Tuesday, November 7, 2017

There's That Feeling Again-Baby Fever Problems & Awkward Conversations

Every time a photo of a newborn baby graces my timeline I get butterflies in my stomach. Every time a video appears somewhere on social media of a cute little infant laughing adorably with drool dripping from its mouth, my heart jumps with joy. Every time someone showcases their child taking its first steps, or running around the house giggling, I imagine whether or not that could one day be me. These feelings aren't new. For a while now I've had a strong case of baby fever.

My baby fever has gotten so bad that it's led to awkward conversations.

There's a man in my life, sort of. I say sort of because I'm still afraid to claim him. Part of me is saying he's mine. We've spent time together. We've been very intimate. But a part of me isn't ready to fully claim him, because I could wake up tomorrow to a text that he changed his mind. A guy broke up with me through text message before. Maybe he'd be kind enough to call or say it to my face. Either way, if I fully claim him as my boyfriend, or my man, it could all blow up in my face. So I'll just say there's a man in my life, sort  of, and the baby fever has led to awkward conversations with him.

Some of the conversations have involved him saying he's not ready for kids and me saying the opposite. My only explanation for trying to argue with him is that the idea of becoming a mom has been embedded in my mind for so long that it's making me a little irrational sometimes. However, we are on the page because he has thrown the idea out of me and then I was the one to say that I'm not ready.

Really, I'm not ready to become a mom. I just like the idea of wondering what my perfect family will look like. Maybe I'll be like Tamar Braxton, married and having my only child at 35 or older. Maybe it'll be a Kim K. West deal where once the babies start coming I'll naturally fall into motherhood. We love to hate Kim because her career started with sex, but she has also created that balance that someone like me would love in a wife/motherhood life. I don't really know. All I know is babies are adorable.

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