Sunday, February 10, 2013

Who's Going To Teach Her?

I don't want to be in second place. I don't want to ever feel like I'm in second place. As I write this lyrics to a Kanye West and 2 Chainz song goes through my mind. However, I don't want anyone telling me I'm in first place for the moment. I don't want the attention of someone just to be ignored when I need them most. 

"Love is kind. Love is patient."

I don't want to patiently wait for love when I can get it right away. Love is inside of me. Why should I be okay with hate? Why should I accept indifference? Sometimes the lessons I grew up with make it hard for me to express myself. I have a story to tell, but sometimes it's hard to actually get that story out. 

More than once this guy asked if I would do a threesome. Some people call it by the French term, menage a trois. Maybe the first time I said okay. It was in the middle of sex. I was bound to say anything. When he brought it up again he had just discussed not wanting a relationship. Ouch! See how he put those two together. 

My body is a temple. I'm not trying to give it away to everyone. Stress is everywhere. Whether in that man that throws out some crazy idea, work, family, and even friends, stress is waiting to sneak up on you and steal all your energy. My body is a temple. Why would someone think I'd purposely abuse it? 

But I've been abusing it. Currently the abuse is lack of sleep at least one day of the week to get to work. I don't like saying this one out loud. There's always some old person around that will try to make it seem as if there are no other options. What? Life will never change? Why do I have to miss out on living to live? 

I'm young, not married, no kids, and no responsibilities that would be hard for me to walk away from. Actually even married people and parents walk away from their responsibilities. Why would anyone try to hold me back? And Rick Ross pops into my head. 

There is a little girl somewhere watching cartoons and waiting for someone to answer all of her questions. Who is going to teach her that it is okay to stop waiting for others to have her fun? Who is going to teach her that it is okay to be selfish? Who is going to teach her that the word NO is a gift from God? 

Lonely lasts for only so long. I never want to be forced to accept loneliness. I never want to settle. 

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