on social media of a cute little infant laughing adorably with drool dripping from its mouth, my heart jumps with joy. Every time someone showcases their child taking its first steps, or running around the house giggling, I imagine whether or not that could one day be me. These feelings aren't new. For a while now I've had a strong case of baby fever.

My baby fever has gotten so bad that it's led to awkward conversations.

There's a man in my life, sort of. I say sort of because I'm still afraid to claim him. Part of me is saying he's mine. We've spent time together. We've been very intimate. But a part of me isn't ready to fully claim him, because I could wake up tomorrow to a text that he changed his mind. A guy broke up with me through text message before. Maybe he'd be kind enough to call or say it to my face. Either way, if I fully claim him as my boyfriend, or my man, it could all blow up in my face. So I'll just say there's a man in my life, sort  of, and the baby fever has led to awkward conversations with him.

Some of the conversations have involved him saying he's not ready for kids and me saying the opposite. My only explanation for trying to argue with him is that the idea of becoming a mom has been embedded in my mind for so long that it's making me a little irrational sometimes. However, we are on the page because he has thrown the idea out of me and then I was the one to say that I'm not ready.

Really, I'm not ready to become a mom. I just like the idea of wondering what my perfect family will look like. Maybe I'll be like Tamar Braxton, married and having my only child at 35 or older. Maybe it'll be a Kim K. West deal where once the babies start coming I'll naturally fall into motherhood. We love to hate Kim because her career started with sex, but she has also created that balance that someone like me would love in a wife/motherhood life. I don't really know. All I know is babies are adorable.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

The Men That Proudly Confess Their Infidelities And The People Who Say Nothing

I've never wanted to be one of those paranoid women. I've never wanted to be one of those women that checks her man's call log, messages, social media accounts, and even knows his every move. Trust has been a very important factor when its come to meeting the man for me. However, being on social media makes it really hard for my mind not wander to those forbidden thoughts sometimes.

These Facebook groups and some of the people I've spoken with are why. There are people online putting there business out there about how much they love to sleep with people other than the person they promised to spend the rest of their lives with. There are friends confessing the messiness they've gotten themselves into. Of course if you've been following this blog, I've gotten myself into some drama too. However, this post isn't about my own person drama. It's about what I've witnessed. 

Well, in this Facebook group there are men proudly cheating on their wives. One particular guy has several kids with his wife. His personal page gives the impression that he's happily married with a beautiful family. However, in the group he's admitted to cheating and claims his wife doesn't know. Under one post he even confessed that he made one of his side chicks (I hate the saying side chicks) get an abortion. The abortion part bothered me more than the cheating because I've heard of the mental and physical affects it can have on a woman. 

Outside of Facebook, someone that I know told me about how she really connected with this man. They could talk for hours about anything. He understood her need for attention and how her past played into her feelings of being neglected. However, they couldn't be together as a couple. He already had girlfriend and he was very dependent on her. They lived together and the woman paid his bills. The only way the woman I know could be with him is if she took on the responsibilities of paying his bills. Very few of us want to feed grown mouths that we didn't take care of when they were wearing diapers, so that wasn't happening. She also recognized that she was a side chick in rotation of a number of women this guy was creeping with. His girlfriend knew he was cheating and was comfortable with it. However, it was a bad situation for any other woman that wanted him but didn't want to share. 

Then there are the women proudly arguing with side chicks. These women think they are special because they have the wedding ring or because they are the girlfriend. So they argue with side chicks online, have full telephone conversations with women their man is cheating on them with, and meet up for coffee with the women just to show them whose the boss of the house. 

I don't want to be one of those women though. I want to be that woman that trusts her man. I want to trust that I'm the only one he's thinking about, the only one he's sexing, the only one he's daydreaming about a future with. Of course if I were to find out he's cheating, I'd speak up to let him know that he's not the one for me. 

BTW, get your copy of Woman Manifested: A Poetic Tale today. 

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Weekend Getaway/ 31st Birthday

It's been a while since I wrote regularly. I used to try to write a post a day. Then it became a couple of posts a week. Eventually the stresses of trying to balance a full time job, making sure to spend enough time with family, and watching my circle of friends continually change caught up to me. Of course trying to transition my love of writing from just a hobby used to keep me sane to using it as the start of my entrepreneurship hasn't been easy either. All of that became a distraction and I started drifting further away from the idea of putting myself into this world wide web.

See, this is a lifestyle blog and it has always been meant for writing about whatever came to mind.
Whether the topic was some celebrity's moment, a moment of success for me, my friends great moments, and even the drama, nothing was off limits. However, things started to be off limits. However, things started to change.

Conversations with people that are supposed to be friends started becoming more about drama and I started questioning myself on whether it was appropriate to write about that drama. I actually started to care about how they would feel if they were to read how I felt.

Also being in these secretive Facebook groups started stifling my creativity. These groups bring lots of topics. I discovered how comfortable men and women are with confessing their infidelities (especially the married ones), how casually women drops naked (and close to naked) pictures in a group and expect for the pictures to stay within those thousands of people in the group.

