Saturday, December 31, 2011

Putting 2011 In A Blog Post

This is my attempt to sum 2011 up in one blog post. After all, it is the last day of the year and a million people are trying to figure out what they want to take into the new year. So, are you ready? Before you start, there are links embedded in this post. I suggest you read before clicking on the links, but the links are important. I have to admit this year was a couple of roller coaster rides. I hate roller coasters sometimes. That means sometimes I absolutely love the rush of going up and down, being thrown around in circles, and then getting off the ride to realize I survived. Yeah, you're ready now.

2011 started off horrible. Well, actually it was horrible times ten. See I was jobless, broke, had one close friend, no fun in my life, and I was extremely bored. There may have been a little depression mixed in there too. If you've had nothing but negative comments from the people that are supposed to love your thrown your way for months at a time, you will understand the mention of depression. So, basically the beginning sucked and I didn't have any new years resolutions. Resolutions and goals didn't seem important for the year, because they had been a failure the year before. My heart was hurt and the worse part of all is I felt like I couldn't share it with anyone. Instead I implanted the pain I was going through in some of my poems. For the rest of the world, I tried to fake like I was happy so great things would eventually happen. Something did within the first month of the year.

Well there were two different occurrences that brightened 2011 up within the first month. One was a job and the other was a man. The job involved becoming an SEO (search engine optimization) blogger for an insurance company. While I knew how to write that job taught me a lot and put money in my pockets. Once the money came I stopped asking for money from my parents. This girl right here has always been good at managing money to the point where she wouldn't need it from anyone else after she had it. Wait, let me backtrack for a second. I knew about writing, but not about search engine optimization. I thought it would be easy to learn, but it is a totally different structure from journalism and even creative writing. It was interesting though because I never before knew exactly how people's internet sites drew in so many readers without them doing much of anything except writing. I was at that job for 4 whole months, but the relationship lasted only a month and a couple days.

I'm still not sure why I referred to him as a boyfriend or even an ex-boyfriend. I had sort of made one resolution that involved dating. Well, really it involved sex. Instead of falling in love, I wanted to get a groove and this dude helped me get it. The sex was good. Love and all those other drugs didn't work into the equation though. He thought he was in love. I was willing to play along just to see how far we could go, but yeah love and all the other drugs forgot to meet up with me so the plan would work.

Speaking of love, one of my best friends got married. I would have been one of her bridesmaids, but lack of understanding from loved ones kept me from attending her wedding. However, the fact that that her husband made their love official by marrying her was beautiful. If you've ever known her, then you know why she deserves it. They are a great couple.

In the midst of trying to abandon all thoughts of love I went on the search of trying to get comfortable with another man, or men. Some might call it trying to be a professional heaux, but I just wanted fun. That plan only halfway worked out. There was an old friend that fell into the trap. For some reason he thinks I'm super shy, but he just doesn't know. Then there was/is the guy at my job that comes once a week and has a great body. I don't know this guy's name, but he looks like eye candy anyway. I just wanted to stare and still do.

Back to job hunting. I always thought the purpose of going to college was to find out what you love in life. Well, many of us know what we love way before we reach college and that's how we already know the best majors. Well, although I had a journalism degree and an addiction to writing that affected my sleeping pattern, in 2011 I learned that none of that mattered. I also learned that my search for a job was a pain in the ass for others and not really myself. See, I guess I have this gift that not everyone possesses but I was told to apply at grocery stores, bowling alleys, police stations, banks, engineering companies, in Africa, in Europe, stand on the side of the street and beg for change, and go up to the alter every Sunday after church and pray for more money. What does a girl that can write do at an engineering company? How much money can a girl with a journalism degree make at a bank and what other than a teller can she do? Did I mention this all happened after already having a job? Okay, maybe that's a little exaggerated, but you get the point. I thought I had my life all figured out, even when the money had me crying out, but others seemed to think I was heading in the wrong direction. It was the worse roller coaster ride ever.

So I finally made someone happy and got a job making more money. I liked the job surprisingly, but don't tell anyone.The only thing is I hated the feeling of it because it was supposed to make me happy, but others were trying to steal my joy and they did. I'm definitely hard to please and 2011 played games with me in that area. First the games started with the relationship and then with the search that involved people throwing a million job ideas my way. But I did manage to please myself in a very special way.

Actually there were two special ways. One way was by chopping the perm off my head. In the original post I said I was doing it to become a follower. Well, there's more. The stress of all the job searching, some people not thinking I was doing enough, men tripping, living with family, and feeling like I had worked hard just to backtrack had gotten to me. My life was out of order and someone once said cutting off all your hair can create organization in your life. See, I had a perm. Cutting the perm off meant I'd have to learn how to deal with my hair all over again. It would be like giving birth to a baby. That's the same that I'm trying to do with a career. I'm trying to birth a baby that 20, 30, and 50 years down the line I can smile about. So I started planning in June. June of 2011 I got my last perm. July I bought a wig and worse it until September when I made an appointment with a new hair stylist and chopped it off. You can't start new by going to the same familiar place, right? So I went to that stylist and then later progressed to the barbershop. I'm a brave girl. I don't know for sure if the new hair has anything to do with it, but my future writing career is starting to look brighter. The reason is for later in the post.

The other way was California. To be exact it was a trip to Hollywood, California. In the previous year I talked about doing the trip with a friend, but no money made me abandon the plan. However, I was so stressed out by September that it didn't matter if I went by myself. In fact it was the best idea ever. I took the trip alone for three days before my birthday. While there I walked down Hollywood Blvd and down Sunset Blvd for over a mile. My feet didn't like it by the second day. I did the Hollywood tours and learned that it's going to take a lot of prayer and money to live a beautiful life out in Cali. I ended the excitement that Saturday by going to Malibu beach. There's something amazing about fresh blue water that stretches out farther than your imagination can stretch.The day of my birthday I flew back home renewed.

While that trip was great, it was even better when my grandmother came into town weeks later. Although I caught whatever cold was going around I was able to treat her and her friend to lots of fun in H-Town. They were vacationing so I gladly paid for whatever they wanted to do. It was bittersweet to be able to do that for my grandmother.

Even though my grandmother was there, I hit a boring point on Thanksgiving Day. That boring point led me to start submitting to magazines again about writing. Well, I only submitted to one after staying on it for hours reading others work. That was Good Vibrations magazine and it paid off. You can catch me on there regularly or whenever inspiration hits. See, my writing career is blossoming.

After all that you'd probably think I was preparing for Christmas. December is filled with people making wish lists of what they want others to get them. I abandoned that plan. Instead I started brainstorming of how I can make my life better until my dreams come true.

