Friday, September 9, 2016

The Ex Addiction?

I'm officially back; kinda, sorta. I'm rusty. Give me a couple of blog posts to officially sound like a good rambler again.

While scrolling through Instagram I stumbled across this article called Is There Such A Thing As An Ex Addiction.

The writer starts it off by talking about how one of his male friends has an ex-girlfriend that he just can't be around, because the site of her reignites the passion he used to feel. He can't go down that road again with her because he's in a relationship with a new woman. The writer then talks about his own experience and how he didn't understand when an ex-girlfriend he still felt cool with started ignoring him. He didn't understand that she still had an attachment to their former relationship that needed to be broken.

I'll admit I have my experience. He's not necessarily an ex. He's just someone I got sexually involved with. I thought he would be like other men; okay sex but opposite enough from me that I wouldn't care when he was gone. That has been my pattern with men. I've only had one male friend that I didn't have to have sex with him to remain friends. For some men if they weren't attracted to me or I said no, they didn't stick around long enough to actually get to know me.

For some reason I was okay with the idea of having sex with this particular guy, even though I knew he was a fuck nigga. Maybe it was because he was a familiar face from my past. He was also like a breath of fresh air. He was fun to talk to compared to my experiences with others since I'd moved back to Houston. Plus he wasn't as crazy as the previous guy that I had gotten involved with.

But whatever the case was I was willing to have casual sex with him. We did it and then went months without seeing or talking to each other gain. I could go in detail about that, but those months don't matter. When I eventually saw him again, something weird happened. I missed him and the sex was better. I wanted more from him, but then how do you ask for more from someone you know you shouldn't be dealing with in the first place?

I decided to really discipline myself. The only way to do it was to stop calling him. It has kind of worked. I can go without speaking to him. The hard part is ignoring his phone calls and saying no when he asks to see me.

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