Sunday, February 2, 2014

#WildflowersUnscripted Past/Current Relationship

Self Pride, Self Dignity, Self Satisfaction, Self Regard, Self Trust

For the first 18 years our lives are not about us. It's about our parents or whoever is raising us. It's about what they want for us and what they think we need. Some may focus on our happiness, but most focus on just what we need to get from day to day. Then we are all of a sudden called grown-ups and thrust into the real world. While we have to figure out our lives for ourselves, listening to what others want doesn't end at 18 years old.

Most of us go to college because someone else expects us to do it. We dream of these cool vacations to go on, but usually end up going right back to visit our love ones because it's expected of us. Then because we've been obedient all of our lives, we jump into certain careers because it's what others think is best for us. In the midst of listening to others, we can easily wake up at 20, 22, 25, or even 30 and have a relationship with everyone except ourselves.

God forbids waking up at 40 years old and realizing you've never done anything to please yourself. You've never set any goals that you wanted to accomplish just for the experience. You never made that move to California and never tried to attend Paris Fashion Week. Someone else was too afraid to go out to parties by themselves, so you avoided it too. You never made new friends, because all the celebrities were shouting "No New Friends." You don't know yourself.

I've had years where I was the most obedient person on earth. I've also had years where being the most obedient person on earth left me questioning my own self worth. For instance I went to college because it was expected of me. Then I had to go through a phase of what was so wrong with me that I couldn't get a job right away like others expected. I questioned myself, because in hard times I had no trust in myself. I also had years where I didn't have any friends. Even if I was a teenager and teens go through crazy emotions, the fact remains that I was a loner. I had no friends and at times I thought something was wrong with me, because no one else wanted to be around me.

At 27, my current relationship status is about self trust. It's about making rules and being able to follow through because I believe in myself. You all just don't know how much negativity I've heard over these last 27 years. You don't know how much others have built fear in me because they were afraid. It's a constant battle to shakes off all the past thoughts, but I'm getting better.

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