Wait, the summary made my year sound good. There were bad moments. I cried a lot more than anyone will ever know. I cried because I started to feel worthless at moments. There were times, such as job searching moments, where I felt like I would never be good enough for anyone. There were moments where family members made hurtful comments and I couldn't find privacy fast enough before the tears started flowing. For instance the day after my 25th birthday my mom made some very hurtful comments. While I cried she acted as if nothing had even happened. There were moments where my dad made me cry, because I couldn't do anything right in his eyes. I was going to church enough, doing the dishes enough, staying home enough, getting out of the house enough, or just plain focused enough. Even worse, the headaches that I experienced during my roughest times of childhood and college started to come back. Plus some of the weight I gained while in college started to drop. I went from 93lbs to 85lbs. The weight loss wasn't noticeable to others though. I've always been small.

But it was a stressful year and today I'm realizing that I made it through the year. Have you ever talked so much, but still felt like you were leaving out important information? That's how I feel about this post. There's so much that's being unsaid. For instance I went from being a friend to someone to being their alibi and barely ever talking to them. I also lost another friend, but that may have some potential for being repaired.

See, it was a crazy year. I can't even explain how crazy but there were accomplishments. I got jobs and my writing opened up to a whole new audience. I traveled by myself and utilized only my own money. It's December 31, 2011 which means the year is officially over.

Since tomorrow is the beginning of a whole new year, I'll introduce you to the 2012 goals that are written in stone, the resolutions that are kind of sketchy, and how I plan to stay sane.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Best Songs Of 2011

Last year I tried my hardest to pick out the best songs of 2010. It wasn't easy, but it was done. Now I'm  about to attempt to pick out the best songs of 2011. They may not be the absolute best, but these songs touched my heart this year. Or at least they made me feel some kind of way. Check five of them out below.

K'La was a fairly new artist, but she came hard with the lyrics.

Just think of how proud the Notorious B.I.G would be to hear what was done to his song in 2011. This song rejuvenated my love for writing.

What more can I say? Gangsta Boo is back. Now I feel like I can drop the Barbie exterior and pull my hood side back out.

Drake may be emotional to the max, but Lloyd stole the attention away from him with this song. Lloyd is singing about another man up in his woman's pussy, but I loved it.

The last song was a hard choice, but this was another remake that made me want to get on the dance floor and pop my pussy.

Bury My Heart- K Michelle

This song put me in my feelings, but K. Michelle is a great singer. 

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Herbal Elements For Men

Persistent Sexual Arousal Disorder

Last night I was bored and flipping through channels when I stumbled upon this show. It was called "100 Orgasms A Day." Some men dream of giving their women unlimited orgasms, but the women on this show were mortified at the word orgasm. They hated the thought of even feeling any type of sexual arousal. The thought of the word arousal made these women feel sick. The reason is because these women suffer from a syndrome that causes them to continuous be aroused four days and even weeks. That syndrome is called persistent sexual arousal disorder.

According to wikipedia persistent sexual arousal disorder, also known as persistent sexual arousal syndrome, is a spontaneous, persistent, and uncontrollable genital arousal in women, with or without an orgasm. This is unrelated to feelings of a sexual desire. Physical arousal with this syndrome can last for days and even weeks. Getting an orgasm can temporarily cure the feelings, but the desire will return within hours. When the symptoms return they are sudden and unpredictable. They can be triggered by anything, such as riding a bike, driving a car, going to the bathroom, and even doing laundry. Over a period of time some women suffering from this syndrome can even lose the desire to have sex with their significant others because being aroused becomes associated with being in pain.

Interesting, right? That's what I thought as I was watching "100 Orgasms A Day." The show featured three women. Each woman suffered from persistent sexual arousal syndrome, but they all handled it differently. The first woman, Gene, was tired of sex. She saw anything sexual as horrifying because of her syndrome. She even admitted to having up to 10 orgasms in one hour and only stopping because she was completely exhausted. In order to fix the problem she'd seen multiple doctors to figure out how to live a normal life. Other than seeing doctors she became heavily focused on tasks in order to take her mind off of being aroused.

Then there was Rachel. Rachel said just doing laundry was a tough task for her because the vibration of washer and dryer aroused her. There was also another woman who was suffering. She was married, but she forced her husband to sleep with their son, because the persistent sexual arousal syndrome had gotten so bad that she didn't want to touch him. However, at certain times she did need to masturbate to make herself feel better.

Our world thrives on sex. Sex sells clothing, music, and food. Sex also allows us to dive deep into our imagination to create great nights with significant others we care about. But what if you were always aroused. What if you were able to have up to 10 orgasms an hour without anyone helping you? 10 orgasms may sound good, but to not be able to control those orgasms or stop the arousal sounds exhausting.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Midnight Phone Call

The following story was first published on Good Vibrations Magazine. Oh yeah, and it's written by me. Enjoy!

He asks me to come over at midnight, so I quickly run. I’ve been waiting for his phone call. He knows I’ve been waiting for him. He doesn’t look as good as Lance Gross, isn’t as emotionally available as Drake, and doesn’t have as much money as Jay-Z, but he calls me. I need the attention. I need to be needed.

Flashbacks from the last time cross my mind. From the moment I walked in he had on no shirt. His perfectly chiseled chest called out to me. My eyes molested it until my hands were brave enough to reach out and touch it. Then I allowed him to do the same. As my clothes came off, he gently touched every inch of my body. I easily gave myself to him that night and the pleasure was worth it. Tonight I’m not feeling as confident.

We’re all alone sitting on the couch in his living room. The lights are off, but the volume to a romantic movie on the television is low. He moves closer to me, so I scoot further away. He wants to be close. He wants to cuddle, kiss and eventually take me into his bedroom. I’m not ready yet. He didn’t give me any flowers. He’s never taken me out to eat or to a movie. We don’t even see each other during the day. Nor do we talk on the phone regularly. He doesn’t even see me as his girlfriend. Feelings are starting to surface.

“You’re beautiful,” he says.

“Thanks,” I barely whisper. I’m nervous. I’m not sure if I’m ready to do this again, but he is getting impatient. He puts his arms around me and pulls me onto his lap. As I adjust myself for comfort, he turns my face to his. Then he lays a passionate kiss on me.

The nervousness is over. For a second what we were doing felt wrong, but now I’m comfortable again. I don’t need flowers. Nor do I need dinner and a movie. However, I do need attention.

Our passion is intense. The sex is meant to be. We leave a trail of clothes from the sofa to his bedroom. This is not the last time I answer his midnight phone call.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Rickey Smiley Camel Toe Mini Documentary

I watched this craziness, so here's the video so you can see it too.