See, I allowed those to stifle my creativity when I shouldn't. Why? Because in trying to play the game of keeping messy friendships contained and not utilizing the juicy topics I was coming across, my voice was being lost. So maybe, just maybe, I'm back in the game. We'll see.

After some growth-filled experiences, I needed a break from the city of Houston. I also needed to limit my social media activity to uploading posts focused on me. The best time to do that was the weekend before my birthday, which happened to be October 27th- October 30th. The best place to do it was New York City, where my best friend currently lives.

Other than my best friend being there, NYC was a great spot because even though my plane landed a little after 10 pm, most of the food places near my hotel were still open. Actually a whole lot of people were walking the streets. The city was alive, which I really appreciated. In Houston, the streets are quiet after 10 pm.

After grabbing some food, I was able to get comfortable in my hotel and sleep. I stayed in The Nolan Hotel. The room was cozy for one person, but probably would have felt super small if two people were staying in it.

Back to running the streets. Although my friend was in the process of moving to a new apartment, she still spent a lot of time with me. We walked the Manhattan streets, walked to the Brooklyn Bridge, and partied near Central Park. Also, because of her a group of people sang Happy Birthday to me for the first time in years. College may have been the last time a group of people sang that to me. It was amazing. That Sunday it rained and I did a little walking in the rain. Later on after my friend left to finish up packing, I purchased an umbrella so I could do a little more walking and grab some food.

My NYC trip was great and turning 31 feels fabulous so far. Also, my social media was definitely filled with posts about me.

BTW my books are available for purchase.

This Is For The Lover In You

Woman Manifested: A Poetic Tale

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Overstimulated (Poem)

By Lashuntrice 

Darkness outside 
A random movie on the television screen
The smell of smoke feels the air
A black and mild is in your hand
Light from the nearby lamp illuminates your body as you lean back in the chair 
No clothes on 
Your brown skin is waiting for my touch 
It's time for me to please you 
I'm on my knees 
Looking into your eyes 
As you look into mines
With my mouth I do my best 
I have to turn you on 
I'm wet 
It's time to combine our bodies in the most intimate way
We start on the couch 
And move to the bed 
Our bodies in synch
We develop a rhythm 
Sounds come out of mouths 
Then we explode with pleasure at the same time 
Is it hot in here or is it just me?

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Sexuality & Vulnerability (Poem) by Lashuntrice

This new poem is inspired by the character Molly from Insecure. 

Sexuality and Vulnerability 

I allow you into my life 
I convince myself that I need you 
Then I run to someone else for a listening ear 
I need to release the feelings 
I need to let someone, anyone know about the issues you're creating inside of me 

I allow you to hold me 
Even if only for a moment in time 
Please don't rush it
I know sex is what's really on your mind 
But let's stay in this position for a minute more 
Your arms around me 
Wherever our bodies meet 
Cuddled on the couch 
Or in the bed 
Or even right before you leave 
So I can tell my friends later about how warm you made me feel 

I dress up for you
Even if the destination is to nowhere 
You've told me which dress is your favorite 
You've helped me pick lingerie you'd love to see me in 
Do you see me trying to look good for you? 

I strip for you 
The clothes are on the floor 
The pillows are pushed off the bed
There's R&B music playing 

I create intimacy with you
It's not just about us getting naked 
Or how many different sex positions we can do 
It's about how we make each other feel when we're together 
It's about how we are still feeling when we're apart 

I feel sexy when it comes to you 
You've made it clear that you love my body
But I'm also scared 
Is this love real?
Will you be the next man to hurt me?
The next man to run off with parts of me?
Those emotions are what makes me feminine
What makes me beautiful 

I'm vulnerable 
So I'm talking to everyone 
I use friends and family to take my mind off the confusion 
Strangers to make sense of my feelings 
And you to still feel love even if it isn't real love

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Reclaiming My Time (How Listening To Friends Helps You Learn More About Yourself)

Reclaiming my time is the most popular phrase of the week, maybe even the month, because of Congresswoman Maxine Waters. In a video circulating around the internet, she can be seen shouting the words at the current US Secretary of Treasury Steven Mnuchin. The reasons for her actions were because he was avoiding answering the questions she was at the meeting for. While it is great entertainment, in reality many of us are reclaiming our time. Let me tell you how I've been reclaiming mines and how the realization of my journey has hit even more after listening to conversations with friends.

I feel like I've spent my whole life working. That's obviously not how I'm currently getting my time back, but I feel like I've spent my whole life doing everything everyone ever wanted me to do. I was that good student, the good child, and until people found reasons to not like me I was that good friend. During my teen years, I spent a great amount of my time trying to have fun during school and at church. Those were the places my parents wanted me to be. There were times in college that I skipped out on partying because I was trying to do what I had to do so I could eventually have the life I wanted. Then soon after college came that awful quarter life crisis. Well, even though I didn't understand it at the time, after the quarter life crisis passed I started doing many things to reclaim my time.

Have you ever noticed how the older we get, the more we hate going to clubs? Well, while others had started meeting their soulmates and having kids, I started exploring the club scene. A little known fact about me is that even though I moved back to Houston at the age of 23, I had never been to any club in this city before. Actually, I didn't immediately experience any clubs after moving back, so I was probably 24 before experiencing the Houston club scene.

