Thursday, August 19, 2010

Trying To Express Myself Through Poetry

Trying To Express Myself Through Poetry
By Miss Too Sexy
(Disclaimer: This is an update from a poem I wrote back in 2006. I am not my poetry. Therefore, don't judge me on this. I promise to write a happy poem soon.)

TRYING TO EXPRESS MYSELF THROUGH POETRY
But not finding the right words to convey
Mad as hell at the world right now
Because the worlds got me feeling this way
Thinking of angry words
Wanting To call someone a bitch or a slut
Wanting to cuss you out
Even though you're my friend
But needing someone to blame after
I’ve fucked up my life
Crying out for God to send me some direction
Because life seems so hard right now
But then contradicting myself by losing focus
Goals!!!
What are those?
I don’t even know anymore
Praying to God that I don't become some mean ass bitch
Praying to God that I'll never have to turn tricks
Success is what I’m hoping for
But it seems like success won’t unlock it’s door
So I’m mad ass hell at the world right now
Because the worlds got me feeling this way
Trying to express myself through poetry
Oh hell, I don't know what to say

Pouring my frustrations onto this paper
Then watching the news and screaming out
Why did Fantasia have to be with a married man
Why’d she have to try to commit suicide over him
Then remembering my past
Looking into his eyes
Thinking I've found the right one
But all he wanted is what was between my thighs
He wasn’t married
He wasn’t even in a relationship
But the pain from the realization that he was a no-good nigga was more than I could take.
So trying to match her pain with mines
Trying to figure out whose is worst
Trying to get away from all this madness
Trying to feel more than sadness
Saying the word SHIT!!!
Cause right now I'm so angry
What's wrong with me??
This isn't the girl I used to be
Mad ass hell at the world right now
Because the worlds got me feeling this way
Trying to express myself through poetry
Oh hell, I don't know what to say

Remembering my parents say, "Do your best"
And trying not to settle for less
But even less can see my anxiety to conform in society
So it rejects me
Tells me I’m not good enough
So I try not to stress it
Someone once said wait and you’ll receive blessings
Patience used to be a virtue
But now all I here is what the fuck is wrong with you
Get out there
Do anything to make some money
Crying my soul out
For what??
I don't even know anymore
Just barely remembering to pray
Because I'm so damn caught up in the things of today
Money, friends, men, the fabulous life that isn’t even mines
Mad ass hell at the world right now
Because the worlds got me feeling this way
Trying to express myself through poetry
Oh hell, I don't know what to say

Screaming on the inside
Wanting to call that man an asshole
Mothafuckin bitch ass negro
Because I didn’t ask for his advice
But he offered it up anyway
And I didn’t know how it could help me
Because the only thing he offered that I liked was the money
But I’m not mad at him
More mad at me
Because I’m searching for the source of all this anger
Trying to figure out when it began
But in the end just feeling lost and lonely
Oh wait, where are my friends
Right there
Watching me break down within
Praying to God and hoping he hears me
Crying because I know I've sinned
Feeling the pain deep within
Mad as hell at the world right now
Because the world's got me feeling this way
Trying to express myself through poetry
Oh hell, I don't know what to say

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