My New Pastry Shoes/Ms Fashionable

A couple of weeks ago I bought some new shoes. They weren't cute little flats. They weren't neck breaking heels either. They were sneakers.

Pastry Sugar Rush Studs to be exact.

I was excited because they were comfortable, cute, and high tops. Plus I hadn't bought any in a while. See, I'm the type of person that buys a nice pair of sneakers and wears them forever. Well, forever as in for a while until they start to look old or the laces start to fall apart. I don't buy new laces. I just look at is as it's time for new shoes. So these were the new shoes that it was time for. I'm actually thinking about buying another pair because I love Pastry shoes, but that's not the point. I wore my Sugar Rush Studs yesterday for the first time and loved them. See the photos?

Also, in honor of the new year and the millions of resolutions people make I'm making a new tag. The previous tag I was using was "Standing Out Physically." Well, I don't want to stand out physically anymore. I want to be known as fashionable and be able to recognize fashionable styles. So the tag will be Ms Fashionable. Are you ready for 2012? I am.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Lil Kim Is Prepared For 2012

Recently Lil Kim released promotional photos to show us that she is ready for 2012. In the photoshoot she is wearing Christian Louboutin slingbacks and a one piece from Playboy's spring 2012 collection.

I love Kim's look. Let's pray that her next song release isn't another Nicki Minaj diss track.

Letter To My Son- Don Trip

The focus of emotional music made by men lately has fallen on Drake and Common. As many people know, they are currently beefing with no explanation as to how it started. However, the beef isn't important. Usually when we hear emo music done by men, we think of how a man broke a woman's heart and feels horrible or how he just wants to confess his love. Well, this next song involves neither of those.
The song called "Letter To My Son" and it's done by Don Trip and Cee-Lo. It stuck out to me because there is a guy who spends at least once a week on twitter saying hateful things about his baby mama. The same woman that he was so willing to have sex with and create a child with is the same woman he constantly trashes. The way he does it is horrible, but after hearing this song I don't even know what to think about men with those issues.

Friday, December 23, 2011

When A Man Complains About Sex~ Zane's Advice

Did you know that Zane Strebor is more than an author. She's more than some woman who sits around creating these great sex scenes for her millions of fans to read. She's also more than a mother and wife. Zane is definitely an unofficial psychologist.

Most of her advice to people is not even based on sex. It's about love.These people are asking very deep questions. People ask for advice on their relationships, abuse, faithfulness, and being unfaithful. So Zane dishes out her advice on how they can handle their love lives.

Within the past few months I've noticed a heavy trend with men. This trend stems mostly from single men, but there are some in relationships complaining. Their complaints revolve around sex. They have these perfect ideas of how their sex lives should be and most of them say that if a woman doesn't fit the description they will move on. Well, one very cocky man recently decided to ask for Zane's advice on his woman's horrible sex game. While asking for advice on what he should do with her, he also admitted to cheating. Well, Zane gave the perfect response to him. Read it below.

The following came from the fan page of the author Zane:

Dear Zane,

My wife and I have been together for 3 1/2 years, married for 2, but for as
long as I can remember she has never really done anything in bed. Her sex
game has become horribly bad. She does not try to be sexy at all and when I ask for some head, she acts like it's a task and she's never made me cum off the head. She just doesn't try. When I want to have sex, it's like a big deal
and she comes off like she doesn't want to do it. Most of the time I feel
like I'm taking pussy from my wife cuz she doesn't want to fuck me, so I
cheat on her every chance I get. I'm a very handsome man with a Dick to
die for and a stud-like body. Other women will go as far as paying for it. She has no clue that I'm fucking around. I don't even try to make love to her anymore cuz of the hassle she gives me. What am I to do? I really don't want to cheat on her but my needs are not being met at home and there are so many women out here who would love a man like me.

What's a Man to Do

Dear What's a Man to Do,

You need to divorce your wife and let her find a real man. You and your dick to die for need to be single so you can worry about your true priority; getting your billie sucked. Not once did you mention love. You act like your wife is a piece of ass and your sex slave. No wonder she is not feeling you like that. She comes off like she doesn't want to do it because she doesn't want to do it. I can only imagine the nonsense you must spew at her in an attempt to get her to submit to you. I am willing to bet you that she knows you are cheating. You men are not as slick as you think and if you are nailing chicks right and left the way you imply (every chance you get), then she surely knows. So you expect her to lie in the bed with you and act excited when she knows you're a low down dirty dog? All I can say is good for her!

You say that her sex has been bad as long as you can remember. Yet, you married her and promised to be faithful. Why? Is getting head and being buck wild in bed was so important, you should have never exchanged your vows. I am willing to bet chicks are putting condoms on you before they hum on the mic either. You are not cheating simply because of what you're wife is doing. Don't put that shit on her. You're cheating because you are a man whore, talking about chicks would be willing to pay for it. How do you know that? Never mind; I already know. Your wife might be naive but games recognizes game and I know this one as well as I know how to play spades. Stop being a fake player and divorce your wife so you can get you one of those leashes that say "Bad to the bone" on them and hit the clubs every night trolling for some coochie. Crazy part is, you'll end up missing your wife after you get tired of sleeping with a bunch of thirsty, hard up chicks.

Oh, and another thing. You are probably sleeping with numerous women instead of one because a lot of them are not checking you for seconds. If your wife is so bad in bed, you should've been concentrating on enhancing your sex life with her. Remember that a real man is not one who has had a thousand different lovers but one who can make love to the same woman a thousand different ways.


Thursday, December 22, 2011

Shit Black Gays Say by Kid Fury

I like to think of this blog as a personal blog with commercials. So until another great article or story crosses my mind, here's some brand new entertainment.

There's a trend going on at the moment. It started with a video called "Shit Girls Say." It then went on to become "Shit Black Girls Say", which I'll post soon. However, Kid Fury, one of America's favorite bloggers, has come up with his own version of the the trending videos called "Shit Black Gays Say." Check it out below.

Erica Price- Do Over

I just heard of this talented singer Ericka Price and her music is definitely worth listening to. Check out her song "Do Over" below.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

That's So Drake (The Office Edition)

While I don't believe Drake is gay, this is the funniest video I have seen in a while.

Hoe Activities: A Failed Goal

Every year it seems as if we're forced to make these unrealistic goals. Some people have the worst year ever and for the new year they're goal is to have absolutely nothing happen. Some spend a whole year accomplishing nothing and then plan to have the best job and a million dollars saved up by the end of the year. Other people have more simple goals, such as falling in love or planning a nice vacation somewhere. Well, they are realistic enough to be accomplished, but since we can't predict the future there is no way of knowing whether they will really happen. For instance, I made an unofficial goal at the beginning of the year, but it was never accomplished.

