Thursday, August 4, 2011

Maybe He Needs To Be Chased (When A Woman Pursues A Man)

For some reason fairy tales won't stay out of my mind. According to Cinderella's story, she just wanted to feel normal and beautiful, but prince charming ultimately wanted to marry her. Prince Charming felt on every woman's feet in the town just to find her. In Snow White's tale, Prince Charming thought she was dead but still wanted to have her. There's something ironic about Snow White's story, but I'll concentrate on that one at a later time. The point is while some fairy tales show how far a man will go for a woman, in others it is starting to be clear that a woman needs to do 90% of the work to get and keep the attention of the man of her dreams.

An example is Eric and Jennifer Williams marriage. Before I start, I did see the preview for next week's episode. Yes, Eric was wrong for throwing that drink at Jen's face and he was very wrong for the tweets he did after the preview was shown. However, this is not about a man throwing drinks at a woman.

We all saw the last two years of it play out on television. From watching their marriage fall apart, I'm guessing things went a little like this. Eric met Jen and pursued her. He kept pursuing until he realized she was the one he wanted to spend his life with (at least at the time). Somewhere from there to now things changed. Jen stopped giving Eric the attention she originally paid to him and he went to other women for it. He was and probably will continue to be a cheater. Just read his recent tweets, but that's not the point.

 Eric cheated and Jen got mad. Jen got mad and shut him out even more than she already was. Supposedly she didn't even have sex with him on their wedding night. By the time Basketball Wives hit television they were trying to repair their marriage, but deep in her heart Jen didn't want it. On the other hand Eric wanted to be chased. It was written all over his face. He wanted Jen to forgive him and ultimately pursue him. Why pursue twice just because you mess up? Jen didn't want to do any pursuing (or fixing), so the result was divorce papers.

This concept can also be compared to deadbeat dads. Watch the trailor below.

This is sad. I felt that girl's pain for a second, but then I wanted to tell her to wipe the snot out of her nose and quit whining. Some deadbeat dads aren't in their child's life because of the mother. Kenny Anderson being an absentee for is an example. I would have stayed away from NeNe, I mean Tami, too.

Some of these dads stay away from their children because they don't have the money to take care of them. You may read this and go "yeah right," but it's a fact. Money stays on most men's minds 24/7, so if they can't take care of themselves they become ashamed when they can't financially provide for their children. It's probably the same reason why some boy who was 15 when he got a girl pregnant is fighting child support payments. His reasoning is he was only 15 and the mom (not really) molested him because she was 19 at the time. The judge is only asking for $50 a month, but... he probably doesn't have a job or get allowance anymore.

Other dads want their children to chase them. I think that's what Tommy Bradley Jr. wanted. No, he's not dead. Before you read on I was never mad, but I analyzed the hell out of why my birth-dad just disappeared and acted as if he never cared. When I was six I thought it was because he was in Florida and I was in Houston. Distance can effect the bonding process between a parent and child. At 13 I thought the silence was finally broken again and some bonding could start. I do have a step-dad, but the real dad's name is the same as my last name. When he answered my phone calls we'd talk. When he didn't we wouldn't. When  he called... well actually he never called. He didn't even call when my grandfather died. But when my grandfather died, some issues came out. Apparently he thought I was ungrateful because I never called on Father's day, his birthday, didn't send him gifts on holidays, etc. That was when I  realized some fathers want to be chased by their children.

They don't want to give love. Instead they want to know that their children love them regardless of the situation. Maybe that's what the girl in the documentary needs to realize. She might need to chase (or keep chasing) her father and then she'll know that might be what he wants.

Now I'm not an advocate of women chasing men, but sometimes a woman must do what a woman has to do to get the man she wants whether he's her man or her father. Would you chase a man? Remember this isn't the 1950's.

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