Friday, July 29, 2011

Even Prince Charming Has Some Issues

He's not a prince, but he looks good.
There's a problem with every man I encounter. When I say every man I mean every man. Some of them are heavy weed smokers or alcoholics, some have criminal records, others have babies and baby mamas, and some don't have good enough jobs. Would you take a 28-year-old seriously if he said he was a manager at McDonalds? However, there are also some really good men who still have issues.

Some of these good men take chivalry to the highest extent. They want to wine and dine women, give women romantic moments at the crib, and at the end of the day feel proud of themselves. If they can't make a woman feel special they way they want, then they give up. Some of these same men that take chivalry to the highest extent also have the biggest commitment issues. A woman has to take the power of chivalry and use it on these men to make them feel good again, but that's a post for another time.

Prince Charming is the man we all dream of. Sometimes he's tall, dark, and handsome. Sometimes he's light skinned with hazel eyes. Other times he's not even black, but point is he's prince charming. However, while we encounter so many messed up men, we also have to remember not even prince charming is perfect. Disney movies taught me this.

Cinderella is an excellent example of a prince with issues. Well his issues involved a fetish that many of us hate. Well, the sane people hate. That fetish involves feet. Yes, feet. Think about it.

Cinderella goes to this party and has a few hours to enjoy herself. In the midst of running away she loses her shoe. Prince Charming is supposedly so fascinated by her that he keeps the shoe. Who the hell really holds on to a shoe? (A man with a foot fetish). In order to find Cinderella the only logical thing prince charming can think of is to slide the shoe onto every foot until it fits. This involved prince charming touching the feet of women that were old, middle-aged, young, and some were probably underage. What kind of man do you know that would touch every woman's foot? (One with a foot fetish). When prince charming finally met Cinderella for the second time he already knew it was her, but not because of her pretty face or nice body. He thought she had some nice feet, which he had to touch. He did slide the shoe onto her. Why would a man touch a woman's feet if he already knows she's who he's searching for? It's because Cinderella's man loved feet.

But although prince charming had that isssue, Cinderella loved him. I've met men with fetishes before. They ranged from feet to butts to hair. Those are the clean versions. So far none of them have been my prince charming, but they are someones and that someone will have to settle for their issues.

Sleeping Beauty (Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs)
This is the story of a beautiful princess, her jealous step mother, and a prince who prince who prefers his women stiff. At some point in my college career I learned that their were weird men who liked to have sex with dead women or unconscious women. Whether is was the date rape drug or the morgue, these men would get hard and try to stick their man parts in some woman who wasn't breathing normally (or at all). At the time I found it incredibly disturbing, but then recently I remember the story of Snow White.

Snow White is the most beautiful woman in the world and apparently she's also single. The evil stepmother is jealous of her. First she sticks Cinderella in the woods and then she gives her a sleeping death potion. This means that although Cinderella is sleep, she appears to be dead to the world. She is so dead that her sleeping body lays in a coffin. A coffin means stay away, but prince charming doesn't do that.

Instead prince charming spots that coffin one day while going through the woods. The prince sees Snow White in the coffin and is enchanted by her. Who really falls in love with a woman who is assumed to be dead? (A man with some issues). He's so fascinated by her that he asks the dwarfs if he can have the coffin. What the hell? The dwarfs give him the coffin and somehow the poisoned apple that puts Snow White asleep leaves her mouth. This then wakes Snow White up and the prince decides he will marry her. I hope it's just me that's seeing the weirdness of the love affair.

Snow White married a man who originally fell in  love with her when he thought she was dead and wanted to keep her dead body for his own selfish reasons. Twisted. However, that craziness didn't bother her.

Have you ever met a prince charming that had some serious issues, but you were willing to deal with him? I haven't, but let me know about your experience and if he was willing to give his all to you (even his issues).

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