Sunday, September 30, 2012

Sunday Reflections, I Decided To Quit

I decided to quit.

When Future was looking for her with a flashlight, I was looking for him with my two eyes.

 Everywhere I went I wondered "Could he be the one?" But he never was. Men are easy to find, but every time I come across one, it turns out to be a waste of time.

There was the one that made many promises of taking me on lots of cool dates, but by the end he was a day late and a dollar short. I'm lying. He had no money. There was also the one whose first priority was his child. One night he wanted to invite me over with the child in the next room, parents chilling in the front of the house, and an unlimited amount of hours to waste. That wasn't my style. I turned him down. Did I do the right thing? Who knows. He's been gone, haven't heard from him in so long. So I moved on and met the commitment-phobe. We tried to make our relationship work, but were both to afraid to get attached. Our sexual chemistry was strong, but as our schedules became busier I began to contemplate if there was really a such thing as fucking all night long. Or is there even a such thing as casual sex? Soon I was shouting "Next," but he beat me to the chase. He met the next girl right away, started calling her his girlfriend, and I became the ex. But wait, I never had a title so does that mean we never really happened?

 In the midst of it all I've been running across strange men. They offer their names and numbers, but then play strange games. One wants to fuck right away, but then another just wants to be friendly. But then another wants to approach and then lack in any type of conversation. I've been searching for him. I've used my two eyes, hopped in the car and drove places. Grocery stores, gas stations, clubs, and still no love. One day I bought a flashlight, took Future's approach, had an extra set of batteries, and started searching. Maybe he's hiding in a corner somewhere, or under the bed, or could be sitting on the stairs...

Nah, he's not there. I've looked and maybe he's nowhere to be found, or maybe he's looking for me. Either way I'm out of my mind, done, through, in a chill zone, getting some recuperation. I decided to quit.

Since I haven't brought you the real "Out Of My Mind" poem, based off the song, I'm throwing that in every blog post and poem I write until it is done. Oh and that's not based on me. I don't know why I wrote this. It's the middle of the night. However, I'm an really through searching out these men. They keep confusing me. I'm fine riding solo, unless thoughts of sex come up. That's a post for a different time though.

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