Making Money 
Growing up and even during college years, it was all about being responsible with my parents money. However, after employment, it became amount my own steady paycheck. I had to learn how to hold onto money. Holding onto money is easy when you are spending other people's money, but I had to learn how to pay bills and still have money left over. When you've never had those kind of responsibilities it takes time to learn.

My childhood and teenage friendships were all surrounding school and church activities. Basically I met people and left them where I met them because I had no other options. During my high school years, I can count the amount of times I hung out with people outside of church and school on one hand. Because of how those friendships worked, during college I tended to revolve my time around what everyone I called friends were doing. However, after college I really reclaimed my time and started living my life and seeing noticing the friends I really have.

In another post I mentioned someone that was supposed to be a friend arguing with me over a man. Well, truthfully ten years ago I would have been afraid to talk to anyone about a guy I slept with because I was afraid of hearing the negative advice. However, in this situation the girl was already saying the worse possible things about me, so I opened up to others asking for their advice. Some were people from FAMU and a few were people I went to high school with. None of these people judged me, which helped me discover that I do have some really good friends. I guess you could call that reclaiming my friendships too.

In the last seven years of being back in the city of Houston, I've experienced dating in ways I had only previously dreamed of. I remember a guy in college letting me know that he didn't a relationship. He was just looking for casual sex. He was only my second sex partner and that was not what I wanted. I didn't even have an actual relationship to reminiscence on at the time, so I surely wasn't ready for a casual sex partner. After him, I spent my time getting to know men but was too afraid to open my legs to any of them for that exact same reason.

What changed seven years ago? I reclaimed my dating time. I matured. I convinced myself I could handle the casual sex and the waiting to be remembered again that came along with it. I also convinced myself that the only way to open myself up to finding my equally-yoked man is to open myself up to meeting Mr. wrong too.

What does listening to friends have to do with all of this? 
Sometimes we feel like we know the people we grew up. Sometimes we feel like we know the people we've spent a couple of months with. However, everyone has life experiences they haven't shared yet. This year one of my friends shared how she was in a marriage so long that after her divorce she really discovered what dating was and started discovering the type of man she actually likes. She was reclaiming her time. Thinking about her story helped me to realize why I'm at the point in my life that I am now.

If you're in the midst of reclaiming your time, let me know how.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Read Your Mind/BED (Poem)

I know you wanna fuck, but I just wanna love
Tell me what's on your mind
As you sit by my side 
Or if it's not too hot we can cuddle up 
My body against yours 
I can feel you getting hard 
But I wanna get to know you more ways than sexually 
Shaking off thoughts of your body grinding against mine
Tell me what's on your mind 
How was your day? 
Did it involve drama or was it filled with relaxation? 
See I'm trying to figure out what kind of person you are
Will you stalk me if I give you access to my bedroom too soon? 
Or will you get the sex and disappear?
Change your number? 
Leave me feeling like you were a figment of my imagination? 
Is this a long-term thing? 
Can you really see yourself going places with a  girl like me
Because there's an expiration date for men like you 
And yours has already passed 
So can you tell me why are you still  here? 
Is it because you want another chance to be in my bed? 
Obviously I'm going to let you in

If Jacquees can do his own version of Avant's song, I can do mines in poem form.

Stop Telling People They Are Building Someone Else's Dream


There are the CEO's of big companies. At one point they were probably working for someone, but they had bright ideas of their own. They did a lot of studying to turn these ideas into billion dollar companies with tons of employees.

Then there are the employees. The employees do not work under the CEO's. The CEO's hire people on different levels, name them bosses, and they have employees working under them that they monitor. In this structure everyone gets paid. However, the pay is not equal for everyone. Everyone knows the owner of the company is the wealthiest person. Others are making money based on the importance of the job titles, but the job title pay don't always make sense either. In some of these companies the workers doing the most are getting paid the least.

Some of these employees have dreams of making better money while doing a job that makes them happier. They branch away from the job titles provided by the big companies and are called entrepreneurs. Some of these entrepreneurs gain success off of their dreams and give up the employee title. Some of these successful entrepreneurs grow big enough to where they end up with employees of their own.

If you fall into the category of the owner of a billion dollar company and the category of a growing entrepreneur stop telling people they are working to build other people's dreams. Stop bullying people with the idea that if they are employed by someone else, they are not doing right. Why? Because you need them to help build your dream. You might just hire one of them one day for your business and you absolutely need their money to grow your business.

If you are an employee, there is no reason you should feel guilty about doing what you have to/want to do to pay your bills.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

How To Exit A Friends W/ Benefits Situation Without Losing Your Sanity

Grammar Disclaimer: It's been a while since I passionately blogged. Currently I'm just trying to get these thoughts out.

After some terrible endings with men that would have been considered acquaintances if we hadn't fucked, I came to some general conclusions of how to get out of a friends with benefits relationship while holding onto your sanity.

