Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The First Feel Of Passion

He was supposed to walk me home.

It would have been a quick walk across the street and then quickly exchanging good-byes. How did he end up in my apartment? How did he end up in my room? Did I invite him in?

He was fun. He was trouble. In the midst of time laughter was exchanged, pictures were taken, and an intense make-out session happened.

He was confident. He was cocky. I contemplated that he may have been too much for me. But I didn't hesitate. We got to know each other a little mentally and a little physically. Physically he was all over me. I wasn't experienced so I just copied his moves. I needed to be taught. Could he teach me? What was I doing?

I was caught up.Should I snap out of it? This guy was intense. It was the first time I'd ever felt that kind of intensity from a man. He was into me. He was on top of me. I felt like we were moving too fast. How did he feel? Before I could ask, the phone rang.

As my best friend yelled into the phone "Are you okay?" for some reason I tried to say yes and in saying he was about to head back that way I called him by the wrong name. He laughed. I had just met him the day before. It was my first experience with passion. It was also the first time I questioned that I could potentially be a heaux. That was years ago.

I'm not a heaux. However, recently I read this book called "Mad 'Cause She Ain't You." In the book there was a character who loved sex, but had a lot of trouble keeping a man. Towards the end, her baby daddy told her she was the type that men had fun with. She wasn't marriage material. I often question if a man is around me for the fun, but not because he could see me as his wife.

I love that feeling of passion, but I also want to be passionate with a man that takes me seriously.

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