Saturday, November 26, 2011

The Extra Effect (Why Am I So Extra?)

Why is Beyonce so extra? She has a successful career, a great husband, millions of fans, and is worth $300 million. However, she's still so very extra. Within the last couple of months Beyonce announced to the world that she was pregnant. Everyone gets pregnant, so there's really nothing extra special about it. However, she's managed to turn her very normal pregnancy into a hugely extra event. How? She went  from skinny to a pregnant belly in a matter of minutes on an awards show, has fluctuated her belly weight throughout the pregnancy, announced months ago that her baby would be due around February, and is now saying she may be 8 months pregnant. To top it off no one officially knows what gender the baby is, but this is just a normal pregnancy. So why is Beyonce being so extra and why do we love it so much?

Beyonce is not the only person out there that can turn a normal moment or a normal lifetime into an extra occurrence. Lady Gaga is an incredibly talented woman who could be lovable by being normal, but she's so extra that she decided to go to an awards show dressed up as a man. Known to not smoke at all, Lady Gaga even took the male character so far that she smoked on a cigar while sitting in the audience. Why was she so extra? Then again since they are both rich, being extra works for them. However, for those of us struggling with growing up being extra can be so inconvenient. The worst part of being extra is it's so hard to get rid of. So why are some of us, especially me, so extra?

Examples Of Being Extra When Being Normal Is So Much More Convenient

I wanted to write when everyone else wanted to run to the playground. Back in 5th grade I discovered that I had this talent to create, but it didn't stop there. I needed people to feed my creativity with their opinions. The only ones available to do that was family and classmates. Family ignored me, so I depended on the classmates. Sometimes they read and loved my writing, but most of the time they just wanted to run somewhere and play. Reading wasn't on their agenda. Instead of being normal and running up and down a playground, I wanted to write back then. Playing would have been so much more normal, so why did I have to take the extra route and try to use my imagination to make these stories my classmates and family really didn't care about?

I wanted to look nice. At one point in my childhood my mom only wanted me to have braids. When the braids had been in my head a certain time I wanted them out. They didn't look nice anymore, but she didn't understand my problem. To her they looked normal. Then when I got a certain age designer clothes were what was hot. I wanted the designer clothes, but I had no money for them. The people who bought my clothes thought I looked normal in no-name clothes. When I got to college I wanted to try something new. Normal was going out of style in my mind and creativity was calling my name. So in an attempt to get a hairstyle that would last I allowed someone to put burgundy braids in my head. To me they were cute and normal, but to some I looked very extra. I couldn't help it. As much as I wanted to fit in, there was this desire forcing me to stand out.

Look at me now. Why am I so extra? The extra effect has taken over my life. Sometimes it is good and other times it is horrible. For instance sometimes having career goals forces me to feel extra in a horrible way. The horrible parts of career goals is not knowing when I will finally start achieving them and not knowing if the people around me fully support me. Sometimes they act as if they want me to give up on my goals and appreciate where I am. Another bad part is the extra-ness is forcing me to feel very unappreciative.

The good part about being extra is determination. That extra-ness that has been created inside of my heart forces me to never think normally. It forces me to create great poetry when a poem comes to mind. It forces me to read diligently when I pick up a book, magazine, or see a blog post I like. It forces me to be a good listener and a good conversation starter. It also forces me to leave the normal men alone. Oh No! I need a man as creative and extra as me to bond with.

I'm extra. I once tried relentless to walk into the exit door at a library, but the door would not open. I'm very extra. One time when I was mad I decided to say "Grrr" out loud the way it is spelled. Normal people have trouble bonding with me. A friend was once angry over a bet her boyfriend made with another girl, so I decided to create a poem about Hoes and $10 to cheer her up. I'm so extra that some people think I cross the line. This year I was determined to take a trip to California despite people thinking I was crazy and me knowing practically no one in the state, but I made it happen. Why am I so extra? Recently I decided my camera missed me taking pictures with it, so I used another camera to photograph myself taking a picture. Maybe one day we will all find out.

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