End it before you become a victim of embarrassment. I've been embarrassed. I've had the experience of an awkward conversation with a woman claiming to be the guy's girlfriend. It should have never gotten that far. 

End it before you discover you're not the only woman he's been using to satisfy his needs. If he says he is not ready for a relationship, don't have sex with him. If you do choose to have sex with him, at some point you'll find out you're not the only woman he's with. Then again, you could just discover that he's flirting with other women because he's not emotionally invested in you. How do you end this? You tell him that you can't do it anymore because of whatever excuse you can think of.

End it before you realize your emotions are too deep and your partner is still comfortable with just calling you after dark to get his d*ck wet. This is hard to break away from. One reason is that man is going to wonder why you no longer want to be his pussy appointment. The other reason is these types of men have been in casual relationships for so long, they don't see the problem.

Remember friends with benefits have expiration dates. In rare cases, the two can advance to couple status and then eventually marriage status. That hasn't happened with me. I've learned that these situations are supposed to expire. They either end with that specific date you create or they end in worse ways. 

Monday, July 10, 2017

Issa Album, The 21 Savage Album Is Good

I needed a break from the 90's R&B playlists on Apple Music, so I decided to listen to 21 Savage's Issa album.

You read that correctly. I l listened to the whole album. The same way I do with every album or playlist, I put it on shuffle as I left work Friday night. I can't tell you exactly what all he raps about though. I use his and other young rappers' music to clear my mind from the craziness of my world. However, I liked the album. 

FaceTime is my favorite song because he says, "Girl you put up with that man. You strong." 

Honestly I wasn't even thinking about any of these young mumble rappers, but then 21 Savage became a trending topic for a second because of his still fresh relationship with Amber Rose. Then he went on record telling everyone to no longer call her any horrible names or they'll have to deal with him.

“We just been kicking it, man. She’s a real cool woman. She treat me like a king, so it is what it is,” Savage explained. “And no disrespect will be tolerated at all. Keep your mouth closed, no hoes, no bitches, no nothing. Because I’m pulling up on God.”- via XXL 

 How romanic for a man with a knife tattooed on his forehead! All this time I've been waiting for a prince charming that has a bachelors degree or a higher and is making good money to treat me right. Maybe, just maybe, I need to look for a romantic thug. 

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

My Fascination With Being Someone's WCW

WCW Poem 

I’m not your WCW
You don’t have to let me know
I can tell by your lack of phone calls
And by your lack of mentioning me on social media

I know that I’m not your WCE
You don’t have to remind me
It was just sexual attraction
It led to a beautiful moment in time
I remember
But you’ve forgotten

I’m not the woman you crush on
You talk about her all the time
Not afraid to brag in front of your friends
Not afraid to make her your Facebook profile pic
She’s taller than me
Bigger boobs and her ass is big just like you like it

I know I’m not your type
That’s why I’m letting you go
Even though you’ve already moved on

Sometime last year thoughts of longing for affection and being in love with a man filled my mind. From those thoughts came my book This Is For The Lover In You, but before I started writing the book this poem came to mind. 

Upon writing the poem, all I could think about were the  series of shitty men that had hit my DM's over the past couple years flirting their hearts away while at the same time posting pictures of their spouses that they were supposed to be madly in love with. That shit pissed me off. Some were posting pictures of female friends they found absolutely amazing and some were posting pictures of their celebrity crushes. None of those photos were of me or had me in them. 

Remember when the WCW stuff first started? I don't, but over the years I have had a lot of exposure to men expressing their love with women every single Wednesday and women doing the same for men every Monday. What did I do? I flirted and waited until the day I would be someone's WCW. Not a private WCW, but being full blown recognized as the caring, loving, and sexually attractive woman I am. 

What I have settled for are the compliments of me being a good writer that come around every once in a while, but will I ever be someone's WCW? Maybe, and hopefully when that day comes he's not secretly trying to entertain other women at the same damn time. 

Why do men flirt with several women anyway? Just dealing with one man is frustrating enough. Do you know the irritation of waking up and not seeing a "Good Morning" text so you send it instead because you hate that feeling of just being a booty call even though you know that's probably all you are to him?

Anyway, if you like the poem there's more in the book. 

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Givers and Takers/ Maybe Bar Restaurant Parties Aren't For Going By Myself

Picture this. It's a tiny restaurant with an outside and inside bar areas. There's also a small parking lot that the place is charging $5 for people to park. It's not a lot of people there and I want to try brunch there for the first time so I go ahead and pay. While it would be amazing to sit outside, the 90 degree heat has been burning the precious chocolate skin so I choose inside. There are several booths, which are full, seats at the bar area, and also a few tables. I choose one of the tables and get comfortable. My order is taken and my card is taken to create a table. There is also R&B music playing, which I absolutely love. I've been looking for places with good music playing. Everything is good at first. 

I'm a giver so if people need something I'm willing to work with them. However, my giving spirit doesn't work well in this place. Usually I can go to restaurants, order, and feel peaceful while eating my food. Not this time. 