The goal didn't revolve around getting the perfect job. I'd been trying to get the perfect job forever and I was depressed. The goal didn't involve treating others better either. Have you noticed how you can become the nicest person in the world and people will still treat you like shit? It's because those people that haven't cared about your attitude in the past will not care in the future. The goal didn't involve being a good girl either. They say once a good girl goes bad she's gone forever. The goal involved being a hoe, or better yet heaux.

Heaux is how it's being spelled these days. It'll make it's way into the dictionary one day. Anyway at one point in my life I was tired of being a good girl. I wanted to know what sex felt and smelled like. By the way after multiple experiences with more than one man I now know sex smells like sweat. Anyway, I was curious and one night without really expecting it to happen, one guy became the lucky guy to help me break the good girl cycle and spread my legs wide. All it took was that one night and I became addicted.

Well the addiction wasn't to sex. No, I'm not that kind of addict. There are no hidden porn videos or no secret sexual books. There are no men hiding in the closet and no Marvin in his room reminiscing about the steamy nights we had. Due to a strong will I can control my sexual urges, but there is one thing that I became heavily addicted to.
The thing is actually a human and that human is known as Man. Well, in my sense it would be men. I've loved men all my life, but after having sex for the first time starting to notice their obvious ways more. The smell of their cologne enticed me more. The color of their eyes called out to me more. The way they stared and licked their lips created more fantasies in my head. I dreamed (and still do) about all of the sexual tricks they could do and the goals they could help me achieve.

Okay, I'm lying a little bit. I've always been a sucker for puppy love so fantasy and all those other thoughts were just thoughts. In reality it was all about meeting the perfect man and encouraging each other to do our best forever and ever and ever. However, sometimes they love sick puppy thoughts get boring, so this year I decided to make a new goal. That goal would be to become a heaux.

Heaux's supposedly have sex for fun and always easily move on to the next man. That was my plan. Meet a man, have sex, and then move on to another man. I did meet a man too, but he wanted to become my boyfriend. No one had ever asked me that before, so I dropped the heaux goal and became his girlfriend. Then he broke up with me. Almost as soon as he broke up with me I was texting another man. It was perfect for being a heaux, but my heart was a little achy and I couldn't go along with it. However, given some time I did manage to let some dude bust it wide open again. This was a different guy and not my ex. The new guy was cool, but stress started to build in my life. I needed to calm down and focus on other important matters. That was around the time that that goal of being a heaux became forgotten.

So yeah, I failed at a goal this year. Do you think that was a good goal to fail at? Do you even believe I actually made a goal like that with expectations to succeed? I don't believe you. You're probably just thinking I'm crazy.

Maybe I'll try this again for 2012. Or maybe the love of my life will reveal himself and make me his future baby mama.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Shit Girls Say Episode One

Written and Produced by Kyle Humphrey and Graydon Sheppard 

Fuck Me With A Louis Vuitton Condom

Louis Vuitton is now allowing you and your significant other to fuck without expecting a baby in the near future.

There are many ways to have sex safe. You can use your hands, your imagination, just have foreplay, or use condoms. However, condom usage gets difficult. There are various kinds of condoms for various prices. Some are free, some are cheap, and then there are the better quality ones where people need to spend some serious cash. Louis Vuitton condoms fall into this range of spending.

You can now safely have sex using those condoms in that fancy rapper for $68. The only problem is they're not sold in retail stores. So, will you buy one? Do you have the money to buy one?

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Young Adult (Movie Scene Spoiler)

It's been a while since I went to the movies, but yesterday I decided to break that boring trend. The movie I went to see is Young Adult.
Young Adult features a fiction writer (Charlize Theron) who is bored with her life and receives and invitation to see the baby her ex boyfriend has had with her new wife. In the midst of getting the invitation she decides that he invited her back because their love was meant to be.

This movie was  actually great. It had a couple of boring moments. Well, the beginning was a little boring and it was hard to tell where the movie was going. However, the moment the author arrived in her hometown and simultaneously started writing her last book for a teen series, it became interesting. Now I'm not going to say too much because I don't want to ruin your chances of watching the movie. However, I will spoil one seen for you. This scene confused me the most.

Did you ever watch the movie Bad Teacher? Well it came out earlier this year and there was one absolutely crazy scene. The scene involved the teacher getting dry humped by the man she was pursuing. I was absolutely hilarious and oddly disturbing. Well Young Adult had a scene similar to that, but it wasn't hilarious. It was disturbing though. It involved her having sex with a homosexual man.

Actually throughout the movie she seemed to be the only that believed he wasn't gay. However, he had accepted that lifestyle. 20 years before that he'd gotten beaten up and crippled by some seniors at the high school that hated that he might be gay. At the time he had not announced being that way. It was just how people saw him because he was the awkward guy. Well the beating crippled him and even left him embarrassed how how his penis worked.

So in the particular scene this woman has embarrassed herself in front of nearly everyone in the town, so she goes to his house looking a mess. He tries to verbally comfort her, but that's not enough. She then gets naked. She then tells him to undress and he listens. It ends with them having sex and falling asleep in each other's arms. It would have been the perfect romantic scene, but there's one problem. He's supposed to be gay.

Okay, so other than that confusing scene where she sleeps with a gay guy the movie was great. If you're a male reading this it was definitely a chick flick so don't see it expecting violence, blood, and manly behavior.

Visions Of The Future: Marrying For Love And Making It Work

So, for today's visions of the future post I planned to deeply discuss one of my obvious goals. I couldn't decide which one though. The Hawaii trip would make a great discussion because I am a part of the working poor and it will take a lot more money than I have to survive a week in Hawaii. It'll take more than I have to purchase the plane ticket too. However, I decided to leave Hawaii alone for the moment. There's also California to discuss but California will have to be stretched out into a series of posts. While I have been confused, there is a certain future goal to discuss today. That's marriage.

One day I do want to get married. See, I want to meet the man of man dreams, wear a big ring showing our unity, and be able to praise him for being a good husband and father. That sounds good in theory, right? It really is what I want, but society is trying to kill the idea of a lasting marriage for some reason. Just look at how Kobe Bryant and his wife's divorce is being treated, Deion Sanders marriage to Pilar is being dragged through the mud, and rumors sprout up every other month and Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith.

