Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Being Seen With Him (This Girls' Biggest Battle)

Yesterday as I watched "Single Ladies" a specific scene caught my eyes. It was the part where Keisha met her boyfriend's ex-wife. When they saw each other, judgement immediately flooded their minds. Keisha was comparing the ex to herself while the ex was judging her ex-husband's choice in a new woman. While it was just a television show  it's how normal actions.

As women we love to judge everything that moves. Hell, we judge objects that don't move. We compare our figures to mannequins and wonder who looks better, so it's no surprise that we'd judge the woman that some sexy man is on a date or in a relationship with. If we don't like the woman we will rip her every being apart. We will search for every single flaw their is on her from her not so straight hair to her birth mark, which is extra tiny so we have to be staring hard to notice it.  That is why being seen with that extra special guy who is desperately trying to take over my free time and steal my heart has been one of my toughest battles.

When I first started dating I always thought privacy was the key. For some reason privacy seemed like the answer to avoiding untruthful rumors, women trying to steal my man, women judging me extra harshly, and women trying to convince my Mr. Right (at the time) that I wasn't good enough for him. Those are the main areas that it starts in for some.

Boy meets girl. Girl and boy start feeling comfortable enough around each other. Boy decides it's time for girl to meet his family and friends. His family, friends, and random chicks hate girl for absolutely no reason, but they find reasons to poison his mind against girl. Okay, maybe that's not how it happens all the time.

However, in my very self conscious mind I thought it would be better if I dated privately. However, I'm not referring to Xscape's hit song "My Little Secret." It was more of the type of privacy where there weren't too many people who knew what was going on, so there weren't going to be too many people making conclusions about how my love life should go. However, in with that mentality and a lack of being seen in the streets with whoever he was, rumors still got out.

The rumors showed me that no matter how much I tried to keep things a secret, there was always someone who would find out and start judging. The judging process is inevitable, which is why I decided to break the cycle. They cycle was broken in one of the most uncomfortable ways too.

The first time I decided to step out of the norm, I was hoping to meet his friends or his acquaintances. Instead I met his parents. Whether they absolutely liked me or not remains a mystery. According to him they did. With the next guy I decided to take things a step further.

I called him up and asked if I could go to his house. A man's house is his most personal space, so to be able to step into that space with no problems is a huge deal. Or at least I've always made it a huge deal in my mind.  Another reason it's a huge deal is because there's always someone that sees and there going to say something to him later. How does a guy explain a girl that is not his girlfriend regularly visiting his house? Do I want to know that answer?

Being seen with a guy has always been one of my hugest battles. Yes I am one of those women who loves to be romanced. I appreciate hearing the sweet words that come out of a man's mouth, cuddling, kissing, hugging, dating, and all that other stuff. Don't tell anyone though.

However, I've always gotten nervous when it came to being seen in public with a man, but it's not just because of what I've already mentioned. It's also because I am never completely sure if he wants to be sen with me. How do you get a guy to answer that question without asking and looking desperate?

1 comment :

  1. if he asks you to go out somewhere u know he wants to be seen with you :-)so go & enjoy it.