Sunday, February 1, 2015

The "What Am I Doing With My Life" Phase

Lil Wayne is going through an emotional roller coaster that started with tweets directed toward Birdman, aka Bryan Williams. The cause was over a continuously shelved album. Although we haven't directly heard anything from Birdman, Lil Wayne has created some good music from his frustration. I imagine his anger wasn't always there. He probably smiled at the delay initially and thought it would give him time to perfect whatever would appear on it. However, its 2015, we have a Sorry 4 The Wait 2 mixtape, and a rapper that is questioning his own future.

I imagine the moment Lil Wayne realized the future of his music wasn't going in the direction he wanted it to he started to question himself. "What am I doing with my life?" Just think about it. He has been under the wings of Cash Money since he was a child. He has known nothing different and everything has worked out for him. However, now with so many other rappers coming under the wings of Cash Money Lil Wayne is no longer the most important person there. He's rich, but his creativity is being shelved. What does he do at this point?

"What am I doing with my life?" I am not Lil Wayne. Sometimes I may come off as a martian to others, but I'm no millionaire. I haven't made it to the point of having other mouths to feed or a significant other to be there through thick and (maybe) thin.

"What am I doing with my life?" It's a question that comes at the most exhausting moments. It comes during the times when I'm drained from working a job that gets the bills paid. It sneaks up on me when I'm reading about everyone's perfectly imperfect lives. It floats around my mind when boredom once again joins me during those alone times.

"What am I doing with my life?" The question becomes harder to answer upon realizing that others are asking themselves the same thing. Financial matters no longer matter once the question comes into mind. It's about happiness. It's about success. It's about getting to a comfortable place.

Don't get this phase confused with a quarter life crisis. The quarter life crisis involves more than you. Family, friends, and strangers are all judging you. They're all waiting to see what your next move is going to be. You're not sure of what your next move is going to be either and it drives you crazy.

In this phase it's all about you. You're in control and not in control at the same time. You've done pretty good to others, but recognize that you need better. Actually there are a few that recognize that you need to improve in a lot of areas. You fight daily to keep your emotions in check, at least until you can figure out the answer to the question. I'm fighting now.

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