Thursday, June 8, 2017

Irreconcilable Differences?

Irreconcilable differences? I've always thought that was a great phrase used for when people didn't want to go into detail about just how much they really wanted to kill each other over things they hated about each other during their marriages, but instead chose to take the high road and keep their issues short. However, I was reading Samantha Irby's book, We Are Never Meeting In Real Life, and she described the ending of her relationships as irreconcilable differences. I'll forever use that phrase for everything that doesn't work out in the future.

I'll apply it to relationships. No one needs to know about the cute men I've always sub-Facebooked and tweeted about just wanted to fuck. They were cute and worth it for the experiences, but there was nothing else to them. There has never been anything else to them. Its like they use up all the energy of celebrating holidays, buying expensive gifts for girlfriends or spending any money at all, and going on dates that don't involve meeting at someone's house for casual sex on the women before me. When they meet me the expectation is just that my clothes will come off even when there's no foreplay to build me up or there is nothing between us at all. I spent a good amount of my 20's choosing the option of nothing at all, but I made exceptions for the experiences.

And I'll use that shit on failed friendships. Irreconcilable differences sounds so much better than telling people all the stupid reasons friendships ended; like how a group of girls turned their backs on me because I didn't wanted to surround myself with more than five people who I called friends. I didn't want to be part of a clique for some reason, but a little over a decade later I realize maybe I should have went the clique route if I wanted to have more than two friends that remember I exist beyond social media. Or I'll use irreconcilable differences on that ex-classmate who I didn't realize her ex was still off limits after they broke up. I always said I wouldn't date a friend's ex, but is casual sex that no one is supposed to find out about considered dating?

And I'll sprinkle irreconcilable differences all over my non-blossoming writing career. I've had dreams of being a writer since my elementary school days and paid writing dreams since I took out my first student loan in college. However, obtaining a real paid writing job is difficult and getting one that pays my bills feels like it'll take the help off a fairy God-mother to start working out in my favor. And being a blogger on the internet trying to create friendly relationships with other bloggers hasn't been a picnic in the park either. Then again all picnics aren't good experiences, so maybe it has.

See, I've actually written a crazy amount about my life in poetry that's now stored in two self-published books. You have to buy them to know more, but until then my life is filled with a lot of irreconcilable differences.

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