Sunday Reflections: Reminding Myself That I Can Do This

Hawaii is around the corner. For real, in three days I'll be hopping on a plan to spend a full week in paradise. This is for a friend's college graduation and birthday. However, it's much more than that. This trip is the beginning of my "I can do this" life.

Well the beginning may have started back in October when the California trip happened, but I don't count that. It was my birthday and everyone deserves to do something special for the "day of getting older." So this Hawaii trip is the beginning of my "I can do this" life.

You may be wondering what an "I can do this" life is about. It has nothing to do with self motivation and all about what you can do. If the people who buy million dollar homes can afford to do it then it is their right to buy million houses. If the people who go to the club every weekend can afford to pop bottles that often then it's their right to do it. If I can afford to go on a trip and prepare accordingly then it's my right to do it. No one else's opinion matters if I have the money and the time. Okay, maybe this is a little of a self motivation lesson.

Recently I decided my wardrobe wasn't good enough for this Hawaii trip. That attitude led me to the mall. The feeling of grabbing any and everything without looking at a price tag was wonderful. However, later I looked at the receipts. The amount of money that was spent was overwhelming for a person like me who has been told all her life that she didn't need that stuff. However, now I can afford it. It's scary though and there was a bit of fear after the experience. The fear goes like this...

Recently I went to see The Five Year Engagement. There was one scene where the woman was trying to reveal her relationship woes to her boss. Both were extremely intoxicated. The boss didn't want to hear her and then for some reason kissed her. She panicked, went running to her fiance, and then told him to start planning the wedding again. She was ready to spend the rest of her life with him. In the midst of saying all this she felt the vomit coming up and instead of letting it flow she swallowed it back down her throat.

I don't know what that scene has to do with my situation yet, but it was funny. Anyway I have the job, the money, the car, and soon will have the home. Plus I've worked hard for all this. It's okay to let my hair (or weave) down and splurge a little. After all I can do this. However, if I can afford whatever my heart desires then why is that fear playing around in my tummy?