Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Ready For Love

 Lately I've been thinking you're not ready for me. Maybe you think I need to learn maturity. They say watch what you ask for because you might receive but if you ask me tomorrow I'll say the same thing. I am ready for love.-- India Arie

I am ready for love, but sometimes I'm not sure that love wants me. Every night I fall asleep to dream sweet dreams, but then I wake up to a bitter reality. My reality is I had my first crush on a light skinned curly haired boy. Although just a child, I was willing to worship the ground he walked on. However, he didn't feel the same way about me. My reality is I thought I'd met the one. He was a Malcom Jamal Warner look-a-like. Odd, right? I was young (the tender age of 14), but I knew my feelings were real. I knew they were deep. I saw him every day. That's the only thing I hated about school days. You're stuck seeing people whether you want to or not. Too bad he didn't feel the same way about me. When acknowledging rejection I thought I'd have the love that only friends could offer to fall back on. My reality is that it took me a while to discover who my real friends were. There were a lot of enemies disguising themselves and waiting to throw hate. My reality is I let the hate distract me from my love. I still remember being on the bus one day in middle school and some children were teasing me about my love of reading. Reading was my passion, but they saw it as something negative. My reality is while love has always been what I wanted most, there were (and still are) times where I just wanted to be alone. However, I am ready for love. Even if love put more men who do not feel the same way as me in my path, gives me more frienemies (enemies disguised as friends) that are willing to throw hate in my path, and even if people still make me feel inadequate about my passion at times I'm ready for love. I just hope love wants me. 

Just a little free-writing 

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