Tuesday, April 18, 2017

I Hate This Obsession We Have With Side Chicks

I have a confession to make to the world. I hate this obsession we have with side chicks and main chicks. 

In Hiphop the battle of side chicks and main chicks is popular. Tons of songs are made where singers are fighting to be the main chick for a man, or men are highlighting having both. On national television, especially Love and Hiphop, watching women argue over whose really the washed up rapper or producer's man's woman has become entertainment. In sports and Hollywood, there's a stigma that men who can afford it deserve to have several women besides the woman they publicly claim. For us everyday women that are aiming to better our lives, these titles are a problem. 

Why would any woman want to be called a side chick or a main chick? We are someone's daughter. Some of us are mothers and sisters. We are students, employees, and some of us are entrepreneurs. We have goals to make our lives better than our current circumstances. We continuously raise the bar and we even try to add the love of a significant other to the equation. It's bad enough that we experience losses when it comes to professional careers, but some of us tend to run into bad situations when it comes to love. 

I've had my moments where women approached me or used their friends to ask me about their men. The very first time it happened was in 2010. I knew the woman from living in the same dorm my freshman year of college, but I didn't know her well enough to know her dating life. Well, at a party before graduation day, a man was flirting heavily with me in front of everyone. No one said anything in the moment. They just watched and someone even took a picture of it. The woman was there too and saw. Later on she had one of her friends ask if I was trying to hook up with her man. It was embarrassing because I knew then they were trying to label me as something I was not. At the time I was trying to focus on getting a job and not playing the games. 

I've had my moments where men approached me saying they were interested in me. Initially they didn't state that all they wanted was sex. They tried to fake like they were interested in my mind, but then they would eventually say they only wanted sex. Not every man was lucky to experience me, but I've said yes to some. During none of those situations did I consider myself some woman on the side for them. I asked questions to ease my own mind on the decisions I was making. I didn't want to be disrespecting another woman or feeling like a man was playing me. I wanted to make sure the situations were just two single adults making decisions to spend intimate time together. Even in the future when I'm with a man, it'll be two single adults making intimate decisions or my man and I making the decision to be intimate. Outside of those moments, I am that entrepreneur striving for a life that'll leave a smile on my face. 

When I look at the next woman, I always wonder what her goals are. What is she striving for in life? There are women that will proudly answer the question with the dream occupation or even their dream family life. None of us should be worried about whether we are side chicks or main chicks because we are so much better than these stupid titles. 

This came to my mind recently after a male friend told me about a situation where a woman wanted to turn into him a side nigga. He was devastated that anyone tried to play him like that, so I explained to him that he's no one's side man. He's so much better than that and should never let a woman try to reduce him to that level. 

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