Before my food comes, the taking starts. First a few people approach and ask if anyone is sitting with me. They have a large crew coming in so they see my table as a good spot for them. I spot another table, so I'm okay with moving. I move, sing a little, get my food and get comfortable. However, my eating is then disturbed by someone else asking if they can have extra chairs at the table. I say yes. 
They take two. A few minutes later another woman approaches asking if she can take a chair. In an annoyed voice I say okay. Next thing I know some guy is taking the second half of the table and making my drink spill. Did he offer to get me a new drink? No! Just a pathetic apology for doing something he never he warned me he was about to do. 

I learned a few things from this experience. 

1. While I've been craving to go to an atmosphere that allows me to get food/drinks and chill in a corner inconspicuously, this was not the place.

 I went there because of an online flyer for a brunch party called Migos & Mimosas, but it was not the place to disappear in a crowd. Instead of disappearing, I was noticed because the spot I was sitting at had accessories others needed. 

2. If I want disappear into crowds at places with good music, I should stick to clubs. 

At least in a club if someone approaches me, it's a man that actually has some kind of interest in me and is not approaching me because I have stuff that would make his friends more comfortable. 

3. I really just wanted to write about this horrible experience. Maybe there's a lesson about giving and taking in there somewhere. Oh yeah, next time I'll say no. 

Monday, June 12, 2017

She Can Have Him, My Experience With Arguing Over A Man

Months ago I had a strange experience that involved old classmates and I'm finally ready to talk about it. Before I post the creative story I wrote, here's a little background on the people involved.

I went to elementary and middle school with these people. Like any other normal human, I connected with them through Facebook. I had been Facebook friends with the woman in this situation since 2006 or 2007, but because of how social media is set up we weren't connecting often, and we never saw each other outside of the internet. I didn't connect with the man on Facebook until this year and then we saw each other in person after him and her broke up. 

I don't really share the exact names of the men that end up in my bed because of Irreconcilable Differences, but this situation went beyond my control. I also don't argue over men, but the way this situation was set up there were moments where it looked like I was responding back. Below is the story and I've changed the names of the exact people involved. There is no official title for this yet, but I've titled it based on sections. 

The One Night Stand 

We were having a Monica “The First Night” song type of moment. Both of us sat on the sofa with space in between us. An episode of Chicago PD was on the television screen, but I wasn’t paying attention to what was going on. My mind was on him, his good looks, his confidence, and his reasons for being here with me. 

His name was Devonte and his confidence was my biggest problem. Earlier that night when he messaged me, it was like he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Well, I couldn’t say no to a man telling me to get dressed and hang with him. I thought about saying it several times. I thought about telling him never mind. He had just broken up with his ex-girlfriend and I didn’t want to be a rebound. I also didn’t want to fall into the trap of lust so soon after claiming I was abstaining from sex. 

Then seeing him for the first time standing outside near his car waiting for me stirred something in my soul. I can’t remember the last time I was able to hop in the passenger side of a man’s car and have him take me wherever. I’ve always met up with men to stay in my comfort zone. I think I hugged him before getting in his car. I’m not sure. Nervousness had taken over my mind. Upon hopping in the car, I could smell the beer. Clearly I was dealing with a bad boy that wasn’t afraid to drink and drive. He wasn’t drunk or even tipsy though. 

“Are you hungry?” Devonte asked.

Was I hungry? Before receiving his messages on Facebook that night, I was hungry. I was trying to choose between warming up leftovers in my fridge, sticking frozen foods into the oven, or cooking something on the stove. But then my hunger was replaced with curiosity. 

“Nah,” I said, “But I will be later.” 

We talked a little and sat in silence. I don’t really know what kind of word flowed from my mouth. 

“Are you thirsty?” he asked. I wasn’t thirsty, but a drink could calm me down. He stopped at a gas station and we went in. I thought about grabbing cheap liquor, but instead went for a soda. After leaving the gas station, he drove little more. Then he mentioned getting a hotel room for the night. 

“I’m thinking about getting a hotel room just to chill at for the night.” 

“Why?” I asked. “You have roommates?” 

“Yeah, I live in a house with his father. I come and go as I please. If you wanted to go there, we can.” 

“Well, I live alone.” 

“In your apartment? No roommates? All by yourself?” He seemed surprised. 

“Yeah.” Devonte turned around and headed back to my place. 

I couldn’t believe I was inviting him in. Just a couple days ago I had told myself to take a break from men. My luck in the past few years had been men that only wanted casual sex, cheating men, long distance ones, and ones that were afraid to get from behind their computers and meet me in person. I knew I needed a break. I needed to breathe. I needed feminine energy around me, girl talks over drinks, laughing and sharing our joys and disappointments. The only women I could do that with were in other states and we were only communicating through the phone when our schedules happened to fall in sync. Instead of that desperately needed girl talk, I was putting myself in a position to have a new guy yearning for what was between my legs just so he could forget about me afterward. 

Soon we were back at my place sitting on the sofa not paying attention to Chicago PD. Instead we were sitting in awkward silence, or asking questions just to have something to talk about, or even playing with our phones. I kept picking up my phone out of nervousness, but no one was texting me, or saying anything to me on social media. 

“Come here.” He pointed to his lap. It was then that I knew where we were heading. 

