This is a continuance of Lessons Learned About Being Black From A Male Perspective. 27 year old Reginald Alceus was kind enough to answer questions on how it's perceived when he dates black women, women of other races, and how valuable the black woman is to the black man. These are his opinions derived from his experiences.
From reading views online, in conversations with friends,
with family members, and the media in general how does the world view you when
you’re dating:
The world likely thinks I'm
supposed to be dating an African-American woman.
The world probably assumes that
since we're both considered minorities, that a Black man and a Latino woman are
an appropriate enough couple and will have pretty kids or some such nonsense.
The world would likely be
suspicious of why a Black man and a White woman are together, how we found each
other, how our relationship came to be, etc. It is probably slightly more
acceptable if a Black woman is dating a White man, but the reverse continues to
be met with scrutiny and suspicion to this day, no matter what people say. I'm
personally all for interracial dating.
I've actually witnessed Asian women dating Black men and vise versa.
It's weird, but I always appreciate seeing the site since statistically
speaking, it is one of the rarest forms of interracial coupling (the rarest
being an Asian man and a Black woman).
The world as a whole might not see it as
a bad thing, although within the respective communities, it might be frowned
upon or at least met with criticism. However, the most controversial of
interractial pairings will always be a Black man and a White woman. Sad, but
true.
A couple months ago www.searchingformystar.com asked
several people what their perspectives of black love is. Many of them either
said black love doesn’t exist or didn’t have an answer. Do you believe in black
love? Why?
I'm not certain if I understand
the question fully, but to take a shot at it, I don't see why people wouldn't
believe the concept of "black love" couldn't exist. With regard to
romance and fidelity, there are many existing examples of couples, albeit from
another time and generation, who found one another and remain together to this
day because they learned how to love themselves and one another. If the
generation of the current era has failed to believe in the idea that they’re
incapable of loving each other, it's probably because they don't know how to
love themselves first.
In the classic movie Belly, which came out in
1998, the preacher at the end refers to the black woman as the black man’s most valuable resource. In what ways do you think a black woman would be the best gift
you’ve ever received?
I'm not of the opinion that a
Black man can or should seek Black women to be his soul partner. To me, that
mindset is limiting and discourages him from not only knowing the word, but
discovering who he might truly be meant for. However, to have a Black woman in
your life, speaking as a Black man, provides an opportunity to be connect with
somebody you can truly feel close to because she shares your history, hopes, expectations.
She understands your struggle because your struggle is also hers. It's one
she's known all her life, same as you. That unifying objective to endure and
overcome, understanding you both come a shared legacy, creates a bond that is
likely stronger and more familial than anything a Black man could find with a
woman outside his race. Tough she might attempt to comprehend his background,
chances are she could never fully appreciate it the way a Black woman naturally
can.
In what ways could a black woman be the worst
part of a man’s life?
Not to buy into enabling the stereotype,
but many young Black women of this generation, for one reason or another that
is theirs alone, find reason to be bitter toward Black men in particular. Both
men and women should want to respect one another when entering into a
relationship, yet some Black women have difficulty entertaining the idea of
respecting their brethren. I feel part of it has to do with an inherited
legacy of spite which is unfortunately abated by what Black women see in many
Black men, which is someone not worth respecting or perceiving as a reliable
equal.
Of course, not all Black women are spiteful and not all Black men are
trifling, shifty, or dishonest. It would be cruel for a woman who has long
foregone letting go of the bitterness she's been holding onto to enter a decent
man's life still carrying her trauma and hurt. African-American women, perhaps
more than any other race of woman, has had to endure hardship and despair. It
stands to reason that Black women who are expected to be fiercely independent
and critical of men from a young age will not develop a positive image of them
as they mature into women. Carrying that perspective into a relationship with
somebody expecting a hopeful positive outcome will only result in poisoning
what could have been something good.
You can find Reginald Alceus on Facebook. This is where he hides all of his extraordinary poems and great writing.
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