As I said in another post, I'm not going to reason out Kobe and Vanessa Bryant's choices. However, look at how people are treating the situation. They've focused on his cheating and the amount of money Vanessa is getting from the divorce. She is definitely going to be set for life with money unless Kobe happens  to have bad spending habits and goes broke one day. No one seems to care about how the divorce will effect their kids or even why after so many years of marriage they are just willing to walk away so easily. The only factor women and men are caring about is how much money is Vanessa leaving with. They live in California show she's getting half and she'll be paid child and spousal support. But does money have to be the focus?

No one is going to call me a gold digger when I get married. Well if they do it won't matter. My goal is to marry for love, commitment, and I won't give up when hard times approach. I never understood how women could survive being called heaux's, going broke, being single mothers, but then quickly walk away when their man makes a mistake. If I can handle being called a heaux, being broke, being emotionally ripped apart by people that were supposed to love me, then I can survive whatever turmoil comes in a marriage.

I just hope the man I marry has the same passion for making it last.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

For Better Or Worse/Kobe Bryant And Vanessa Divorce

This article isn't really going to express whether I think Kobe and Vanessa Bryant should be getting divorced. It's not going to badmouth Tyler Perry's show "For Better Or Worse Either." I'll just make a simple comparison. 

Ever since he was old enough to throw a basketball Kobe Bryant has become one of America's sexiest men. He's has women painting their faces all 7 days a week just to look pretty for him, throwing panties at him, wearing no panties or bra to basketball games, and planning to be his future wife. Now the fact that Kobe married Vanessa Bryant a little over 10 years ago has nothing to do with women planning to be his future wife. They wanted that marriage to end way before Kobe was accused of rape back in 2004. 

Remember that rape case? I found out someone actually believed Kobe may have raped that woman instead of her willingly having sex with him. I pray for the person that believes Kobe Bryant has to rape women to get sex. Anyway back to the point. 

Women have been plotting for years to end the marriage between the Bryant's. Apparently Kobe wasn't honoring his marriage much either though. Recently Vanessa filed for divorce. One of the rumored excuses is that she could no longer handle his cheating. But can any woman handle cheating? Should cheating be handled? Or is it better to just go your separate ways? 

Tyler Perry seems to think it's okay to continually cheat, argue, and never really handle the situation. This is shown in his new show "For Better Or Worse." 

"For Better Or Worse" takes the characters of Angela and Marcus from the "Why Did I Get Married?" movies and focuses on their relationship. On the show they are dealing with unfaithfulness, lack of trust, stressful jobs, and stressful baby mothers. The lack of trust causes Angela to continually yell at Marcus, attack her friends, and keep her from doing her best at work. However, while there's no trust and a lot of yelling they  seem to be nowhere near each other's lives. In fact it's almost as if the couple's relationship works on anger and not happiness. 

While Angela puts her business in the streets and around the country when it comes to her disastrous relationship, we don't know much about how Kobe and Vanessa worked. We did know that she got a nice $4 million wedding ring after Kobe first got caught cheating. Oh, plus that character of Marcus in "For Better Or Worse" is rich and has plenty of women throwing themselves at him. 

Like I said before I just wanted to make a comparison. "For Better Or Worse" is still in it's pilot season. Perry has 10 shows total to prove whether this show will be on air in 2012. 

Hair Journey~ Celebrating Three Months Of A New Growth

I hope you are checking my labels. I'm continually creating new ones to match the posts. In the past I've been using a label called "Standing Out Physically" to talk about the styles I want to copy and the changes I'm currently making. Well three months ago, September 17th, I decided to cut off all my permed hair and start growing my hair naturally. My experiences were mentioned under the above label, but now I'm creating a new label specifically for the hair journey. It's called "Hair Journey." Now that I've gotten that out of the way, we'll move on to what's really important.

Celebrating Three Months Of New Growth
I'm not good with anniversaries. My birthday is easy to remember since I was born on that day. Christmas falls on the same day each year and everyone celebrates it. People close to you get mad when you don't remember their birthdays, so I'm forced to remember those. However little anniversaries, such as the day I met the man of my dreams and the day he walked out of my life, are a huge challenge for me to remember. I've started to change this challenge though. In fact three months ago I decided to celebrate the remembrance of anniversaries by talking about a big change that I made. That change is cutting off all my permed hair and going natural.

Since I've already talked about some experiences since that day I'm not going into huge details. I'll just start off with what annoys me with this process. The annoying part is random people wanting to feel in my hair. Just a week ago two different people felt into my hair. One was a professional, who wanted to let me know what type of hair texture I had. Since I've gone three months now I already knew the hair texture, but this weird woman thought she could do a better job of telling me. The other was some random person at a club. I don't know who he or she was, but they dug their hands into my head real quickly and then disappeared. But why? We all have hair. If you ask it's sort of okay to me, but that involuntary shit is annoying.

Now for the good parts of this hair journey. I can definitely say that I have a short and thick Afro. Check out the picture above for evidence. It's beautiful too. Do you want to feel how thick it is? This part is something I could never see on me. Other girls had that thick hair that Afro'd up from time to time. I never saw that on myself. It's amazing because it's actually cute. No one needs to tell me this is cute because I can see it for myself.

Another amazing thing is focusing on my hair has taken a lot of stress away. You'd probably have to be me to understand this logic, but I'll try to explain it to you anyway. This new journey with my hair has made me care a lot less about long silky hair. The letting go of silky hair fantasies has also helped me to ease up on caring about what others think of my career goals. I mean I got all my hair cut off without consulting anyone about the career look part, so why should I care about what people think of my choices in that area? Well the career focus is all I have for now as far as the stress change.

I'll update you more on this hair journey next month. By then I'll probably have spiced this look up with some color. In the mean time check out more photos below.

We Should Apologize To Black Men Video~ Something To Think About

I saw this in my Facebook newsfeed in the middle of the night. It was posted by a woman, another writer, who I have a lot of respect for. However, after watching I really want to write about what this woman is saying in the video. However, it needs to sit on my mind for a minute. If you make it  through all 13 minutes and 50 seconds, think about it and form an opinion. 

One thing I can say for sure is why do women always have to hate men, love men, forgive men, and forget all the wrong men have done? When you look around women are doing the most, but men aren't saying much of anything at all. 

Friday, December 16, 2011

Who Is To Blame For Hazing? Hazing At Florida A&M University

Almost a month ago after the Florida Classic (which involves Florida A&M and Bethune Cookman University) a drum major at FAMU dropped dead on a bus. The name of the drum major was Robert Champion and he was only 26 yrs-old. While his parents said he was healthy, there was originally no foul play found at the scene or on his body. However, hours after the police said "No foul play" rumors of the man being hazed to death spread. The rumors eventually turned into allegations, which lead to the band being suspended indefinitely and the band director being fired. All of this occurred without any proof of how 26 yr old Robert Champion died. While the proof was still not there, FAMU managed to become a household name.