“I’m interested in you,” Devonte told me as he held me in his arms. 

“I can tell.”


“This right here.” Then we had our first kiss.

One minute we were in the living room and the next he had me on my bed. I have a habit of throwing jackets on it at the beginning of the day, so I pushed the jackets along with pillows onto the floor while he got undressed.

The sex started off new. I wasn’t as relaxed as I should have been starting off and I didn’t really know what to expect from him. But the more we got into it, the better it became. After the first round as we laid next to each other naked, catching our breaths, with only the light of the television highlighting our brown skinned bodies, I realized I didn’t know the man laying next to me.  

It was like Tamia’s song, “There’s a Stranger In My House,” except he was adoring me. He was lusting after me and I was returning the lust, but at the same time still trying to figure out why I was chosen. Plus he really was a stranger. 

Well before that night we had chatted through the Facebook messenger a few times. I had looked through his pictures and read some of his status updates. I did know a little about him. 

Wait, this guy wasn’t just a random Facebook friend that turned into a random hookup. I ended up requesting him, because his crazy girlfriend didn’t understand that you don’t ask new women to appear in your cheating man’s eyesight. Or maybe I should have just stuck with my original intentions of speaking with her and never connected with her cheating man on social media. 

The Beginning 

“Hey, since we’re in the same city, we should get together sometimes for drinks and discuss business plans.” I meant what I was saying, but I wasn’t sure Avery was for real about discussing anything dealing with business. 

“Okay, sure. Are you busy Saturday?” Avery asked. 

“Saturday is perfect. Just let me know what time.” 

It was supposed to be friendly conversation in the Facebook messenger that would somehow lead to business talk between women. However, that Saturday meeting would never happen. Avery wasn’t as serious about furthering her career as me. She was too busy focusing on men, or one man to be exact.  We had spent our conversations discussing the headaches we had gotten while attempting to make potentially great men our on. I was okay with that route of conversation, because I had already put everything I told her about in a book. But I wanted to talk about more than men. 

I had done it plenty of times before using Facebook messenger, the Instagram DM, and even the Twitter DM. Many women that I had never been face to face with had exchanged messages with me discussing our dreams of making money off of our passions. Sometimes they were conversations with men, because men have dreams too. This always started with personal information about ourselves being exchanged, because creative entrepreneurs usually use their personal lives to help enhance their story telling. Maybe in this situation we went a little too personal and that was why it was hard to get to the professional part.

Earlier in the conversation we were discussing her issues with her man. His name was Devonte. 

“Girl, he’s perfect for me. Even though I already have kids, I’ve already told him how many more I want.” 

“Really?” I said. “How long have you two been dating?” 

“About two months, but there are some issues with him.” 

“Like what?” 

“He keeps talking to all these women. I’ve taken his phone and deleted numbers out of it. I’ve also gone through his social media and blocked women that were messaging him.” 

“WOW!” I responded, but I was really thinking that’s a lot of work to do for a man you’ve only been with a short period of time. 

“Listen, he’s currently blocked me on Facebook because I blocked all those women. Will you do me a favor and request him? I need someone to let me know what he’s posting.” 

I shouldn’t have done it. I was still in a very vulnerable place emotionally from the last man I had dealt with. He wasn’t my man, but he was a single man that couldn’t make up his mind whether he wanted to be in a loving relationship or just occasionally getting great sex. So I settled for great sex until I was tired of him. 

I sent the friend request like Avery asked, glanced at his profile, and sent a screenshot of his latest Facebook status to her. That status was all about her and what she had done. She wrote an “lol” and was satisfied. 

Were they really in a relationship? It was hard to tell because these two were so dysfunctional. I didn’t need to know much about them. Avery had already said she was going through his phone and social media messages. Even though he was cheating on her, she was determined to hold onto him. However, he didn’t seem like he was having the same emotions for her. Soon after sending that friend request, he sent me a message. 

“Hey, so what made you request me?”

“Avery was talking about you, so I decided to send a request. What’s up with you and her anyway?” 

“We’ve tried being together, but she’s too much drama for me. She just does a lot that I can’t handle.” 

“Oh, I understand.” Then I went on to tell Devante the same story about the previous man that I had told Avery and many others. I should have reported the conversation to Avery since I was supposed to be a spy for her, but I never did. I just thought of it as a quick conversation. 

We never talked again until that very random night that he messaged me on Facebook about hanging out. It was a Thursday, cold outside, and my mind was in a world of it’s own. 

It Went Too Far

After that night, Devante became just another man on my hit list. However, it took him some time to realize that. For several days after that he asked when we would hook up again. I wasn’t in a rush to see him, so I wasn’t giving him an answer. 

At the same time Olivia started acting like a regular single woman again. She would update statuses directed at men not acting right, jump in groups to flirt in the comments section, and post pictures trying to get attention from anyone. I was no longer talking to her. I had no intention of telling her about that night with her man and we had nothing to discuss since she had clearly forgotten about the business meeting. However, she did eventually find out that I spoke with him. 

