Friday, February 19, 2010

How To Keep A Man

The words of an author...

How do get in or stay in the dating game after divorce and/or when you're a single mom?

Ladies, don't give up on meeting a good man, don't limit yourself to a particular race of men, and don't settle for any man.

In Parts 1, 2, & 3, I've given you the tools to work on your attitude, appearance, and mate selection, now let's deal dating.

1) You must do your Spring Cleaning after divorce or any breakup.
2) You must reinvent yourself.
3) You must notice the men that are noticing you.

After a divorce or breakup, life can take an emotional and financial nose-dive. You wonder what happened to the wonderful man that used to make you smile and laugh all the time. Where did things go wrong? When did you stop being 'in love'? Was it your fault? His? Did you take one another for granted?

It's important to understand why the marriage or relationship ended. Maybe the relationship had challenges before you said, "I do." Perhaps you were like me and believed the marriage would last forever. Circumstances change. People change.

The first time my husband hit me repeatedly in my face, my back was to the front door. I accepted his numerous apologies but I never went back to him. Ladies, don't ever give a man a second chance to prove he's an abuser.

Sometimes we as women make men better men for the next woman, not for ourselves.

After divorce or a breakup, reinvent yourself. No matter what the season, Spring Clean your heart. Allow yourself time to let the tears flow and dry, then wash your face. You know good we feel in the morning after a good night's rest, after we brush our teeth, and wash our face. Cleanse your spirit. Dump your baggage. Then you can open your heart to someone new. When you meet a new friend, please allow yourself to judge him on his own merits.

Remember the vibrant vivacious woman you were before marriage? Remember how energetic you were when you met your husband or boyfriend? You are now that woman to the tenth power. You're smarter, wiser, and the woman inside of you needs to be reborn.

Start by opening up to the idea that there are good men that you can enjoy being with. There are men who would, given the opportunity, love and respect you. I hear you, "Okay HoneyB but where in the hell are they?"

Good men are everywhere. They shop for groceries, take the subway, Metro, Bart, and other forms of public transportation. They eat and/or drink at the counters at restaurants' bars. They shop at malls. They go to the movies and social events alone. They do all these things hoping to meet a woman like you.

How do you get his attention? Smile. Flirt a little, not a lot. You can initiate the conversation but let a man do the hunting. And for goodness sake, open your eyes. Know when a man is flirting with you. I have a plus-sized girlfriend and I notice the men watching her but she's totally oblivious. Then she says, "I want to meet a man." If this sounds like you, I ask, "Do you really?"

Single moms with children under the ages of 18-years-old, you have to make time for yourself. When you meet men, it's okay to introduce them to your kids. Just don't leave them alone with your kids. When dating becomes serious and you want to make a commitment, have a conversation with your kids first. I'm not saying the child dictates the man you date, but children have great instincts. Listen to what they have to say and watch their interaction with your date.

Let's not omit the Sugar Daddies. I had a few when my son was young. My Sugar Daddies paid some of my bills and sponsored multiple vacations for my son, one of my son's friends, and me. Fair exchange is no robbery. Everybody was happy.

Ladies, divorced or single do NOT have a baby for a man that cannot afford to take of himself and your child. A child is a life-lone commitment. A man, unfortunately is far too often a temporary fixture in our lives. Know what you want.

Women control relationships. Pussy has power. Value any aspect of your womanhood.
Ladies, you are in control. Remember Parts 1, 2, & 3, then add theses tips from Part 4.

IMPORTANT! Ladies, learn how to maximize the moment for each date. Avoid arguing or having a bad attitude, especially before a date. No man wants to takeout and spend money on a woman with a bad attitude.


New York Times Best-selling Author &
Relationship Sexpert

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