Friday, April 8, 2016

My Confession #WYAOApril

"The love was sabotaged from the start
Me already struggling with a broken heart
You not really wanting to get involved
But the chemistry would not let us be apart"
Excerpt from the book Woman Manifested

My heart was broken by a man before sex ever entered the picture. Because of age some might say he was just a boy. He was just a crush, just another one to be interested in. But before I could really understand the essence of my womanhood, he was another one that saw me as not pretty enough. Something was wrong with my hair. My height was too short. My weight was not enough. As if he could read my mind, my thought process was too complicated.

But then I got a little older. It was no longer about good hair or height or even weight. It was about sex. It was a different he and if I didn't give him what he wanted then he was gone. After enough rejections he becomes another face in the crowd.

One of the movies I used to watch over and over again was Never Been Kissed. The movie is about a reporter that gets an assignment that puts her undercover in a high school. She has flashbacks to her high school days where she was teased. She was essentially a nerd and she still is. She's just a mature adult nerd. Her only issue is like in high school, she still struggles with the opposite sex. She struggles so bad that she's never been kissed.

I liked watching her, but I didn't want to be her. At the age of 20 I decided that even if I couldn't figure out the love part, I didn't want to wake up ten years later and still not understand the power of my sexuality. Okay, I'm lying. It's not that deep. Like everyone around me, I wanted to have sex. I want that experience. I wanted that story for myself. I didn't want to one talk about sex when it came to other people's experiences. There's a saying that the best way to experience life is to get the experience yourself.

If you want to read more of my freaky thoughts on this topic, you either have to wait until whenever I'm ready again or purchase my book Woman Manifested: A Poetic Tale on Amazon. It's a series of fictional poems and stories with real life experience mixed in to tell the story of a woman finding herself.

This post is part of Write Your Ass of April, a 10-day writing challenge hosted by Twenties Unscripted.

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