My number was saved in Devante’s phone. On one random Saturday a little over a week later I decided to call him. My call went unanswered. A few days after that they were back together and she decided to make a very public Facebook status about seeing someone on her friends list saved in her man’s phone. Well, she called her ex-man in the status. 

“I was going through my ex-man phone 
and saw a missed phone call from someone on my friend list on it. 
You just can’t trust people smh.”

I kept quiet and read the comments. Avery was really embarrassing herself by admitting she was still spending time with a man that couldn’t be trusted. I knew it wasn’t over though. Eventually we would have to disconnect from each other on all social media platforms. It would be better for both of us. I was also done with Devante. 

Another week went by. Neither of them were on my mind. I had checked a day before to remove Avery from my friends list, but her profile was nowhere to be found. It was a Tuesday night and I was getting ready for bed when my phone rang. 
I didn’t recognize the number. I should have ignored it, but instead I answered. 


I heard a man’s voice.

“Hi, who is this?” 

“Devante,” he said. 

“Oh,” I said shocked. I had planned on never seeing or speaking to him again. But I also wasn’t ready to talk to him at that moment. I made up an excuse about getting ready for bed. He said okay and we decided we would speak again at a better time. No time would be better though. 

What I did do to officially close out that chapter of my life with those two was send him the story I had written about that night with him. After he read it I explained I was working on a book and his story would be featured in it. He was cool with it.  
But it still wasn’t over yet. A day later I received one more message from Devante’s Facebook page. He didn’t write it though. It was Avery. The messaged said: 

“Bitch Leave My Man Alone You Dirty Hoe.” 

What she wanted was already done. 

P.S. The end of the story wasn't the end of the story. Through one of her friends, she did a public social media broadcast telling everyone that I fucked her man. It was terrible because I didn't want anyone to know about him and stupid because he was no longer her man. 

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Irreconcilable Differences?

Irreconcilable differences? I've always thought that was a great phrase used for when people didn't want to go into detail about just how much they really wanted to kill each other over things they hated about each other during their marriages, but instead chose to take the high road and keep their issues short. However, I was reading Samantha Irby's book, We Are Never Meeting In Real Life, and she described the ending of her relationships as irreconcilable differences. I'll forever use that phrase for everything that doesn't work out in the future.

I'll apply it to relationships. No one needs to know about the cute men I've always sub-Facebooked and tweeted about just wanted to fuck. They were cute and worth it for the experiences, but there was nothing else to them. There has never been anything else to them. Its like they use up all the energy of celebrating holidays, buying expensive gifts for girlfriends or spending any money at all, and going on dates that don't involve meeting at someone's house for casual sex on the women before me. When they meet me the expectation is just that my clothes will come off even when there's no foreplay to build me up or there is nothing between us at all. I spent a good amount of my 20's choosing the option of nothing at all, but I made exceptions for the experiences.

And I'll use that shit on failed friendships. Irreconcilable differences sounds so much better than telling people all the stupid reasons friendships ended; like how a group of girls turned their backs on me because I didn't wanted to surround myself with more than five people who I called friends. I didn't want to be part of a clique for some reason, but a little over a decade later I realize maybe I should have went the clique route if I wanted to have more than two friends that remember I exist beyond social media. Or I'll use irreconcilable differences on that ex-classmate who I didn't realize her ex was still off limits after they broke up. I always said I wouldn't date a friend's ex, but is casual sex that no one is supposed to find out about considered dating?

And I'll sprinkle irreconcilable differences all over my non-blossoming writing career. I've had dreams of being a writer since my elementary school days and paid writing dreams since I took out my first student loan in college. However, obtaining a real paid writing job is difficult and getting one that pays my bills feels like it'll take the help off a fairy God-mother to start working out in my favor. And being a blogger on the internet trying to create friendly relationships with other bloggers hasn't been a picnic in the park either. Then again all picnics aren't good experiences, so maybe it has.

See, I've actually written a crazy amount about my life in poetry that's now stored in two self-published books. You have to buy them to know more, but until then my life is filled with a lot of irreconcilable differences.

Monday, May 29, 2017

48 Hours (Poem)

I want to start writing love poems, but some man in the world has to give me that experience of being in love first. Until then, here's poem about the emotional rollercoaster known as lust.

Before you read, 72 hours is a metaphor for any time after 48 hours.

48 Hours

Its been 4 hours since you've left
I should be asleep but I can't stop thinking about you
There's something you don't know
Something I should have told you before that first kiss
For about 24 to 48 hours after we do this you're my man
I expect to see that look in your eyes that says even though you don't wanna leave, you have to
It's been 14 hrs and I haven't heard a word from you
You took too long to say something so I sent a text instead
We shouldn't be making this awkward
I'm not a prostitute
Remember how I told you to study every inch of my body while it was in front of you
The way my breasts perked up as you sucked on them
We came together for pleasure, not money
24 hrs have passed
Have you forgotten about me already?
I'm trying to focus on something else
But I can still feel your hands gripping my hips as you hit it from the back
Please don't disappear
Don't be the typical fuck boy
Waiting a week or two
Then calling again for more
48 hrs something tells me we ain't gonna last
I've gotten my gangsta back
And now I remember you just wanted to be another nigga on my hit list
You didn't have to say it
But it's showing in your lack of actions
72 hrs you're horny and ready to repeat this cycle of emotions all over again.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

#FixMyLife Iyanla And The Sisterly Bond

If you didn't grow up with your siblings, how bad do you want a relationship with them? If you grew up with them and didn't get along with all of them, are you going to want create a sisterly bond later on in life? Everyone's favorite show, Fix My Life featuring Life Coach Iyanla Vanzant, is back.

