Tuesday, September 9, 2014

What Ray Rice's Abuse Incident Has Taught Us

Months ago video footage was released of Ray Rice dragging his then fiancé Janay out of an elevator. It was clear that she was unconscious. He wasn't carrying her. You know how when a man is trying to be romantic he'll pick his woman up. Well, Ray wasn't about that life. He didn't seem worried about her well being either. Instead he looked slightly nervous.

When watching the video it was obvious something went wrong. As he dragged her out of the elevator a security guard walks up to them. He moves away from her nervously as the security guard checks on her. She is coming back to consciousness in that moment. 

When this initial video was leaked we learned that they had gotten into a fight and he knocked her the fuck out. For lack of better words we'll say Ray Rice knocked the Hell out of Janay. Because the police knew that an argument had occurred they charged both people with domestic violence. However, the public was divided about who was responsible for the situation. 

Some, like me, said Ray was in the wrong. He should have never put his hands on her and he definitely shouldn't have taken it as far as making her lose consciousness. Others were concerned about the fact that Janay was mad at him. The rumors were that she had spent on him, hit him, and called him names. Even ESPN's Stephen A. Smith expressed that she should not have put her hands on him. 

Well, with football season back in full effect, a new video of the situation dropped. This was the footage of Ray actually laying hands on her. Initially the NFL and the Baltimore Ravens were taking up for Ray. They put him on a two game suspension and gave him a press conference. In the press conference he and his wife apologized for the altercation. Yeah, she apologized for getting beat up. However, with the new video dropping they've suspended Ray indefinitely. Yet even with suspending him a huge discussion has erupted again. It involves domestic violence and who is at fault. 

Most of the time when I'm just meeting men I keep my mouth shut. I'm trying to feel them out and get their vibe. I'm trying to detect whether they are gentlemen who follow the gentleman handbook. I'm trying to detect whether they are the type that only want sex and disappear if they don't get what they want. Even if they get sex, I'm trying to detect if they'll disappear when I no longer want to play the game. 

I'm also trying to detect if the men have anger issues. Can they handle my sassy attitude or do they always have to be right? Will I think of a certain man as cool and then months down the line he breaks my nose because I did something he didn't like? I'm 4'10. If I hit a man, it will not physically harm him. If we are in a shouting match and I scratch him or whatever, he shouldn't be angry enough to put his hands on me. However, if a man decided to hit me back in anger, would the world blame me for swinging first? 

I'm one of those people that don't think the NFL should have suspended him, but only because they didn't do it months ago. It doesn't feel genuine now. They did it to save face. They did it to protect their own image since it is football season and if Ray Rice was out there playing this domestic abuse incident would continue to come up. They don't care about Janay and her very public beat down. 

This concerns me deeply. If Janay wasn't important enough for anyone to initially place a harsh punishment on Ray, what about the rest of us? This is bigger than Ray and Janay. The message being sent out now is that men hitting women is wrong, but it's also wrong if women show any signs of anger toward a man. Although we know women don't have to do much of anything to provoke a man's anger, the message is that we women should be as meek and quiet as possible. 

Who is going to stand up for us when we are abused? A couple of people will, but more will want to know what we did to cause it.

No comments :

Post a Comment