Wednesday, November 28, 2012

His Confidence Scares Me, Learning The Male Ego

Once upon a time I was told to find my future man while he was still down and out so by the time he hit successful I'd already be by his side. This means I'd settle for poor and together we'd get to rich. In his time of reaching success he would look at me as his down ass Bitch. Gold digging would not be a part of our vocabulary, not grace our minds. We'd count our money together, create a good family, and live happily ever after.

But that's a dream.

The longer I stay single the more I meet men who are finally getting self-made money in their pockets. They're proud, successful, and bragging all about it. Before even speaking to them, it's obvious they have an air of confidence. They dress to impress, run out and buy the nicest cars, and carry around the most expensive cell phones. Or they work long, hard hours which leaves them rarely available. They're always on the move. However, once upon a time they were not so successful.

Where was I then? If I try to be nice to them, that is the first thought that comes to their minds. "I have money now. Where was this Bitch way back when?" But I don't want them for their money. I want them for their confidence and success. I want that good guy because he will take care of me, cherish me how I need to be, and I will easily return the love. I want him because we're on the same path. We'd be good together. But maybe that's too much to ask for.

Every time I meet that guy his confidence, or maybe it's conceded-ness, scares me. I'm looking for a good man, but even when he's only halfway there I can tell he's questioning me. Am I a gold digger? Will I just emotionally use him before leaving? Why did I not speak up way back when?
I recently spoke to a guy that I had not said anything to in a while. Our conversation was short and straight to the point. I really just wanted to see if he was doing good. Later he posted a Facebook status about how Bitches were checking for him now that he was doing better. Although I'm sure it wasn't directed toward me (I never checked for him or vice versa), I couldn't help but question the male ego.

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