Sunday, June 13, 2010

New Year, New Craziness

Every year we make a list of things we want to accomplish. We also pledge that the upcoming year will be better than the last. For some the new year is better, but for others a new year becomes another learning experience.

For the year of 2010 I planned to graduate college. I achieved that. I planned to write and get my first poetry book published. I want to write a novel, but poetry comes first. I've written it out. The next step is to get it published. I planned to cut the craziness out. I didn't want to deal with any more people taking advantage of me. I didn't want to deal with any more unnecessary stress from school. I wanted to have the peace that I had as a child.

So far all I have down is graduating from college. Unfortunately it's harder to get rid of crazy people than it seems. There's one girl who has always come to me for advice or sometimes just for me to listen to her problems. It wasn't a problem until she told me that the only reason she was still cool with me was because I was a benefit to her. That's not a friendship. That's a business deal. Even more than getting rid of those crazy people in my life, I gained a crazy roommate. I've said out loud before that I want to live alone. This time I refuse to ever deal with roommates again. Plus I haven't had my book published. I do have some chapbooks made. However, they are not as good as I want them to be.

On top of all that I'm looking for a job and I'm running out of time. I feel like I'm suffocating because I keep coming up with plans that don't really benefit me. The only accommodate the people who are helping me out right now. Unfortunately if I don't come up with a way to make money soon (a way that will make me happy) I will end up in a situation that makes me very sad. A friend did give me an idea. She said do what I thinks make me happy even if I may be cut off from my parents and have no money starting off.

Each year everyone plans for change, but maybe there is no real change. Maybe we just go through a lot more craziness and make it feel like change.

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