From the beginning of the case CNN was looking for their angle on the story. They found it through the parent of a band member. That parent gladly discussed her son's experience of being hazed in the band. They went from the parent's opinion to looking for students willing to discuss their experiences. While victims of hazing would be slow to come out, lawsuits were quickly making their way to the public. 

First the parents of Champion filed a lawsuit against the school for their son's death. Then the band director, Julian White, filed a lawsuit to get his job back. He's a tenured professor, so technically the school was breaking a law by firing him. Up until this point the blame of Champion's death was solely unknown. No one was responsible yet. However, with no proof of how he died the media, his parents, and the school quickly started pointing fingers. 

The parents blamed the school for allowing hazing to go on. The band director starting pointing his finger at the president, James Ammons, because apparently he sent many letters citing problems with hazing. President Ammons pointed the blame at certain students who are band members. The finger pointing led to students being dismissed from the school and then getting quickly reinstated. The blame game also led to 3 students getting arrested after a female band member went forward with her story of abuse. After the students arrest the blame game was quickly aimed back at the president of FAMU. 

Within the last couple days many people have been saying President Ammons should resign or at least step down from his position. Some people think that his efforts toward this case have hurt the school and some think he hasn't done enough to help the school out in this crisis. However, this issue with Ammons has led to someone else being blamed for the hazing problem at the University. 

The new person that many people are seeing responsible for hazing issues is Rick Scott, the governor of Florida. Weeks ago Scott announced he was doing his own investigation into the hazing situation at the school. Whether or not that investigation is working is a mystery. However, Scott recently announced that he thinks the school would be better off if President Ammons was put on suspension. This led to the attention being taken off of President Ammons and being put on Rick Scott. 

Last night after many people heard about Scott's thoughts toward the situation they gathered at his house to protest President Ammons position. The protest led to random babbling from Scott to Scott finally coming up with a plan of who to talk to about Ammons and the hazing problem. So now we're looking at Governor Rick Scott as the guilty person and we're looking at him to come up with a solution. 

But is Rick Scott to blame for a band member finding it fun to beat up on another member? Or is President Ammons to blame because this case has happened under his leadership? Julian White, the band director, says he did everything he could to stop hazing practices. This case is becoming confusing and no one still knows how Robert Champion died. 

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Ashanti The Woman You Love Ft. Busta Rhymes

Ashanti is back and she's giving all the wanna-be lovers more lyrics to learn from. Check out "The Woman You Love" below.

Is An Ex Manager Entitled To Current Money? Tami Roman

Basketball Wives star Tami Roman is being sued by her former manager.

Should an ex-employer still take taxes out of your current paycheck? Is a parent still entitled to feed their 30 yr-old child just because the child is hungry? Should your former manager still expect to get paid for current jobs? Tami Roman's former manager thinks so.

Jerry Silverhardt, Roman's former manager, claims he helped her get her role on BBW's but has not seen a paycheck since he was fired. He claims he was paid up until season of of BBW's, but has not seen any money from season 3. He also claims Roman verbally promised him he would be paid 10% of what she makes until season six of the show.

The problem with this case is as a manager Silverhardt should know to get any future promised money written down in a contract. The reason he may lose and Roman will win is they no longer work together, there's no contract, and you can't get paid by a person that no longer works for you.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Tracee Ellis Ross In Vibe Vixen

Tracee Ellis Ross looks fantastic on Vibe Vixen's new digital cover. 

Tracee Ellis Ross is trying to be everywhere that your attention is. Recently she appeared on Bravo's "Whatch What Happens Live" alongside Phaedra Parks. They discussed various stars, talked about donkey butts, and talked about Reed Between The Lines. While her time on the show was great to watch, she's gracing us with more information in the December/January issue of Vibe Vixen. Read a little from her interview below.

On Being A Producer And Actress
"In the evolution of my career it is a really exciting step for me because I am the kind of creative person that has a real opinion about the kind of images that I want to portray and want in the public in general."
On Comparisons Between Carla And Joan
"Tracee was Joan and Tracee is Carla. It’s so funny people don’t understand that, it makes me laugh."

On Reed Between The Lines
"The audience asked for this kind of show, BET listened and they went out and have gotten behind our show. On other networks, I don’t know if that always happens."
Check out more at Vibe Mag

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Dormtainment 6 Guys 1 Honda

There are no words for how crazy and hilarious this is. 

Best Song of 2011: The Illest

Slaughterhouse- The Illest

The Relationship Hustle: Advice Tiny Is Accidentally Giving Out

For the second week in a row I tuned into TI And Tiny: The Family Hustle and I learned a few things.

One lesson was about black kids. Remember when you were little and you said some crazy things? Some of the stuff your parents put up with and some of it you made sure not to say around them. Well, black kids are still saying the craziest things. For example one of TI's children said he would like to order a beer. TI looked at him and laughed it off. The child also asked if he could marry a white woman. When we were kids that kind of talk would have been adorable, but now that we are adults seeing it is still adorable.

The other lesson came from Tameka Tiny Cottle . Well, actually Tiny is what this post is mainly about. On the very first episode Tiny taught us that being yourself is okay. It's obvious that woman came from the hood. Even though she now lives in a million dollar house and travels around the world, the hood is still in her. It's also obvious that TI loves her for it. On this week's episode Tiny showed us her business side and the support that she still gives to her man whenever he needs it.

It was a balancing act. In one instance TI was performing with Taylor Swift. Tiny was right by his side at the concert showing her support. On the other hand she was getting her girl group, OMG Girls, ready to perform at their own concert. Tiny successfully dressed the girls, did their hair, and had them practicing before they needed to go out. That's a skill.

I don't have the kind of balance where I can be there for a man and still manage a career at the same time yet. Do you? That's all I have for this week on Tiny. Be prepared for more next week.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Poetic Heart: I Am Who I Am: Impossible Achievements

I Am Who I Am~ Poem written by Lashuntrice aka Me
This is also sort of a last Sunday Reflections post. Enjoy!
"Blind Faith, I Am Who I Am" by Lisa Monique Cliff
I am who I am. Without a doubt, when least expected, when I'm most at ease, I'm caught off guard, my personality just seeps out. I can't stop it. It's overpowering. That laugh that threatens to form in the middle of the workday, I try to muffle it. It forms anyway, sounds something like a sneeze. People look at me. They don't know. The day a former friend said something really funny is still fresh in my mind. They think I'm weird. But I am who I am.