The first couple of episodes featured couples whose relationships desperately needed help. I'm not married and never have been, so all I could do was watch and take notes. However, the latest episode to air was a little more up my ally. It featured six sisters who desperately want to fix their bond. Well, some of them have no bond because they weren't all raised together. One of them was put up for adoption as an infant, but decided she wanted to be connected to her family. The root of their communication issues is their mom, who didn't raise them all. The mom had her own issues, but this is not about that. 

There were several issues with these sisters that came out throughout the episode. There was the sister who was put up for abortion so she didn't know the others. They clearly didn't have a bond with her at all, because she did a lot of crying and the only one to comfort her was Iyanla. Well, later on in the show Iyanla tells the mom to comfort her crying daughter. However, whether or not they know each other someone else should have been hugging on her since they were all seriously trying to get along. 

Then there was the issue of the arguments. Some of these sisters had real issues that could have easily been solved with agreeing to disagree. After all they wanted to get along. Instead they acted like enemies when they were mad at each other. 

So much could be pointed out from the way these sisters communicated, but the hugest issues were the sister who acted as their mom and the sister that was the peacemaker. Too much pressure was being put on them and the only one who recognized it was Iyanla. I guess this could be applied with how we approach everyone. We have to recognize when people are in pain and when we need to give people space. 
Above I asked if you didn't grow up with siblings, would you want to create a bond with them later on in life? I grew up with two brothers in a two parent household. Although my dad raised me as his own, I still have a biological dad that had other children. Outside of my two brothers, I have three sisters and one younger brother that I've never met. I'm connected to one of those sisters on Facebook, but haven't communicated with the other two in years. One of them lives with my biological dad who I stopped reaching out to and the other just didn't feel it was important to return my phone calls. If these siblings did want to get to know me and bond with me, I would let them. I would not deny them, but I can only do so much on my own. At the age of 30 if they felt no connection to me at all, felt no reason to need me in their lives, I would still be able to live a good life. 

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

I Hate This Obsession We Have With Side Chicks

I have a confession to make to the world. I hate this obsession we have with side chicks and main chicks. 

In Hiphop the battle of side chicks and main chicks is popular. Tons of songs are made where singers are fighting to be the main chick for a man, or men are highlighting having both. On national television, especially Love and Hiphop, watching women argue over whose really the washed up rapper or producer's man's woman has become entertainment. In sports and Hollywood, there's a stigma that men who can afford it deserve to have several women besides the woman they publicly claim. For us everyday women that are aiming to better our lives, these titles are a problem. 

Why would any woman want to be called a side chick or a main chick? We are someone's daughter. Some of us are mothers and sisters. We are students, employees, and some of us are entrepreneurs. We have goals to make our lives better than our current circumstances. We continuously raise the bar and we even try to add the love of a significant other to the equation. It's bad enough that we experience losses when it comes to professional careers, but some of us tend to run into bad situations when it comes to love. 

I've had my moments where women approached me or used their friends to ask me about their men. The very first time it happened was in 2010. I knew the woman from living in the same dorm my freshman year of college, but I didn't know her well enough to know her dating life. Well, at a party before graduation day, a man was flirting heavily with me in front of everyone. No one said anything in the moment. They just watched and someone even took a picture of it. The woman was there too and saw. Later on she had one of her friends ask if I was trying to hook up with her man. It was embarrassing because I knew then they were trying to label me as something I was not. At the time I was trying to focus on getting a job and not playing the games. 

I've had my moments where men approached me saying they were interested in me. Initially they didn't state that all they wanted was sex. They tried to fake like they were interested in my mind, but then they would eventually say they only wanted sex. Not every man was lucky to experience me, but I've said yes to some. During none of those situations did I consider myself some woman on the side for them. I asked questions to ease my own mind on the decisions I was making. I didn't want to be disrespecting another woman or feeling like a man was playing me. I wanted to make sure the situations were just two single adults making decisions to spend intimate time together. Even in the future when I'm with a man, it'll be two single adults making intimate decisions or my man and I making the decision to be intimate. Outside of those moments, I am that entrepreneur striving for a life that'll leave a smile on my face. 

When I look at the next woman, I always wonder what her goals are. What is she striving for in life? There are women that will proudly answer the question with the dream occupation or even their dream family life. None of us should be worried about whether we are side chicks or main chicks because we are so much better than these stupid titles. 

This came to my mind recently after a male friend told me about a situation where a woman wanted to turn into him a side nigga. He was devastated that anyone tried to play him like that, so I explained to him that he's no one's side man. He's so much better than that and should never let a woman try to reduce him to that level.