Monday, October 1, 2012

From Weird Grocery Store Guy To White Collar Man

It was a Wednesday, approximately five days ago. I wasn't looking for a man. Instead I was in the grocery to looking for household products and some food to match. I don't want to starve myself during this living alone experience. In the midst of walking onto an aisle and going into a random daydream, he came out of nowhere.

He seemed innocent and it had been a fairly nice day. He wanted to know my name and asked for my number. I figured why not. He wanted to know when an appropriate time to call was, but those questions are always hard to answer. At least for me it is. Then he called me just so I could have his number in my phone and he disappeared off the aisle. It was a cool ending to a fairly nice day, but later he would change my impression of him. How can a guy go from a stranger to a weird stranger in five days?

In a matter of days these are the only texts he's sent. No phone calls have occurred.

"How was your day?"

"I'm single and I work hard." (I asked him to tell me a little about himself. What does that mean? Does he work hard as a drug dealer? Does he find women in the grocery store to pimp out in the streets? That's tough work. What does he do? I sent a text asking, but he never replied back.)

"Good morning?"

"LOL, I know" (I told him he had short text convo's.)

"How was your day?"

"Good morning?"


"How was your day?"

This occurred from Thursday to Sunday until I finally decided to call him. I didn't want to do it. I'm an advocate of men making the first advances, but usually fail in that department. Waiting is a game the devil created. I had to make sure it was all real and he was real. Even though it all started in the middle of a grocery store on a random aisle he could have been a figment of my imagination. Every man could be. So I called.

What if I called and it was some kind of answering service? What if some woman answered the phone? Or there could have been a kid on the other end? Actually a part of me had started to believe that he was younger than he looked. He could have been a teenager and I was setting myself up for failure. The only way to find out was with a phone call.

There was no answer. Only ringing. Then came the voicemail. It said "You have reached the voicemail of (3 seconds of silence). Please leave a message after the beep." What the Hell? Almost as soon as I hit the end button, there was a call on the other end. Could it be him returning the call?

No, it was a friend with men issues. She talked, but all I could do was laugh on the inside. That voicemail was hilarious and none of the crazy questions in my head had been answered. She talked and ended the conversation. The activities of the day was starting to get to me. I just wanted to lay back and watch television, but the phone rang.

He was calling back. I became nervous to answer. What if it was all some kind of weird prank? What if my imagination was too active?

"Hello?" I answered in the sexiest way to possible. Sike, it was a regular "Hello."

As he spoke he said he was sleep when I called and has to be at work at 6 in the am. A lot of jobs require folks to be at work really early, so already he was reduced from weird to normal. Then I asked where he worked. He named some place I had never heard of. So I asked what it was.

He's a garbage man. I know you see the title. Is a garbage man considered a white collar job? Or is that blue collar? At least he's not a drug dealer or pimp searching for heaux's in the grocery store.

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