Without a doubt when least expected my hormones are challenged and my personality seeps out. His voice, deep and sensual and caring, is amazing. His touch, gentle enough but magnificently rough, is just right. 'Nooooo.' He thinks I'm scared. Never ready.
"Go down."
" Lay down."
"Get on top."
He's a sexual intellectual and somewhat addicted to the game. I'm afraid there's a man that's better. But when the passion comes the marks are deep. His skin is slightly red. My fingernails went too deep. The words, the actions, now they're stuck in both of our minds. But I'm not sure he's meant for me. So those special nights we'll never speak of. Instead I run. I am who I am.

Without a doubt when least expected something out of the ordinary happens and my personality seeps out. Panic attacks. Hyper venting. I don't know if I can breathe anymore. I can't take it. The day I lost my keys related back to the childhood experiences of losing a pen. I was yelled at. I was teased for overreacting about being yelled at. I cover my ears, but the memories are still there. Just a car accident. It happens to everyone. But me, I panic. Can't think. Was it my fault? It's always my fault. So I panic. Beat myself up. Another failure.
"Get Over It"
Someone speaks. They don't understand, but their words I hold onto. Cop sirens behind me. A ticket in my future. Do I panic? Was it my fault? "It happens to everyone." I'm at peace. Without a doubt when least expected something out of the ordinary happens and my personality seeps out. I am who I am, but my personality is getting better.

Visions Of The Future: Continually Creating Goals

Usually every Sunday I take the time to reflect on past experiences that are influencing my current ideas. I dive into memories from long ago and some from the past wee. However, lately my thought process has taken a new direction. It's not about the past anymore.

While we can reminisce on the past, none of us can change it. However, we can see to it that our future is mapped out the way we want it. That's my new process. I may still let you know of crazy events that have gone on in my life, but as of now I want to make sure my future starts looking brighter. The only way to do it is to focus more on the future than the past.

So for each Sunday I will introduce you to new goals and why they need to be accomplished. I've noticed sometimes when you say you want to do something or go places, people automatically turn their backs on you because they just don't understand. Well, this will be my attempt to explain to you why I need to do these goals, no matter how ridiculously or financially wasteful they are.

Goals For 2012

Writing For More Websites Than My Own
Mini Weekend Vacation To San Antonio
Week Long Hawaii Trip
Week Long Trip To California With Friends/Networking
New Creative Adventure For My Birthday

So my goal in visions of the future is to explain to you the importance of accomplishing my current goals and give you an insight into new ones that come to mind. The first goal will be talked about next Sunday. Are you ready and open minded? I hope you are.

P.S. You can't talk about goals without talking about accomplishments. There will be updates for special accomplishments coming also.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Lyricist Lounge: Earthquake by Mya Ft. Trina

Mya is back and she's taking us to the strip club. Check out her new song "Earthquake" below.

Love After War: Robin Thicke's Hit Song From His New Album

For those of you who have been waiting for Robin Thicke to come out with some new romantic songs that will put good thoughts in your head while you sleep, he is finally back with a new album.

That album is called Love After War and every song is great and just right for cuddle season. However, there is one obvious voice on the album. No, it's not Robin Thicke. The voice is that of Lil Wayne. Lately we've heard Lil Wayne on every hit song out, but on Love After War Lil Wayne is the only feature.

The song Lil Wayne adds his nonsensical talent to is Pretty Lil Heart. Listen below.

Why do you think Robin Thicke only chose one feature and decided it would be Lil Wayne? Do you think Pretty Lil Heart is going to top the charts because of Lil Wayne's nonsensical rhyme at the beginning? I think that is exactly why he was chosen.

Karrine Steffans Satisfaction: A Book I Might Buy

Once upon a time when I was just a little kid I didn't know what sex was. I tried finding out by television, but I was told to leave the room during scenes. I tried with books, but my parents monitored everything I read. I even tried by acting it out with a boy of the same age I was left alone with, but he didn't understand me. Our age was nine at the time, so it makes sense. Just when I had given up, I discovered a show on the Oxygen network called "Talk Sex With Sue Johansen."

"Talk Sex With Sue Johansen" was a show with an old white lady who gave out sex advice, introduced new sex toys, and made people laugh with her sexual experiences. To my young impressionable eyes that show was the best show ever to grace television, but it did more than give me sex advice. It inspired me to one day be as knowledgeable as her. However, I don't want to be old with grey hair before anyone sees me as knowledgeable to recently I took a huge step towards the goal for become a sexpert (sex expert). I bought books.

I bought a book on sexual positions, a very knowledgeable book called "The Book of Kink: Sex Beyond The Missonary," and the sex bible book which I haven't looked at yet. However, there was a book on the shelf that I left there but might go back to get. It is "Satisfaction: Erotic Fantasies For The Advanced And Adventurous Couple," written by Karrine Steffans.

Just in case you don't know, Karrine Steffans is known for given the best oral sex a rapper, actor, sports player, and business man has ever had. She started off her career by writing a tell all book and now she's a very popular sexpert.

So, do you think I should buy "Satisfaction: Erotic Fantasies For The Advanced And Adventurous Couple?" Would you elevate your sexual knowledge by reading a Karrine Steffans book? I'm contemplating it.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Gangsta Boo and Yelawolf Throw It Up

"I see you bitches talking loud but you ain't saying shit"

If you want to hear some real good hard rap, check out Gangsta Boo and Yelawolf in the song "Throw It Up."

I'm swinging my weave like they're dreads, getting mad, and enjoying this.

The Hustle of Creating A Relationship/ TI And Tiny The Family Hustle

TI and Tiny The Family Hustle has finally premiered.

Just in case you haven't already heard it's a new show based on the relationship of Tiny, singer from Xscape, and TI's, the rap king of Atlanta, relationship. This show is meant to reveal how Tiny and TI work to get their relationship going and take care of their family at the same time. During premiere night we were able to see two episodes. These episode have so far revealed how TI adjusted after being released from jail, how  Tiny patiently wait for him, and how TI manaed to cater to his kids while getting back to a professional life.

The first two episodes also prepared us for what's next. It seems as if this couple is going to show a lot of their rich lifestyle, how they are still ghetto in every way, and how love comes before flaws. Are you going to continue to watch? Are you inspired?

I'm very inspired. In fact I'm so inspired that I will be taking notes of what Tiny does to keep her family and man happy. She's not the prettiest woman in the world, but she's already named herself a ride or die chick. While some people wonder why TI is with her, it's obvious he loves her. It's also obvious that many of us want a relationship like theirs.

