Sunday, April 17, 2011

Sunday Reflections: It's Hard For A Woman To Submit To A Man

It's hard for a woman to submit to a man. According to the bible we women are supposed to submit to our husbands. Submitting involves a women doing several tasks. They all fall under letting a man be the leader of the household. Although the bible says a woman should submit to her man, it is arguably the hardest task in the world to do.

Submitting to a man involves several tasks. Submitting means a woman should treat her man like he is a king. A woman should be a lover, have lots of energy, and most importantly be able to trust her man. The lover part is being able to be emotionally available to her man. The energy part is having enough energy to be able to open up emotionally. Trust is the biggest step because in order to totally submit a woman must know that her man is not playing games with her heart.

Being a lover and having lots of energy for a man would be easy if the trust was there, but it is hard to trust a man. Since the day us women were born (mines being in 1986) we have been bombarded by images of black men who physically/emotionally abuse women, are continually in an out of jail, and continually abandon their responsibilities. While some women internalize the images, other women try to be positive but eventually experience these men.

Okay, not every man is in and out of jail. However, many men can come off as abusive. This is not always physical abuse either. It can be emotional abuse and the emotional abuse ruins a woman's trust for the next man. Emotional abuse from men comes in many forms.

  • The man who is quick to get rid of the woman if she doesn't give him the attention he wants
  • The man who is never ready to commit, but won't let the woman move on with her life
  • The man who seems perfect, but is too damn shy. 
  • The man who never thinks he is good enough for her, but doesn't want to lose her
  • The man who wants her heart and soul by the second date
  • The man who never takes responsibility
Some of those have to be explained. Almost every woman has heard the first line. Some women can easily see that the man is no-good, so they allow him to find a new woman. Other women, on the other hand, will get scared of losing the man and find ways to make him happy. The problem is no woman can make a man like that happy and trying to please him will destroy her emotionally. 

Then there are the men who are never ready to commit. They have that main woman that they have given their heart to (supposedly), but they can't control their temptation to be around other women. Well, they could be a work-a-holic who just doesn't know how to make time for the woman they are in love with. However, they cannot  let that woman go. The more they hold on, the woman will try to hold on too. For some reason we will always convince ourselves that something will change. 

Then there's the man who is perfect, but too damn shy. He's also the man who sits around and complains that women only love bad boys. He destroys a woman emotionally, because the woman who loves him has to sit around and listen to him talk bad about women. 

The man who doesn't think he is good enough is arguably the worst of them all. This can destroy a woman emotionally because she'll get so caught up that she'll spend all of her time trying to please him. The bad part is she can't please him, because it's not her actions that makes him think the way he does. 

Then there is the man who never takes responsibility. If an argument happens it's the woman's fault. If a restaurant or movie is bad, it's her fault for choosing the place or the movie. If a baby is conceived he's not their to handle his fatherly duties. This actually forces a woman to be more independent, but it destroys her trust in men. The next man has to practically marry her to prove himself. 

However, I saved the man who wants her heart and soul by the second date for last. That's because this could also arguably be the worst of them all. As mentioned in the first paragraph the bible preaches submission to a husband. However, in our society men our looking for submission from a woman before marriage proposal ever crosses his mind. He wants a woman to be his ride-or-die chick, but there are several problems with that. 

If a woman has been emotionally abused by many (or even one) man she's not going to lay her heart out immediately. She'll need just as much convincing as a man will need. She will be looking for reasons to trust that man and most of those reasons may not become clear until he gives her the ring. Well, it won't take that long for every woman. However, unless she's 16 and he's her first boyfriend a woman is not going to give her heart out immediately. 

The biggest problem is if we women want to eventually find a partner for life we have to submit to our partners. If you want that ring learn how to submit, but remember it's a hard task.

Check out this video of MoNique and guests on her show talking about submission.

1 comment :

  1. Welp...i read. and I wrote. I dont think submitting is THAT hard. Especially because errebody knows the woman runs the home. The man jus controls the house. true story