Thursday, August 7, 2014

The Search For Freedom

Where is freedom? Is it sold in Walmart or it is expensively hidden on some aisle in Target? I've been searching for freedom.

Surely it's not found during the 40 hours spent at work. Work is where responsibility takes place. Work is how bills get paid and exhaustion more often than not gets made. Of course if you're lucky enough to have your dream career, then you've found a little bit of freedom. However school, family, and anyone that you might look up to will give you the impression that you have to learn to work for others in order to eventually get to freedom. That is, if you ever experience it. I'm still searching for freedom.

Is it found in a lover? Whether he's been a boyfriend or a friend with benefits freedom has escaped me in that area. Too many rules. Too many calls not returned. Too many one-sided emotions involved. Not enough emotions involved on one side. A lot of non-communicating. I run from the problem especially when the problems are hard to address. The problems really become hard to address when there isn't supposed to be any emotional attachment. Who made the term "friends w/ benefits" anyway? Who decided that sex without a real relationship is freedom? Who decided that being in a committed relationship was the greatest joy? Maybe I've been doing it wrong, because I'm still in search for the freedom that comes along with a having a lover.

I find a little freedom in shopping and a little more in eating my favorite food. There is some real freedom in listening to my favorite songs late at night when the rest of the world is clearly sleep. I also find some freedom in hanging with friends, but they have to be available for that. When I have those moments of feeling sexy, I find a little bit of freedom in sending dirty pictures to someone that appreciates them. However, I also wonder how long freedom is supposed to be.

Is freedom found in random moments of just doing whatever it is I want to do? Is freedom supposed to be just making others happy? Is freedom supposed to be what I feel 23 out of the 24 hours of the day or should it be found in one or two hours of each day? I'm still searching for freedom, so if you know all about it please explain.

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