No, not every woman wants a man with a criminal record. Not every man wants a woman that is totally dependent on him. However, everyone wants love and that is what Tiny and TI have. So each week I will write a post on the show and what Tiny is doing that I, or you, might learn from.

Relationships are hard and we have to hustle to get them and make them work. Tune in next week for my love lessons lessons series of Tameka Tiny Cottle.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Sunday Reflections: Planning The Future

Today there will be no Sunday Reflections. As much as I love to reflect, today will be reserved for future planning. In fact, since I'm working on creating a solid vision board Sunday posting might have a new name in the future.

Names In Mind:
Sunday Planning
Visions Of The Future
Star Status Visions
Sunday Visions

If you're reading this let me know which name you like. You know where to find me. I'll talk to you about reflections next Sunday.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Lyricist Lounge: Teairra Mari U Did Dat

Teairra Mari has released a new song, U Did Dat, in preparation for her sophomore album that will drop in 2012.

It's actually been a while since we've heard from Teairra Mari, but she's back on the scene. She showed her face on the last episode of Love And Hip Hop when she went to Emily, baby mama of Fabolous, for fashion advice. While she was looking fabulous, many people had to search youtube to remember why she was ever relevant.

After a little internet search I remembered which of her old songs I loved to listen to. The only ones I liked were "Make Her Feel Good" and "No Daddy." If you don't remember them listen below.

Nicki The Barbie, Nicki Minaj Is Finally A Barbie

Since the beginning of her career Nicki Minaj has been calling herself a harajuku Barbie, but now she has a real Barbie to back up her statements. After noticing her contributions to music, the fashion industry, the Barbie world, and her persuasiveness on young girls the toy company Mattel has created a limited edition Nicki Minaj Barbie. A spokesperson for Mattel recently told reporters why they thought creating the Barbie was a good idea.

 “Barbie is obviously a pop culture icon. She’s been in the spotlight for over 50 years, and strikes that chord with girls of all ages in terms of being representative of the times. And Nicki is a big part of pop culture and also huge within the fashion industry, as well as a big Barbie fan. It’s really exciting for us that she’s been so generous to allow us to create this one-of-a-kind doll to support such an important cause.”

The first Nicki Minaj Barbie will be auctioned off for $1,000 for charity on December 7, 2011. The money will go to the organization Project Angel Food, which provides food for people living with HIV/AIDs.

As a Nicki Minaj fan would you pay $1,000 for a mini plastic version of her?

Information from Clutch Mag

Misadventures Of Awkward Black Girl Episode 11

Girls are awkward, but black girls are more awkward because someone is always trying to break our every thought process down. This is especially true in the realm of dating. However, in this month's episode of Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, Jay does not wait for someone else to judge her dating habits. Instead Jay admits that she's always had a  hard time dating or trying to date the right man. Check out the show below.
By the way I'm team Fred. He's shy, but he finally spoke up.

Is Beyonce Bored?/ I'm Feeling Bored With The Moment

Approximately four years ago (this is sort of made up) we started hearing that Beyonce might be pregnant. Around the same time it was announced that Beyonce had married Jay-Z. While the marriage was true, the pregnancy mentions were only rumors. Instead of a baby on the way she had a full blown career that was getting better, a good man by her side, and more money than she knew what to do with. However, Beyonce's success did not stop the rumors from resurfacing yearly. Each year it was announced that Beyonce had a baby on the way and each time she would denounce the rumors, sing her heart out, and show the world that no pregnant woman could drop it like it's hot like her. Then something strange happened.

At the beginning of 2010, almost two years ago, Beyonce announced that she was taking a break. Throughout the year she would refuse to work on any new songs, talk to any press, do any award shows, or do anything else that involved her working. Instead she decided she would tour the world. While touring the pregnancy rumors resurfaced. This time she did not fight them. Instead she continued to tour the world with Jay-Z by her side. How did we know she was touring? The paparazzi always had a new fabulous photo of her caught off guard. However, while everyone was stalking Beyonce's career moves people forget to analyze why she'd put her life on pause for a year long vacation. Was Beyonce tired? She clearly works hard. Was she under a lot of stress? Well they (whoever they are) do say that more stress comes with more money. Or was she just bored with the direction of her life? Just because you're good in a certain area and you keep getting better does not mean you will always be excited about what you do. So could Beyonce have just been bored with what she was doing?

Definition of Boredom = the state of being restless through lack of interest

After her year long break Beyonce did come back into the limelight ready to sing. She started her career back with the song "Girls Run The World," but many felt Willow Smith would have done the song more justice. Then after months of anticipation Beyonce released her summer CD 4. Each song on the CD was great, but none of them had a pattern that matched the others. It was as if the CD was thrown together in a matter of hours with no real effort put into it. After about a week Beyonce and her fans were done talking about her latest release and back to her fashion. The paparazzi stalked her with nothing to really reference until the Grammy awards in August.

At the Grammy awards in August while performing on stage Beyonce debut a baby bump. While showing it off she glowed, Jay-Z jumped up and down with excitement, and the world shed happy tears. After years of denying baby rumors, she finally told the world she was ready to be a mother. But what changed her mind? Was Beyonce tired of solely being a career woman? Just look at her efforts in the music world in the past year. Was she pressured by the media to finally have a baby? Rumors and family can have that effect on a person. Or was Beyonce simply bored with her current surroundings and  wanted to add something new and exciting? What's newer and more exciting than a baby?

Wait, this isn't really supposed to be about Beyonce. The thought of being bored has been heavily on my mind, but I've been afraid to say or write it for others to know. Now I'm ready though. I'm bored with life. I'm bored when I go to sleep and bored when I remember that I'll wake up to a repetitive day the next day. I get bored just sitting down to eat and become more bored when someone reminds me of how person (or not perfect) my current situation is. This is no ordinary boredom either.

It's not the kind of bored where you go to the mall, spend a lot of money, and then have dreams about angels. It's not the kind of bored where you can find a good man, have great sex, and feel renewed and ready to face the repetitiveness after. This is the kind of boredom where you find yourself staring at a white wall for two hours contemplating how you can make a change that will make everything better, more exciting, and help fight the mean old boredom bully away. This is the kind of boredom where you wake up one day, realize you've been living your life for others, you've been bullied and worn out when it came to following your heart, and you're tired of all the boredom you have to continually face. This is the kind of boredom where no matter what anyone says thoughts of the wonderfully new unknown adventures continue to haunt your dreams whether you're sleep or awake.

So I'm bored, but I'm not about to have a baby like Beyonce. Instead my goal for now and the future is to figure out how to turn my bored life into one of pure never ending excitement.