Thursday, January 5, 2012

The Answer To The Question Is Never

Have you ever been asked a question a million different times and each time you gave a different answer? The answer didn't change because you wanted to please others. It didn't change because your mind kept changing either. The whole time you actually knew the real answer to the question, but you never said it because they probably wouldn't like either. Okay, avoiding a question because of others' well being is people pleasing. Well, if you know the question or questions all too well, then you know where I'm coming from. However, right about now I'm ready to reveal to the world the answer.

The answer to all the questions are NEVER.

This answer came to me about a month ago. I was on the phone with a friend, which some might call an ex boy toy and he asked me an infamous question. It was "When are you going to get into a relationship." My reply was never. He was shocked, so I had to explain to him what I meant by never. I'm trying to really live my life for me right now and no one is going to get in the way, especially not a man. For instance a dude I talked to almost a year now kept bringing up the point that I didn't want to make a life in Houston. It's complicated when you get into a relationship with someone that doesn't have the same mindset as you and you keep having to convince them of why you think the way you do. So I had to tell the guy I was having a conversation with never.

In this case never doesn't mean I'll be single forever. It just means I have to fulfill my passions first before getting serious with a man. After all, I want to be fulfilled being trying to blend my life with some man's anyway.

It's the same for the "When are you going back?" questions. It's been almost two years since I was last in Tallahassee and almost two years since I was last in Plant City, Florida too. One is my college town and the other is where I was born. Plus Plant City houses most of my family. People always ask me when I'm going back to visit and I always have to come up with some lie that they will hopefully forget. The truth of the matter is right now I never want to go back.


The attitude about those two places will eventually change, but I feel there's a lot of the world that I need to explore before ever going back. There's a new place somewhere, maybe Los Angeles or Atlanta or even New York, waiting for me to move to and start a brand new life at. I have the same attitude for here in Houston too. I never wanted to come back, or at least never wanted to move back here. But I'm in Houston now and partially miserable. I was fully miserable, but a few adjustments have been made to create a little smile on this face.

Plus the biggest problem with going back is that people want me to go back. However, off the top of my head I can name two people that are not even family members that support my exploring new places to find myself in life. Why go back when I haven't found the spot where I'm meant to be yet? Never may be a little extreme, but I'm not meant to go back anywhere yet. A part of me still feels like I wasn't meant to move back to Houston. Do any of you feel like taking that step backwards into familiarity made you miss out on something that could have been amazing?

If you do think saying never is a bit extreme then think of all the times you tried to beat around the bush by answering the question with anything other than the truth, but no one would let it go. So if you ask me about going anywhere that you know is not on my vision board then answer will remain never. Or at least never until I'm ready.

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