Recently my dad wanted to have a talk with me. It was about independence and how he felt I wasn't doing it enough. Granted, I went to college, lived thousands of miles away from family, came back, only asked for a few dollars until I was able to make money on my own, and haven't asked for anything since I started working. With all of that said somewhere in his mind I'm still way too dependent. He started off his discussion by talking about saving, but ended it with the most confusing example in the world.
The saving part I could deal with. I've actually been doing that with no help from anyone. Independence. I have all these crazy dreams and ideas which involves money. Currently they revolve around moving to a far away place one day, writing my heart out, recording a lot of shit on an expensive camera, having fancy business cards to give out to any and everyone, being published, self publishing, and being known. Do you know me yet? All of that involves plenty money, so saving is what I started doing as soon as I got a steady job. However, if he would have continued to talk about saving it would have made since. Instead his mind went to other forms of finance.
I'm not going to bore you with all the details. Instead I'll skip straight to the example. He used an example of a family member being laid off to express how I should always be independent. As I listened I tried to make this make sense in my head, but still I have no clue of the point.
How can a woman without a job (because her job let her go) hold her head up and not depend on anyone? Is this where government checks and food stamps kick in? Is this where the concrete becomes a comfortable place to sleep? Is this the point when you can't tell anyone (not even family) your struggles because they'll only turn their backs on you and judge you? Am I thinking about it too deeply?
Whatever it means I get it. A woman has to depend on no one for any kind of financial needs. This means buy your own damn drink at the club, take yourself to dinner, go to the movies by your damn self, take yourself shopping, put money in your own car even if you have passengers, and don't ask anyone for money. Some of that may contradict society's role of a man, but a man has spoken and influenced.
Anyway while these aren't financial here's a few other ways a woman can be independent.
- Cry Alone
When I was in the 11th grade I did the worse possible thing ever. It was so horrible that I strongly suggest every kid 10 and up to avoid it at all possible costs. That thing is cry in front of a bunch of students my age. The reason for my tears involved some mean boy making the whole class laugh at me. Remember what Carrie's mom said. "They'll laugh at you." Well, they laughed and I cried because my feelings were too hurt to suck them up. At the time the teacher was nice enough to let me leave the room and cry alone in the bathroom. In the bathroom there was no one to taunt me more and make me cry more. Actually, that wasn't the point when I learned the lesson. It was years before when I cried over an issue with a so-called friend and my mom (in so many words) said "Suck it up and move on."
Crying is a part of being a human, but crying alone is a part of being an independent woman.
- Argue Through Texts
Have you ever noticed that when you shout people brush it off and blame it on your hormones? It's as though being a woman means you'll have bursts of rage that people just have to put up with. However, to show independence women should not have shouting matches (even though some people just love to get you to that point). Instead we should argue through texts. It's what's in and what's efficient. Hell, text messaging isn't even arguing. It gives the person you're mad at time to understand what you're saying and you time to come off as rational human being.
So be independent and use texting as your form of communication when you're mad.
- Don't Call Him Again
Be an independent woman and don't call him again. He may be the friend with benefits, the one that ignored your first two phone calls, or the one that got away. However, don't chase him. All chasing does is make you look weak and gives him power. In fact I've come to the conclusion that the more women chase, the less men do. I may be wrong. Point is don't call him again.
Independence means acting as if you don't need a man (even if you're secretly dying inside just for a hug from one with good smelling cologne.)
- Don't Share Your Ideas
Recently I learned the independent woman just makes it all happen by herself and she never struggles. Just ask my dad. No one knows her plan until she magically achieves it all in a day, because sharing leads to people judging too fucking much and feelings being hurt. The only time this might be a problem for the independent woman is if her goal is totally opposite of what was expected of her from others.
As an independent woman you have to depend on no one. Now some of this might sound like bullshit and some of it actually is. However, since there's always someone that will tell you to just "Suck It Up" independent might just be the best move.
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