Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Intellectual Question: Does A Lack of Tears Equal Lack of Emotions?

Intellectual Question
Does A Lack of Tears Equal Lack of Emotion?

Does a lack of tears equal a lack of emotion? For real, I used to be a crybaby. I cried about people not liking me. I cried when I fell and ended up with a scratch on my leg (no blood). I cried when I lost things, even pencils. My mom used to yell at me for losing stuff, so my clumsiness for misplacing stuff became a weakness. I cried when I found out the boy that I had a crush on did not like me back. I cried when I just felt alone. Granted these tears came between the ages of being a baby up until elementary school. However, I didn't stop crying then. The tears just changed. 

Once I hit middle school it was as if people didn't like my tears, especially my parents. So I learned to cry when I was alone. The alone part came because thought I would get in trouble if my parents saw me get emotional. Actually I would have gotten in trouble. My parents are the type of people that don't care about your emotions unless someone close to you has died. In the beginning I was caught a few times and as expected my feelings weren't important to them, especially my mom. I was just supposed to suck the feelings up. However, after a while I got really good at crying alone and I still do it up until this day. However, the tears have changed a little. 

I don't cry as much as I used to. In fact, I find it hard to be emotional at the times where I need it most. For example a few years ago my last living grandfather died. Everyone (and I do mean everyone) wanted to comfort me. However, they all either looked at me strange or laughed because I would not cry. In fact at times I showed no emotion. Although I loved him a lot, the tears just wouldn't come. It's hard to explain, but I didn't even cry at the funeral. I was just ready for it to be over with. 

On the other hand two weeks before that I cried my soul out. No one was around. The tears weren't directed toward family. They were directed toward a guy who had broke my heart. He didn't break my heart by lying. Instead he broke it by telling the truth and it was too much for me to handle. So that day I sat in my room alone and I cried my soul out. It was also the last time I became that emotional over some guy that wasn't even related to me, but don't get me wrong. As I already said, the tears still come, but they don't come as often as they used to.

I'm not a crybaby anymore. In fact people close to me feel like I lack emotions, because I don't fall apart easily. In fact, summer of 2010 a pastor told me that he didn't think I cried at all. However, although I may not cry in front of people I think of myself as an emotional person.

My question to you is does a lack of tears equal a lack of emotions?

(Disclaimer: Written by a girl who thinks no one cares to see the tears anyway)

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